Memories- Part 1

After a while, I soon regretted my words. I knew that The Doctor still hurt from the loss of Rose, but what I said was just wrong. I knew that The Doctor would not stop by any time soon so I got out of bed and took a long cold shower. I changed into comfortable grey pants and a sky blue V-neck shirt with a grey camisole underneath it. I let my hair stay down, but moved my hair tie to my wrist.

I picked up the wooden earth violin and started to play Bach's 'Sleepers' Cantata, No. 140 from memorization. Soft, sweet music came from the instrument instantly. I when I was done, I put the violin back on the stand, turned around and jumped. The Doctor was sitting on my bed. "That was really good." He commented.

I noticed that his voice had no emotion. I swallowed and went over and sat next to The Doctor on my bed. I looked down at my hands in my lap and said "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I should know more than anyone what you are going through. But," I hesitated, not knowing if I could tell him that he will see Rose again.

I glanced at his face. There was no emotion at all. I noticed, with a startled, that there were the beginnings of dark circles underneath his eyes. He wasn't sleeping. I decided to tell him. "If I tell you something that I know from...the T.V..., can you tell me how to contact my parents?"

I watched The Doctor think for a moment then he said "Deal."

I breathed out. I hadn't realized that I had been holding my breath. I said with a soft voice "You get to see her again."

The Doctor's unemotional face changed into one of shock. "How?" He whispers.

I look down again and say "That I can't tell you. And I also can't tell you why." I looked back at The Doctor. I sighed and said "Do you think that I like this? It's torture to me. Do you think I like withholding information? On adventures outside the Tardis do you think that I don't want to tell you right away what's happening and how you can fix it before people die? Do you know how hard it is?" I breath then before The Doctor can talk, I continue.

"It's worse for me, Doctor. On top of all this I will never get to see my family or friends again. Rose, she gets her family and her friend Micky to support her. Me? I get my childhood dream come true and my worst nightmare at the same time. I have to keep secrets." I almost growled the last sentence. "My parents kept secrets." I am on the verge of crying. It's all coming out. But I wanted it to stay in.

The Doctor wraps his arms around me as I fall against his chest and the tears that were withheld for years came crashing down. "Do you want to talk about it?" The Doctor asks softly.

After a while, I respond and say "I try not to think about it but for the last Time Lord I will."

The Doctor tenses and says "You don't have to if you don't want to."

I sit up and The Doctor lets go of me as I say "The only thing I want you to do is resist the urge to study me."

The Doctor looked puzzled and said "Okay. Susan Jane Anderson, I promise not to study you."

I smiled slightly and said "Thank you, and please, don't interrupt because I don't think I can get going again if you do."

"Of course I won't interrupt Susan." The Doctor says. "What you are about to hear is considered top secret in my government. Well, more like beyond top secret. Only the president, a five member team of biological researchers and my parents who are the governments top operatives know about this." I swallowed and said "I will stop dancing around what I am trying to say and just tell you. I was not born. I was grown."