The Confession Chapter 11 –F U Till I F U

A/N- Sorry JuGgUlAtOr413 but this was the predetermined route the story would take right after I decided it wasn't going to be a one shot and it must reach its final conclusion.

Thank you Hazelbaum for introducing me to CallMeKarizma this song was perfect as the title for this chapter and I appreciate the find

Sorry dshell99 I hope the feels aren't to tear jerking seeing how we are going into rough waters in two fics, and yes smut in the morning is better than coffee.

Vixxenink I apologize for the feels trip I know you were looking forward to smooth sailing.

Warnings: Language

Edd lay there in the warm comforting embrace of the strong arms of Kevin Barr unable to sleep, the knot in his chest continuing to tighten as his fears for what this encounter meant for their friendship. It had been two hours since the red head had fallen asleep, though he adjusted and shifted his weight his arm was never removed from around Edd. If Edd rolled over trying to get more comfortable Kevin would adjust his position so he could stay close to the man, Edd wondered if he was still awake but the soft snoring told him otherwise. As Edd lay on his left side Kevin had thrown his right leg over Edd's intertwining their feet, his naked erect cock rubbing itself against Edd's bare ass. Edd was flustered he wasn't used to sleeping in the same bed with someone at the moment and the attention and proximity of another individual was keeping him awake. Sure he had slept in the same bed with Justin for their ten year relationship, but their apposing schedules during their first years after college then their issues at the end, Edd had spent most nights sleeping alone.

Edd roles over to face Kevin and looks at the features of the man he has adored for so many years, bringing his hand up he caresses the jaw line and feels the ruff stubble that has started to grow and the strong chiseled profile of his face. "Why did you have to push for this?" Edd's experience with straight boys pretty much told him that if they were going to act awkward afterwards it will happen regardless of whether they did anything or not. Case in point in junior high Edd had a friend named David Johnson, they shared a few common interests, and they would play Dungeon and Dragons together on Saturday's with two other boys and his sister Angelica Johnson in David's basement. Edd admired David for the crafty ways he would put a campaign together, making the choices they had to make to move the story along not very obvious and a wrong choice was littered with consequences. Edd's first lesson in the fickle mind of boys who were a one or two on the Kinsey scale came after a D&D session, everyone else had already left for the evening needing to get home for supper with their families and Angelica had a date that evening so she wasn't there that night. Edd who had no waiting parents at home to sit down with for supper stayed behind to help David clean up the mess the others had created.

Nearing the end of tidying up David sat in a chair, leaning back with his legs sprawled out he asks Edd a very odd question, well maybe not so odd for horny teenage boys. "Hey Double D, I was wondering if you have gotten anyone to suck you off yet?" How the topic of the conversation had shifted to this Edd was unsure.

He nervously wringed the towel he had in his hands, while thinking how best to answer this question without giving too much of himself away. "I don't see how that is really any of your business David."

David shifted a little in the chair adjusting himself by grabbing the base of the crotch of his pants and giving a little tug like most teenage boys do to shift their member from one side to the other. "Come on man, it's just us bro's here."

Edd cleared his throat putting down the towel he had been fidgeting with on the table and took a seat across from David on the other side of the table from him. "No David I have not." Edd looked a little defeated by admitting this, the teenage boy psyche so concerned that sex is a notch in the belt that must be achieved.

"Yeah, me neither so don't feel bad." David became noticeable nervous and the atmosphere in the room became thick with tension. "So ah, hear me out on this." David pauses and fidgets with a figure in his hands. "I'll do you if you do me."

Edd's heart skipped a beat, was he that obvious, and was his sexuality that he had just started to come to terms with that noticeable. "I-I'm not gay David."

"Neither am I." David's expression was starting to go into a panic. "I just thought we could help each other out you know, just between us." He gets out of the chair and starts to pace a little then starts to clean a little more. "Sorry, forget I said anything." They finished cleaning up the basement and said their goodbyes like normal, everything seemed fine between them even after the awkwardness of the proposal. Until the following Monday, David wouldn't talk to him look at him or acknowledge him in anyway. When Edd asked Angelica what was the matter she had no answer, just that her brother didn't want him to come to the D&D games anymore and that she was not to invite him. Even with her brothers hard headedness Angelica stayed friends with Edd and they remain such to this day.

Edd untangles himself from Kevin's embrace. "Where are you going D.?" Kevin sleepily asks as he turns over on his back, the absents of the warm body beside him rousing him from his slumber.

"Just got to go to the bathroom, go back to sleep." Edd replies as he gets up off the mattress and heads down the hall to the bathroom. Looking at himself in the mirror, his doubts were tumbling around in his head, case in point number two. After coming out in high school Edd was courted by a Michael Samuels, if you can call teenage boy's dating rituals courting. To the entire world Michael presented himself as straight, but behind closed doors he was a ravenous cock slut. Whispering sweet nothings into Edd's ears, on how much he wished he could walk down the halls of the school holding Edd's hand. How he longed to mark his flesh so the world knew Edd was his, or to dance with him at the prom. All the while trying to wiggle Edd out of his pants, Edd wanted to wait, for if all that Michael said was true the boy could wait a little while before he got to taste his apple pie. But a hormone driven sixteen year old can only hold out for so long when they have someone sucking on every sensitive spot on their neck, ears and collar bones. Not to mention the deep passionate kisses they exchanged after school, Edd could hardly contain himself he had switched to boxers and lose fitting jeans shortly after their first make out session. Two weeks is all it took for Michael to finally wiggle him out of those lose fitting jeans and into his lap, and even less time to start avoiding the boy and quickly finding a girlfriend to put under his arm. Prom was not an enjoyable experience for Edd, going as a group with Ed and Edd who took the Kanker sisters along with Kevin who escorted Nazz that year. Angelica was nice enough to turn down a boy so she could accompany Edd that year. She nearly falls out of her chair flailing when Kevin was kind enough to dance with his friend at the prom so he didn't feel left out. Her OTP was set that day and forever more, she would secretly sketch scenes in her diary of Kevin and Edd dancing together and in various degrees of carnal pleasure, Edd having discovered it one day as they made plans for the graduation party at Nazz's. Edd smiled at himself in the mirror, what a fit of fangirling she would do if she had witnessed this scene.

Being sure Kevin was back to sleep Edd gets into the shower and starts cleaning himself, Edd recalls his latest screw up with a man who presents himself as straight to the rest of the world. He met the man on a gay dating website, (I know how smutty of him), Justin had just left him and Edd was pretty down on himself Kevin's words helping but Edd self worth was a little low at the moment. The man's name was Chance, and he seemed like a nice enough fellow, a little down on his luck being jobless and having to jump from friend to friend for a place to stay until he found work. Edd meets up with the individual for a little rebound sex here and there, getting to know each other in the process and in Edd's view a fuck buddy was better than rosy palm any day at this point for at least you got to cuddle afterwards. A few months into their mutually beneficial relationship Edd gets a call from Chance where he asks for a ride to the place where he would be living now. The trip was an hour long drive, Chance telling Edd along the way that this town he was going to was where his parents lived and he was moving here to be closer to them. Once parked at the apartment building the truth comes out. "Yeah so like the person I am living with is my girlfriend now." Edd looked a little shocked but knew he had no claim on the man. "We have been talking on a website for months now and she asked me to move here." Edd just thought to himself. "So the whole parent thing was a lie." Chance continues. "So I'm serious about this with her so I would appreciate it if you would lose my number." He exits the car and grabs his bag out of the back seat and walks up to the door where a woman with two kids in tow waited for him, planting a kiss on his lips as he reaches her. A month later Chance is calling him again leaving a few voice mails trying to mend fences, Edd ignores him.

Edd was beginning to think that all men only thought with their little heads and not their hearts. Finishing his shower he dresses himself and picks up his cell phone calling a cab. Grabbing Kevin's keys from the table by the door he heads down stairs and retrieves his two purchases that he made for himself and a package wrapped in brown paper from the trunk of Kevin's car. Then heads back upstairs depositing the brown paper package on the couch writing a short note and placing it on the package then retrieving his luggage. He drops the keys back on the table and opens the door looking once more down the hall at the gently snoring Kevin who was fast asleep in his bed. Locking the bottom door knob lock, hoping it was enough to deter any intruder, he closes the door behind him and waits downstairs for the cab which showed up five minutes later. Entering the vehicle he tells the driver to take him to the airport, and twenty minutes later he is dropped off. Going to the ticket counter he trades in his tickets that were dated for three days for now for a pair that left later that morning , thankful that there was a vacancie on that flight he heads to the terminal and sits. Setting an alarm he leans back in the chair and falls into an uneasy sleep, thinking to himself as he drifted to sleep that he had enough of this kind of thing but he didn't want to lose his friend. He knew he would love Kevin forever, but that was just his curse it's whatever. Three hours later his flight was called and he boarded the plan turning off his phone for the flight, the knot in his chest tightening as his fears kept playing in his mind. Would they have worked if he had stayed, or would they be doomed to the awkward exchanges and silently parting ways after he left anyways? One would never know for he was certain that this action would spell the end of their friendship anyways whether they were fated for love eternal or not. He takes his seat and watches as the city slowly falls out of sight as the plan takes off and heads north.

Kevin wakes a little past noon to an empty bed, wondering when Edd had woken and why he hadn't gotten him up sooner. Getting up he heads to the living room to find that Edd and his luggage were missing and in their place was a package wrapped in brown paper held close by string a note tucked under the string. Opening the note he see only two words where there "I'm sorry." Kevin's heart clinches tight at the words, what did the dork have to apologies for other then leaving without a word. He picks up the phone and dials Edd's number, it went straight to voice mail. "Edd call me we need to talk about this." Ending the call he picks up the package and opens it, inside was the baseball card he was eyeing yesterday professionally framed in a black frame with white background.

A/N- I know it's a lot of negative experiences I have showed here with Edd's past, but I was trying to paint a picture on why he would doubt whether his and Kevin's relationship would work. Kevin having considered himself straight all his life would normally have his whole world rocked to its core with this experience. We all carry scares that make us who we are. How we all cope brings us to hope.