He left her alone for a while, both to gave her some privacy, but mostly because he needed some time to regain control of his emotions.
She was so beautiful. He knew he was abusing of the word 'beautiful', but he didn't care. Because that was just what she was.
She stood in front of him, vulnerable and beaten up and yet the most strong he had ever seen her. Her eyes reflecting the pain and yet blazing with fire…and for a moment he felt his control slip.
And she knew it.
He wandered around outside for a while, searching for some sticks to help keep her arm still, until his eyes caught glimpse of a little wooden structure hidden behind some trees. They didn't see it before.
A little storage.
He forced the door open, and he found himself facing a whole bunch of canoes. All covered in dust and settled against the wall, all in various colors.
On the other side were tennis balls and rackets, and in a corner- arrows. There were only a few, four or five and not in a great state, but Oliver took them anyway. No bows. Better than nothing.
He scanned the storage again, and just before leaving, his eyes caught a red cross on the highest shelf.
A first aid kit.
There were things they already had in their aid kit: bandages, scissors, needle- and a little bottle at the bottom.
Aspirins. Overdue in 2012.
They would not take her pain away, but it was something. He took everything and made his way outside.
When he opened the door of the hall Felicity was still in the tub, head leaning back and eyes closed.
He made his way to her, sitting on the edge of the tub. The bubbly water barely covered her body and when she sensed his presence, she fluttered her eyes open.
He smiled.
"How do you feel?"
She stirred a little in the water, flexing her muscles. "I think this is the best bath I had ever take."
He chuckled, taking the hand of her broken arm and massaging the muscles of her fingers.
She hissed a little. "Sorry. I found a storage that we didn't see earlier. All kinds of stuff for the camp, canoes, tools—"
"Anything useful? Clothes?" Her eyes sparkled at the thought.
"Unfortunately, no. Some more bandages and a bottle of aspirins overdue in 2012. I doubt they will help much, but it's better than nothing. I also took some sticks to use as battens to keep your arm more still and in place."
She smiled. "My hero."
His eyes connected with hers, locking her gaze. She wasn't joking.
"Can you help me out? The water is getting cold."
"Sure."
Helping her stand, he wrapped her in the blanket and picked her up.
He took her in front of the fire and she slid down his body to touch the ground.
She tilted her head back, feeling a little giddy. "Would you dance with me, Mr. Queen?"
"You can barely stand."
Still, he wrapped his arms around her waist.
"You'll keep me up."
Felicity rested her hand on his heart, swaying lightly on one foot.
They stayed in silence for a while, both of them enjoying being in each other arms. She let her head fall to his chest, closing her eyes in peace.
He was caressing the soft skin of her hips and back, making her shiver.
"I look forward to not feeling weak for awhile." She breathed into his chest.
His fingers trailed down her back, and the moment he felt the bones peeking out of her hips, his stance became a little more rigid.
"You've lost so much weight- You're skin and bones."
The hint of regret and sorrow in his voice made her open her eyes to look at him.
"Yeah well, I've been trying this new diet that's doing magic. It's called: plane crash and marooned in a forest."
He smiled.
Barely. It was more like a grimace. His jaw was clenched shut and tense.
"Don't joke about this."
"Oliver-"
She stopped when his eyes closed and his hands tighten in fists.
He lost weight, she noticed that, but the mass of his muscles hid it for the most part.
He was her rock. He was always strong to her.
Always.
But her?
She took a second to trail her eyes along her own body. Yes, she was skin and bones. She was so focused only on staying alive and survive the pain that she didn't even notice what effect all of this had on her body. Her skin was pale and covered with green and red from bruises she didn't even know she had. The bath probably made them more evident on her skin.
She trailed a hand under her breasts, and she could feel distinctively every single rib under her fingers, as well as her hip bones.
"Oh…"
His eyes clouded with more anguish and sorrow, and that made her stood more firmly on the ground.
"Look, I know what you're thinking…"
He shook his head a little.
"…and you're wrong."
His face was turned toward the fire, avoiding her eyes.
"Oliver…" Her hand caressed his scruff. "Look at me."
He did.
And all just spiraled out of control.
"This is not your fault."
"Stop, Felicity. Stop saying that." He took a step back, breaking their connection. She had to regain her balance at the loss of his body, but she stood still, barely covered with the blanket, hurt and completely vulnerable.
"Why? How can this—"
He passed a hand on his face, interrupting her.
"If you're here right now, injured and in pain after almost being killed- is because of me."
Her eyes widened in disbelief. "Oliver- No. If I'm here right now, alive- is because of you."
He shook his head, dismissing her words.
"Every time I think I can-" And he stopped, closing his eyes.
She crossed her arm to her chest defensively.
"What?" She kept her voice even.
"Nothing. We have to stay focus. We don't have time for this."
A bitter laugh escaped her lips. "We don't- Really? Because unless you have a car waiting outside ready to take us home, time is literally the only thing we have right now."
He stayed silent.
"We're in the middle of nowhere, in the eye of a storm. You can't put on your hood and go chase criminals to avoid this, not here."
"Look what avoiding this has gotten us." She muttered the last part under her breath, passing a hand to her eyes before she focused on him again.
She took a deep breath.
"We can't hide from this anymore."
He met her eyes and she straighten her shoulders.
"Just say it."
He shifted from a foot to another.
"Every time I think I can let go with you, embrace this...I'm reminded that I can't."
"Why?"
He raised his hands in disbelief.
"W-Why? Because I end up hurting you! The last person I ever want to hurt, Felicity. Don't you see it? No matter how hard I try, time and time again something is going to happen because of me, because of who I am and what I do...until I'm going to lose you. I can't live with that. I rather see you safe than-"
The rest of his words hang in the air.
And that sentence right there…was three years in a nutshell.
She lowered her head, wiping a silent tear from her cheek. After minutes of silence, she passed a hand through her hair.
"Okay- so, what you're saying is that you don't want me…us, because you're afraid that something is going to happen to me, and you're gonna lose me. Because of you, because of your life."
His eyes were pained and he looked wrecked.
She nodded, taking his lack of words for a yes.
"Well, I have a news flash for you Oliver: you have a God's complex, and it's time for someone to tell you this. Not everything that happens in the world is your fault. In fact, I'll go as further as saying that not even a fraction of what happens in the world is because of you. The pilot having a stroke and our plane crashing down it wasn't something you could have put an arrow into. Just like that explosion in the restaurant."
Oliver was staring at her, an unreadable expression on his face.
"Everything I've done for the past three years with you, and Dig and the team…was my choice. Nobody forced me to help you when I found you bleeding in my car. Nobody forced me to stay on the team and help people. Just like nobody forced me to be in that restaurant with you that night. And sure as hell nobody forced me to get on that plane ten days ago. I did it because I wanted to…and I just—I don't understand why you can't accept that."
Her voice softened a little. Just a little.
"But you must get into terms with that, you have to…or it's going to tear you apart. You think you need to control everything, keep everything at arms length so you can prevent bad things from happening- But Oliver, this is not how it works. You of all people should know that. Bad things are always going to happen whether you like it or not…what's important is how you live your life in the meantime."
He closed his eyes, and another tear ran down her cheek.
"You're afraid you're going to lose me…but It's by keep pushing me away that you're going to lose me."
He took her words like a blow to the chest, and she knew it by the pain that crossed his face.
She sighed, suddenly feeling weak and exhausted. She leaned to the wall with her hand. Another tear followed the previous one, carving a path down her cheek. "You make everything- so hard. And i don't understand- I mean..." She shook her head a little, trying to find the right words. "It's so difficult, with you. Everything- You're always so-"Her hand closed in a fist in frustration.
And again, the words hang in the air. Silence fell on the room and it was broken minutes later by his low and defeated voice.
"I-I don't mean to be- I'm sorry."
And that despite all, was the truth. She knew that. He didn't know any other way of doing things.
She lowered her head. "I know."
But they couldn't go on like this. They just couldn't. It wasn't fair for either of them.
She took a deep breath, blinked the tears away and straighten her back, looking at him in the eyes.
"I'm tired of this, Oliver. No matter how long I hope or how long I wait for you, we keep ending up being stuck in this—limbo. This is always how it's going to be with us.
But I can't keep putting my life in hold…I won't."
Felicity wrapped the blanked more firmly against her body, like it was the only thing keeping her together.
"I want this, you know that I do. So, whether you decide that we are worth fighting for…or we don't."
Her voice cracked with emotion, their eyes locked together.
"You need to choose, so we can both move on…either together or apart."
She took a deep breath, her eyes shining with tears.
"I'm all in…
…Are you?"