A Better Man

Summary: After Carol's death, Daryl makes a desperate wish to save her. Suddenly, he finds himself back in the quarry, staring as she and her daughter cower in the shadow of her husband. With all of his memories of the future intact, can Daryl change life as he knows it?

Disclaimer: From here on out, I do not own The Walking Dead or any of its characters. I also do not own any song lyrics that you may find in this story. Their owners are listed next to them.

Chapter 10: Dwelling on Dreams

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you.
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way.
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you and,

I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I want to fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)
With you.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you.
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you.
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you,

…Chris Isaak – Wicked Game

He was in the white dream world again. He groaned and sat up, looking for his brother, but Merle was nowhere to be seen.

"Aw, come on, Merle!" he called, "Don't be a pussy! Where're ya hiding?"

"I'm not Merle," a familiar voice said from behind him. His heart beat faster in his chest as he turned. She was there. Carol. She was in a simple blue dress that brought out her eyes. Other than that, she was exactly as he remembered her, her short hair longer in the back. He stood there in shock for a moment, just staring at her as she walked towards him. Then something in him snapped.

"Thank Christ for that," he growled as he moved to her, taking her in his arms and kissing her hard, like if he kissed her passionately enough, she would be able to come back to him. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she responded to him, kissing him back with as much fervour as him.

"I've missed you," she whispered to him when the kiss broke.

"Miss ya like crazy," he told her, "I can't…dammit, I'm so sorry…I-"

"Shh, it's alright, Daryl," she soothed, resting her forehead on his, "You did nothing wrong. None of it is your fault."

"I let ya die. I promised ya that I wouldn't let anythin' happen to ya and-"

"Shh," she shushed him again as she wiped tears from his cheeks, "One of us was getting bit that day, Daryl. I stepped in the way to make sure it wasn't you."

"Why? Why would ya do that?" he demanded, choking back a sob.

"Because I love you," she said simply as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, "If it came down to you or me, I had always said that I would pick you."

"Well, I'm pickin' you," Daryl told her, "I'm gonna find a way to save ya. I will. I have this chance and I'll save ya. I'd give anythin'."

At this, a small frown overtook her features, "I don't think that's the point, Daryl," she told him. Now he was frowning.

"The hell ya mean by that? I'm savin' ya and that's that."

"You're a different man now, Daryl. Knowing what you know, isn't there anything else that you want just as badly?" she beseeched him. His frown deepened.

"You're all I want," he told her.

"Why?" she asked the same question that he had.

"'Cause I love ya, that's why," he echoed her, "Ain't nothin' I want more than to have ya with me again."

She nodded and leaned up to whisper in his ear, "What if you could have me sooner?"

"Like now?" he asked, his grin returning as he searched for her lips. She giggled as he kissed her lips and then moved to kiss her neck.

"I forgot subtlety gets me nowhere with you," she laughed, "Pity the entire idea here is for you to figure it out on your own."

"Figure what?" he asked between placing kisses to the soft skin of her neck. She grabbed his head in her hands and forced him to look at her.

"Daryl, would you like to know what I want?" Carol asked him.

"It's how we work best, ain't it? Ya tellin' me what works?" he reminded her with a cocky grin. She smiled.

"I know that you want to save me, Daryl-"

"And I will. Ain't no doubt," he pledged.

"I know that you want to save me, Daryl," Carol repeated, "and if you do save me, then after all of this is through, I want the good man of honor I fell in love with standing at my side, alive. Don't let this, whatever this is, take you from me."

"I'll try, but you come first-"

Carol placed a finger to his lips.

"Daryl, I love you. Don't make me lose you. Don't lose the good man that you've become. Otherwise all of this is for nothing," she pleaded and at his confused expression, she elaborated, "I don't need a bodyguard. I need a man who will do whatever it takes to make me happy. We both know that life is far too short to wait for happiness to come. Sometimes we just have to seize it and never let it go. Don't hesitate," she advised him. Before he could protest, her lips replaced her finger on his lips.

They kissed again, weaving their tongues with each other as they battled for dominance. Daryl could feel himself responding to her and he never wanted this dream or vision or whatever the hell it was to end. He reached for the strap of her dress, intending on pushing it aside, but he found that there was no strap. He only felt the soft, smooth skin of her shoulder. He pulled away from her slightly. The dress had vanished, leaving her standing completely naked before him, smirking at the surprise on his face.

"Don't you just love dreams? Anything can happen," she teased, her mouth inches from his ear. He shuddered as her warm breath tickled the sensitive skin.

"Wanna stay here forever," he growled, catching her lips in his, delving mercilessly into her mouth with his tongue. He was rewarded with a moan of pleasure that drove him wild. He moved from her mouth, kissing hungrily at the flesh of her neck and down her collarbone. He needed a surface, anything that he could lay her down on and ravage her. Her grip tightened on his shoulders, pulling him towards her. He stumbled a little and they ended up falling back onto a bed that hadn't been there before. He cocked his head up, confused at the sudden appearance of the bed, but then she pulled him down to her, kissing him hard. He barely registered the change in position, but suddenly, she was on top of him, straddling him as her mouth worked its way down his neck. His shirt suddenly vanished and that mouth now peppered his chest with kisses as her hand reached down. His jeans and boxers were gone now too and her hand was stroking his already prominent erection.

"Carol," he groaned her name and her lips returned to his as if he had been calling them back. He flipped them over and she moaned in protest of losing control, but then he had her moaning about his hand kneading her breast and his fingers ghosting over the hardened nipple. He worked his way down, kissing and sucking her tender flesh until his mouth met the hardened peak. She arched towards him, crying out his name. It was music to his ears and he wanted nothing more than to hear her again. He moved his mouth towards her other breast and he sucked on the nipple he found there.

"Daryl, please!" she panted. He smirked into her skin as his hands moved from her breasts down to her stomach and then to the wet heat between her legs. She bucked against his hand and he had to take a breath to keep himself under control. He teased her, running his fingers over her opening and stroking his thumb over the small bud.

"Daryl, now!" she commanded, pulling his head roughly back to hers and kissing him for all she was worth. Then he was inside her, thrusting into her as she moved her hips with his. This was heaven and at that moment, he would have been perfectly okay if he died in his sleep and got to stay in this world with her for eternity. They came together at the same time, collapsing back into the sheets, panting and trying to catch their breath.

"Goddamn, I missed ya," he gasped, rolling over onto his back and pulling her into his arms.

"I missed you too," she smirked, gently kissing his chest. Then her face fell, "We don't have much time.

"I'll stay here with ya," he murmured, "Let me slip into a coma or somethin'."

"You have things to do, Daryl," she whispered to him, her finger tracing patterns on his chest, "You have to go back."

"I'm screwin' 'em up," he confessed, "It'd be better if I just slept 'til that day and then woke up and saved ya."

"You haven't screwed anything up," she said firmly, "You can only change what you're able to. The rest…the rest is just fate and none of it is your fault. You can't carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, Daryl. It will destroy you."

"But…" he couldn't form a coherent thought. How could she absolve him of his failures? How could she still see her 'man of honor' in him when a real man of honor would have known how to do this right? Like always, she seemed to understand what he couldn't vocalize.

"I don't expect you to be perfect, Daryl. You're trying so hard and that's all I could ever ask of you. Enjoy the good things, Daryl, and just do what you can. You're not meant to change it all; sometimes you just can't fight fate."

"But if somethin' bad happens and I knew 'bout it, then it's my fault-"

"No," she shook her head, "No, you are not responsible for every little thing that goes wrong. You tried to warn Otis and he still chose to risk his life for Carl. You can't be responsible for other people's choices and actions. Jim chose to fight the walkers in the quarry. The Vatos had fought off violent groups before and they chose to stay. Carl chose to be in woods. Ed…" and here, her voice faltered a little, "Ed had a second chance and he chose to blow it and I chose to end his life for it."

"I'm so sorry-"

"His mistakes aren't yours, Daryl," she cut across him, "You can't blame yourself for any of it and I will never blame you for any of it," she vowed to him, sitting up to look down at him, "You're going to wake up."

"NO!" he protested.

"Daryl, you're going to wake up and you're going to move forward. You're going to change what you can, and if you can't, then you are not going to blame yourself for it. You're going to chalk it up to fate and then you're going to move forward and you are going to be the man of honor that I have always loved."

When Daryl awoke the next morning, he had tears on his face and a sizable problem in his pants. He groaned, swiped at his eyes and stared at the ceiling of his tent. He could still feel her touch and her kiss. He could still taste her on his lips. It was torture to have these sensations without her there. The dream should have been a good thing, but all it served to do was remind him of how much he missed Carol and how he had failed to protect her. He really just wanted to close his eyes and go back there and never leave, but what good would that be to anybody? How could he dwell on dreams when he needed to fulfill his promise to save her life?

He sat up and changed his clothes, taking care of that second problem as he did so. Then he opened his tent flap and stepped into the makeshift camp. It was abuzz with activity and he realized that he had overslept.

"Welcome back to the land of the living," Amy greeted from a folding chair by the fire, "You missed a lot."

"Catch me up?" he requested as he helped himself to some beans roasting in a pot over the fire.

"Shane came back last night, but Patricia's husband didn't. The funeral was this morning. Mr. Greene was able to do surgery on Carl and it went good. He'll be laid up for a while, but he's set to make a full recovery," she listed.

"Shit," he mumbled, "So everyone's spreadin' out?"

"Yeah. You missed the breakfast rush. Rick said that he and Shane were headed off to the highway later to get some more supplies. Glenn's gonna take a ride into town with Maggie to get some more medical supplies from the pharmacy later, but right now, I think the others just finished using him as walker bait," Amy said.

Daryl's eyebrows flew up, "What?"

"Andrea said that there's a walker in the well by the barn. They won't let me over there," Amy sulked, glancing over at her newly bandaged stump.

"Shit," Daryl cursed, jumping to his feet and leaving his bowl on the ground. He hefted his bow and jogged over towards the well. He knew this story quite well even if he hadn't been there for it. It was the subject of many group gatherings, something that they could remember and laugh on as no harm had befallen anyone.

He arrived at the well saw most of the group there: T-Dog, Jacqui, Andrea, Glenn, Lori, Shane, Dale, and Maggie. Glenn was on the ground, dirty from his trip down the well, panting as Lori and Jacqui rubbed his back, comforting him.

"Seen squirrels with more brains," Daryl grunted as he surveyed the group, "Ain't there a thing called self-preservation that ya'll supposed to have?" he grumbled, "Good Lord."

"We got him, though," Glenn panted, holding the end of a rope up.

"Good for you, Timmy," Daryl said, rolling his eyes, "Next time ya try to trap a walker, keep in mind that they would probably like gopher just as much as crazy Korean walker bait."

The rest of the group had the sense to look chastised for a moment, all of them suddenly realizing that they had put Glenn in danger when there had been an alternative method.

T-Dog apologized, "Sorry, Glenn."

"Well, let's get him out of there," Shane sighed, taking the lead on the walker and looping it around the pump.

"Ya might not wanna do that," Daryl suggested. Shane raised an eyebrow and ran a hand over his newly shaved head.

"And why not, Man?" Shane wondered. Daryl scowled at the patronizing tone. He strolled over and shook the pump, which was loose.

"Think that's gonna hold a 200 pound slimeball?" Daryl asked, "Just pull the damn thing out."

So that was how Daryl got a front row seat watching as the others pulled the walker out of the well. He had been excused on account of his stitches and the fact that he figured he deserved a little entertainment in hopes of lightening his shitty mood. It was when the walker neared the top of the well that Daryl remembered the next part of the story.

"Stop!" he directed.

"What?" Andrea asked.

"He's caught," Daryl observed, "Ya pull him anymore and that weak skin is gonna break and then ya got a bigger contamination problem. Do we need to look up 'observant' again?"

Andrea rolled her eyes, "Then what do you suggest, Mr. Wizard?"

Daryl grabbed a two-by-four plank and placed it under the walker's lower half. Then he leaned on the plank like a teeter-totter and the lower half of the walker raised, "Pull!" he grunted. The others obeyed and the walker was on the ground, whole, and struggling to get up.

"You're welcome," Daryl said as he walked away, leaving T-Dog to do the honors of putting the thing down. He went back to the RV where Amy was still in her chair.

"That looked like a lot of work," she commented.

"Still wouldn't drink the water," he grunted, "Where's Carol at?"

"She took Sophia to go see the chickens with Beth," Amy said, "Something happened at the CDC, didn't it?" she asked. Daryl frowned.

"No one told ya?" he asked. She shook her head.

"If I ask Andrea, she just says that there was an incident with Ed. If I ask Dale, he just tells me that Ed died," she replied, "I'm glad he's gone. He was real mean to Carol, but what happened?"

Daryl took a breath and sighed, "Ed attacked Sophia and Carol. Then Carol shot the prick."

"Jesus," Amy gasped.

"Yeah," Daryl grunted, walking towards the chicken coop. He could see Carol there, watching on the outside of the wire as Beth and Sophia sprinkled some feed on the ground for the chicks. Just seeing her standing there made his chest ache a little. He couldn't help but remember the dream and how his Carol had touched him and had gently reassured him about everything. He wanted nothing more than for her to reach out for him now, caress his face in that loving way of hers, and tell him that it would all be
alright. He sighed as he realized that it was impossible. She had no reason to care for him like that, at least not yet in the timeline. He tried to push the thoughts of his dream aside as he walked towards her. Even though it hurt to see her, he had to be near her. He purposely made a little more noise than usual to avoid startling her. Carol turned and smiled at him. The ache returned to his chest. He loved her smile.

"I see that you're awake," she commented.

"Yeah, I'm alive," Daryl shrugged, coming to a stop at her side and glancing in the coop at Sophia to avoid looking at Carol. It hurt too much right now, "She seems to like the chickens."

"My parents had their own farm. When Sophia was little, I'd take her there and she'd play out with the animals," Carol explained. She paused for a moment and then said, "I don't know if I said it last night, but I can't tell you enough how thankful I am for what you did for her."

"Was nothin'," he shrugged.

"You did more for my little girl than her own daddy ever did in his whole life," she told him. He smiled slightly, remembering the first time she had said that to him.

"Didn't do anythin' Rick or Shane wouldn'ta done," he mumbled, mostly just to hear her next words.

"You're every bit as good as them," she said, and his smile grew. He would never tire of hearing that. She was the first person who thought he was worth something and it assured him to know that she still did. Then she continued, "Better, actually. Shane never went after her and Rick left her alone in the forest."

"Did what I had to do," he said, shrugging his shoulders again and feeling himself redden. Carol nodded.

"You know, she had a nightmare last night," she told him, "Not that it's new or anything. Sophia's had trouble sleeping since this whole nightmare began. They got worse after the CDC."

"Never noticed when we were out in the forest and I was up all night," Daryl said.

"Sometimes she wakes up and sometimes she doesn't," Carol sighed and looked as though the weight of the world was on her shoulders. Maybe he wasn't the only one with crushing problems at this point. He watched as Carol bit her lower lip before she continued, "The one last night was the worst. She woke up crying. She said that she got bit by the walker in the house and then that man Otis took her from the river. Then she said she was somewhere dark with other walkers, but she could hear gunshots and that she was walking to a light…she wouldn't tell me anything else," Carol finished.

Daryl's mouth had gone dry. Was Sophia remembering her death and reanimation like Amy? Would she remember emerging from the barn and seeing them all standing there, guns drawn, as she stumbled over walker corpses? Suddenly he felt sick. The ache inside of him felt different now.

"Is that all?" he asked. He had to know.

"Like I said, she won't tell me," Carol admitted, "I just can't help but wonder what this…all of this is doing to her."

"She's a tough kid, Carol," he told her, "She'll be alright."

"She's scared out of her mind, Daryl. Not just of walkers, but of everyone!" she hissed, trying to keep her voice down so Sophia wouldn't hear, "How will she be alright? I would give my life just to make it all better for her and to make it so she doesn't have to cower at the slightest sound or flinch at the smallest movement. This thing…this walker apocalypse and everything that happened at the CDC…it's like it stole her confidence away and I would give anything to give it back to her."

Daryl chewed his thumbnail. Talk of her giving up her life made him nervous and reminded him of his dream where she had explained how she had given her life for him. That couldn't happen. He needed to think of something to help her with Sophia. He didn't like to see Carol despair, even if she wasn't his woman. That much had always been true since the beginning. Carol sighed, but remained where she was, watching Sophia cautiously reach into the bucket of chicken feed beside Beth.

"She don't seem to mind me too much," Daryl ventured. Carol nodded, a smile playing on her lips.

"She sees you as a superhero. That's another thing she told me," she said. Daryl felt the blush creeping back to his face.

"Really? Why?" he asked. She shot him an incredulous look.

"You saved her life, Daryl," she replied, "She saw you kill walkers without fear. She said you always know what to do and she's right, really. You protected her. If she was by herself, I don't know if she would have made it."

She wouldn't have, Daryl thought. If he hadn't been there, Sophia Peletier would be a walker waiting in the barn for Shane to release her. A thought crossed his mind. He frowned, glancing over at Carol, "Ya know, she probably wouldn't have," Daryl agreed with her, "She don't know nothin' 'bout protectin' herself or fightin' walkers. Ya don't neither."

"No, not really," she admitted.

"I could teach ya. Sophia too," Daryl offered, immediately seeing the sense in teaching her and Sophia to help themselves. He wouldn't always be around to protect them and the more they knew early on, the better their chances would be.

"You'd do that?" Carol asked, shocked by his offer.

"We can start whenever ya like," he shrugged, nodding to her as he turned away.

He strolled on back towards camp, wondering about what he would show them if they agreed to let him teach them. A monument of rocks caught his eye. Otis's grave. He walked over to it, and picked up a rock from the ground. Though there was not a body underneath the stones, it was a symbolic thing, something to offer closure and show that they still held onto their humanity. He placed the rock with the others.

"I'm sorry. I'll try and do better next time," he mumbled before he walked away.

TBC