Disclaimer: I own nothing, still.
Thanks to my beta-twilightmommyof4girls- please check out her story -Searching.
Please check out my other story- the Cullen Brothers. Also I am doing a co-author story with my Beta. The name is Interview with a Vampire. Check it out on my profile page.
We need your help to write the story!!!
I will be starting back to school tomorrow(crosses fingers) so updates will not be as frequent. But please be patient. I have a three day weekend coming up and plan on writing up a storm to get ahead.
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Say my name.
I got out of bed, looking over at my fiancé's sleeping form. I made my way over to my dresser to collect some clothes to get dressed into after my second shower of the day.
What am I going to do?
I had no freaking idea.
Shit!
Well within the course of twelve hours I had slept with two different men.
God, I'm a slut.
My fiancé, who was sleeping in our bed, right now.
And before that…..
Yeah before that. Slut.
I was with my first true love, the man that I had always been in love with.
Even now.
Edward.
What am I going to do?
Edward told me he loved me.
And so did Jacob.
Who did I want?
Both. But in different ways.
Who did I love?
Both. But in different ways.
Who could I trust?
My fiancé. Not Edward.
Who was I engaged to?
My fiancé. Not Edward.
Would I still marry him?
I. Do. Not. Know.
Could I still marry him?
I. Do. Not. Think. So.
I could not, in my right mind, begin to explain to him what I did. How would he ever forgive me?
He wouldn't.
And how in the hell did I put myself in this situation?
Two words:
Edward and alcohol.
Note to self: Not a good mixture if you want to make sane decisions.
I was standing in the shower, letting the water wash away all of my filth. I just wished it would of helped with the way I was thinking. I felt so dirty on the inside.
Never before had I slept with two different men in that short period of time. Even in college, I was always in a relationship with someone before we crossed that line.
And I had never slept with someone out of an obligation.
That felt so wrong.
And when I told him that I loved him.
Which one?
My fiancé, when I told him I loved him, I was thinking of someone else.
But Edward had been out of my life for so long. If he cared.
He said he cared. He said he loved you.
But it changed nothing.
Really?
Was I expecting some type of commitment from Edward?
I wish.
To him last night could have been just…..
Say it.
Say it.
Just sex. Nothing more.
Great, now I feel like a bigger piece of shit.
I dropped myself down on the floor of the shower and started balling.
I was crying for all the damage that I had done.
I was crying because I had no idea how to erase what I had done.
I was crying because I knew that he would never truly want me.
I was crying because I made a commitment, a promise to someone else and I needed to see it through. My fiancé would never abandon me. Never leave me. Not like Edward had.
My fiancé made his way into the bathroom. I stopped my sobs, so he would not question me.
"Baby, I was thinking. Now that you have switched companies," he said.
"Yeah?" I said.
"Well, Wolfe Publishing has a division out in Seattle and.."
"And what?"
"Well you could transfer there and we wouldn't have to be apart for all this time. What do you think?' he asked.
"I don't know. I guess I could do that. I still have another week at Cullen's though," I told him.
"Just think about it okay," he said and left me alone, back to my own thoughts.
Again.
Would I want to leave?
No. Especially like this.
But would I, could I ?
I don't know.
I got out of the shower and got dressed. I went out to the couch to catch up on some paperwork that I needed to finish for work. My fiancé had told me that he was going to take a shower. I was looking at both sets of flowers that I had received. I had to lie to my fiancé and tell him the others were from Alice.
Let the lies begin.
Someone knocked at my door and I made my way over to answer it. It was after two in the afternoon and I had no idea who could be stopping by.
Unless.
Please no.
I went over to the door to answer it. Opening the door was the very last person that I needed to see at this moment.
Edward.
Standing there in the doorway was my own personal Adonis. He leaned up against the doorframe with his jacket that hung over his shoulder, supported by his fingers. He had on a white button down, sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his tie was hanging loosely from his collar.
God, could he get any more beautiful.
Hell no.
I had to keep myself from licking my lips and wanting to devour the man standing a couple of feet before me.
"Hi," he said, grinning like a Cheshire cat.
God, I am going to hell.
Yes, you are.
I had my fiancé in the other room and I had to defuse this situation before it got out of hand.
"What are you doing here?" I whispered. Hoping my other visitor would not notice.
His eyes grew large and his grin fell just a bit.
"Well…you never called, so I just thought…." Edward said, but was interrupted.
"Bella, who are you talking to?" my fiancé called out from the bedroom.
Shit.
I closed my eyes and sucked in both of my lips. Wishing a way out of this.
No luck. I heard my fiancé's footsteps coming closer.
I opened my eyes to see Edward in complete shock. His once smiling face, now cold and emotionless. His sparkling eyes, now bitter and distant.
Shit. Shit.
How do I get myself into these messes?
I had no freaking idea.
I gave him a small apologetic smile while I called back to my fiancé, who was now walking into the living room.
"It's someone from work."
He walked closer to the door. He had on a pair of jeans and was pulling his shirt on over his head as he came over to where I was standing. He came over and put a arm around my shoulder, and pulled me into a protective hold in front of Edward. I winced at the contact.
Did he have to go all caveman here?
Well you did cheat on him, with the other him.
Ouch.
The truth hurts bitch.
My fiancé stood there and waited for me to introduce them. Edward was starting to fume, his right fist was clenched and his standing form was rigid.
I motioned towards Edward first. "Edward, this is my fiancé…" I said, but was unable to speak the words.
A moment passed as I watched the man that I was in love with become hurt by my words. He closed his eyes, sensing what was about to be said.
An arm reached past me and extended towards him. "Jacob. I'm Bella's fiancé."
Why couldn't I say his name.
Because…..
"Edward," he said harshly.
The shook hands quickly and separated. The three of us stood there with an awkwardness all around us.
I shifted uncomfortably and pulled my arms around my waist, not wanting to show preference to either one.
"Well, I'll leave you two alone to discuss work," Jacob said and leaned down to kiss my right temple.
Shit.
Edward plastered his face with a feign smile and nodded.
"Edward, it was nice to meet you."
"Same here," Edward said, his voice cold.
I turned and watched as Jacob left the room, closing the bedroom door once he entered.
As soon as he was gone, Edward grabbed my good arm and pulled me into the hall. I closed the door, so we could have some kind of privacy. Once I was situated, I noticed that he was leaning up against the opposite wall, looking down towards the ground.
"So that's him," Edward said sarcastically.
I closed my eyes, knowing what kind of trap I was walking into .
"Yes," I answered, barely above a whisper.
"Well isn't that fan-freaking-tastic." He shrugged, obstinately.
I stood there. I had nothing to say. Well not really, I had tons of things to say, but nothing concerning this.
What could I say?
Oh, Edward, that was my fiancé that I slept with, not even twelve hours after I had slept with you, try to understand.
I don't think that would work.
Nope.
Edward raised his eyes up to meet mine. "So what was…… everything?" he asked.
What was last night?
A drunken mistake?
No.
Did I regret it?
Hell no.
Do I even know?
No.
"I don't know."
I could see his face change as soon as the sounds left my lips. "You. Don't. Know," he seethed at me.
I reached my hand over to touch him. He put up his arm to block my attempt.
"Edward," I said.
"Don't. You don't know, remember? Oh, or don't you remember last night either?" he said, raising his voice at the end.
"Shh," I told him, holding a finger up to my lips to convey my meaning.
"What? You don't want your fiancé to know? Just like you don't know?" His anger towards me was evident.
What was he expecting from me? To just drop everything because Edward Cullen told me he loved me, made love to me.
You dropped everything last night. And I mean everything.
"What do you want?" I spat at him.
"More than this. More than this. Goodbye, Bella." he turned and walked away towards the elevator. Once he got on, he kept his back to me as the doors closed behind him.
I stood there. I stood there and had no idea how to fix this. No matter what someone was going to get hurt. And right now I was hurting all three of us.
Maybe if I took Jacob up on his offer, than I could fix him and I. Our relationship. There was no relationship between Edward and I. Just pain.
I had to fix something. And I knew what was in my power to fix.
I went back into my apartment.
"Jacob, I think I should go to Seattle. I'll call Angela and make it happen."
God, help me.
Cliffie queen out!! please help me get closer to 100 reviews!! Please