Author's Note: Ignoring something doesn't make it go away.

Chapter 11: Confusion
From the Perspective of Harry Potter

What the hell, Draco?

How could you do this to me?

What did I do to make you feel this way? Why would you think I could like you like that?

"Harry." Hermione's voice was infused with authority. "You needn't continue worrying about that letter. What's done is done. Just don't think about him for a few days so you can decide what to do."

But that was just the problem! As much as I tried distracting myself, the image of Draco's face kept forcing itself to the forefront of my mind. I couldn't even think about him for more than two seconds without getting frustrated.

I was not gay! Couldn't he get that?

I wondered if he had pictured us together . . . doing stuff. It made me sick to think about.

"Harry," Hermione crooned. "Stop thinking about him."

"How?" I shouted.

Hermione jumped back, startled by my outburst. Suddenly, I felt very embarrassed. Why was I getting so frustrated? I hadn't done anything wrong here.

"Why don't you go out with Ron and the boys tonight. I bet they'd like to hang out with you. You've been blowing them off quite a bit lately."

She was right. I had been blowing my other friends off. And for what? For some douche-bag Slytherin who had the audacity to ask me if I liked him! What? Did he think we were going to get married or something?

"What do you think, Harry?" she pushed.

I groaned, pressing my fingers angrily into my temples.

"I think I want to see Ginny," I decided suddenly.

"All right," Hermione allowed carefully, obviously trying to undermine my intentions. "I think she said that she was going to practice some spells from charms class near Hagrid's."

"Thanks, Hermione."

I jumped up brightly, suddenly alight with a new motivation. Why would I waste my time on Draco when I had someone like Ginny right in front of me? For too long I had taken advantage of her patience, always breaking things off with her whenever I got a little stressed. We hadn't been together in quite some time, and I felt overwhelmingly guilty about that. In fact, I was mad at Draco about that. He was probably the reason that I'd been blowing her off so much. What had I seen in him anyway?

"Harry, are you okay? You seem a little on edge," Ginny observed quietly.

I had just asked her if she would forgive me for ignoring her for the past few months and go on a date to Hogsmeade with me, and that was her response. I must have been more oblivious than I'd realized.

"I'm fine," I snapped, a little more harshly than necessary. "I just really miss you; I miss us."

Her eyes narrowed for a moment as a pleasant blush settled over her features. I could sense her willpower crumbling.

"I think it's a bit more complicated than that," she continued. "We haven't spoken much in months. We need to catch up a bit just as friends before we start anything." She paused. "I don't know if I'm ready to be in a relationship with you again yet."

Her rejection was hitting me pretty hard.

Maybe because it reminds you of how you rejected him, my subconscious chimed in uselessly.

"I love being friends with you, Harry, and I miss talking to you. I just want to enjoy catching up a bit before we try anything," she repeated.

Her words were reminiscent of what I'd said to him, and that made me angry.

He made me angry.

How could he betray me like this? Violate me like this?

I was straight, one-hundred percent straight; couldn't he see that? I was emotionally and physically attracted to the beautiful girl in front of me. I wish that he could see us now just so he could understand how much I would never want him like that.

Suddenly the overwhelming need for physical contact with Ginny overpowered me. She was saying something, but I didn't hear what, and I didn't care. Reaching my hand around the back of her head, I pushed her lips to mine.

I forced myself against her mouth angrily, mercilessly.

See? Take that Draco! Look how straight I am. Look at what a pretty girl I'm kissing.

Greedily, I forced my other hand up to her head to run my fingers through her hair. I wasn't even thinking about what I was doing; I just had the need for physical contact with this girl. As the kiss grew more impassioned, I gradually forgot why I had been so angry, and my kisses slowed as my mind cleared. Allowing myself only to experience with my senses, the rest of the world fell away.

Now it was just me and Draco.

My eyes bulged open as I pushed back in horror.

"What's wrong?" Ginny asked, breathless.

Closing my eyes, I sucked in a deep breath and tried to calm down the frantic rhythm of my heart, which I was positive had stopped all together just seconds before.

"Nothing," I said, shaking my head as though to make the images go away. "I think I better get back to the castle. I'm not feeling well. Thanks for everything though. I'll see you around."

I jumped to my feet and walked briskly in the direction of the castle and away from where it had happened.

Where I had pictured kissing another boy.

Where I had pictured kissing Draco.

And for the briefest moment, when it was happening, I hadn't thought that there was anything wrong with it.