TITLE: The Inquisitor and the Recalcitrant Mage

CHAPTER: 11, Heroes

AN: Here I go again. Descriptions of child sexual abuse in this chapter. Sometimes I worry about myself. Is this all I can write? Dark, sad and scary *evil laughter*

"My own heroes are the dreamers, those men and women who tried to make the world a better place than when they found it, whether in small ways or great ones. Some succeeded, some failed, most had mixed results..., but it is the effort that's heroic, as I see it. Win or lose, I admire those who fight the good fight." ― George R.R. Martin

Before he could protest, the townspeople of Skyhold gathered around Jaiden, pressing against him with their friendly smiles and gratitude. They led him inside the castle. They fussed over him and asked him questions. Made him eat and gave him reasons to smile. They told him stories while he ate and when he'd finished the last slice of crusty bread, they stole his clothes and his satchel. When they were done with him, they wrapped him in a blanket and escorted him to Dorian's room.

He felt as shy and anxious as a bride did on her wedding night. The analogy was perhaps not far from wrong. On the other side of the door, Dorian waited for him. With laughter and good-natured jokes, they shoved him through and closed it firmly behind him.

If Jaiden felt nervous as a bride, Dorian worried, that with the arrival of the Inquisitor how much longer his welcome at Skyhold might hold and if he should stay or go. Wiping his damp palms together, the two men stared at each other, both men uncertain. Jaiden, because he was tired and unsure. Dorian because for the first time in his adult life he worried about the outcome of a relationship.

Swaying on his feet, Jaiden said the first thing that came to him, "I didn't notice that night. This is a beautiful room."

"And it's yours."

"I do not require this… no," he shook his head, gesturing with his hand and the blanket slipped to reveal his shoulders. "It's yours or give it to someone else," he said, with his eyes darting around the room, "Where is my pack?"

"Still stubborn, I see. Your pack is safe, here by the fire. Before you depart to sleep in the stables, allow me to show you something." Dorian opened a small wooden door, motioning the other man inside.

Jaiden approached the room, with all the trepidation of someone walking into a trap. The mage nodded him in with a slight bow. Instead of a trap, he found a room with a large wooden tub, towels and a set of clothes folded neatly on a nearby chair. Soap and a razor waited nearby. Jaiden inhaled the fragrant scent floating off the steaming water. A thick Orlesian carpet waited to warm bare feet. In the corner, a stove gave off cheerful waves of heat.

Dorian gave him a gentle push, deliberately closed the door, and left Jaiden to his comforts.

~o0o~

Two hours later, after several trips around the room, literally holding himself to the banister of the balcony, he sat in a chair and tried for the fifth time to read the same page, created a wave of anxiety that left him breathless. Tilting his head back on the chair, Dorian closed his eyes and tried to stop his imagination from running him crazy.

He'd already decided he would go home to Tevinter. Go home, play the good son, marry the girl, close his eyes, and beget a child. He didn't have to live with the woman. He'd make that clear from the start. Go live your own life he'd tell her. There's plenty of money to fund whatever causes you support or purchase as many gowns your heart desires.

Then to quiet the screaming in his head and avoid the disappointed look on a child's face, he would drink himself into an early grave.

All of those carefully thought out decisions fled his brain when he heard the hesitant footfalls of Jaiden's approach. Dressed in a simple cotton gown and robe he looked handsome and boyish. The over-sized blue eyes in a gaunt face, the curling blond hair, Dorian knew in that moment that if Jaiden didn't want him, he'd have to leave. Time had done nothing to diminish the love he felt for this complicated, brave man who stood so shy and reticent.

"Don't stare at me."

Back to that again.

"Then tell me what I can do. To watch you stand there with such uncertainty is breaking my heart."

Dark blues eyes looked up from the floor. "I'm sorry… perhaps… you might help me?"

Dorian almost leaped to his feet. An opening, perhaps a beginning. The mage held out his hand. "You are only tired."

When Jaiden allowed him to lead him to the bed, the weight of dread began to lift. Dorian pushed the hesitant man down on the bed and bent to remove the slippers. A hand lifted his chin.

"You are so beautiful, Dorian."

The mage pushed the man back on the bed and slid his legs under the blankets. Whether he realized or not Jaiden was shivering with cold. Although he longed to crawl in next to the man and warm him, he dared not give voice to his heart.

"Now, that's not fair. You're almost asleep. You'll forget you said that by the time you wake up," Dorian teased settling Jaiden into the bed.

Jaiden shook his head, "No, I remember everything. Dorian, I can hardly believe I'm here. The Fade called to me and I almost let it take me."

With Jaiden's hand clasped against his chest, Dorian let his heart speak for him. If he thought he could be stronger than what he felt for this man, he was wrong. He'd waited too long for Jaiden to keep silent.

"Amatus, you had every reason to live. We-I waited for you. Let me be the anchor you need. Then together we'll explore those demons of yours. Yes?" Dorian looked away for a moment, "If you'll let us…"

When he looked back, the Inquisitor had fallen asleep. Dorian smiled down at him and kissed his forehead. No, he'd never seen this coming. Never knew that one man could bring out such feelings in him. But it wasn't just Jaiden, he realized as he watched him sleep. It was Heather and Tom, the blacksmith and the Innkeeper and his wife. The horses knew him by sight and always greeted him with soft sounds and nuzzling their velvet noses against him.

~o0o~

He woke slowly tightly curled around himself to keep himself warm. Some habits are hard to break. When he turned over and stretched to the sight of decorative wooden beams bracing a high ceiling. The glass doors opened to a balcony with a view of distant mountains. The glazed windows — such an extravagance — reflected the colors of the early morning sun. He could appreciate that his father wouldn't spend that amount of coin on simple windows.

For the first time in many months, he was actually warm. Next to the bed lay another set of clothes, some fruit, and cheese. Jaiden ran his fingers through his tousled hair. So strange to feel rested and sated. Hunger, cold, and isolation had become his constant companions. The question, he must answer for Dorian; is he ready to let them go.

"Dorian?" The only sound a raptor screaming in the distance while it hunted for breakfast. When no one answered, he decided to go in search of the mage. The desire to see him, to touch him, if only to confirm this was real drove him to dress. Before heading downstairs, Jaiden put the razor and comb to use.

Dressed in soft boots, leather pants, cotton shirt, and jacket, Jaiden made his way to the garden pausing to watch the early spring flowers. Voices from the stable draw him and his heart took a tumble when he recognized the mage's voice.

"You're a good girl. Take a quick rest."

Was Dorian actually speaking to a woman? Jaiden's curiosity won out and he rounded the corner to see a mare laying on her side in a large box stall and Dorian wiping down a newborn foal with a burlap sack.

"A fine pair, eh Mage?" The blacksmith stood up and nodded toward the Inquisitor. "I'll fetch the teat."

Jaiden watched the mage grin in response. Dorian was tired, but satisfied and Jaiden could not remember a more satisfied look on the man's face. but he is too distracted by the site of the twin foals to speak. The dampness of the afterbirth did not diminish the color of their golden coats. The mother is already pushing herself to her feet and nuzzling her two babies. One rose quickly on wobbly legs, the other lays exhausted in the straw.

The mage moved quickly to wipe the mucus from the small nose and mouth. Soon the foal sneezed. The sound made the little foal jump to its feet in surprise.

"Come along little one, Princess Heather will be here soon. You'll want to look your best."

"May I help?"

Dorian nearly fell back in the straw at the unexpected visitor. When the blacksmith entered with the bottle, Dorian indicated for the smith to hand it to Jaiden.

"Just walk over slowly and offer him the nipple."

"Aye. I've done this before at my father's estate."

If that surprised Dorian, he didn't show it. Kneeling in the straw, Jaiden ran his hands over the exhausted foal until his hand rested on his head. With his other hand, he guided the nipple to the foal's mouth. The hungry newborn didn't need have to be asked twice, latching on greedily to suckle. Jaiden held the bottle and continued running his hands over the foal and murmuring soft words of comfort.

Behind them, the mare stamped her displeasure.

"He's almost ready, Haven. Be patient mother." The mare shook her head at the mage's words.

"Do you see, Dorian? A golden pair of foals. These boys'll be racing the wind by early summer."

The blacksmith offered the mare water and grain. When both foals were steady on their feet and nursing, the blacksmith shooed Dorian and Jaiden out of the stall.

"There's a bucket and soap to wash and plenty of other things to see around here. Show him all our hard work, Mage."

"It's a fine morning. Will you walk with me?" Dorian asked with his heart sounding too loud in his ears and no idea how Jaiden would respond.

They made it as far as the garden, when Jaiden finally found the words. The bare trees released a fragrance from their new green buds. Lime and lemon trees gave off a citrusy scent. Birds busy building nests chirped and flew from tree to tree.

"You have the look of farewell about you, Mage."

"You handled that foal very confidently," Dorian said, turning the question away.

"A youngest son is often left alone. I helped in the stable. The old head groom took a liking to me and taught me."

"I didn't know… Did you eat something?" Dorian asked pulling leaves off a rose bush… "Bloody aphids!"

"Dorian? Last night the people told me what you've done for them. They credit you with getting them here safely and building this community."

"I only did it for you."

"I might believe that of the old cynical Dorian. The man I see in front of me is relaxed and confident in this world he helped create."

Still, the mage waved him away as if he'd done nothing.

Dorian kept his back to Jaiden to hide the emotions building in his chest, threatening to choke him if he didn't give them voice.

Fingers touched the leather thong and pulled his hair free. "It was horrible, Mage. The dragon. A beautiful creature slaughtered at my feet. Then Cassandra and the rest, once it was over, they turned into different people. Then suddenly I was alone. One by one, they walked away. And I missed you. I started wandering. That night, when I saw that man touching you the way… the way I dreamed of touching you. I couldn't do it. I had to go. I was a coward."

"Someone hurt you?"

"You've done well with the horses. Fine stock. I didn't know you were interested in that sort of thing."

"I wasn't until… here… now. It began with talking to them in the evenings. Turns out the brutes are good listeners. And Skyhold needed another source of income. Yes? We've only grown enough food to feed ourselves."

The pride in the mage's voice was unmistakable. "You've made a home for yourselves here."

"And for you, my dearest Inquisitor."

Jaiden found his way to one of the stone benches, carded his fingers through his hair and wrapped his arms around himself. Then with his eyes fixed his eyes on a faraway place he began to talk. The voice sounded like the scared voice of a teenager with no one to turn to.

"With all the focus on my older brother, I wrapped myself in learning. I think I read every book in my father's library. Studious and pious, what a bore and totally innocent. He cornered me in the Chancery library. Stank of onions and sweat. All I could see what the rising star on his filthy robes."

Jaiden scrubbed his hand over his face and shivered. While Dorian stood silently with tears sliding unheeded down his cheeks.

"H-he backed me against a row of shelves and I felt his hand groping me. I had barely touched myself and then he was… then he pushed me back and I felt his mouth… When it was over he made me do the same to him. It was like a nightmare and I felt guilty for years, because it felt good. I didn't want him to touch me, but it felt good. It felt… Dorian, I'm sorry. Then he left me, weeping on the floor."

"Amatus?"

In two strides, Jaiden launched himself at the mage and found strength and comfort in his embrace and the time to weep away the grief.