Chapter 11: Before the Ball
A/N: I promised you weirdness, and you're about to get it. You just have to wallow through all of the other goodies sprinkled in this chapter. There will be plenty of jokes, bonding between Rick and Dagger, and even more shopping!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's a loud knocking sound. It pulls me from a pleasant dream where I'm given a million dollars and am told to raid Barney's. What a wonderful dream.
"Could someone else get that?" I whine as I pull a pillow over my head to block out the sunlight. Last night when I got into the room, Vivi was already asleep and Zidane was feeling pretty grumpy so we didn't talk. Instead, he just climbed into bed and went to sleep. I was wired, though. So I decided I would just tire myself out by reading one of those books I stole from the Inn back in Dali. It was the one based around FFVIII, because that is really my favourite of the series. Not necessarily because of the plot or the characters or even the weapons. Nah, I liked the GFs and the fighting system. After Disk 2 is over, GFs are pretty much worthless as summons, but there abilities are awesome. Diablos and his Mug and No Encounters abilities really came in handy. Also, I fell in love with Quistis, the tortured Instructor. Her Blue Magic is really the only time it's useful in the games that I've played. No offence to Quina.
However, no one answers the door and the sound continues to drive me crazy. I would just ignore whoever it is and act like no one is here, but that won't work because I'm sure that the nut heard my voice already.
With groggy intentions, I sit up and notice that I'm the only one in the room. Vivi and Zidane's beds are already made. There isn't even a note on the nightstand. It's not that I expected one from the little kid, but Zidane I did. Even if we're fighting, he still should be responsible.
"Zidane's not here," I grumble as I open the door. How did his stupid friends even find out that he's staying here? Oh, right, there was all of that time we spent apart when I was Michael's last night. My monkey-tailed friend probably went to the pub, met up with Freya, and got really plastered. His sentence weren't strung together very well last night when I got to the room. That could have just been a side-effect of the exhaustion, though.
"I know that. He told me you would be here."
Well, this is interesting. Rather than one of the Tantalus guys (I still don't know for sure that they're not in Lindblum, remember), Michael, or even my mysterious woman in the white dress, I find myself face-to-face with Dagger. Dagger came to the room that I share with Zidane with me as her target. Something seems wrong here. Weren't we on the verge of pulling each other's hair out yesterday?
"What do you want?" I ask with barely concealed suspicion. After all, in the game, Dagger wasn't allowed to leave the castle. Yet, here she is, talking to me.
She gives me a smile and does this weird little curtsy thing. I say weird mostly because she's wearing pants. "There is going to be a ball at the castle tonight. It's invitation only, so I'm inviting you."
Huh? We're in FFIX. There is no ball in FFIX. That's FFVIII's thing. Plus, I think Dagger is doing the flirty Rinoa thing. Is she asking me to the ball? As her date? Oh, my head hurts. I think I need to sit down.
Let me try to get this straight. I meet what appears to be a great guy in Michael, get into a fight with Zidane, and the end result is the princess trying to pick me up. The only place this would make sense is whatever world Britney Spears is living in. Everybody knows that Sharon Stone is the only woman in Hollywood that's allowed to do crotch shots.
"Are you okay, Rick? I mean, everyone is going to be there: Zidane, Vivi, me. Steiner's going to be there, too, but just as security. Zidane's even bringing someone," she says in an attempt to convince me to come.
"Balls aren't really my thing." No laughing, you perverts. "A lot of pretentious nobles getting together to badmouth commoners like me? No thanks."
Dagger shakes her head and tries one last thing. "You can bring someone, too! What about that printer guy Zidane told me about?"
Printer guy? Do I know a printer guy?
"Oh, you mean Michael. He's a painter, not a printer," I laugh. "Sure, I'll come. When is it?"
"What do you mean?"
"What time does the ball begin?" Am I speaking in some kind of code?
"Sundown. All social functions begin then. I thought you knew that," she says with a puzzled look. Then she brushes it off and grabs my arm. "Anyway, let's get going. We have a lot to do."
A failed attempt to jerk my arm out of her grip later, I find myself asking what she means by 'we.' Seriously, she has a grip like steel, this girl.
"Don't you want to spend the day with me getting pampered and shopping?" she poses at the first sign of my resistance. How can a man stand up to that?
"Okay, let's go." So I crumbled. Big deal.
I step out the door and find that Dagger isn't alone. She's actually with three other people, a blonde girl about our age, and two very familiar-looking men. One is in dark blue armour with a black sword at his side, and the other is in light blue armour with a spear in his right hand. The girl is the first to speak. "Hello, Rick. I'm Alma Beoulve. These are my guards, Cecil and Kain. It is very pleasant to meet you."
"Huh?" Alma? Cecil? Kain? Well, at least we're back into the Final Fantasies, but this whole thing is confusing the crap out of me. Are these people like me, aware that they're not supposed to be here, or am I alone in this?
Dagger elbows me in the ribs and I introduce myself back.
"Is he coming, Garnet?" Alma asks Dagger. It's weird to hear her referred to by her real name. Wait, these people are coming, too? Dagger never mentioned other people. Then again, she probably does have friends in Lindblum. "Is he going to be your date? He's cute."
The princess laughs and shakes her head. "No. Rick isn't interested in me. He's going to the ball with a friend of his, a painter. He is a painter, right? I don't want to get it wrong again."
How much weirder is this going to get? Well, weird isn't the word I want to use. Normal seems more appropriate. Is it weird that normal is weird? Ah, my head is hurting again. Stupid thinking.
"You're going to the ball with a painter?" Alma squeals. I can actually feel my right eyebrow rocket into the atmosphere. They're not acting like uptight royalty. They're being teenage girls.
"I haven't even asked him yet," I blush as I rub the back of my head. Geez, Michael and I just met yesterday. Is it even acceptable for me to be asking him to a formal event?
"I'm sure he'll say 'yes,'" Dagger assures me as she throws an arm over my shoulder. "Come on, Rick. We're going to go get our dresses. Maybe we'll find something for you, too. Then we're going to have our teeth cleaned, get our nails done, and finish with our hair. No offence, but you really do need a haircut."
Just so you know, she whispered that last part in my ear.
Cecil and Kain both give me dirty looks as Dagger and Alma each loop an arm of theirs through one of mine. That scares me. Not as much as the weapons, but it's up there.
"Where to first?" I ask after freshening up. Really, it just consists of straightening out the wrinkles in my shirt, grabbing my satchel, and downing a potion in hopes of good breath. It tasted like orange juice this time.
"I want to go to Alice's shop. It's right here in the Business District," Alma insists. "I promised Father that I would pick up some stuff."
"Really?" Dagger says with an air of annoyance. "Parents can be so controlling. Mother actually sent people after me when I was on my way here. As if Steiner wasn't bad enough."
"Don't I know," Alma adds. "Before she died, Mother would always make sure that my friends came from upstanding families. That's why I was always at the castle playing with Porom and Palom. Those two can be so annoying…"
That's pretty much how the conversation went the entire way to Alice's. It's actually refreshing to hear. There's no talk of escaping or alter egos, no name changing or weapons. It's just talk. Nothing more, nothing less. It seems like you forget that they're actually just teenagers when they're just videogame characters. When you interact with them, though, they actually do act their age. Now, if only I could figure out why Steiner won't do the same thing. He is such a big baby.
"Hello, welcome to Alice's. How may I be assistance?" a familiar voice greets when my little party enters the store. I look up to see Michael standing behind the counter with this frilly pink apron on overtop of a tight black shirt. Oh, he is gorgeous. Must. Put. Tongue. Back. In. Mouth. Why is he here, though? Wait a minute. He told me that he works here. That explains it.
Dagger has that same drooly look that Zidane got whenever he was near Lara. Alma isn't far behind her.
"Hey, Michael!" I call out as I bound over to him. "We came here looking for some stuff. What have you got on sale?"
"Umm, let me think," he says as he scratches at his chin. "The hair dye is half off, fingernail polish is twenty-percent off, and we're carrying a special item, Pearl Rogue, but it's rather expensive.
Is Alice's a beauty shop? Considering everything else going on in this messed up world, that wouldn't really be much of a surprise. Actually, it would be wonderful. It's a good thing Dagger said that we were getting our nails done. The MCoDs really don't fit the M part right now. They're all jagged and ugly.
"Thanks. Oh, one more thing: what are you doing tonight?"
He looks a little taken aback, but he looks cute he's taken aback. Heck, I'm sure he's cute when he's taken aside. Don't even get me started on his cute backside.
"I was just planning on doing some more painting. Why? Do you want to come over and hang out?"
As tempted as I am to say yes, I shake my head. "No. You see, there's this thing at the castle tonight, and I thought you might want come with me and hang out there."
"Me? The castle? I don't know if I'm comfortable with that." No, you are not arguing your way out of this one, boy. I stood up to Zidane for you. You owe me.
"But it won't be any fun without you," I pout as I give him big doe eyes. He's taken aback, which looks really cute on him. "Please?"
"Really, I don't think I have anything fancy enough for that. Besides…" he starts to argue until I give him the eyes again. "Fine, I'll try to meet you there. No promises, though."
Then I thank him, plant a kiss on his cheek, and bound back to the others. Dagger has this immensely jealous look on her face, and Alma is still staring at Michael. Oh yeah, I know, girlfriend. Believe me, I know.
"That is your painter friend?" Dagger asks. I nod and her face gets even tighter. "But, he's so…"
"…Hot!" Alma finishes as she returns to reality. She turns to me and looks me over. "It's definitely going to take some work to get you up to snuff."
What's wrong with how I look? "Hey, I thought you said I was cute."
"Cute, and that," she points at an oblivious Michael for emphasis, "aren't even on the same planet. He could show up to this thing in a burlap sack and you still wouldn't look as good as he does."
"Gee, thanks," I respond sarcastically.
"Hey, don't get like that," Dagger says as she picks up a bottle of red hair dye in one hand and takes a handful of her own brown locks in the other. "What do you guys think?"
"It's totally you," I tell her. Brown is so boring. I really need to do something with mine. After it grows back that is. Sob.
"Definitely," Alma agrees.
"Fine, I'll get it," Dagger says. Then we all, meaning everyone but Cecil and Kain, start grabbing various beauty products. After Michael rings us up, I have added two bottles of white fingernail polish, one thing of grey eyeliner, some foundation, and a home manicure kit to my satchel. Dagger and Alma each got at least twice the stuff I did.
Next, we arrive at this small boutique known as Rinoa's. Guess who the owner is. That's right! The sorceress from FFVIII herself.
"How can I help you?" she asks when the three of us spill into the store. Cecil and Kain opted to wait outside with Dagger and Alma's stuff, you already know why mine wasn't a problem. At least, you should. You haven't been paying attention if you don't.
"We'd like some dresses for the ball tonight," Alma says as she points to Dagger and herself. Then she places he hands on my shoulders. I can literally feel my face heat up. "He needs something that will make him look fantastic. Price is no matter."
"I normally don't serve men…" Rinoa plods along thoughtfully before her eyes light up with inspiration. "Selphie! Xaio! Come here!"
The bubbly brunette and the cat-girl both show up. Why Rinoa would hire Dark Cloud's feline heroine is beyond me. She must shed something awful during the winter months, and that can't be good for the clothes. Still, I suppose she could keep mice from chewing the fabric to shreds. That train of thought isn't one that I'm very interested in pursuing, though.
"What is he doing here?" Selphie shouts accusingly when catches sight of me. "Did you catch him trying to peek at the customers? You pervert!"
Guess who the last statement was aimed at.
"No," Rinoa says sharply. I'd feel bad for Selphie if she hadn't just accused me of being a pervert. As it is, she can suffer. "He's a customer. Tell me, do we still have that special order from last year's ball?"
"Yes, Mistress," Xaio answers with a purr to her voice. There's something weird about the way she says Mistress, though. Probably something that I shouldn't question.
"Could one of you bring it out for the young man?"
Xaio runs off, leaving Selphie to help the girls find their dresses amongst the racks and racks of possibilities.
"So," I murmur in Rinoa's general direction. "What exactly is this special order? You're not selling me something used, are you?"
"Not exactly," the raven-haired woman answers with a sigh. "It was a special order by a client who never picked it up. You see, he was killed in an airship crash before he could pick it up. It smashed into the Doom Pub and he died on the toilet."
This is weirder than weird. Rinoa Heartilly is trying to sell me a dead man's clothes. Worse, a man who died on the john. Aren't retailers supposed to lie about these things when a customer asks?
"Umm, is it too late to cancel?"
She just gets this big grin on her face and shakes her head. "You won't want to after see it."
"Somehow I doubt that."
A couple of minutes later, Xaio arrives with something in a brown paper bag. "It is a little wrinkly, Mistress, but it is still clean."
"Good. Hand it here so that I can show the young man."
Who is she calling a young man? She's my age for crying out loud! She even looks my age, so it isn't a case of her being aged like Lara Croft.
As soon as the outfit is pulled out of the bag, though, all negative thoughts leave my mind. It's made of black silk with silver stitching on the pockets. It's a tux, yet it's just so much more. No suit in the world could ever match it. Who cares if it's former owner died taking a crap, I want it! Everything is as black as Rinoa's hair: the shirt, the tie, the jacket, and the pants. It doesn't come with shoes, but that's something I can worry about later. Right now, I just have to get this masterpiece!
"I'll take it. How much do you want?"
"It's three-and-a-half thousand Gil," Xaio tells. Who cares about the price? I reach into my satchel, count out the money, and hand it to Rinoa.
"The alterations are free. Xaio, would you please size this outfit for the young man? Sir, you can change in the back."
"Thank you," I gush as I take the clothes. No, that's too weak of a word for something this wonderful. Garments! That's it!
I'm led to the changing rooms by the cat-girl. There's tons of gorgeous dresses on the way, but my attention is held firmly by the outfit I hold in hands. Alma was definitely right. If I want to show up with someone as good-looking as Michael, I have to look my best. This outfit will do just that.
A few minutes later, I stand gazing at myself in the mirror as Xaio measures every bit of me with a roll of measuring tape. The arms are a little long, and the legs are just a tad too short, and it needs to be taken in at the waist, but I still look good. I don't know who bought this before me, but I'm glad he's dead. I would've killed him myself for it.
"Wow!"
I turn my head to see Alma and Dagger approaching the dressing rooms. The Princess has a burgundy dress with all kinds of frills gathered up in her arms, and Selphie is carrying Alma's caramel apple coloured number. I never thought that bright green and brown would go together well, but it seems to work.
"Thank you." I smile as the two girls look me over. This is one of the best days of my life.
"Would customer please look forward?" Xaio asks. Because I don't want to ruin the wonderfulness of the garments, I do as I'm asked.
Selphie asks Dagger if she'd like to change first, but she declines and lets Alma go. I suspect she wants to talk to me.
"So, Rick," she says as she takes a seat in a chair that's nearby. "How did you and Michael meet? How long have you known each other?"
Hmm, do I want to give away the banal details of our first encounter? "We met just yesterday, Gorgeous. I helped him carry some stuff into his apartment."
The cat is out of the bag now. I suppose I could have told her that we're old lovers and some more old lies, but it would have caught up with me rather quickly. Lies don't work well with me. I'm a little surprised that I've gotten away with what I've told them so far.
"So, you don't even know if he's like you?"
Like me? What is that supposed to mean? Please tell me that I'm not getting ready to have that conversation. I hate that conversation. Things didn't go over too well when I had it with my parents. I do not want to have it with Dagger. Aargh!
"Whatever do you mean? Of course, he's like me. We're both extremely attractive young men."
She just smiles at me and shakes her head. Whew, crisis avoided. That could have gotten complicated and ugly. Good thing I have brains as well as incredible good looks.
The rest of the time in the boutique is spent chatting. Nothing serious, like fluffy topics like guys and celebrities. Yes, they have celebrities here, too. Lowell is still big. I never really saw what people saw in him, but that could just be me. Alma is in love with him, though. She even admits to being a member of his fan club. Maybe I should tell her about the moogle costume. Better not. He might still be friendly with Michael, and that could put me in the doghouse. Just how friendly were they, though? I refuse to share with that egotistical prat. Prat? Since when am I British?
Alma does look amazing her dress. It matches her skin tone, and her blonde locks spilling against the fabric mesh rather well. Dagger, though, finds that her choice doesn't work out as well as she'd hope. The frills make her looks like an old lady, so she goes back to the drawing board with Selphie in accompaniment.
"How long have you known Garnet?" Alma asks when we're alone. Xaio had finished with my measurements and ran off after a sewing kit.
"Not too long," I reply. Really, it's been about four days, but my history in this world is a complete mystery so I don't know how long I've been a knight or anything. For all I know, Dagger and I could have some kind of lovechild out there in the world. I doubt it, but who knows? Weirder things have already happened. Remember me getting a date with an incredibly hot guy? Yeah, that's the kind of thing I'm talking about. Back on earth, nobody would look twice at me. Here, though, I'm just a big sexpot. What? Hey, stop laughing!
"Have you met Ovelia, yet?"
Ovelia? As in the fake princess from FF Tactics, who falls in love with Delita and marries him, despite the fact that he punches her during their first meeting? Nah, I must be mistaken.
"No. Should I have?" I answer with what is my attempt at ease. Doesn't work too well, because Alma gives me this questioning glance that shows she doesn't believe me.
Then her voice drops to that gossip-whisper volume. "She is only Garnet's older sister. Well, half-sister. See, she's a bastard. Nobody is supposed to talk about her. She was shipped off to serve the church in Ascanthia so as to preserve the family dignity. Dagger's father had an affair with one of the servants and she died during the childbirth. I'm surprised you didn't know."
Dagger has a sister? An illegitimate sister? And I thought Cid the bug was nasty.
"Nobody really talked to me. It was all 'Rick do this! Rick, do that!' That's why I quit being a knight," I whisper back, though I don't really know why. Nobody is here to overhear us.
"You were a knight?" Alma exclaims in shock. Hey, it's not that surprising! Seriously, what is with people? They never believe anything I say. It's like they think I'm a politician or something. "Who quits being a knight?"
Someone who doesn't like having overweight men in their thirties or forties, I forget how old Steiner is, yelling at them. Of course, I don't tell Alma this. Instead, I just tell her that I've recently undergone a spiritual transformation and that I believe violence is wrong. Too bad the MCoDs don't feel that way.
"What are you guys talking about?" Dagger asks when she shows up with another dress and Selphie in tow. "Is she talking your ear off, Rick? Alma has a tendency to do that."
"Did you know he's a knight?" Alma asks. "I mean, was a knight."
"I've known Rick for the past two years. He showed up in Alexandria penniless and Steiner took him in, made him a squire, and after about a year and a half of training, he joined the Knights of Pluto," Dagger tells her friend. Then she goes on to tell her a bunch of stuff that I don't care about. What concerns me is the whole Steiner taking me in thing. Rusty took care of me? Somehow, I just can't see it. Besides, where was I before showing up in Alexandria? Did I have a family? Did I have a life? Aargh! This whole living the game thing is so confusing. I don't know my history, and there are so many vital differences between real life and whatever I'm experiencing that it's ridiculous.
Xaio shows back up and begins fixing my outfit, so I have to hold still again. Taking that as her cue, Dagger splits off and tries on her new dress while Alma continues to fill me in on the mundane gossip of the royal family. Aside from Ovelia, there's nothing really interesting.
After we all finish up (Dagger decided to go with a slinky blue number that wouldn't look out of place in a photo from the 1920's), the girls decide that we need to get something to eat. At least they aren't anorexic. That would really cinch this whole valley girl opinion of Alma I'm beginning to develop. Dagger is getting kind of airheaded, too. I hope I don't catch it.
"So, where should we go, boys?" Alma asks Cecil and Kain.
"Wherever you want, Madam," the dragoon answers. She pouts, probably because she has to think, but then turns to the knight for his opinion. When he doesn't offer it, she turns to me. What do I know about Lindblum? I've never been here before. When I point that out to her, she actually groans in frustration and starts to talk it over with Dagger. They decide to go to some place named Somebody. Interesting name.
"What kind of food do they serve at Somebody?" I ask. Please be Mexican. Please be Mexican. I've been craving nachos forever.
"They serve all kinds of stuff. There's Mu, Zahgnol…" Alma begins to list the different monsters they serve, and each one makes me sicker than the last.
Dagger catches on, my green skin tone probably tipped her off, and interrupts her friend's train of thought. "Rick is a vegetarian. That means he doesn't eat meat."
"He doesn't eat meat?" Cecil laughs. It's about time one of those guys actually said something. "What kind of a man are you, boy? You go on a shopping spree, buying clothes and makeup like some kind of woman! Not to mention your 'relationship' with that fool from Alice's."
I officially take back the whole Cecil should talk thing.
My face drops so fast that it makes him laugh even harder, and Kain joins in. They even start pointing and muttering undecipherable things to each other. However, Alma comes to my rescue. She actually slaps Cecil, leaving a huge, red hand-shaped mark on the side of his face.
"Don't speak like that about him! He hasn't done anything to you. If I hear you speak again, I'll speak to Father about your behaviour," she threatens. Cecil and Kain stop laughing immediately and the colour drains from their faces. Well, that sobered them up pretty quickly. Alma must still be a member of the nobility in this game. It would explain why someone as sheltered as Dagger is friendly with her.
"Please, don't…" Kain begins, but Alma cuts him off with a slap of his own.
"I said no talking! No real man would judge another man without getting to know him first. To do otherwise is just ignorance."
Maybe I was wrong about Alma. Perhaps she's not an airhead.
"Hey, Rick! They serve salads there. How about after eating, we go get some shoes to go with our new clothes? I doubt you'll want to wear those boots."
Maybe I was right, after all.
So, with that, we continue on our trek to Somebody. There's a cloud of bad feeling handing over everything, though. Cecil and Kain keep glaring at me. They don't say anything, Alma's threat still evident in theirs minds, but there body language clearly shows that they blame me for everything
Something weird does happen on the way there, though. I literally run into another very familiar person that I don't really know.
"Ow, sorry," she says as she stands up and offers me a hand. The girl has bushy, brown hair and buckteeth. She looks really familiar, yet I can't place her. Weird, since I've recognized everyone else. "I wasn't watching where I was going."
I take her offered hand. Then she sees my bangle and lets go almost immediately, which ends with my butt back on the road. The look of shocked recognition is more than enough to confuse me.
"Can I speak to you alone?" she asks. I look over at my party for advice. Dagger shrugs, Alma gives me the thumbs up, and the other two just start acting like I don't exist. At least they'll leave me alone now.
"Sure."
She grabs my hand and pulls me down a nearby alley. As I begin to nervously ask her what is going on, she reaches into her shirt and pulls out a necklace. On the chain is a rather large charm shaped like a dragon, and at the heart of the charm is a yellow marble like the one on my bangle. She has Materia. I thought I was the only one with Materia. Weird.
"Do you recognize me?" she asks nervously.
"You look a little familiar," I confess. Her identity still hasn't come to me, though.
"I'm Hermione Granger from Hogwarts," she says. Okay, I can literally feel my eyes bulge out of their sockets. Now I know where I've "seen" her before. But that doesn't explain why she has Materia, or where she came from. "Can I ask you something? It might sound a little crazy."
"There are a lot of crazy thing in the world," I say as I run my hand through my hair. My hair… I miss it so.
"Did you just wake up here, in this world?" she asks in quiet voice. "No explanation, no sensation. Just in your world one second, and here the next?"
How did she know? What is going on? Is she screwing around with me? "Umm, yes. How did you…"
"Know?" she finishes. "It happened to me, too. I've been seeing all kinds of people that I thought existed only in muggle videogames or books or movies, and I thought you were just another one. Until I saw your bracelet, that is. Do you know how we got here?"
"Not a clue. I've just been traveling with some people. What about you?" I can't just tell her everything. I mean, I don't know what the heck is going on right now, let alone in general. How would she react if she knew I was experiencing the core of the game?
"There's this magical school in some place known as the Seilje Region or something like that. There's a portal there on this mountain known as the Alexandrian Plateau. It's not exactly like Hogwarts, but the similarities are mind-blowing."
Seilje Region? Isn't that from Wild Arms 2? My brother used to play that game all the time, but he never beat it. He lost interest after getting FFIX. Whoa, she's right. My mind has just been blown.
"Hey, Hermione! What're you doing!" a girl with brown pigtails shouts. "We have to go! They're expecting us back at the hotel!"
"Just a minute, Lilka!" Hermione screams back. "Are you staying in the hotel across from the air cab station?"
"Yeah."
She looks at the flaky hero from the second Wild Arms game before looking back at me. "I'm in room 214. Come tonight at midnight. We need to talk."
With that, she stuffs her necklace back into her shirt and runs off, bushy brown hair flying in the wind. This day is so weird. First, Dagger invites me to her royal thing, then, Michael kind of agrees to go out with me, and now this. Hermione Granger just said that she woke up here in a fashion similar to my own experience. Also, she admitted to recognizing me. How could she recognize me? I'm not famous. Unless… Maybe, in her world, I'm a huge movie star! That's something I can see. Or, I could be a supermodel. Few people are as good-looking as me, after all. Only Michael and Brad Pitt surpass me. that's who I'll admit to, anyway. (A/N: Could Rick possibly be anymore of a narcissist? Just a thought.)
The girls are all bubbly when I get back to the group. Luckily, Cecil and Kain are still doing that whole ignoring me thing. This isn't exactly a conversation that they should be involved in. One on being a brainless jerk, sure. Just not girl talk. It took years before I could even be included in girl talk.
"So…" Dagger gets this big-eyed look on her face and holds her hands behind her back before leaning down at me. Curse my shortness! "What did she want?"
"Um, she thought I was someone else. It's nothing," I lie quickly. Whew, dodged another bullet. Good thinking, Rick. You are so smart.
Both of my… I guess "friends" is an appropriate word to use. Anyway, they looked really bummed out. Probably wanted some juicy details about us making out behind a dumpster. Why would I do something like that with her when I have Michael waiting on me? Kind of. We are still in the friend stage, I think. That's something that'll probably be worked out later tonight.
So, we continue on our way to Somebody. Who would name a restaurant that? I'll probably walk in and have Rydia as my waitress, or Zell will be the busboy. There have been way too many characters from other videogames here for me to keep track. Sure, there're a lot of references to other games in FFIX, but this is ridiculous!
As it turns out, there are no RPG-related characters anywhere in the place, unless you count my party. A young man with an owl mask on his face seats us at a table for three. Cecil and Kain opted to go straight for the bar. I just hope that they aren't mean drunks.
Alma orders Albatross wings, Dagger gets herself some filet de Mu, and I stick with a single side salad. The waiter clears his throat a little before leaving.
"Why was he wearing a mask?" I ask. Being the clueless moron gets old. When will Quina show up? Someone needs to be here to make me look smart. Too bad, there's nothing that can be done to make me look like I used to. My hair… Steiner is going to pay. I don't know when or how, but he will.
Giggling returns, but it's not mocking in nature. They're just finding amusement in my stupidity. Hold on a moment. Isn't that the same thing as mockery?
"Rick, the employees here all wear masks. It's part of the shtick. The place is called Somebody, because you don't know who anybody is," Dagger explains. Makes sense, I guess. Nobody would have been a better name, though.
We then spend our time chitchatting until our meals arrive. My salad isn't very appetizing. The lettuce is wilted, plus there are little chunks of cooked meat scattered all throughout. When Alma notices, she orders the waiter to bring me a new, meatless salad made with fresh vegetables. She's kind of mean about it, too. It wasn't his fault. I never specified to him that it was supposed to be a vegetarian salad. That sounds weird to me, too. Then again, there is vegetarian vegetable soup. The world is just full of ironies. However, the lettuce was definitely a show of poor quality. Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to come here.
"Is something wrong, Rick?" Dagger asks with a mouthful of Mu. Aren't princesses supposed to have manners? Also, for some reason, I'm reminded of Zidane. "They're making you a new salad."
"Nah, I'm good," I tell her. Why am I being such a killjoy? Hermione could have something to do with it. There is someone else in this world aware that she shouldn't be here. Are we the only ones? How are we even aware of that fact when people like Alma and Rinoa aren't? Why are we so special? Why do we both have Materia and jewellery shaped like dragons? This had better not be some kind of prank that Zidane or Dagger set up. Vivi's probably still too shocked by yesterday to try something like this, and Steiner is clearly too stupid. That just leaves my princess and thief friends.
She shrugs it off, something I'm thankful for. A few minutes later, my salad arrives and I wolf it down. It's not as good as Michael's. Heck, Michael's probably wasn't as good as Michael's. Paper would've tasted good to me last night, since I'd finally gotten to eat. It tastes alright, though.
After we finish, which takes awhile because Dagger's a slow eater, the girls collect the boys. They aren't plastered. Guess warriors of their calibre can hold their liquor. So why wasn't Squall and Co. allowed to drink at that bar in Dollet. You know, the one with the drag queen. I never expected Sony to be brave enough to allow a game like that onto American shores. They have a tendency to be all heavy with the censorship. Then again, that's why they have fanfiction. My brother was obsessed with the stuff. Me? I personally never got into it. Who wants to read about how in love Vincent and Yuffie are. Really, who wants to read about a sixteen-year-old and some guy who could be eighty for all I know. Nobody knows how old Vincent is. So, it can only be described as eww. Um, where am I going with this?
So then, Alma suggests waiting on the shoes and getting our hair and nails done first. Sounds like a great idea to me. Maybe the MCoDs will be less, erm, volatile if they're all spiffed up. Probably not. At least I'll finally be rid of this awful haircut. Curse Steiner, and curse myself. I am the one who bought the frickin' sword, after all.
"I've never actually been to a ball. They had them where I was before I came to Alexandria, but I was never invited. How should I behave? Is it a big formal event, or just another excuse for the nobility to get drunk?" I ask as I clean my nails the best I can before we actually arrive at wherever it is we're going. So what if I lied a little? It's pretty much the same back home. Only rich people and their gold-digging girlfriends and/or gigolos went to balls. The rest of us had nightclubs. Gee, I wonder who had more fun.
"Rick!" Alma exclaims with shock. Oh, right, she's a noble. The drunk remark was probably in bad taste. Then again, so is her choice in bodyguards. Why are they here anyway? It's not like there are assassins out to kill us. Oh, right, the Turks. Probably shouldn't forget them. How many are there, now? Guess I'll have to wait for Crisis Core or whatever the stupid thing is before I find out. Besides, why haven't we encountered Tseng? Advent Children ruined my hopes of his being dead. Why did they resurrect the annoying woman-beater, anyway?
Dagger just laughs and shakes her head. Being royalty has its perks, I guess. She doesn't have to worry about offending the nobles, because she outranks them. Treno is going to be so much fun. That stupid guy outside the café who buys, I think, that mirror is really annoying. Maybe I'll let the MCoDs have a go at him.
However, Cecil and Kain don't find the humour in the situation. The dragoon gives a disapproving snort. His sword-wielding buddy lays a hand on the hilt of the weapon, but doesn't draw it. If only the other knight I know could learn that kind of self-control. Nope, he just has to scream that my mother was a whore and cut my beautiful hair off.
"See," I point out with a finger actually pointing at the girl. "This is why I need coaching. I'm socially retarded. Good looks and great clothes don't make good manners."
"A little high on the ego, isn't he?" Alma asks Dagger with a roll of her eyes. "How ever did you survive it for three days?"
"He wasn't too bad when Steiner was chasing Zidane and him around. It was actually pretty funny. Sometimes I would even instigate it," the princess admits. Evil! I knew I couldn't annoy Steiner that much by myself. Even Rick has his limits. "He's a good boy, though. Aren't you, Rick?"
Do I look like a German shepherd?
"This is a special ball, to commemorate the Festival of the Hunt. It's held every year on the day before the actual Hunt. Then, for three days after, we celebrate with a festival. While commoners aren't usually admitted to the ball, everyone is allowed to attend the Festival. More people come for that than to actually participate in the Hunt," Alma explains. That's a nice little slice of history, but it doesn't answer my question. How in the world am I supposed to act?
"Um, that helps me how?"
"Don't look at me." Dagger shakes her head and puts her hands in front of her with the palms open to show that I shouldn't even attempt it. To think, I could have spent today hanging out with Zidane and checking out all of the local women if I'd picked Michael over him. Still, how often do I get a hot date? My point exactly.
Alma smiles and puts an arm around me. No noogies. Please, no noogies. I feel bad enough about my follicle problems as it is. "To put it in your words, 'it's just another excuse for the nobles to get drunk'. That's my father's tradition anyway. My brother's aren't exactly at that level, yet. Ramza is pretty close. He's a real party animal. You might see him there. He's the blonde one who's in purple. What it is with that boy and that colour I'll never know."
So, I can just be myself? Good to know, since I don't know how to be anyone else. Why I would want to be anyone else is beyond me. I'm perfect, unless you count the hair. That should change soon.
"Miss Alma, we are going to your usual place, yes?" Cecil asks in a tone that is the complete opposite of that which was used in their depiction of me not being a "real man." Please, everyone knows that a real man can tell the difference between a flannel shirt and a plaid shirt. The first is a fabric; the second is a design. Just in case you were wondering.
"Of course, I wouldn't trust my hair to anyone but Wutai."
Wutai? The village in FFVII where Yuffie and Elena are abducted by Don Corneo? It's been reduced to nothing more than a beauty salon? Meh, it'll probably make more money this way. There wasn't much reason to go there other than the Leviathan Materia and the aforementioned side quest. There is also the Turtle's Paradise poster thing, but I never could find them all. The ones in Sector Five and Gold Saucer, sure. It's the others that bug the heck out of me. That, and the Weapons. Those things are a pain in the butt to kill. I think I only managed to off one. The one that's flying. Ruby and Emerald killed me every time.
Things only get more complicated when we actually arrive at Wutai. It's shaped like a pagoda, big surprise. Inside, everyone is dressed like they just stepped out Mulan. An okay movie with a heck of a soundtrack.
"Reservation for two?" a familiar-looking man in ninja garb asks as he approaches us. Is this who I think it is? It's Edge from FFIV. Man, does he look good. That pathetic monkey-ish dude from the tradition-bound ninja clan is gone, replaced with a tall, freshly shaven man in his early twenties with a great head of hair (big surprise, seeing as how we're in a salon) and a gorgeous smile. If I didn't kind of sort of have Michael, I would so be all over him right now. Screw shame.
"Three actually, under Beoulve. You'll see that it was made yesterday."
Wait. This appointment was made yesterday. I wasn't invited to hang out until this morning. There's something fishy going on, and this isn't related to the constantly re-occurring article about fishy smells that magazines like Teen Beat and Redbook always have.
"Dagger, can I ask you something?" The tone of my voice must give away the meaning behind my question, because she turns to me with big puppy dog eyes. She is so pathetic.
"Of course, Rick. You can ask me anything. That doesn't mean that I'll be able to answer it, though."
Why am I cursed with weird friends? "Am I really who you wanted to hang out with today? Because if this was reserved yesterday…"
"Of course you are!" she says with way too much enthusiasm. And I thought George Bush was a bad liar. Unite people my foot. The only thing people ever came together for, was hating him. Seriously, how in the world did he get re-elected? Anyway, moving on…
"Whatever." There's really no need to drag this into something ugly. One of us could end up yelling, and then Cecil and/or Kain (who opted to wait outside, presumably for appearance sake) would bust in and impale me on some very sharp weapon. It sounds like a lot of fun, doesn't it? Lucky me.
Edge (A/N: I'm still a little fuzzy on his name, so forgive me if I'm wrong) then leads us through a series of sliding doors. The walls really are made of paper in places like this. I can see the shadows of people as we pass by. Some of the actions look less than sanitary. There's a woman screaming at a man that she's tired of cooking and cleaning all day, and she's actually forcing him to eat off the floor. You go girl! Heh, you were probably expecting another sex joke, weren't you? Too bad.
When we arrive at our destination, I can see a design very similar to what we have back on Earth. Well, with the exception of buckets instead of sinks. There is still the every present swivel chair, though. Explain to me how they can create a swivel chair in this era, but not know what a vegetarian is. Really.
"Just take a seat in one of our chairs. The cosmeticians will be with you soon," the ninja guy tells us before leaving. Cosmeticians? A little fancy, aren't we? Hmm, if things don't work out with Michael, I may just have to set up another session at Wutai. For the MCoDs, of course. There's definitely no other reason I could have for wanting to come back.
Dagger is the first to sit down, spinning in her chair and laughing while Alma and I look on. This is what I'm supposed to protect from Brahne? Well, if that's why I'm here. There still hasn't been a clue as to just why I'm here or even how I got here. Just a very cool looking satchel and some jewellery. Hopefully, Hermione will know something. Unless it's a trap set up by the Turks to get one bodyguard out of the way. Still, that doesn't explain how she knew about Hogwarts.
"So, what do you think you're going to do with this mess?" Alma inquires as she starts playing with my bangs. Did I say that she could touch me? "You wouldn't look good with a crew cut."
"Girl, I've known that my entire life."
She retracts her fingers and sits next to Dagger. They start up a chat about some scandal in the nobility or something else over my head, so I just look around for a magazine. Nothing. Well, at least I brought the satchel with me, so I still have my books.
Did you ever really notice just how brutal Squall is with Quistis in the "Secret Area" scene? Man, the guy is a jerk. He's rude to Rinoa, sure, but never on the same level as he is with the Instructor. Go talk to a wall, indeed. I'd like to introduce his head to a wall.
"Rick, they're here." Alma jabs me in the side with her elbow. Ow!
"Hello, I'm Yuffie," my beautician says as I lower my book. Huh, so it is. Seeing as how the place is named Wutai, I'm not really surprised. It would be more surprising for her to not be here. "How can I help you today?"
"A manicure, a pedicure, and could you do something about my hair?" I ask the annoying ninja. Don't get me wrong, I like her as a character, but as a fighter, she is worthless. That's why she's annoying. "The last moron I let touch it screwed it up."
She gives me one of those looks that people in the service industry give customers that they think are going to be difficult. Maybe I shouldn't read this particular book. Squall is starting to rub off on me.
"Very well then. We'll start with your hair, since that seems to be the most important to you. Now, hold still, this won't hurt a bit."
Yuffie picks up a pair of scissors. Don't ask me if they existed in the Middle Ages, because I don't know. Then again, they didn't have airships in the Middle Ages back on Earth, so there's no telling what I'll find here.
I squeeze my eyes closed and grit my teeth as the first sounds of metal rubbing together greets my ears.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: Hmm, a long chapter, but not exceedingly so. Somewhere around 8000 words this time. What did you think? Is it as weird as I promised? Still, something is bothering me. I can't figure out which one is the bigger mystery: Hermione, or the final results of Rick's hairdo. Looking forward to reviews as usual!