The Return – Ninth Brick
A/N – Please R&R. I'm enjoying writing the story so far… we still have a bit to go, though. And thanks to all who have reviewed.
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VEGAS – To Stay
Gil and Sara woke at six o'clock, both tired, maybe a little sore, and grinning from ear to ear. They weren't dressed until seven, due to his idea of conserving water, and the very foreseeable events that happened in the shower together.
Standing in the kitchen, Sara pulled out all the makings for pancakes and fresh fruit.
Noticing the sheer quantity of the food she was pulling out of cupboards and the refrigerator, Gil finally asked, "Just how many people are we expecting?"
"A few," was her nonchalant reply.
Suspiciously, he edged closer and asked, "How many is a few?"
Turning to face him, Sara listed off, "Nick, Greg, Catherine, Warrick, Brass, Sophia, Doc Robbins, David, Hodges, Wendy, Mandy, Archie, Bobby, and… um… Ecklie."
The orange juice he'd been drinking spewed across the wall when he heard "Ecklie".
Grinning at the dumbfounded look on his face, Sara couldn't help but lean over and kiss the dribble of juice off his chin.
"Well," she warned, "I told you I wanted to talk to the team."
Turning back to her task at hand, Sara began preparations on the fruit, chopping and cleaning. Gil just shook his head and started cleaning the wall.
As the last of the preparations was being completed, the doorbell rang.
"Could you get that, honey?" Sara asked, bent over, placing the last of the pancakes on the mountainous tray consuming the oven.
Gil shouldn't have been surprised by the person at the door. After all, their first guest actually worked during the day, and only at night when warranted.
"Good morning, Conrad. Please… come in," Gil gestured him into the house, escorting him to the living room. "Would you like some coffee?"
"Yes, thank you," Ecklie replied, not entirely sure why he was here. He took a seat in a comfortable arm chair and took a moment to scan the room, noticing the feminine touches here and there easily interwoven with the masculine.
Momentarily, Gil returned with a couple mugs of coffee and sat down on the couch opposite of Conrad Ecklie.
"So, why am I here?" Ecklie asked.
"To tell you the truth, I don't have a clue," Gil grinned. "This is Sara's idea, not mine."
Clearing his throat, slightly uncomfortable, Ecklie placed his coffee cup on a coaster and looked at Gil.
"You're not thinking of leaving the lab, are you Grissom?" he asked nervously.
"Not as far as I know," Gil replied, honestly. As of that moment, he really didn't know what he was planning to do in the future. A lot of that decision rested with Sara. He knew he could work anywhere he wanted, and in the end was willing to move to be with her.
The doorbell rang and Gil rose to answer, leaving Conrad Ecklie alone with Gil's cryptic reply.
People began trickling in, sometimes in groups, a few one at a time, over the next ten minutes. Apparently, everyone was curious enough and anxious enough to see Sara that they hadn't hesitated leaving on time if not early. Jim and Sophia arrived first, and were immediately set to work by Sara, whose nerves had finally kicked in.
When she realized she was on the verge of barking orders at her fellow co-workers, she excused herself from the kitchen, Gil following close behind.
In the front hall, Sara gasped, "Oh my God! What am I doing?"
Pulling her to him, Sara wrapped her arms around Gil like he was a life-preserver and she was drowning. So he did the one thing he knew would calm her. Running his hands into the thick curls, he pulled her face to his, lips touching lips, nibbling and tugging. He deepened the kiss on a moan, until he felt her arms slacken, then begin to slip under his shirt. He groaned when he felt her hand slip under the back of his loose shirt. All thought flew out of his head when he felt her hand on his skin.
They hadn't heard the doorbell, so the latest group had let themselves in.
"NOW do you see what we mean?" Greg and Nick exclaimed at the same time, interrupting what Sara truly believed at that moment was possibly the most… arousing… of her life.
"We had to put up with that for the entire drive home, man," Nick said, shaking his head and walking past the couple.
"I'm really happy for you guys, but you're corrupting my young, innocent mind," Greg laughed, a glint in his eye. He winked at Sara as he followed Nick.
Catherine and Warrick stood just inside the door. With a half grin, half smirk expression, Warrick for the first time acknowledged them as a 'couple' by saying, "Congratulations, man," and putting his hand out for Gil to shake. With a wry smile, the older man shook Warrick's hand.
"Everyone's in there," Gil said, gesturing towards the living room.
"You know, we didn't have a clue," Catherine said.
She shook her head and grinned, "I don't know how we didn't have a clue when the two of you were so obvious."
Laughing, Gil responded, "Twenty twenty hindsight is wonderful, isn't it?"
Sara stepped forward and hugged Catherine, taking them both by surprise. That kind of contact had never been part of their relationship, and even their friendly relationship had been strained for a long time.
"Thanks for coming, Catherine," Sara said. "You have no idea how much I appreciate this."
Guiding Catherine to the living room, Sara left Gil alone in the hallway, and the doorbell rang again.
Eventually, everyone arrived.
Sara surveyed the people in their living room and dining area – an open area just off the living room. Some sat in chairs, some on a couch or recliner. The noise was new to the house, as it was always just Sara, Gil, and their dog… who seemed to be enjoying the food and attention from everyone.
Eventually, people finished eating, plates were stacked by the sink, and people made their way to the living room with refreshed cups of coffee.
Sara made her way from the kitchen with a fresh cup of tea, and scooted Greg out of her favorite recliner. Gil stood behind her, placing his hand on her shoulder, rubbing her neck with his thumb. As everyone became aware of Sara and Gil watching them, they fell silent… waiting.
"We'd like to thank you all for coming," Gil said to the room at large, as Sara slowly scanned the various people spread throughout.
As she made eye contact with Gil, he nodded for her to take over.
Nervously, she joked, "It's been a helluva year, huh?" and received various chuckles throughout the room.
Exhaling long and audibly, Sara forced her muscles to relax, and became serious.
"I asked you to come here, because you deserve an explanation… on a lot of things," she said.
Looking up at the blankness of the ceiling, she tried to remember exactly what she'd rehearsed, but her mind was just empty. She looked back at Gil, then glanced at Sophia.
"At my second foster home, I'd been waking up screaming every night. The nightmares had come on with a vengeance after I snuck into the theater and watched this slasher flick," she explained. "They hit just a little too close to home."
Mirthlessly, she laughed, "It was the blood splatter that brought them on. It didn't even look real, but it was enough to take me back to my father dead on my bedroom floor, and my mother holding the knife over him."
Sara purposely made herself look at the reactions of her co-workers, regardless of the stares she received. She needed them to know that she could stand up to whispers and rumors. And she needed to prove to herself that people knowing her most intimate secrets wouldn't make her shrink into nothing but a victim.
"I was in that home for three weeks before they decided to move me," she said.
Taking a slow breath, Sara continued, "My next home was better… much better. They tolerated the two in the morning screams, sometimes even cried with me. Eventually, the nightmares went away entirely."
"But without thought to asking me, my foster family moved me someplace where I could go to a school for kids with high IQs like me."
Looking up at Gil, she murmured, "That's when I left Julie's house."
"After that, it was one home after another… some good, some not so good, but really none of them bad," she said. "I stopped counting the number of homes on the fifteenth."
"When I aged out of the system, I had a choice to hit the streets on my own or take the scholarship to Harvard."
Sara looked at Catherine and said, "Here I had my dream handed to me, and it made me feel desperate – because in the end there were no choices – just survival."
Smiling, she said, "I loved Harvard. I loved the history of the town. I loved the school. I loved the classes and the classrooms. But it was way outside my comfort zone on the most basic levels – I had a freedom there I never felt I deserved or earned."
"When I finished there, I went to Berkley to get my masters," she continued, "on another full ride scholarship. And I loved it. I was back with the ocean and familiar surroundings. And to tell you the truth, I hadn't left much of anyone behind in Boston."
Sara shut her eyes for a moment, sighed, and opened them saying, "I don't regret the steps I've taken in my life – good or bad."
Looking at Greg, she said, "I should have said something to you. You're probably the best friend I've ever had, besides Gil, and I should have said something about leaving."
Greg cocked his head, and replied, "I think maybe you did, and I just didn't understand."
"I'm not sure I could've explained it all at that time. I hadn't slept in weeks," she said. "I came back to the lab way too soon. But then again, I hadn't expected the nightmares to start again… or to start having flashbacks."
"The same ones you had as a kid?" Nick asked, his face ashen, remembering his own nightmares after his abduction.
"Some," Sara replied, "along with even more intense new ones… drowning, crushing weight, unable to breath. The worst, though, was just giving up. Waking up shaking with this thought that I was going to die or I was dead, so why fight it anymore."
"I felt like I was back to square one in my life – back to no control," Sara explained, "and I couldn't do it anymore."
Standing, Sara paced to the sliding glass door facing onto the backyard.
"The only way I saw out of the spiral was to go back to the beginning… back to the night my mother stabbed my father to death. Answer the questions that left the holes in my life, and took away any identity I ever had," she explained.
Sara turned around and looked at Gil.
"I've gotten really good at being able to… push off what I'm feeling," she said into the glass, and crossing her arms in front of her. "But I've never really been able to get rid of the anger and sometimes rage that builds up."
Looking across the crowded living room, she said, "So I blow up occasionally."
Wincing a bit, she looked at Catherine then Ecklie, and sarcastically commented, "You've gotten to experience that lovely side of me."
"Actually," Sara said, turning fully towards Ecklie, "I wanted to thank you."
At his look of confusion, she explained, "I believe you spoke to a Mark Elliott? SFPD?"
At his nod, she said, "He told me exactly what you said about me. And it made me realize that I needed to start facing up to myself first and foremost. The fact is, you were right. I could be self-destructive."
Smiling, she continued, "But thanks for letting him know my solve-rate. It seems you were bluntly honest with him, which I think he and I both needed."
"In the end, I went back to where I could get answers."
The more comfortable she became talking, the less adrenaline rushed through her, and the more fatigued Sara felt.
Sitting back down, she felt Gil's hand on her shoulders, gently massaging. She gave him a quick grin and a thumbs-up before she continued.
"I re-met a lot of people along the way," Sara said, "and I think in the process, I've managed to meet myself."
Giving the first real smile since she'd greeted everyone earlier, she said, "I know it sounds strange, but I feel like somewhere along the way I remembered who I'd wanted to be."
"What's that?" Warrick asked.
"A member of a family… a real family," she sighed. "And when I look around this room, I see that."
"Greg," she asked, "how many times have we fallen asleep together watching television or a movie?"
"Hodges," she asked, with tears pooling, "do you really think Nick and I don't know how hard you fought to get us back safe? Or that we aren't thankful for you everyday we're still alive?"
"Nick… when you were kidnapped, it was like we were missing a limb. Without you, nothing would have been the same," she said, the tears falling freely.
"Catherine," she said, "we may not see eye to eye on a lot of things, but I've never respected anyone the way I respect you. And you've been there to just hang out when I've needed that kind of friendship the most."
"Warrick," she finished, "how many times have you pushed me to see the positive? How many times have you walked up to me and told me exactly what you saw in me when I needed to hear it the most? You've never held back."
"Archie over there every now and again takes images of me walking the hallways to provide proof that I need more sleep," she laughed, and watched Archie duck his head and blush.
Gil unexpectedly reached down and pulled Sara up to stand next to him.
"I think I see where you're going with this," he said in response to her curious look.
"You hide yourself to maintain some semblance of control. The funny thing is, I do as well," he told her. "But it's become so second nature, I'm not sure either one of us really thinks about it."
Looking at the room full of people, Gil said, "The fact is, Sara and I didn't outright try to hide anything from any of you. Our lives kept crossing paths, weaving in and out, and finally ending up in the same place… permanently."
"I think at the start, we just weren't sure what was going to happen," Sara interjected. "So we didn't say anything, because there'd be the whole stupid junior high awkwardness and picking of sides if things didn't work out."
"After that," Gil continued for her, "we just kept things the way they were."
He winced when he said, "About a year and a half into our relationship it occurred to us that we should've read the lab rules."
At Ecklie's raised brow, Gil explained, "You cannot possibly tell me you've read the HR rulebook cover to cover, Conrad."
The room broke into laughter, which didn't calm until Sara raised her hand to get their attention. Looking sober, Sara scanned her audience, focusing her gaze on Nick.
"I don't think I ever thanked any of you for what you did, though," she said. "The nightmares aren't gone, but they're dimming down, and not occurring as often. And the worst to fight – the lack of faith – isn't what happened at all. I had this hope sitting deep in me that my team – my friends – would find me."
"I never thanked you either," Gil said, looking at each person in the room, and snaking his arm around Sara's waist. "There are no words that can express my gratitude."
"I want our home to be open to you," Sara said. "And I want to be open to you."
"Make that 'We', dear," Gil said. At her surprised look, he grinned, "I don't know how successful it'll be… I tend just not to notice anything around me, if you recall."
"That's okay, honey," she said, kissing him on the cheek, "I'll just keep reminding you."
"So, what's next?" Brass asked. "Have you decided when or if you're coming back to the lab?"
"I'm not going to rush the decision," she replied. "I became a CSI, because it was a way I could keep up with my fascination in science and help people at the lowest point in their lives. I'm just not sure if this is something I want to keep doing, though."
Turning to face Gil, she said, "First, there's someone I have to see – this afternoon."
Placing a hand on his cheek, she murmured, "I know you're not happy about it."
Pulling her into a hug, he replied, "But I do understand. And I'll be with you."
Everyone in the room knew they were talking about Natalie. The Sara and Grissom they'd seen so relaxed just moments before held to each other tensely and tightly.
"Well, guys," Brass said, standing up, "thanks for the breakfast."
Walking over to Sara, he kissed her on the cheek, whispered "Good luck" and led the procession of team members out the door. He had a feeling they'd all be hearing from Sara soon.
After the last person left, Gil pulled Sara to him.
"There's just one thing I want before we do this thing this afternoon," he murmured.
"What's that?" she asked.
"I think I need to remind us both that we're still alive," he said, dipping his head to hers, kissing her lightly, and slowly leading her toward their bedroom.