Magnus was sat on the ground, his face illuminated by the orange glow as the city burned.

"It's oddly beautiful, isn't it?" the Warlock said dreamily as Alec approached him.

"I think it's horrible," Alec admitted. He sat down next to Magnus, feeling the coolness of the grass beneath him.
"Then why keep coming back here, Alexander?"
He looked at him, his face grave and serious and so different to how it usually looked when he came to this dream place.
"To see you. I think you are beautiful. I like being here with you."

Alec stretched out his hand, but couldn't seem to reach him, as if Magnus were made of nothing, as if he were a ghost.

"You would rather be here with me than with the real Magnus? All of this, Alexander," the Warlock gestured around, "is not real. It's just a dream; a prayer made of nothing but hope and smoke."

"That's kind of harsh..."

Magnus gave a short laugh.

"And why would I dream of Alicante burning to the ground? Why would I hope for that?"
"Perhaps," Magnus said as he stood and held out his hands for Alec to take, "it is an omen. Perhaps, you are having a vision of the destruction that may be around the corner." Magnus pulled him to his feet and Alec was glad the Warlock was now a bit more substantial as he folded himself into his arms and kissed him lightly on the cheek

"But I don't have the answers. I am just you after all, not the real Magnus Bane. I am a part of your imagination, Alexander. I would suggest you talk to him and tell him of this place. Our hopes and dreams may one day become a reality, but only if you make it so."

"Something bad happened. I'm not sure he would want me any more. I'm not sure he ever wanted me to be honest. I feel so embarrassed and guilty..."
"Shhh... he is with you. Can't you feel it? He is watching you sleep. He is afraid for you; afraid of what you did to yourself. Would he be here now if there wasn't the slightest hope? He watches you dream and wonders. You should share this dream with him."

Alec pulled away.

"For a figment of my imagination, you sound an awful lot like him, you know."

"It's time to wake up now Alec. You can't keep returning here if you really want to be with him. You must face the consequences for your actions."

With that, Alec felt the hillside disappear in a swirl of blue smoke around him. He was being dragged into nothingness and a searing pain coursed through his head, burning his eyes. He cried out into the blackness for Magnus, pleading for him to stay. But there was no answer; only darkness and pain.

"Please don't leave me! Magnus I love you, please stay!"

A cold wetness covered his burning head and relieved the pain there a little.

"Shhh, it's ok, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere baby," Magnus' soft voice told him. He sounded eerily close and strangely real. Alec opened his eyes, a bright light stinging them.

He was no longer on the hill, but indoors somewhere warm.

"Magnus?" he spoke aloud with trepidation.

"Yes, it's me."

His vision began to focus and he could make out Magnus' face above his, looking down at him and pressing something cool to his forehead.
"The real you?" he asked, feeling instantly stupid
But Magnus just smiled at him. "Of course, it's the real me. There is definitely only one of me - I am unique."
"You would be surprised..." Alec muttered.

The Warlock looked pale and exhausted, not shining and beautiful as he did in Alec's dream.

"Were you dreaming of me, Alexander?" he asked softly.
"I always dream of you. But they're not dreams; they are hopes. Little scraps of my heart materialised."

Magnus sucked in a surprised breath. He was definitely rambling, as if only half of him were conscious.

"It hurts..." Alec strangled out, a new wave of pain stabbing his head and radiating throughout his entire body.

"OK, let me help."

Magnus pulled away from him, removing the cold compress from his brow and returning a moment later with a large syringe. Alec looked on in horror, a feeling of nausea passing through him bringing a stinging bile to his throat.

"No!" he cried out and flailed at the Warlock, knocking the syringe from his hand. Magnus looked at him puzzled for a moment before realisation washed over his expression.
Alec was panting heavily as Magnus stroked his cheek carefully, trying to calm him.

"It's alright, I won't hurt you. It's just something for the pain, Alec."
"Please! I don't want it! Please don't!" Alec sobbed. His heart was pounding against his ribs.
"Of course, it was really stupid of me. You don't have to. I won't do anything you don't want me to."

Alec felt relieved and comforted by Magnus' reassurance and his body relaxed, making him fall backwards and sink down into the pillows. He didn't want any more unnatural, horrible stuff in his body, whether it was going to help with pain or not. In fact, the greatest thing Alec had learnt over the past few weeks was that drugs only masked the hurt; they did not cure, they made it worse.

"Magnus, I need to explain, I need to apologise and try to put everything right. I've been so stupid and I've really made a mess of things..."
Alec paused when he saw Magnus' beautiful feline eyes filled with glistening tears.
"Magnus I'm so sorry. For everything. Look what I'm putting you through now."
The Warlock sniffed loudly and wiped his hand across his eyes, mopping up the moisture there. He grabbed Alec's arms fiercely and bent close to him, staring at him intently.

"No, don't you dare. You are not putting me through anything I don't deserve Alexander. I have been the stupid one, not you. You'd think I would know better considering my age, but let me tell you now: older does not mean wiser."

Despite the pain, Alec managed to raise his hand to Magnus' face and trace his fingers lightly along the other man's cheekbone. Magnus' eyes fluttered closed at the touch.

"Do you still love me?" Alec asked suddenly. He had been so worried that Magnus no longer loved him, he surprised himself with coming out with it just then. The Warlock's eyes snapped open and burned at him, as if a fire had been ignited behind them and making the gold-green molten.

"Oh god, Alec, you have no idea," he said firmly, his voice raw and filled with emotion.
"I still love you Magnus. And I know that it might not be enough for you. I know I've hurt you and I know it will never be the same again, but I can't just let you go. I'm sorry, but I just can't. If you don't want me then that's fine. Just as long as you know that I will never stop."

Magnus' lips curled unexpectedly into a small smile.

"You won't stop pestering me and ringing me then?" he said, a hint of mirth on his silky voice. Alec's heart sunk a little. He should have perhaps guessed that Magnus may not love him in the same way any more and he should have known the other man would mock him for it.

"No, never," Alec told him defiantly. A wave of fire burned through his body, but he gritted his teeth and tensed his muscles against the pain.

"Good," Magnus breathed and he leaned in and kissed Alec lightly on the lips. It wasn't the wonderful, trumpet-playing, firework-exploding moment Alec had dreamt about. He was in too much pain for that and he had to push the Warlock away in order to cough; blood splattered his hand and he felt sick.

"Alec!' Magnus exclaimed as he held the Shadowhunter's body upright and firmly in place as he coughed away noisily. It soon passed and he fell backwards into the pillows once more.
"Is this normal?" he asked.
"Unfortunately yes. I wish you'd let me give you some painkillers," Magnus told him, crinkling up his nose.
"Absolutely not," Alec told him through gritted teeth. "No more drugs. I've had enough to last me a lifetime."

Suddenly, the sound of the doorbell resounded and Magnus looked around angrily.

"Shouldn't you answer that?" Alec said, raising his eyebrows in question.
"I'd rather not leave you..."
"Really?" Alec asked him incredulously. It had perhaps been a little more harsh than he had intended, but it had slipped out unexpectedly.

He watched as some of the light in Magnus dimmed ever so slightly and an awkward, tense silence followed.
The doorbell rang again.
"I'd better go get that," Magnus told him finally, breaking the silence and Alec nodded at him.

Why was he so stupid? All he had wanted was for Magnus to forgive him and to hear him out, to let him explain. And now, was he honestly going to start blaming Magnus for everything that had happened? How awful of him; especially when he knew that the only person he had to blame was himself. Was he really going to be bitter about the fact that Magnus broke up with him? It had been Alec, after all, who had betrayed Magnus. And he had continued to betray the man whom he claimed to love over the past few weeks by fraternising with that Vampire. A memory rose up in his mind and made him feel sick. He could actually feel the blood and colour drain from his face as he remembered the Vampire on top of him, grinning ferociously.

"Bloody hell, you look awful."

Alec looked up to find Jace stood in the doorway to the bedroom, as resplendent as ever and glowing a fiery gold. Magnus was stood behind him, his arms folded about his chest and scowling.

"I told you, he is not ready for visitors," Magnus clucked angrily.
"It's fine," Alec said quickly. If there was anyone who made him feel better it was his parabatai. When they had been younger and Alec had been sick or injured, Jace would always cheer him up and make him laugh and forget any pain he was in.

Jace beamed smugly at Magnus and then bounded into the room, flinging himself onto the bed so he was lying next to Alec. He glanced up at the Warlock who looked like he was about to burst a vein. Jace pulled out a half-eaten bunch of red grapes.

"Here," he said happily, offering them to Alec.
"What's that supposed to be?" Alec asked him.
"Uh... Grapes. Clary said that you had to take grapes when you went to visit someone who was ill..."
"I'm not ill Jace," Alec told him sadly.

"Yes, you are. And you should be resting." Magnus' voice was powerful and loud as it resonated around the room.

"There, you see? Grapes," Jace smiled at him and held out the sparse bunch proudly.
"Not many left..."
"Yeah, well, I got hungry on my way over here," Jace told him nonchalantly, gesturing the bunch further towards Alec's face. But he didn't think he could eat anything so he shook his head.

"Never mind, more for me," Jace chirped as he pulled off a handful and shoved them, rather ungracefully, into his mouth.

He had been right, Jace had cheered him up already. He sniggered at the gesture, causing another coughing fit. Magnus sprinted over to his side and allowed Alec to lean on him, over the side of the bed. He tried desperately to stop, but he was coughing up a lot of blood that Magnus was now catching in a large white handkerchief.

"Sorry," Alec breathed, intending to apologise to both Jace and Magnus.

"Hey, Magnus? Will you give us a minute? I need to talk to Alec in private."

Magnus started and looked at Jace, rage spreading across his face.
"Magnus, would you mind? Only for a moment?" Alec interjected, not wanting there to be a fight between the two. Magnus huffily got to his feet, taking the stained piece of material with him. He turned around at the doorway and looked intently back at Alec.

"If you need me, just yell, ok?" Alec nodded as Magnus shut the door behind him.

"I'm so sorry we left you here, but we couldn't take you to the Institute like you were. I spoke to Clary and she said she thought Jordan might not mind putting you up until you've healed enough, what do you think?"
Alec couldn't quite believe what he had just heard.
"And who else knows?" he asked timidly.
Jace blinked, not quite understanding for a moment.
"Who knows what?"
"So Clary knows about all this does she? Who else have you told?" Alec was suddenly angry. He was embarrassed enough that Jace and Isabelle had seen him at his worst and now Magnus, but the thought of anyone else knowing how shamefully he had behaved tore him up.

"Of course I told Clary! I had no idea what to do or who to turn to and I needed advice. No one else knows, Alec, I swear." Jace looked genuinely sorry, which, for Jace, was quite an achievement.

Alec felt the hot sting of tears flood his eyes again.

"Oh, Jace, I'm so sorry! I'm sorry for everything!" His parabatai caught him in a sudden, tight hug.
"It's ok. You have always been there for me when I've done really stupid things; and I've done quite a lot of stupid things. I think I can allow you one really stupid thing. It's only fair."

Alec pulled away and wiped his eyes on the back of his hand, letting out a short, nervous laugh.

"Jace, what happened that night? I know Magnus was there but I guess I'm a little afraid to ask him. Were you there too?"
"Yeah, so was Izzy."
Alec's face paled at the thought of his sister having to witness what happened.
"Is she alright?"
"Izzy? Yeah, of course, she's fine. A little shaken up, but she'll be ok after she gets some of her beauty sleep. She's worried about you though. The only reason she didn't come with me is because she's off trying to convince Maryse that you're ok."
"What is she going to tell her?" Alec was nervous. He hadn't seen his mother for weeks and it wasn't surprising that she would start to ask questions as to his whereabouts.

"Think she was going to say something about you being away with Magnus for a couple of days."

Alec bit his lip. Of course, he had forgotten that his mother hadn't been told that he and Magnus had split up. On this instance, it was probably good that she didn't know because it did provide Alec with a rather convincing alibi. He made a mental note to talk to Izzy and find out what she told their mother and then he would give her a ring and pretend he was off somewhere with the Warlock. Alec hated lying, but telling the truth really wasn't an option.

"So you, Izzy and Magnus were at the warehouse?" Jace gave him a long, sidewards look and nodded gravely.
"Tell me what happened? From your point of view? I am not sure if what I remembered was real or not." Alec flushed a deep scarlet. "I was quite high and it's difficult to tell what's a dream when you're like that."
Jace cleared his throat, paying no attention to Alec's blush and his clear embarrassment.

"Well firstly, that crazy Warlock almost killed me when he heard what you had been up to. That yellow Warlock from the ifrit den told him everything, the little snitch. And he came over to the Institute and blasted me, because of course, I would be the one entirely to blame for letting you go off with that Vampire. Which, might I add, you failed to mention to me or Isabelle and made us look really stupid. So then we all went off after you, because, you know, you just disappeared again and we were all really worried about you. That Warlock told Magnus where you would be because she heard that Vampire and his cronies blathering about you when they were buying drugs from her. Thank god one of those dodgy junkies had your back, that's all I'm going to say. Anyway, we went to that Warehouse and we found you there..."
Jace paused unexpectedly.

"What? Go on," Alec urged him.
"Well... You were kind of in a compromising position. You were really beat up." Jace brushed his hand through his golden hair. "I thought you were going to die..." Jace's eyes had filled with tears. In all the years Alec had known him, he had never seen his parabatai cry. He had seen him upset before; so upset that he had been on the verge of tears, but he had never actually cried.

"Jace," Alec whispered, holding out is hand reassuringly onto his friend's shoulder. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Jace looked at him and grinned, though Alec could tell he was still sad.

"The main thing is we got you out of there. Me, Izzy and Magnus. And Magnus healed you because runes weren't working with all those drugs in your system. I only hope now that you and Magnus can sort everything out between you, because it is definitely not healthy for either of you to carry on the way you have been."
Jace squeezed his hand that rested on his shoulder reassuringly.

"I'm not sure we can sort everything out." Alec felt defeated now, like his whole world was folding up into darkness. It wasn't painful, but he felt hollow, like all the hope had been ripped from him.

"I told him I still loved him and he didn't say it back, Jace. I think that's it. I think I've ruined it for good."
"No," Jace told him suddenly and gripping his hand even more tightly. "I may be completely rubbish at getting along with people; I may be infuriating and reckless and stubborn. And I thought I would never know love; that I would never be able to love or that anyone would love me. But now I know and I am telling you that Magnus loves you Alec. You don't have to believe me but I wouldn't try to deceive you about this."

Alec stared at him open-mouthed; Jace looked a little angry with him and Alec realised his friend had been shouting. He supposed he shouldn't be too surprised if Jace was angry with him.

"What's going on? I heard shouting - you had better not be disturbing him Jonathan or I swear I will give you another head injury."
Magnus swept into the room, looking genuinely concerned.
"I'm just leaving," Jace announced, letting go of Alec's hand and jumping off the bed. "From what I can tell, the two of you need to talk. Now."
His parabatai stared threateningly at Magnus as he left, leaving the Warlock looking very confused.

"What's up with golden boy now?" Magnus asked him as they heard the front door slam shut as Jace departed. Alec shrugged, just before he began to cough once more.

It was agony; the pain burned him up from the inside and consumed him mercilessly. Perhaps if he had known how excruciating the withdrawal would be he wouldn't have taken those stupid drugs in the first place. It was a pointless thought, because Alec knew that he would have tried everything to lessen the hurt caused by his and Magnus' separation.

He pushed Magnus away from him as the other man sat beside him and tried to steady him through his latest coughing fit.

Once it had passed, Alec took in some much needed air and looked at Magnus as directly as he could.

"I don't need to hear you tell me you love me, Magnus," he lied. "You told me that you loved me that night in the subway. What I need to know is whether there is any hope. I need to know whether me being here has anything to do with whether you want a future with me any more. You used to want that and so did I. I know things are different now, but I still want that; I still want you. I am prepared to spend the rest of my life..."
At that most inopportune moment another coughing episode struck him again and hot, sticky blood flowed from his mouth, causing him to choke. The Warlock held him there, not being able to help him or make it stop.

As the blackness took him, just before he completely passed out he thought he could hear Magnus whisper into his ear.
"Oh god, Alec, I love you."
But he couldn't be sure. He had heard the words so often in his dreams over the past few weeks that he wasn't sure if it was his own subconscious letting him know exactly what he wanted to hear. He had lied to Magnus again, telling him he didn't need to hear him say the words. But it was the thing that Alec craved more than anything.

As always, please remember the 3 F's: Favourite, Follow and FEEDBACK. Please do review and let me know what you think. I am aware that I am being an awful tease, but I do promise you some lovely (and lemony!) Malec fluff for this story in the not-so distant future.