(A/N: So...yesterday I decided to get an account on tumblr and start a blog. Guess who stayed up to 1 am looking at Warrior cat memes. Me. This may have been a mistake. Anyway, if any of you are interested, my tumblr name is almightyempresstansy and the blog will be primarily Warriors rants.

Oh, and in exciting news, some fanfiction blog that advertises stories advertised my trollfic! Not my best work,, but still! Apparently my stupid trollfic was good enough to be advertised on tumblr. I was shocked to see that.)

The Evil Lesson

Scourge closed the door of the bedroom Tutu and Hashtag shared. Cringing, he stared at the pale pink walls, fluffy pale pink bedspreads, white lacy curtains, and hot pink carpet. It was one of the girliest rooms the tom had ever seen, and it was horrifying.

Sitting on the soft carpet, Tutu, Hashtag, and Misery were playing a board game. Seeing their father come in, the tiny she-cats shoved the game board off to the side and climbed in their plushy pink bean-bag chairs.

Tutu adjusted the lime green bow perched on her left ear. "Is it time for our lesson, Daddy?" she asked.

The tom nodded seriously. "Yes. Girls, it is time for the three of you to learn how to be evil."

Misery narrowed her blue eyes worriedly. "Being evil is very naughty. Mama would get mad."

"Hush up, you!" Scourge growled. "You're lucky I let you join in at all."

"Why did you choose us, Daddy?" Hashtag squeaked. "Why aren't Lollipop, Sparkle, and Shimmer here?"

Scourge sat down on Tutu's bed, wincing at the extremely soft feel to the cover. "This is a secret club. It's only for cats who can keep a secret," he meowed slyly. "The other three couldn't keep this a secret. They're too sweet and would tell us on. Then we'd all be in trouble."

Tutu bounced excitedly in her seat. "Oh, I love secrets!"

"Me too!" Hashtag squealed.

Misery shook her head. "Mama says not to keep secrets. She said it is very bad."

"Be quiet, Misery from Pain and Suffering," the father hissed. "You'd better keep this club a secret or I'll make you join the school's battle team!"

The kit's eyes widened, but she said nothing.

Nodding with satisfaction, the tom stood up and padded to the whiteboard that hung on the wall. After erasing a sweet drawing of a butterfly being torn apart by a dragon, he wrote 'How to be Evil 101' in pink marker. "Okay girls, are you ready for your first lesson?"

"Yes!" Tutu and Hashtag cried in unison.

Misery stayed silent.

"Good," Scourge meowed. "Let's start with the basics. The first thing you need to learn is what?"

"How to win Pretty Pretty Princess?" Hashtag guessed.

The tom shook his head angrily. "No! Evil cats don't play with princess stuff! The first thing you need to learn is to never tell anyone good your evil plan."

Tutu slid a pair of sparkly green reading glasses on. Taking a piece of paper out from under her chair, she wrote down what her father said. "Never tell good cats your plan," she mewed slowly as she wrote.

"This is very important," Scourge added. "You don't want good cats to know what you're doing. Who's that cat who runs a police force of morality?"

"Firestar!" Hashtag cried, happy to know an answer.

The father nodded. "Yes. We don't like him. Don't ever talk to that cat."

Tutu scribbled that note down furiously. "No talking to Firestar," she mewed. Frowning, she raised her paw. "Daddy, what about Hollyleaf? She's his deputy, but she's dating Brokenstar."

"Hollyleaf is working undercover for Firestar," Scourge growled. "Don't be tricked by her fake love for my boss. Now let's move on to this week's assignment."

"We have homework?" Hashtag asked, flashing her father an unhappy look.

Tutu nodded in agreement. "What is this? School?"

"I like homework," Misery added sweetly.

Scourge narrowed his eyes. "This is much more important than school! This is how to live! I'm giving you life lessons here. This is your future!"

Misery batted her eyes. "I want to be a librarian in the future."

"That is not evil!" her father growled. "You are not allowed to be a librarian. Pick an evil career."

"Can I have a flower shop, then?" the gray kit asked.

Scourge hit his head with his paw. "Did this kit inherit anything from me?" he muttered to himself. Regaining his composure, he began writing on the whiteboard. Underneath the name of the lesson, he wrote 'Easy Evil Plans for Beginners'. "Can any of you think of easy things to do that could be evil?"

Hashtag tipped her head to one side. "I could steal Lollipop's stuffed dolphin. I've always wanted it, but she won't give it to me!"

"That's a good start," her father meowed. "Anything else?"

"Popping some kit's balloon?" Tutu suggested.

Scourge nodded. "That's easy enough. How about shredding Mama's favorite tutu and telling her Shimmer did it?"

Misery's eyes widened. "That's so bad! Mama would be very angry with you if you did that."

"I'm not doing it!" her father spat. "You are!"

"I am not!" the kit argued. "I don't ruin Mama's things or blame someone else!"

Scourge stared at his daughter angrily. "You'll do it if I tell you to."

Misery shook her head. "No I won't!"

The tom clenched his paws, trying to stay calm. "Fine. If you won't learn to be like me, then get out. This is only for evil cats."

The kit stood up, glaring at her father. "I didn't want to be a part of this anyway." She stalked toward the door, muttering as she opened it and padded out. "I really need to call Grandma Quince. Daddy's being very naughty!"

Scourge took a deep breath before continuing the lesson. "Now we can move on without good cats ruining it for us," he meowed. "Anyway, you're first assignment will be to do at least one little evil act before we meet again. Can you handle that?"

Tutu nodded. "I think I'll break Sparkle's new Barbie doll. She won't let me play with it! If I can't have it, neither can she!"

"Good, Tutu!" Scourge meowed. "That's a great idea! How about you, Hashtag?"

The black kit narrowed her eyes, thinking. "I'm going to steal Lollipop's math homework so she gets an F!"

"Wonderful!" her father gushed. "You see, this is why I chose the two of you for my evil lessons. You two show real evil potential!"

"Yay!" Hashtag squealed. "I always wanted to be evil!"

Tutu folded her paws across her chest. "I want to be an evil queen. Can I have a crown?"

Scourge nodded. "Of course you can! You can wear whatever you want if it makes you feel evil!"

"I want to be an evil pirate!" Hashtag announced. "Then I can have an eye-patch and a hook for a front paw!

The tom smiled, knowing his plan was coming together nicely. "I knew I picked the right kits to train. Soon you'll be ready for an internship at Brokenstar's House of Villains!"