Twice, Percy had gotten up and clicked next on the iPod speakers. He was trying to refrain from a third time, fingers drumming nervously on Annabeth's thigh as she propped up her legs across Percy's lap. She glanced up from her book, eyebrows raised. They were settled into her couch on a Monday night; Annabeth was reading and he was playing the xbox. Thalia had set it up hoping that if Percy had something else to do, they wouldn't be 'banging all over the damn place like a pair of bunnies' every time he came over.
As usual, he put it on mute and he and Annabeth took turns choosing the music. It was Annabeth's turn that night, and soft jazz floated over their heads like invisible ribbons of brassy notes and a singer's velvety purr. It was driving him crazy.
"You can choose the music tonight if you want, darling," she said, an amused smile on her lips as she glanced down at his twitching fingers.
He hesitated but shook his head. But God, he wanted to. He wanted some angry punk howling at a roaring crowd, he wanted a heavy beat, a blaring drum solo – something to appease the thrashing storm of anxiety in his stomach. Annabeth, as if sensing his mood, closed her book and set it on the floor, sitting up. Her brow was creased as she pushed up her reading glasses up her head. "What's wrong, Percy?"
He bit his lip. He had been avoiding her ever since the interview and the ultimatum. It was almost as if she had felt his anxiety and mirrored it back at him. This was the first time they had even seen each other in nearly a week, with only cursory texts since. He knew that she could tell that something was wrong, and was just giving him time.
Apparently it had run out.
"You can't run from it forever," she said softly, and Percy clenched his jaw. He heard her sudden rush of breath, the hurt in it. "Sweetheart, please just look at me…"
He blinked back his surprise and the sudden burst of guilt in his gut when he heard the buried desperation in her voice.
Percy forced himself to look up at her. Her silver eyes stared back at him beseechingly, soft and hurt. His breath grew shaky as she leaned forward and took his hand. "Whatever it is, Percy, we can work through it. What's happened? Is it something to do with your mom?" Her eyes searched his face. "Grover? Is it money problems, because you know you can always - "
"No, Annabeth," he interrupted sharply, pulling his hand from hers and yanking it through his hair, almost trying to grasp at something that wasn't her. Something he could actually hold on to. He stared back at her, willing her to understand. "Annabeth…"
She drew in a jagged breath, face becoming unreadable. "God, Percy, are you…?"
"Am I what?" he frowned, confused.
"Did you…" she looked down into her lap, blonde hair curtaining her face. She murmured something Percy couldn't catch, and he could see the strain in her shoulders.
"Did I what, Annabeth?" he asked softly, brow furrowing. It felt like knives digging into his stomach to see her ache this clearly.
"D-did you cheat on me?" Her voice broke and she finally looked up, not quite meeting his eyes. He felt a knot in his stomach when he saw them filled with tears, eyelashes glistening. Shock froze him for a minute before he shook his head vehemently.
"No! God Annabeth, I would never," he promised, reaching out to pull her into his arms. She buried her face in his neck, hugging him. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me; you know that. How could you ever think I'd do something like that?"
She sighed, nuzzling into his shoulder. "I'm sorry I'm being so irrational. I know you wouldn't, I do, babe. It's just… I saw that card in your pocket with the phone number on it, and you wouldn't tell me what it was, and it's happened to me before, and it's… kind of a sore spot."
He stroked her hair with one hand, rubbing circles on her knee with the fingers of the other, feeling shitty for what he had inadvertently done. He squeezed his eyes shut and braced himself to say what he knew he eventually would have to. "Annabeth, that was a business card."
"I know, Percy," she said slowly, confused as to where he was getting to.
"No, I mean," he bit his lip. "It was the business card of one of the top producers at Olympus Records. They, um, offered me a job."
She gasped, pulling away to gape at him. "Percy! That's wonderful – you love that label. Oh, I'm so happy for you, love." She beamed at him, pride basically glowing on her face. "Why didn't you just tell me?"
He swallowed dryly, bowing his head and determinitedly not meeting her eyes. "Annabeth, the job… it's in Chicago."
There was a pregnant pause that seemed to last an eternity and Percy found himself unable to draw a breath. When she finally responded, her voice was flat, emotionless. There was nothing in her face, in her voice, that would tell Percy what she was thinking. "Chicago."
Percy couldn't even read what he had thought was the love of his goddamn life.
He finally breathed, though it was shaky and unstable. Kind of like his life, to be honest. "Chicago," he affirmed quietly. He forced himself to look up, and God, it was as if he'd just murdered her father. She had gone still, her eyes hard. They bore into his, but they weren't seeing him. She was there in his arms, but she wasn't there at all.
Percy felt as if the floor had dropped out from underneath him as his breath caught in his throat and he scrambled for words.
"I don't have to accept it. I won't, okay? It's just a stupid job," he said softly, and every part of him felt as if it were drowning, being pulled apart by the tides. His resolve grew as Annabeth stayed silent – God, he would do anything to get that look off her face. In a second, his Annabeth, soft and sweet, had disappeared, replaced with a cold, lifeless replica.
"Annabeth -" he pleaded. Say anything, please, he begged her silently.
"Take it."
He stared at her, feeling as if she had stabbed a knife through his heart. God, I can't breathe, I can't breathe, God help me, I can't breathe.
He blinked back the sudden pressure behind his eyes, the world distorting, blurring, spinning. "You can't mean that."
"Take the job, Percy." She said, gracefully standing and turning away from him. "You deserve it."
"Annabeth." His voice was firm, insistent – a crumbling façade.
This can't be happening.
"Annabeth," his voice cracked, hands fisting in his hair. She refused to look at him, standing by the window and staring coldly out into the New York sky. "Look at me," he begged. "Please."
She said nothing, eyes only growing harder.
"Annabeth -"
"I think you should leave," she interrupted flatly, as if she were speaking to an intruder, a stranger.
"What?" His voice was so broken, he hardly recognized it. How could this be happening? "Annabeth, I don't want some fucking job in Chicago, I want you -"
She spun around, eyes burning. "Get out of my house," she spat out, fury dripping off of every word.
He froze, and all the strength seemed to have been sapped out of her. She wavered on her feet and nearly collapsed into the nearest armchair. Her voice came out weak as she buried her face in her hands. "Please. Just go."
Numb, Percy reached for his bag, fumbling twice when he tried to get it over his shoulder.
Stop crying, stop crying, stop crying, you fucking asshole, stop crying.
He hardly registered her soft footsteps behind him as he reached for the door knob, the cold winter air latching on the wetness on his face, webbed between his eyelashes. He glanced behind him as he stumbled out the door. One last look at his angel, lost and foreign.
-x-
Annabeth hardly waited for the door to click shut before a sob escaped her. She nearly fell against the door, forehead pressing into the wood as her fingers scraped and clung to its crevices. It came from deep within her, shaking her tiny body as she curled against the door, tears streaming down her face as she willed herself to stop existing.
"Come back," she whimpered into her hands between sobs.
-x-
It was hours later that Thalia found her, curled in the entrance hall, shaking, numb.
She had been with someone, but in her haze, Annabeth couldn't remember who – hell if she even cared. "Thalia," she croaked, arms outstretched. She barely registered Thalia's gasp or the transition from the floor to her bed. It didn't feel any different.
"Annabeth, Annabeth, what happened? Are you hurt?" Thalia's voiced was flooded with concern. She felt the shards of guilt embedding themselves a little deeper when she saw how scared Thalia was. Someone hovered near the entrance, a woman with a stiff stance, long dark hair, wringing her hands. It seemed that Annabeth was being very proficient at hurting and worrying people tonight. She faintly heard Thalia saying, "I'm sorry, Reyna, but I think you should go home. I'll – I'll call you tomorrow and we can talk about this more."
She felt Thalia's hands searching for any visible damage, blood.
You're not looking in the right place, Annabeth thought mournfully.
Thalia finally sat up after tucking her blanket around her. "Annabeth, honey, what's wrong?" her soft voice hardened with wrath. "Is it Percy? Did he do something to you?"
At the sound of his name, Annabeth let out an unintended whimper. Thalia frowned. "Is it really? Did he do something?"
Annabeth struggled to an upright position as Thalia stood, face darkening. "No," Annabeth cried, reaching out for Thalia's hand. "It's my fault, Thal. I fucked up."
She couldn't stand the softening understanding and pity on Thalia's face, turning away as she felt the sobs growing again. "It was me, " she said, mouth twisting and trembling. "I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up."
Thalia sighed and let Annabeth sob into her shirt, giving her friend an apologetic twist of the mouth. A little while later, Annabeth heard the click of the door shutting for the second time.
She really couldn't do anything right that night.
"I think we're broken up," she whispered hoarsely into her shirt.
Thalia's hand stroked her hair slowly. "Just tell me what happened, Annabeth."
"He got a job offer," she sniffled. "In Chicago, Thalia, Chicago."
"And he took it?" Thalia said, frowning as Annabeth pulled away and drew the blankets around her. "That doesn't sound like the lovesick puppy that I know." Annabeth drew in a shaky breath, squeezing her eyes shut. "Oh, Annabeth, you didn't."
"You can say it, Thal. I know I'm a terrible person." Annabeth averted her eyes, blinking against the new wave of tears.
Thalia sighed, pulling her best friend closer. "You're not a terrible person, Annabeth," she reminded her firmly. "Just tell me what happened."
"He told me, and I just – I froze. He wasn't going to stay, Thalia," Annabeth reached forward clasping around Thalia's wrist. Her eyes searched Thalia's face desperately, begging her to understand as tears streamed down her already tear-stained cheeks. "Don't you see? He was never going to stay. I already lost him, just like I lose everyone." Thalia stayed silent, eyes soft and pitying. "Everyone leaves me, Thal," Annabeth said softly, her voice hoarse. "I was an idiot to think he was any different."
Thalia's fingers stroked through her blonde curls idly and made a soft tsk sound. "Annabeth. He left because you told him to leave."
Annabeth shook her head sorrowfully. "He was going to leave in the end anyway. I just saved myself from getting too attached."
"Annabeth -"
"Thalia," Annabeth cried. "My mother left me on a doorstep right after I was born. The only thing I have left of her is a letter and a ring and none of that matters for shit. My own mother. My dad only ever saw me as an inconvenience. Luke -" she broke off, taking another deep breath to strengthen herself. "Luke cheated and broke up with me." Thalia sighed but said nothing. "Face it, Thalia, you're the only person who ever stayed. You'll never leave me, will you, Thal?"
Thalia kissed her forehead, wiping the mascara from her cheeks. "Never, Annabeth," she said, thinking of the funny boy with the ripped skinny jeans and adoring eyes and the gorgeous Puerto Rican girl with the long brown hair, red lips, and diamond ring, and Thalia could feel her heart ache. "Never."
A/N: I'm so sorry for the wait again, I've just been really iffy on this chapter. Angst definitely is my least favorite thing to write. The only reason I'm able to post this today is because of my best friend and amazing editor, Maddie, who had to deal with my whining and insecurity and edited this twice.
PS: she wrote the most amazing Theyna (Thalia+Reyna) fic that made me fall in love with the pairing and decided to put it a little bit here.
MY POOR ANNABETH WHY DO I DO THIS TO HER.
Please leave a review telling me what you think! Also because it makes me feel good to read them and guilty if I don't put up a new chapter right away.
There will only be fifteen or less chapters in this story and it's definitely wrapping up, but I am going to be continuing on in a sequel.
Please follow me on tumblr at Frankzhangly, and Maddie at JasonGracious
Much, much love,
Anna x.