Death Sat and Hell Followed
Chapter Eleven: Judgment
"Moony, you suck."
"Oh, why thank you, Padfoot," Remus said sarcastically, to his friend's loosely meant insult.
It was later that night, and they had stayed in the Common Room after James, Peter, Hermione, and the other Gryffindor stragglers had left for bed, some of which were not of their own accord, but of Sirius's glares and intent to curse them all if they didn't leave. Remus, of course, silently disapproved of this and yelled at himself for letting Sirius get away with all of it, especially since Remus was supposed to be more of the authority figure, but he couldn't help and be a bit amused by it. Much as he sometimes hated to admit, Sirius did have a way with charming people, whether teachers, friends, or future romantic prospects.
The fact that he was incredibly intelligent didn't help either, because the condescending remark that he was all brawn and no brain didn't apply in this case. Even the professors were forced to concede and not only give Sirius full marks on the papers (when he turned them in, that is), and tests, but also to be coerced into giving his house points or commending him, if nothing else than to not be unfair in their policies of compliments. Sirius, obviously, relished in these and used them to his advantage in more than one situation. He was an arrogant, conceited troublemaker, yes, but he was a brilliant, arrogant, conceited troublemaker. Which possibly explained why Remus didn't have the heart to reprimand him, especially in an instance where he didn't do any physical harm to people. Plus, no one listened to Remus when he tried to usher them out; at least Sirius's brusque methods were effective.
Remus sighed, looking at Sirius, who was giving him the expression that he wanted Remus to ask him a certain question. "And why, pray tell, do I, as you so eloquently put it, suck?"
Sirius smiled, the grin that launched a thousand relationships, nearly all ending in crying and slaps from his now ex-girlfriends, telling Remus that Sirius was pleased with Remus's "wanting" to know why Sirius semi-contemptuously addressed him. "Because," he began with unnecessary flourish, "you didn't let me berate Prongs, or Granger for that matter, practically at all. It's so unfair. I hate you."
Remus held back a laugh. The last time Sirius had "meant" that was approximately two weeks ago, and three minutes after he said it, he was back to normal again. As was evident by his somewhat reluctant renewed friendship with James, holding grudges for a long time was like not being able to hold his liquor. Basically, not for an elapsed period of time. Sirius narrowed his eyes at Remus, trying to speculate why Remus either hadn't answered, had a look that mimicked mirth and remembrance, or both at the same time.
"I'm sure you do," Remus said conversationally. "As for not 'letting' you condescend Prongs any more, it was only to prevent a full-on war going on between you two. Between the smartest students in this school, you would blow apart this institution if even your simplest spells hit each other. Like I'd take that chance? I value my life, thank you very much."
It seemed Sirius ignored Remus's last lines. "Why, Moony, you flatter me so!" he said, putting his hand to his chest in mock-embarrassment.
"Yeah, cause you don't get enough of that with the entire female population swooning over you every time you pass through the halls," Remus said sardonically.
"You know," Sirius injected thoughtfully. "I did experience that new woman, Professor Circe, hitting on me earlier today. It was quite odd."
"Sirius, do you never stop?" Lupin asked, then rectified before Sirius could answer with a very smarmy, unwanted reply. "Rhetorical question."
"All right, Moony, enough with the big words. You know I can't handle them," Sirius replied, faking a look of confusion, though Remus knew he understood full well practically any word thrown at him. Which made him all the more infuriating.
Remus, deciding this discussion was going nowhere fast or important, changed subjects, though he braced himself for the reaction he was about to get. " Is it even possible, Padfoot, that you'll just forget this by morning? Besides, I thought you'd forgiven James?" Remus questioned, expecting the gawked look on Sirius's face, telling him it wasn't likely. "I mean, come on. He's already humiliated enough as it is, and probably cursing himself as we speak for making out with Hermione, when everyone knows he's head-over-heels for Lily. Why can't you just accept that he's trying to atone for that, and your constant shouting profanities and insults at him for doing so isn't going to help?"
Sirius opened his mouth to answer, then closed it, seemingly thinking of a better response. "You know that was just a covering, Moony. To get out of there quicker," he sighed. "And to answer your other question, it's just because…" he started after a few moments' silence, voice more reserved, much to Remus's now attentiveness. It was times like these, when Sirius turned his words all sobered and without his usual drenching of sarcasm and joking that Remus realized why especially he and James had stuck with Sirius and Sirius's antics for so long. He was an incorrigible prankster most of the time, but he had his moments where he could get people to take him seriously, and he was actually true about it. Now was one of those times, and thus Remus's undivided listening. "Because I can't, all right? Because I feel my best friend has truly gone off the deep end this time! Is the James Michael Potter you know someone who'd just start sticking his tongue down a girl's throat days after she just…appeared? For Merlin's sake, he hasn't even gotten close to kissing Lily, and he's been on about her ever since the first day of school! And now this new girl comes in from no one still knows where or how, and he's already making out with her! He's just changed is all. And I'd like to know what happened, if that's sanctioned by you, dear Moony. And if yelling at him for being a stupid, naïve berk will knock some sense into him, then damn it, I'm going to do so!"
Remus sighed again—he'd been doing a lot of that lately—and studied Sirius's angry but dismayed and sorrowful-looking face. It had lost all its usual caustically handsome luster, and was replaced by something that made you pity him, despite all his faults and annoying habits. Sirius moved his head to rest on his hands, unceremoniously brushing his hair out of his face, stormy eyes flickering, then turned to face the fire. Remus stared at his friend, the flickering flames dancing over his face, wondering once again what went on in that brain of his.
Truth was, Remus was quite perplexed with James's behavior as well. Wasn't it just the night before that James said he'd kissed Lily? That Lily agreed to go out with him? If it were Sirius who mimicked James's actions, Remus probably wouldn't bat an eye, for that was simply what Sirius did. But James, unlike what a lot of people thought, was more reserved in that respect, and didn't just jump from girl to girl, especially when one of them was his proclaimed soulmate. And so in one of those rare times, Sirius did have a point; a reputable point. The scarier part was that Remus had been thinking along those same lines, which, when the both of them had similar, logical thoughts, it was a rarity in and of itself.
"Well," Remus began slowly when he figured Sirius was done talking for the moment,
"Yeah," Sirius said, voice saturated with dejection and betrayal. "I guess."
Remus sighed. Sirius was practically never like this, but when he was, it was almost heartbreaking to watch. Sirius and legitimate emotional distress hardly ever went together. "Padfoot—"
"I'm going to bed," Sirius said suddenly, standing up from the chair, staring into the fire for a few moments, before blinking a few times and then looking back at his friend. "'Night, Remus."
Remus looked up at him strangely; Sirius never called him by his first name unless something was seriously wrong. In fact, Remus could only recall one other time, a few years ago, when Narcissa had joined Hogwarts, completing the "Evil Triumvirate", as Sirius so blithely put it; she, Regulus, and Bellatrix had all been inducted into Slytherin, and it pierced Sirius. He had never really liked his cousins, or even his brother—Narcissa had been all right compared to Bellatrix, yes, but she was still malevolent and was a remembrance of the home he hated—but that didn't mean he still hadn't felt a hurting strain upon him. He had been the only Black to be in Gryffindor for his entire family history, and so having Narcissa, the last Black, be Sorted into the satanic house, he hadn't wanted to believe it. He and Remus had talked, and that was when Sirius had used his first name, a habit Remus realized would only be bought about again under extreme emotional pain.
Now was one of those times.
"Sirius, you know James wouldn't sacrifice your friendship for anything, don't you?" Remus tried again at Sirius's retreating figure.
Sirius hesitated for a moment at the top of the stairs, but then, with a heavy sigh, entered the dormitory, the door shutting quietly behind him. Remus turned to the fire, as Sirius had done a few minutes ago, so intently as though he was trying to find all the answers there. Sometimes it sucked being the mediator all the time, especially when it mattered not what he said. Sirius and James were both severely caught up in their own determination and thoughts, that sometimes it took a grueling effort on Remus's—and, occasionally, Lily's as well—part to even get them to admit that maybe they were a little harsh on each other. Remus only hoped this time wouldn't be the one instance that would break the bond.
"Padfoot. Padfoot!"
Sirius groaned, swatting away the voice. "Not yet…'s morning...'M tired…" he mumbled, pulling a pillow over his head.
He felt a blast of cold water pour over his body and jerked awake, sopping wet. "What the hell was that—" he started, then dropped his shoulders, seeing who the speaker was. "—for…What do you want?"
James's face fell slightly as he dropped the pillow onto Sirius's lap. "Padfoot, come on. You can't stay mad at me," James said, a tone of resignation presiding.
"Oh yeah? Why the hell not?" Sirius sniped acidly.
"Because you're my best friend, damn it, and if you don't talk to me, I'll have nothing left to live for except to wallow in the dark abyss that will be my heart, never to be happy again…" James embellished, mocking misery.
The corners of Sirius's mouth twitched, and he was a fraction of an inch from a grin, before he caught himself and glared at James. "So how's Lily, genius? You realize it's your date today," Sirius smirked.
James blanched slightly at this, grimacing. "I know," he said, unnaturally quiet. Sirius frowned. "Do you know where she is?"
"How should I know?" Sirius said. "Probably at breakfast. Moony might know."
"Yeah, most likely," James concurred, sitting down at the foot of Sirius's bed, moving Sirius's feet ungracefully away from him. Sirius scowled, but shifted his position anyway. James looked Sirius straight in his eyes, and Sirius sat up further. "Padfoot, I'm sorry. I still don't think it should be as big a deal as you're making it, but for what it's worth, it probably won't ever happen again. It was a lack of good judgment on my part, and even though Lily and I aren't really together, you're right; it's not fair. And I've been kicking myself over it, too; I mean, what the hell was I thinking? We don't even know Hermione and I was…well…you know. I'm not sure what made me do it, but I acknowledge that I did so, and although I'm still uncertain as to why I owe you an apology, I'll do it anyway. Nothing could ever come between our friendship, I hope you realize that. Not Lily, not Hermione, hell, not even Moony. Forgive me?"
Sirius stared for a second, before breaking into a smile, sitting up straighter, then reaching over and smacking James on his head. "You idiot," Sirius said acerbically. "You're a ass, but, if you must, you're forgiven. Provided you don't do something ass ill-thought out and stupid as this again. Got it?"
James grinned, not even berating Sirius for hitting him. "Yeah," he said firmly. "Now would you get your lazy ass out of bed? I'm starving."
"That makes two of us," Sirius agreed, extricating himself from the covers and pulling the comforter back fast enough that James hit his head on the bedpost and then fell down. He glared at Sirius, but for all the insincerity, he might as well have been grinning. Sirius sighed jadedly, but got dressed quickly and left the dormitories, stomach growling as loud as James's.
"Hey. How are you all this lovely morning?" James said, addressing the usual group as he and Sirius sat down at the Gryffindor table.
Lily, Remus, Hermione, and even Peter all stared at the two, wondering exactly what had happened, considering last night, Sirius had been sullen and dejected and now he and James were as joking and close as they used to be. Remus had a self-satisfied look on his face as he took a sip of his pumpkin juice; Peter simply looked confused; Lily's expression was indecipherable; and Hermione's was plain stoic, as it usually was, although she spent an extra second on James's expression, who was busy piling his plate with as much food as it would allow.
"Well, you seem all better, Sirius," Lily said pleasantly, her customary half-condescending tone still present, but not exactly scolding him. Judging by her use of his first name, she wasn't too annoyed with him yet. "Any reason for the change?"
Sirius grinned ridiculously at her, not bothering to finish chewing whatever food item was currently stuffed in his mouth. "Not really, Evans," he said. While he would occasionally call Lily by her own first name, he never did when in her actual presence. Why, he wasn't quite sure, but he wasn't about to break the habit. "Maturity, of course. You've underestimated me."
Lily snorted. "Yeah, right," she said playfully. "The day you stop being an ignorant, joking prat, Sirius Black, I think I just might die of shock. And since I don't plan on becoming deceased any time soon, I'd suggest you just shut that mouth right now."
Hermione stared between the two, almost enjoying their banter. "He will in about five years…" Hermione murmured.
The four other members of their little coterie stared immediately at her, all having deep frowns on their faces, wondering what in the world she was talking about. "What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius asked laughingly.
"Prison…" Hermione muttered again, not realizing for the moment that saying that was probably one of the worst things she could do.
They all gazed at her for a few moments before bursting out with laughter. "Sirius? Prison?" Remus asked mockingly, looking at Hermione, who was far from cracking up. "That'll be the day…"
"Hermione, you know we all adore you, but that's a little crazy," Lily said, and though Hermione thought it was a bit much to think that they all "adored" her, she said nothing, her face as stony as ever. "Sirius may seem on the verge of getting authorities involved, but prison? That's pretty far out there."
"Why Lily, you flatter me so!" Sirius said, putting a hand to his chest. She glared at him, Sirius letting out an involuntary flinch at the intensity of it.
"Oh, don't get ahead of yourself, Black," Lily retorted, and Sirius frowned falsely at her returning to the usage of his surname. "Despite your notable intelligence sometimes, the time I actually flatter you, I'll flatter Peter. No offense, Pettigrew, but you're—er—not the—I mean…"
"He's a demented, slow, stupid asshole who doesn't deserve your kindness," Hermione injected, staring at Peter.
Lily blushed, but didn't say anything. "Why do you hate me?" Peter said suddenly, narrowed eyes in Hermione's direction.
Hermione's breaths turned deep and seething, and her hand gripped white-knuckled around her wand, ready to perform the first debilitating spell she could think of, but seeing as how she was in the Great Hall with the majority of the school, not to mention Lily, James and Sirius, she refrained, albeit with great restraint. She clenched her teeth so hard it felt they were going to fracture, before getting up from the table, knocking her plate off balance, and storming out of the Hall, her furiousness palpable, leaving a trail of hatred behind her. She didn't have to see them to know that Sirius, James, and Lily all exchanged confused and worried glances.
Once out of the confines of the Hall, the doors shutting behind her, Hermione collapsed against the wall in a shadowed corner, out enough of the way so it would be difficult for the casual passerby to see her. She hugged her knees to her chest, feeling sobs coming on as she buried her head close to her legs, her vision starting to blur, her brain starting to go on overdrive again.
Being around the people that she had known to die, had heard about, read about, got to her so badly she wanted to just keel over right there. She felt like she was going insane; that this was all some sort of weird, twisted dream. She couldn't believe she'd talked to them, hung out with them, joked with them, when she knew them to be fully dead. More than that, she felt guilty. She got the chance to see and have conversations with the people that Harry had been so longing to see and hadn't spent hardly any time with. She'd talked to his parents, whom he had always been desperate to even just see one more time; she'd conversed with Sirius, Harry's future godfather, like nothing had changed; she'd gotten advice from and divulged her biggest secret to Remus, her professor-to-be. She just wished she could share this with Harry. With Ron.
She didn't hear footsteps come up to her until they were accompanied by words, and, her knees still to her chest, she looked up, her brown eyes meeting his gray ones. "What do you want?" she asked softly.
"You're insane," Sirius said bluntly, sitting against a statue, who grunted in indignity but let Sirius stay there anyway. "You know, I'd really like to find out what goes on in those synapses of yours to see what in the hell you spew sometimes. It's maddening."
"You have no idea," Hermione mumbled, and Sirius sighed.
"That's what I'm talking about," he continued, only a shade of annoyance in his voice. It was calmer and deeper than she'd heard it before, and she almost would have described it as mature, in spite of the discussion they'd all had only moments ago. "Is there any chance you'll ever tell any one of us your big, deep, dark secret? Or are we just supposed to sit here and pretend like you have nothing to hide? Why can't you just tell us? What's the huge deal?"
Hermione opened her mouth to give him some acidic remark, but then closed her mouth, not breaking his gaze. For one instant, she thought she saw the mask of the Sirius she had known from years before, which possibly was the one spurring factor for her. It had returned to its usual playful visage, but his eyes stayed the same. That was one thing she'd noticed—despite all the other differences; the filled out face, the non-skull-like face, the happiness; his eyes still held odd wisdom and caring.
"I can't," she said simply. "Besides, you wouldn't believe me even if I did tell you."
"Try me," Sirius said, and Hermione shook her head in misery.
"I'm sorry, Sirius," she replied quietly, her voice sincere. "Trust me; even for you, it's not something you'd believe. You'll think I'm crazy."
"I already think you're crazy, Granger," he said with a laugh. "What could possibly make my opinion heighten? You're not a guy are you?"
Her mouth curved into a smile, the first real smile she'd had for a very long time, and even though Sirius's comment was quite uncalled for, for some reason she found the lighthearted tone reassuring. "No, I'm not a guy, Sirius," she replied levelly. "I'm—I'm from far away, let's put it that way."
"Yeah," Sirius said. "First of all, that's total bullshit and I won't accept that answer, and secondly, if that really was your massive secret, it's hardly something I wouldn't believe. Try again."
Hermione couldn't help the distinctly surreal feeling she got. She was talking to Sirius. Sirius Black. Harry's deceased godfather, killed by his cousin, who now was quite a bit younger. It was enough to make even her head spin. And while she knew she wasn't as open as perhaps some people would think—Luna sprung to mind about things like the Crumple-Horned Snorkack, which Hermione felt immensely depressed to remember—but she did know that it would normally be a sign of mind-losing in this situation. Nevertheless, much as she almost wished she could deny it, she was indeed making conversation with him, whether she wanted to or not.
"I'm sorry, Sirius," she said softly, practically more in sorrow that she couldn't do anything to save him from early death even though she was unconscious at the time in the Department of Mysteries than in apology for not telling him her secret. "I just can't. I just can't tell any more people. I mean, Dumbledore is one thing, and then Rem—" she stopped, eyes widening.
She hoped Sirius hadn't caught it, but by the slightly surprised and annoyed, yet smugger look on his face, her hopes were dashed spectacularly. "You told Moony?" Sirius said incredulously. "You told Moony and not me or Prongs? What sort of deranged logic is that? That's not fair, Granger!"
"Life isn't fair, Sirius," Hermione said flatly. She wished she could take what she said back, but now Sirius knew, there was nothing she could do. Obliviate was possibly the worst choice she could think of, considering people would notice Sirius's rapid mood change. "Besides," she continued slowly, "even if you knew, there's not one thing you could help with. It's something beyond your control or ideas."
"Oh, really?" Sirius said dubiously, crossing his arms and sitting down farther upon the statue. His demeanor turned calculating, and she felt uncomfortable at the shrewd gaze he had on her, like he was reading her mind quite well. "You know, I don't think it's as much you think I won't believe it, but you just are a stubborn stranger and you don't want help from anyone. You just want to figure whatever it is out on your own, even though you probably know full well you're not able to. What I want to know is why you think that; you have numerous magical people at your disposal, Evans, Prongs, Moony, Wormtail, and me for starters, and yet you're resisting. It's a stupid thing to do if you think about it."
Hermione pursed her lips, mainly because there was complete truth in what he said. She hadn't known he could be so astute. She sighed heavily. "You're right," she said finally, and Sirius smirked. "But that doesn't mean I can indulge you with it. Maybe some time you'll figure it out on your own, but for now you'll just have to deal with it."
She made to get up and leave, where she wasn't sure, but Sirius, with remarkable reflexes, grabbed her arm, pulling her back down, closer to him. For a moment, she almost thought he was going to kiss her, but he merely released her slowly enough so he could make sure she wasn't going to leave again, and she surrendered. Her curiosity usually won out in the end, anyway.
"Why can't you just tell me?" he asked after minutes that seemed to drag on forever. "What are you afraid of? What could I possibly do that would endanger you? Contrary to popular opinion, I'm not a brainless lunatic who'll gossip endlessly. What have I done to earn your mistrust?"
She weighed her answer, realizing there was no good response to this, as the ones she foolishly went through made no sense at all. He had her trapped, and they both knew it well. "I—I'm from the—"
"Padfoot! Granger! We wondered where you'd gotten off to! What are you doing down there?" James's voice floated down, his hazel eyes switching between the two of them, something flickering Hermione couldn't quite place.
Sirius looked thoroughly annoyed at the interruption, but Hermione was internally thankful. She knew Sirius would decipher it eventually, but for now, she was safe. Lily frowned, joining in James's scrutinizing of them. "Yeah," she furthered. "What have you been doing?"
There was a suggestive tone in her voice, one Hermione, and, judging by Sirius's disgusted-sounding grunt, didn't appreciate. "Oh, please," Sirius said, standing up. "She's not my type."
Hermione thought she should be somewhat offended at his statement, but she couldn't muster up the feeling. She hadn't realized she was still sitting on the ground until a hand reached down to her. "Way to be chivalrous, Padfoot," James said sardonically. Sirius rolled his eyes, but mumbled a half-hearted apology, which Hermione smiled at. "Here. Need help?"
Hermione didn't, but she accepted James's proffered hand despite it all. It was warm against her constantly chilled hand, which she was grateful for. While certain parts of the castle were at a comfortable temperature, a lot of it, the Entrance Hall included, were rather glacial. He pulled her up with frustrating ease, and when he finally let go of her hand, she found herself strangely disappointed, whether for the renewed coldness or something else. She shivered, an action that had nothing to do with the chill.
Silence went around the six, awkwardness threatening to overtake them, Hermione cursing this being the one time James and Sirius were actually silent. When the soundlessness approached being unbearable, someone finally disrupted it, muffled slightly from the distance it came from the group. The stern voice was familiar to Hermione, and with a jolt of suppressing, heartwrenching strain, Hermione recognized the uptight bun, the rimmed spectacles, the dark emerald robes, seeing a twenty-year-younger Professor McGonagall. Calling out a reminder for all those who were going to Hogsmeade to go to her and confirm their permission forms were still in effect, Hermione relaxed a bit.
"Finally!" Sirius exclaimed obnoxiously, sprinting over to McGonagall with the absurd joviality of a four-year-old. Hermione laughed quietly to herself, no one but James and Remus noticing. Hermione cleared her throat, somewhat embarrassed.
"Oi! Wait up, Padfoot!" James cried, running after his friend, reaching Sirius in a matter of three seconds. Hermione marveled at that ability—she was one of the worst runners she'd known, even in the midst of the Final Battle.
Lily snickered beside Hermione, a small blush rising in her cheeks. Hermione couldn't see why, but Lily never really failed to surprise her. Remus shook his head in laughing disbelief, but, accompanied by Lily and Hermione, walked after James and Sirius, taking longer to reach them, but getting there steadily nonetheless. Peter, apparently not having seeing them all leave right away, scurried after them, for some ridiculous reason panting as he caught up.
"Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, please contain yourselves before you get another detention!" Professor McGonagall said exasperatedly at Sirius and James's excited faces, although Hermione swore she saw a smile tugging at her thin lips. Taking into account the difficulty it was to produce amusement in the strict professor, Hermione found it amazing that they could do so. She shook herself out of it before she could go any further with that assessment.
"Ready, Lils?" James said, grinning wildly as he looked to the redhead, she having just made sure Professor McGonagall had her form.
"Oh, yes, yes, I suppose so," Lily said, red coming into her cheeks even more, then she got a perturbed glint in her eyes, turning to James again. "And don't call me Lils."
Sirius, Remus, and Peter having also gotten confirmed, they started to depart, before Lily realized with a start that Hermione wasn't with them anymore. Lily turned around, her red hair flipping over her shoulder, and she looked at Hermione with confusion. Shrugging off James's fourth attempt to put his arm around her waist, she walked over to Hermione, the rest following her with reluctance.
"Hermione, aren't you coming?" Lily asked, concern decorating her soft voice.
"No…" Hermione mumbled. Truth was, even if she did have a permission slip, she wasn't sure she'd want to go. Hogsmeade would only be another place to remind her of Harry and Ron, something she didn't want to do. It would just be too painful. "No, I'm staying."
"The hell you are!" Sirius injected, failing miserably to sound angry. He pranced over to her, putting an arm across her shoulders. She tensed, but didn't have the energy to tell him to get away or she'd hex him senseless. "Come on, Granger, you can come with me. It'll be a date."
He was joking erratically, she could tell that in a matter of a fraction of a second, but she suppressed a grin anyway. "Yeah, cause that's my biggest desire," Hermione said, rolling her eyes.
Lily sniggered, Sirius looked exaggeratedly affronted by what she said, James and Remus smirked, and Peter looked, as usual, inattentive. "Hey, now," Sirius said, faking seriousness. "I just might take that personally."
"You never take anything seriously, Sirius," Lily retorted, mirth in her foresty eyes. "You and sarcasm are indistinguishable from each other."
"Firstly, just because my name is similar to an everyday word, it doesn't mean you can go full out with the alliterations," he said. "And as for your endearing sarcasm comment, I take full responsibility for it. I relish in it, dear Evans. So if that was meant to be an insult, you might have to come up with something different next time."
"Is it even possible for you to consider humbling yourself?" Lily asked with exasperation.
"Nope," Sirius said simply.
"Well if you're done flirting, then can we get out of here? The rate you're going, all the shops will be closed by the time we finally get there," Remus injected testily.
She'd gotten the desired effect—James looked livid, Sirius and Lily looked slightly embarrassed, but Hermione and Peter didn't have much of a reaction. "Yeah, yeah, calm down, Moony," Sirius said wearily.
Hermione, realizing that even with her magical prowess and resistance, she would never get them to back down, sighed with unwavering resignation, letting Sirius steer her towards the doors, Lily and James, Remus, and Peter following. Hermione had to practically pinch herself to acknowledge that this was actually happening. She was going to Hogwarts with people that were quite dead in her time. She was going on a hypothetical date with Harry's seventeen-year-old godfather. She could handle an indefinite amount of tragedies and shocks, but this she started to get doubts on. She looked skyward at the graying atmosphere, saying a silent prayer to herself, wishing herself she wouldn't go down in flames by the end of the day.
Having lost sight of the rest of the Hogsmeade group a long time ago, the sextet were now meandering rather haphazardly through the crooked streets of the familiar town, no particular path taken. Hermione had had to endure many shops she'd been to infinite times before, everyone except Remus and James (though the latter didn't show it) thinking that she hadn't seen them. He had cast her furtive sympathetic glances every now and then, but he and she knew very well that when it came to adamancy, James and Sirius were irrepressible, and if they wanted to pull her kicking and screaming somewhere, they'd find a way to do it, no matter the circumstance.
Lily, remarkably, hadn't lashed out much the entire time, save for a few reprimands to James or Sirius, but they were almost half-hearted, and for all they listened, she might have been talking to a brick wall. And so she'd given up after the first couple, deciding smartly that she'd save them for later. She and Hermione had suggested a few times that they go off and do something, to leave Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter to do their own misbehaving exploits, but that had about as much effect as Lily's scolding. All it did was make James hold on to Lily firmer, likewise for Sirius with Hermione. She hadn't minded too much at first, knowing Sirius was just being frustrating, but now she just wanted him to let her go. She was now simply wishing she could wander off by herself, not necessarily with Lily accompanying her.
She had considered Apparating as well, seeing if that could get her away from the rest of them, but she swiftly realized that with Sirius holding onto her, he'd be enacting an unwanted Side-Along Apparition, which she wasn't looking forward to. So, for the time being, she was stuck with the Marauders and Lily. And while it was, she had to admit, entertaining at times, for every moment she was there, her heart broke more. She had to fight with all her strength to stop the memories from flooding her, from when Harry had sneaked into the village using, ironically, the Marauders' Map, to the last time they had—using Ariana's portrait to get into Hogwarts.
Finally, after many, many shops and purchases, they stopped in The Three Broomsticks to warm up—it was frigid outside, the weather deciding to be manipulative and cruel, turning the air into ice—and let James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter discuss what they'd bought and what they'd do with them. Immediately, James and Sirius had started trying to charm Madam Rosmerta, which was another thing making Hermione's head spin. She had heard in third year of them making the bartender laugh, and here they were, doing exactly that. It was just too weird. After a little annoyance, Madam Rosmerta gave in and she found amusement in them, when eventually Remus interrupted, irascibly imploring that she take their orders.
She chuckled at him, but then Conjured a pen and paper, addressing each in turn. "That'll be...one, two, three, four, five butterbeers, and—" Sirius stopped, waiting for Hermione's order. The others had been satisfied with his making choices for them, but Hermione stalled.
"Firewhiskey," Hermione said miserably, and right away they, including Madam Rosmerta, didn't hesitate to stare incredulously at her.
Judging by Madam Rosmerta's subtle glance in James and Sirius's direction, they'd tried the same thing a few times, but none had expected this order from Hermione. True, in normal situations, she wouldn't have even thought of drinking such ridiculously strong alcohol, but then, this was hardly ordinary. Hermione ignored their looks, and instead tapped her fingers.
Madam Rosmerta snapped out of her disbelief. "I'm sorry, but you'll have to get something else. You're not old enough to—"
"I'm seventeen." Hermione said plainly. "I'm an adult, therefore I can order whatever the hell I want."
They all switched from staring at Hermione to looking at Madam Rosmerta, who was obviously thinking over Hermione's words. Apparently, there was truth in Hermione's claim that even Madam Rosmerta couldn't completely deny. "You're in Hogwarts; I'm not allowed to serve students liquor," she persisted.
"Who says I'm in Hogwarts?" Hermione retorted.
Sirius looked like he was about to refute her, but then seemed pensive. Hermione was right again. Technically, she wasn't a student there. "You're not a student? " Madam Rosmerta said, dubiously surprised.
"No. I'm not," Hermione continued, trying to repress her annoyance. Why couldn't she take a hint?
Madam Rosmerta turned to the rest of the group, as if repudiating what Hermione said. Nobody uttered a sound, although Hermione saw peripherally Remus giving her another look. She wished he wouldn't. "Well, I suppose so, then," Madam Rosmerta said finally, clearly disconcerted. "Five butterbeers and a...firewhiskey."
"Thank you," Hermione snapped. The rest mumbled their own thanks, and Madam Rosmerta sashayed off to fill their requests. "Would you all stop staring at me?"
Lily and Remus softened their looks, but Sirius, James, and Peter continued their gaping. "This is so not fair," Sirius whined. Remus raised an eyebrow. "Life sucks. She gets to order alcohol and we don't? Someone up there hates me."
"Padfoot, stop complaining," James said. Sirius narrowed his eyes. "She's right—she's not a student, and so she can, by technical law, order whichever drink she wishes."
Sirius didn't contradict this, although Hermione thought James's statement, while somewhat appreciated, was quite unnecessary. Sirius didn't need a reminder of the ins and outs of the rules. He was just grousing mildly, and Hermione didn't think it required James to attempt to controvert him.
"I don't need your protection, Potter," Hermione retaliated.
James took a minute to absorb this, then his face turned gelid. "Fine," he said icily, before his expression morphed into one of a smirking underhandedness. "But you do owe me an explanation, Granger. "
This was such an unexpected change that Hermione was caught off-guard for a moment. What explanation? She didn't owe him anything as far as she was concerned. "You didn't tell me all about this Harry guy."
Hermione blanched at the casual, indifferent mention of Harry. Her hands turned to fists at her sides. "I told you all you deserve," she said coldly.
"No you didn't," he said. "You told me his full name. " Hermione felt a trickle down her spine, but didn't say anything. "'Harry James Potter', I believe is what you said. Now, since I'm not aware of any other James Potters, and considering you're...specialness ...I'm pretty sure I'm deserving of a better clarification."
Hermione turned white at this. She vaguely remembered telling him that, but now she was literally shooting herself internally for doing so. She'd had a lack of sense, but that didn't excuse herself. What had she done this time? Kissing James was bad enough, but had she really just painted herself into a swallowing corner? Had he surmised anything influential from what she had said? Her face remaining colorless, she exchanged a quick look with Remus, who had a flicker of the same horror as Hermione had. She knew she hadn't told him about Harry's middle name, but she could see that he inferred too much, and by doing so, realized the vastly detrimental effect Hermione's explanation could have.
"James—" Remus started, in an effort to cut him off before this could get truly nasty.
James waved a hand at him, keeping his multicolored eyes on Hermione. She took a shaking breath. "It—It means nothing," she said, instantly noticing how lame and untrue it sounded.
James laughed. "Yeah, right," he said. Hermione didn't fail to observe the lack of speech from Sirius, and saw that he seemed quite unnervingly intrigued with this new set of events, making this all the worse. "Come on, Granger, let's have it."
Considering she'd already told him she was from the future, she didn't see how he could think that she could answer something like this. On the other hand, she also didn't know why, with his brains, he could not guess what Harry's name meant. He was right—James Potter wasn't the most common name, let alone for a boy around two decades succeeding. This just discomfited Hermione further.
She could see no way out of this. Through all her strategies, through all her thoughts, she couldn't see how she'd survive this. "Harry is—Harry's your—yours and her s—"
"Here you are," Madam Rosmerta interrupted, Hermione almost disbelieving at how good the timing was. She wondered if this was some sort of karmic happening, even though she wasn't too much of a supporter of the whole divine order thing. Maybe the cosmos felt she was warranted for some solace after all. "There's your butterbeers and your firewhiskey."
Hermione couldn't contain her relief, and as she looked over at Remus again, she saw him lean back in his chair, a semblance of his own liberation evident. "I've—I've got to go. Thanks for the drink, Rosmerta."
This time, only Remus seemed okay with her leaving; even Lily seemed perturbed, but Hermione didn't care. She had to get out, or she'd completely demolish Harry's future. She couldn't even imagine what James, let alone Lily, would say if she actually told them Harry was their son. First, she assumed, they'd laugh and think she was crazy, and then they would be so in denial they'd never get to make Harry's existence. Which was a risk Hermione wouldn't take, no matter the cost.
"Hermione! Get back here!" she heard James shout after her, but she was already out the doors.
When she got a good distance from the so familiar building, she took a shaking breath, downing a fair amount of her drink, coughing slightly at the hugely burning sensation running down her throat. Unfortunately, it didn't do much to distract her from her position. She had gotten away for now, but she knew this wasn't the end of it. For the first time since she originally arrived here, she didn't have one idea of what to do. She'd backed herself into an irreparable predicament, and there was no way James would let her get away with it. She had to escape. She couldn't stay here. All her remaining in this time was screwing up everyone's lives, and if she resided here any longer, she would distort everything even more.
Closing her eyes, feeling the biting wind whip around her, strangely comforting, she concentrated on the one place she knew no one could reach her. No one except herself could enter, and she'd be safe there until she could come up with a solution. Not even the genius of James, Sirius, Remus, Lily, or even Dumbledore could penetrate those particular defenses her destination could provide.
So I included an opening for some James-Hermione angst/romance stuff with the Harry innuendos, and another place Hermione can hide. I know it's moving kind of slow, but it'll pick up in a little bit. I hope you enjoyed it, and thanks to:
RannayBabiiex3, cRiMsOnGoDdEsS01, lyn18, and Sivaroobini Lupin-Black.