"Why Part 2"--Collective Soul

So yeah. I'm sorry.

They've been dancing around each other for months. So long that the whole ridiculous thing almost starts making sense. Which it obviously shouldn't, because how many times does he have to say it? It's fucking ridiculous.

And he's sure Spock knows it. Okay, so he's got the whole Vulcan thing going on (and he wasn't even sure Vulcans could flirt, before he met Spock. He knows better now), but that's not exactly an excuse anymore. Not now that Jim knowshim. Spock has to know what's going on. He has to.

So there's only one question in Jim's mind. Why the fuck is Spock leaving?

It's almost like in those really shitty holovids, where the man/woman/being says, "I thought we had something special" (or something equally nauseating). And Jim refuses to be that damned pathetic. Even though—Bones's words, not his—he's "so in love with the damned hobgoblin it's a wonder your brain can properly function." Or something along those lines.

Jim really hates it when Bones is right. (Which is most of the time. But whatever.)

And the really sad thing is, Jim didn't even consider that this might happen. And all right, so he's not exactly known for thinking things through sometimes. But he's captain of a fucking starship. So, you know—novel thought and all—he's actually not an idiot. (He can almost hear Uhura and Bones's retorts to that, even as he's thinking it. Which is pretty damned sad, really.)

But in retrospect? Fine, he'll give in. Maybe he should have laid off a little. But first of all, this is James Tiberius Kirk we're talking about. It's not even like he tries, most of the time. It just… happens. Naturally. He's a flirt. And he's not ashamed to admit that, because if he's being honest, that's what gave him his rep. Not that he hasn't been around the block and all, it's just that his reputation has been way overblown over the years, and why change it?

Of course, he knows this is more than good-natured Jim Kirk flirting. That's the kind of flirting he does with Uhura, even though it's mostly just a kind of private joke with them these days, now that she's gotten used to it and finds it more endearing than worth a punch to the face. And that's what it had been with Spock in the beginning. But he's not going to lie, there was always something more intense underneath it, waiting. And if the only way Jim could keep from jumping his First Officer after a couple months was to let off some extra energy by flirting with him? Well, at least he wasn't jumping his First Officer, right?

Not that Jim hasn't seriously considered it. Especially now. Because Spock's leaving, deciding to go back to the Vulcan colony after all, and it's not like Jim's got anything to lose. Because he's already losing everyth—

Goddammit. Those little voices in the back of his head are really not helping matters. At all.

Of course, his conscious self isn't helping much either, if tackling Spock in a random 'lift is the best idea it can come up with (not that it isn't a great fantasy, because it is, but in reality probably wouldn't have the desired effect).

Uhura interrupts with a ping at the door of his quarters. (Is it wrong that he's hoping it's Spock?) She doesn't say anything when she comes in. She doesn't have to. And as it sinks in, slowly, she puts her hand on his arm, and her eyes are liquid. And he lets her cry, because he can't. Because it's Uhura, his friend, one of the most empathetic people he's ever met, and it's okay. Jim knows that she gets it, knows that she's crying for him, knows that she hopes comforting her will distract him enough that he might not notice when Scotty calls to tell him Spock's just beamed out.

It fails, but he tries not to let her know that.

This was going to be Mirrorverse. Nice, easy, evil, non-angsty Mirrorverse. Well, yeah. That didn't happen.