Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! This is the second part of Chapter 10 and it contains an explanation of what happened to Katharine. I tried not to go into too much detail, but once again, if this kind of thing bothers you, please don't read.
On a lighter note, does anyone remember the month of Randy's return to TV and his first storyline? My mind is blanking at the moment. If you do, please send me a message because I would like to keep this story somewhat accurate. Thanks a bunch!
Disclaim...
Chapter Eleven: Healing
All sense of time was gone, and neither Katharine nor Randy knew how long they had been sitting together on the floor. Katharine had not shifted from her position of clutching onto him tightly, and Randy let her be for as long as she needed. Her sobs slowly began to quiet and her breathing started to return to normal, but neither one spoke. Words would break the spell that had fallen upon them.
Katharine swallowed hard and slowly disentangled herself with him. She wiped her eyes, thankful that she was wearing waterproof mascara. Her face was streaked with tears and she sniffled before turning to him.
Randy smoothed her wild tresses and gave her a small smile. "Are you okay?" he asked. It sounded like a stupid question considering what had just transpired, but he felt the need to ask.
Katharine nodded slowly. "I will be," she answered quietly, then let out a deep breath. "I was not expecting that to happen. That hasn't happened in a few years."
She still sat in his lap and Randy laced his fingers with hers. "You don't have to say anything," he said. "There's no need to explain."
"But there is." Katharine was tired, so very tired of all of this. She couldn't hold on to this secret any longer and it had gotten to be too much for her. She locked eyes with him and she could see that he was willing to do anything that she asked of him. Randy was so wonderful and it was time that she let him in.
"I've been fighting this on my own for a long time," she told him. "And I was doing fine until I met you. I had everything I thought I needed, when really I was just going through the motions. I had neatly compartmentalized every piece of my life, and you came and shook all of that up. You made me feel things I haven't felt in ages. When you kissed me tonight, everything came together and I lost it. I can't do this by myself anymore."
Randy felt an overwhelming sense of guilt at kissing her. "If I had known…If I had seen it sooner…" His voice trailed off and he looked away. The fact that he had inadvertently hurt Katharine was enough to make him want to break down and cry himself.
"No, no, no." Katharine touched his cheek and gently guided his face back to hers so that they were looking at one another once again. "I needed this to happen. I needed you to come into my life. If it had been anyone else, I wouldn't feel what's inside of me right now. I might not have experienced something so powerful that forced me to face what I never wanted to deal with again if it hadn't been for you. I thought I had dealt with it and overcame it, but I was wrong. I owe you an explanation, Randy, and you deserve to know everything."
Randy couldn't deny that he was curious, even though he knew what Katharine was going to tell him. For once he was going to put someone else's needs above his own. "I already told you, you don't have to tell me anything."
"But I want to," she insisted. "Will you let me?"
He would promise her the moon if it would make Katharine feel better. He simply nodded, and they shifted so that they were leaning against the back of the couch while still sitting in the floor together. They sat side-by-side because Katharine wasn't sure she could look him in the eye while she shared this with him.
Katharine knew this was going to be difficult but it was something that she had to do. She owed it to Randy, and to herself to come clean and truly accept what had happened to her. For far too long she had been living with the pain and she needed to let it go.
"You can stop whenever you want," Randy gently assured her. "And I will do whatever you need me to."
Katharine turned her head so that she was looking directly at him. "Just be patient with me," she said softly, the corners of her lips almost turning up into a smile. Randy was so generous, so giving, so loving with her that it was impossible not to smile, despite their current situation.
Randy waited for her to speak so that he could take his cue from her as to what he should do. Katharine was quiet at first, and it looked as if she was gathering her thoughts and trying to determine where to begin.
The silence was overpowering, and just as Randy thought he was going to burst from anticipation, Katharine began to speak.
"I never knew my father," she stated. It was an awkward place to begin her story, but she figured it was best to start at the beginning. "He abandoned my mother when he found out that she was pregnant and he never came back. My mother…most of the time I don't understand why she even kept me. It was clear from an early age that she did not like being a mom and that she resented me in her life."
Randy couldn't imagine what that must have been like. Even though he had his share of problems with his parents, he loved them deeply and he knew they felt the same way about him. His family was such a core part of his life that he didn't know what it would be like to not have them.
"It sucked," Katharine continued. "But I got used to it. I mean, I never knew anything different, so how can you miss what you never had? At least that's how I felt until I got to junior high. That was when things really changed. My mom started drinking, and it wasn't long before it became a regular occurrence for her to come home and get drunk. It screwed up the little that was left of our relationship, and I haven't spoken to her in a long time. In fact, just before I left for college she told me that she hated me for ruining her life and she hoped I never came back.
"So I spent a lot of time with my friends and their families growing up, and I resolved to make something of myself so that I wouldn't fall into the same trap that she did. High school was good to me and that's when I decided that I wanted to pursue a career in journalism."
Katharine closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, taking a few moments to collect herself before she continued. She opened her eyes again and stared straight ahead, concentrating on the television set that Randy had shut off earlier.
"I was getting along fine until I turned sixteen. That was when my whole life changed."
"Katharine," Randy said, touching her arm. "It's okay, really."
She shook her head. "I need to, Randy," she whispered. "I've never told anyone all of this, not even Kellie. She knows it happened, but she doesn't know much."
Randy removed his hand from her arm, not sure if she wanted physical contact with him at the moment. He mentally prepared himself for what Katharine was about to reveal to him. It was going to painful for her to say, and difficult for him to hear.
"One of my friends was throwing a party after the homecoming game," she began slowly, her eyes still focused straight ahead. "I wasn't into that kind of thing, but I really didn't want to go home and deal with my mother who was going to be passed out on the couch in a drunken stupor. I decided to go, and every day of my life after I wish that I hadn't."
Katharine was surprisingly calm as she relayed the events that had ensued. Randy listened in horror as she told him about being cornered at the party by three of the school's star football players, about how she tried to get away but there was nowhere to go. He watched as her expression twisted in sorrow, dealing with the pain of reliving how she was dragged away from the party and raped by all three of her classmates. His heart lurched in his chest and his hands clenched into fists at his sides. He wanted to track those guys down and beat them senselessly so that they would feel the same helplessness that they had forced upon Katharine. Yet there was nothing that he could do except sit and continue to listen.
A few stray tears leaked out of her eyes and she brushed them away absent-mindedly. When the football players had finished with her, she had run from the party and escaped to the safety of her home. Her mother was asleep, just as she had suspected she would be.
"I was angry," Katharine revealed to him quietly in a dejected tone. "But more than that, I was scared. Our school held the football players on such a pedestal that I knew no one would listen to me if I tried to say anything. And they were rich. They would hire the best lawyers who would tear me to shreds and no one would believe what happened to me. So I kept quiet, and I kept my head down for the following two years of high school. I passed by them in the halls every day, and each time wore me down a little more."
"Did you tell your mother?" Randy asked, his voice thick with emotion.
She shook her head. "We were fighting so much by that point that I just didn't bother. I didn't think she would care. I was depressed and I began to skip school, until I realized that my dream of getting out of California and going to NYU was slipping away from me. I made the decision to take back my life and I found a group therapy program for young women who had been raped. I began to attend meetings and I worked really hard to make my dreams a reality. I was naïve enough to think that group therapy sessions and throwing myself into schoolwork would take care of the problem. Obviously you know it didn't."
"You've made a good life for yourself here, though," Randy reminded her. "You have a great future ahead of you in journalism and a good friend in Kellie."
"I'm getting there," she agreed. "But I'm a long way from being healed. I wanted so desperately for this to be fixed that I tricked myself into believing that I could live with what had happened as long as no one got too close. The problem is that I don't know how to trust people anymore."
Randy didn't understand, but Katharine quickly continued. "Kellie and I met early on and it was easy to open up to her; her childhood sucked, too, and we related to each other. She's been the best friend that I could ever ask for, and she helped me beat my eating disorder. But I haven't allowed myself to get close to anyone else besides her. I'm just afraid to."
"And then I came into your life." For the first time Randy realized what Katharine must have gone through in order to try and get close to him. While he had been clinging to her in order to deal with his problems, she was trying to find a way to trust him.
Katharine turned to look at him for the first time during the course of their conversation. Her dark, expressive eyes had always held an aura of mystery about them, telling him that there were secrets about her that he would never learn. That curtain was lifted now, however, and there was a clarity in them that Randy had never seen before. It was almost as if she had been purged of her pain by confiding in him. He would gladly take it on for her so that she could go on living.
"I'm so glad you came into my life," she replied, her voice a little shaky. "Because if you hadn't, I wouldn't be here sharing this with you. I wouldn't feel like there was a chance for me to really move on." Her eyes suddenly averted his and she played with the hem of her shirt. "But I understand if you want me to walk out that door right now."
Randy's eyes widened. "Never!" he exclaimed, causing her head to snap up. "Kat, nothing you could ever say or do would make me feel that way. You mean the world to me." I love you. Those three little words were on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't say them to her. Not now, not when she was still so hurt.
The mist of sadness that surrounded her lifted and Randy saw hope in her eyes. "Really?"
He placed his hand on his heart, feeling the erratic beating of the organ beneath his touch. "I swear to you on my life. I will not walk away from you."
Katharine was so overcome with relief and joy that she flung her arms around Randy's neck and held him close. He embraced her, gently at first before allowing himself to hold her tighter. It felt so good to hold her, as if this was where he belonged.
"Did you mean it before when you hinted that you liked me?" he asked her, desperate to know how she felt about him.
She pulled back, her cheeks deepening to a crimson shade. "Yeah, I did. Did you mean it when you said that you were crazy about me?"
"With all of my heart," he answered eagerly.
Katharine bit her lip. "I don't know how to do this, Randy. I don't know how to trust. Can you teach me how?"
Randy took her hand in his and squeezed it reassuringly. "We have all the time in the world, Katharine. We can start this slow, and you'll learn to trust me in time. Just believe me when I say that I would never hurt you, and that if I could take all of this pain away for you I would."
"I know." And Katharine truly did know that to be true. She had always sensed that Randy would never hurt her, and she was going to take a leap of faith now. She was going to believe him and allow herself to begin on this journey with him, wherever it might take her.
Randy placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "The past is behind you, Katharine. Everything's going to be alright now."
Katharine hugged him again, pressing herself close to him so that she could feel his heart beat next to hers. "I believe you," she whispered. For the first time in her life, Katharine finally felt like things would be okay.