Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, Squaresoft, Halo 2, or... yeah, basically anything.

Author's Note:

Calm Land battle

Rikku: (:reflects sunlight off of blades:)
Rikku: SHINE THE LIGHT INTO YOUR EYES!
(:Coeurl is blinded and wanders off in frustration:)
(:other Coeurl follows out of boredom:)

Way #10 - Time Travel is 1337

In the Celsius, there was silence.

Mostly because Brother was asleep and Rikku was no where to be found.

Buddy was seated in the back with Shinra, the two of them engaged in a heated Pokemon card duel that had been going on for hours.

"Attaching a water card to Blastoise! End turn!"

"Caterpie, tackle!"

"I win," Shinra grabbed one of Buddy's prizes.

"Fryd! Tackle doesn't do 1200 damage!"

"Molecular reconstruction of a card isn't an illegal move."

Buddy threw up his hands.

AHEM... Anyway.. moving on to something people care about...
That left Paine and Yuna, standing in the middle of the bridge, idly staring around the room.

After about twenty or so minutes of posing and yawning and glaring and whatnot, Paine sighed. "Don't you have anything to say? A comment on my hair? My outfit? Anything?"

Yuna gave out an indignant huff. "I'm an altruistic hero, not a conversationalist. That's what my guardians were for."

"What, to keep the storyline from boring everyone to death?"

"Basically. Tidus and Wakka were comic relief, after all."

"I hate to break it to you, but you don't have guardians anymore."

Yuna sighed. "I know. Now I mostly just mimic everything Rikku says."

"That would explain the complete one-eighty your personality took from FFX."

"I'm a follower, not a leader," the gunner conceded.

"Wait... what?"

Moments later, in which Paine's brain was working in overdrive and Yuna was smiling prettily at a wall, Rikku burst through the doors.

"Oh my GOD!"

Paine rubbed her temples. "Rikku, cut the crap."

"And the extra exclamation points," Yuna added.

Rikku stopped jumping (which in turn caused the Celsius to stop shaking) and crossed her arms. "Meanies. Now I'm not gonna tell you what I found!"

"The disappointment is killing me," Paine yawned.

After a moment or two, Rikku decided to give up on her vain attempt to draw an apology out of Paine by pouting. "Did you know that on wikipedia, it says that I'm bisexual, in love with Paine, and attracted to Lulu, Yuna, Auron, Wakka, Tidus, and Kimahri?"

"Thank you for that wonderful batch of information, Rikku. I'll be sure to lock that away and avoid you for the rest of my natural life."

"No problem, Paine."

"Is that all you were yelling about?" Yuna frowned.

"Nope. I've created...a time machine."

Yuna and Paine blinked.

"It was the damndest thing. I was just mixing two potions together when an antidote fell in, and there it was."

"Two potions and an antidote make a time machine?"

"Mixing is so FFX," Yuna rolled her eyes.

"You guys want to see it or not?"

"Uhhhh..."

An Hour Later in Rin's Travel Agency

"Rikku?" Paine asked, "why is it that the time machine is at Rin's?"

"Well... I asked him to help me move it, you know? But he just brought it here."

"I see."

"I think he was trying to steal it," the Al Bhed added as an afterthought.

"Sleazy bastard," Yuna tsked, fluttering her eyelashes.

The time machine was like nothing the Spirans had ever seen before, with all its high tech gadgets and gears and shiny buttons. To us, however, the time machine would have looked an awful lot like a human-sized food processor with a television screen on the side.

"Wow..." Yuna tapped the machina, eyeing the three buttons labeled "PUSH", "DON'T PUSH", and "PREVIEW".

"Hit PREVIEW! It's shiny!" Rikku squealed.

The three Spiran women eyed the machina with interest as Yuna carefully pushed the sparkly button, and a picture of Rin's Travel Agency with a very familiar cast appeared on the screen.

There was silence in the Inn.

"..Tidus? It's your turn."

"Huh? Oh, go fish."

"..We're playing poker, man. You draw, discard—damn it, stop staring at Lulu's breasts!"

Tidus threw up his hands and glared at Wakka. "No way! If I'm gonna disappear at the end of the game, then I'm damn well gonna enjoy myself!"

Collective sighs could be heard from around the room.

"Man...!" Wakka tossed down his cards. "I lost... one freaking pair of threes!"

"Fifth time in a row," Tidus commented, ignoring the piece of paper that was being flicked at him by Yuna in a pathetic attempt at flirting.

"Wow, Wakka," Rikku's eyes widened. "I thought you just sucked at blitzball, but I guess you're really an all-around loser."

Wakka bursted into tears.

"I mean, you attack with a blitzball. That'd be like me throwing a football at a lion. It wouldn't hurt him—it'd just piss him off."

Lulu pat Wakka on the back in a comforting gesture.

"What's a football?" Yuna whispered.

Tidus shrugged.

Breaking his vow of never speaking to the rest of the group unless it was absolutely necessary, or in an attempt to act like a bastard, Auron laid down his cards. "Straight flush." Pause. "I'm the man."

Everyone sighed.

Kimahri laid down a royal flush. "Kimahri the man."

Rikku wiped a tear from her eye. "Good times, good times..."

"It's Tidus!" Yuna shrieked.

"That skinny blonde kid?" Paine blinked. "Whoa, Rikku. Look! You're wearing clothes!"

Rikku sweat dropped. Yuna had a determined look on her face.

"Rikku, Paine: I have an idea," the gunner announced. "I'm going to travel back in time and bring you-know-who back."

Paine stared. Rikku stared. The time machine began to make weird gurgling noises.

"You can't do that, Yuna," red-eyed warrior sighed. "Seriously. It'd be like grabbing the space time continuum, cramming it into a blender, and pushing puree. We'd all be screwed."

"I don't care! I want my Tidus!" Yuna stomped up to the machine and hit the "PUSH" button.

The reaction was instantaneous. The machina lit up, and colors swirled around the travel agency, light reflecting off of highly polished metal. It all ended when these words appeared on the machine's screen:

"'/0. 1/1/455uP 1-10/1/1135?"

The Gullwings were silent.

"..What's it saying?"

"It must be some complex, futuristic language..."

"I don't care!" Yuna glared. "Take me back two years!"

"/1/0 p120b13/1/1, 1 u1 3."

In one zap of light, Yuna was gone.

For a moment or two after her departure,all was quietas the remaining Gullwings stared blankly at the smoke that was beginning to clear from the machine.

"The time machine's still here," Rikku commented.

"Guess she's stuck there, then."

More silence.

"Oh, no. Yuna hasn't died this chapter," Rikku whispered worriedly to Paine.

"What..?"

"True, she's gone, but... Oh, I don't know."

"...What?"

"Well, this is anti-climatic. Not to mention anti-violent..."

Meanwhile...
"Tidus!" Yuna shrieked, lovingly gazing into the startled eyes of Tidus, currently a guardian of... Yuna?

The entire cast of guardians (and Summoner Yuna) froze in their tracks. Well, card game.

"Oh my God!" Tidus, girly-man, squealed. "It's an evil Yuna clone! Shoot it!"

Nodding, Auron pulled out a Plasma Particle Beam Shooter 2000 that he had swiped from Halo 2 and blasted Yuna square in the chest, sending 90,000 volts of electricity into her and smashing her clear through the wall. She conveniently happened to hit Rin on the way through and he was, unfortunately, also killed on the spot.

"Damn fiends..." Auron muttered, sitting back down and picking up his hand of cards.

The seven resumed their poker game, with FFX's non-lame Yuna reflecting on how cute that evil clone's outfit was, and where could she possibly buy one?

The End

I'm not entirely sure if all of the 1337 got in there right, what with shiznit...
:points to last word and sniggers violently:
Oh, uh, ahem, I meant 'shiat'.

And yeah, I've been disinclined to kill Yuna lately; I've been focusing more on Chocobos due to a certain mini-game in FFX that you need to beat with under 0.0 seconds to receive Tidus's ing Celestial weapon. -.- Screw Tidus, he doesn't need a weapon anyway...

So -AHEM- that may account for the less violent death. But I'm sure we'll get back into it... I'm thinking a Yuna VS Lenne Celebrity Death Match o.O