A/n: 4-16-08: When you get the the "air quotes" toward the end of this chapter, it helps to read them out loud. Maybe even change your tone of voice. Trust me. :-)

Oh, and I revised the first ten chapters. Not a lot... I just got rid of the non-funny stuff. And I added some A/n's, dialogue... etc. You get the point. Just wanted to let you know.

Chapter 11: Innuendos, Outuendos...

(At the train station.)

Galinda: Elphie!! Don't leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeave meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

Elphaba: Wha-

Galinda: I mean, who else can I complain to about Fiyero?

Elphaba: What's wrong with Fiyero?!

Galinda: He's been THINKING!! I don't know what to do!!

Elphaba: That's it.

Galinda: What?

Elphaba: He's totally hott, scandalicious, a prince, AND he thinks?! He's my soul mate.

Galinda: Don't you remember our DTL scene? Where we said we were perfect together? Born to be forever?

Elphaba: Err... noo...

Galinda: (magically brightening) Look!! There he is now!! AND OH MY HE HAS FLOWERS!! HE DOES LOVE ME!! Unless, of course, he gives them to you. Then I'll know something is up between you two.

Elphaba: Umm...

Fiyero: (hands flowers to Elphaba) Here. I got these for you. As a secret sign that I love you!!

Galinda: Oh no!! I was right!!

Elphaba: I love you too!!

(Elphaba and Fiyero get closer and closer.)

Galinda: (trying to put a stop to the blatant Fiyeraba.) My name's now Glinda!!

Fiyero: Why?

Glinda: Because that's what Dr. Dillamond called me!! And now every time Elphie says my name, she'll think of her jailed teacher!! What a great plan!!

Elphaba: Holy Oz, that's actually a good plan. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE WORLD?! Anyways, Glinda, would you like to come to the Emerald City with me?

Glinda: Ooh!! Yes!!

Elphaba: It'll only be for One Short Day, though.

Glinda: Why can't we stay longer?

Elphaba: I dunno. That's what the script says. And you know what they say: "The script is like a golden Bible. Look at it, read it, but don't change it."

Authoress: I never heard that-

Elphaba: -seeing as I just made that up. So, are you ready to go?

Glinda: Yep!! I conveniently packed my bag, in case you asked me to go.

Elphaba: What luck!!

(At the Emerald City)

Elphaba: (loud GASP) I feel...

Glinda: Sick?

Authoress: Worried?

Glinda: Nervous?

Authoress: Vengeful?

Elphaba: Like I belong.

Authoress: Yeah. That'll last.

Elphaba and Glinda: I wanna be in this hoi polli!!

Authoress: Hoi polli?

Elphaba: I have no clue.

Glinda: I think it's a type of hot sausage.

Authoress: That statement can be taken multiple ways.

Glinda: Elphie!! Come on!! We'll be late for Wiz-o-Mania!!

Authoress: Does this remind you of Stalin's Russia? Anyone?

(Freaky eggs painted to look like humans appear.)

Eggs: Who's the mage? Who's major itinerary is making all Oz merrier?

Elphaba: These eggs can talk?! What is this?!

Eggs: Who's the sage-?

Glinda: Sage?

Elphaba: I think it's like a herb or something.

Authoress: Who's the herb...? No, that doesn't sound right.

Elphaba: It's 'erb. Not herb. The "h" is silent.

Authoress: So it's like a Spanish "h"?

Elphaba: Sure.

Authoress: But I have a cousin Herby!! We don't call him 'erby!!

Elphaba: Well...

Authoress: I wonder what Herby's short for. Herbivore?

Elphaba: (sarcastically) So your cousin's name is "plant-eater".

Authoress: (suddenly defensive) Is there a problem?

Elphaba: Hey you're the one who... Oh, never mind. I have to sing.

Authoress: Fine! Be that way!

Elphaba and Glinda: And then just like now we can say... we're just two friends...

Elphaba: Two good friends!

Glinda: Two best friends!

Elphaba: Two best best friends!!

Glinda: Two BEST "friends"!!

Authoress: Yet another example of how putting a word in quotes turns it into an innuendo.

Glinda: Oh yeah? Give me another example!

Authoress: Lancelot and Guinevere went to go have "apple pie" in the garden.

Elphaba: True.

Authoress: Some sentences don't even need quotes. Example: Hercules can go the distance.

Elphaba: Oh, stop!

Authoress: Now you're thinking about innuendos, so every sentence can be taken as one.

Guard: The wizard will see you now!!

Elphaba: (Eyes wide)

Authoress: You took that as an innuendo, didn't you?

Elphaba: (nods)

Authoress: I may have changed your life. For the rest of your life, every sentence someone says to you, no matter how innocent, will have a double meaning.

Glinda: Let's go "see" the Wizard!!

Authoress: "See?!" What are you planning to do, Glinda?!

Glinda: (grins) Why do you think I came here?

A/n: I am sooo sorry it took me so long to update!! I've been busy. (But I was stupid and signed up for all honors/AP classes next year... I am going to DIE.)

So, St. Patty's Day- we could wear green with uniform. Yes, I wore my Defy Gravity shirt. Yes, I got odd looks. Yes, my friends and my English teacher rolled their eyes.

Oh, and I'm gonna see Wicked again!! I'm soo excited!!