INT. CHURCH BACK ROOM - DREAM SEQUENCE
Everyone is back in their places from earlier. Joe, Mel,
Lennox and Ryder stand before Reverend Bobby and the
audience in the church. It's basically the same scene except
way more overacted and much cheesier.
MEL
If I hadn't slept with Joe, would I
do this?
Mel walks over and kisses him more dramatically, but just as
disappointingly as before, she pulls away before Joe has the
chance to kiss her back. His stare a much more lovey-dovey.
MEL
And that's why the wedding is
canceled. So... thanks for coming,
but you can all go home now.
JOE
Unless...
MEL
Unless what?
JOE
Unless there's some other guy here
today who would maybe be willing to
step in for Austin?
Mel tilts her head.
MEL
Step in for Austin? Some other guy?
JOE
Yeah.
MEL
Some other guy like who?
JOE
Some other guy like... I don't
know. Just, you know, some other
guy... someone who knows you better
than, well, pretty much anyone.
Someone who thinks you're smart and
hilarious and, I'll say it, hot as
hell. Especially in that wedding
dress. But also as a general rule.
Lennox smiles while Ryder looks confused... along with Mel.
JOE
Someone who drives you crazy
because, God knows, you drive him
pretty friggin' nuts most of the
time... but we both know what that
translates to in Italian, right?
Mel, speechless, stares at him.
JOE
Someone who... who would always
have your back. Someone who, uh,
someone who loves you, Burke.
MEL
Joe, what are you-
JOE
Someone who wouldn't let you get
away with starting a kiss like that
one there a minute ago... without
insisting he finish it.
Joe steps up to Mel and grabs her by the waist with one arm
and uses his other hand to pull her face closer to his. He
looks her in the eye and when she doesn't stop him, he
kisses her, moving both hands to her neck.
She kisses him back, wrapping her arms around his neck as he
slides his hands down to her waist.
REVEREND BOBBY
They realize we're all still
watching, right?
Lennox shrugs. Ryder just shakes his head, grossed out.
Finally, they part just enough to talk... and it's
melodramatic as hell:
JOE
I love you, Burke. And I would love
to marry you. Right here, right
now. Because I'm the right guy.
MEL
But... don't you care that I'm
having Austin's baby?
JOE
You're not having Austin's baby.
You're having my baby, Mel.
Mel's eyes widen and she screams.
END DREAM SEQUENCE
SMASH CUT:
BACK OF THE CAR - NIGHT
Mel wakes up, screaming. Next to her, Lennox looks over.
LENNOX
Are you okay?
MEL
Yeah, it was just a dream. More
like a nightmare, actually.
Mel, still in her wedding dress, rubs her eyes. She glances
toward the front see where Joe is at the wheel an Ryder is
in the passenger seat. He catches her eye in the mirror.
JOE
Well, the nightmare's over, okay?
She chuckles.
MEL
You promise?
Joe raises his eyebrows curiously.
CUT TO:
INT. MEL'S KITCHEN - NIGHT
The gang-Joe, Mel, Lennox and Ryder-walks in through the
backdoor carrying various garmet bags and wedding gifts.
Lennox has a pair of jeggings under her dress and has traded
her dress shoes for Chucks. Ryder has lost his tie and
jacket and has his dress shirt untucked and unbuttoned over
a white tank top.
Joe still has on his tie, but has his sleeves rolled up and
his jacket off. Mel, though? Totally still in her wedding
dress and heels.
The kids drop most of the stuff they carry onto a kitchen
counter. Then head toward the stairs.
JOE
Night, guys.
They turn back as Mel and Joe unload their stuff onto the
kitchen table.
RYDER
Night, Joe. And, hey, sorry again,
Aunt Mel. Really.
She waves it off and smiles. He heads upstairs. Lennox runs
back over to Mel and gives her a hug.
LENNOX
I love you, Aunt Mel.
Mel squeezes her back gratefully.
MEL
Love you, too, sweetie.
Lennox gives her an encouraging smile then glances at Joe
with raised eyebrows that say "you got this?" He gives her a
wink and a nod. Satisfied, she heads upstairs.
JOE
So, hey, you want to go get changed
then maybe come back down for the
movie of your choice and some Ben
and Jerry's? I know there's a pint
of Cherry Garcia in our freezer
with your name on it.
Literally-because I had to write
it on there to stop the kids from
eating it.
Joe opens the freezer and looks around.
MEL
That's thoughtful-
JOE
(over his shoulder)
Which part?
MEL
All of it. Just you, in general,
today. You've been thoughtful.
Joe turns back, pint of ice cream in his hand.
JOE
Yeah, well, I'll be back to normal
by tomorrow so don't worry.
Mel chuckles.
MEL
I'm counting on it.
Joe holds up the ice cream which is labeled with "AUNT MEL"
in big red, permanent marker letters. Mel smiles.
JOE
So you in? Movie, ice cream and...
me?
MEL
Nah.
JOE
Really? 'Cause I wouldn't mind a
little fat and sugar right now
either, I tell you that.
MEL
You do what you want, Joe. I think
I'm just going to go upstairs.
She heads to the stairs.
JOE
Mel, hang on.
She turns back.
JOE
There's something I need to-
MEL
Whatever it is, can it wait?
He nods.
JOE
Yeah, sure. Of course.
MEL
Thanks.
She starts to go again, but turns back again.
MEL
And thanks for having my back
today. You really were the best
man... like, by a mile.
Joe looks down.
JOE
Yeah, well, that's what you
deserve, Burke. The best.
She looks at him for a long moment. When he looks up, she
stares back for a second more.
MEL
Goodnight, Joe.
JOE
Sweet dreams, Burke.
She narrows her eyes then shakes her head. Finally she heads
up stairs.
FADE TO: CLOSING CREDITS