A hard hand shoved against Dean's chest, pushing him backwards forcefully. Dean stared wide-eyed as Cas took point in front of him, facing off against Dick.
Dick reached out and threw Cas against the side of the room. Dean cringed at the sound of the impact but kept his focus on Dick, needing to follow the plan.
Dean let the bloody bone fall from his sleeve and stabbed Dick in the chest with a thick squidgy sound.
"Did you really think you could trump me?" Dick sneered at him, unfazed by the wound, that creepy smile stuck on his face as he pulled the bone out of himself.
Dean smiled back, "Honestly?" He took the second bone out from the inside of his jacket. "No."
Castiel had pulled up behind Dick and reared his head back for Dean who plunged the bone sideways through Dick's exposed neck. The Leviathan's true face, gaping mouth and all ripped open from his skin and he yelled, twisted, and gurgled.
Dean leaned forward and growled the words at Dick, "Figured we'd have to catch you off guard."
Dean watched in fascination as Dick's form started to twist and contort, he exchanged a weary glance at Cas and then a surge of hot wind blasted into him and everything went black.
The next second, he and Cas were standing in a darkened forest. It was dead quiet and there was no sight of Dick.
"Where are we?" Dean asked in shock, his face felt sticky and his heart was still racing.
"Where do monsters go when they die?" Cas asked him rhetorically and Dean turned to look back at Cas, his eyes wide and disbelieving.
"We're in purgatory!" He exclaimed. He immediately regretted the outburst as the sound of growling filtered to his ears. OH shit…
Dean started turning back to face Cas, "Cas, we gotta –"
Cas was gone. Dean looked around in a panic, seeing red glowing eyes all around him.
"Cas?!" He whispered in a shrill voice. But there was no response. Dean felt the panic bubble up inside him, a sick churning feeling and he gripped the knife in his hand harder and focused on the growing threat that was closing in around him.
It took nearly thirty minutes of straight combat to get rid of them all. He was damn lucky they weren't much stronger than your average wolf or dog. Despite all that, he felt beat to shit. And now that he was done with the hand-to-paw action, he remembered that he was alone and Cas was gone.
"Cas… where are you?" Dean immediately started praying. "Cas, God, please be okay? Don't make me worry. I'm sorry this happened. I know you didn't want to fight and it's all my fault and now I've gotten you trapped in fucking purgatory of all places!" Dean rubbed a dirty hand over his face, smudging the growing layers of gross and sighed heavily, his breath shaking as it crossed his mouth.
He looked around into the darkness and felt a crushing weight settle into his chest. Cas was gone. What did that mean? Cas had vanished and Dean had no way of knowing whether it was intentional or not, whether he was dead.
"Cas, don't be gone. Please. I need you." He pleaded but nothing happened.
Dean started walking, having no better option, and was near losing his shit because how the hell had he managed to get himself stuck in purgatory?! And not just him, but Cas too? And then he fucking lost his angel.
/\
Roughly a week later and Dean was slowly getting used to it. The dry stale air, the lack of breeze, the lack of smell. It was devoid of sensation, this place. Except of course, the pain and trauma of fighting almost 24/7. So there was that, he supposed.
The first few days had been hell, well not literally of course. He found he didn't need food or water, didn't use the bathroom. Which didn't make sense because he sure as hell sweat like a mother fucker in this place. He still needed to try and clean himself every so often otherwise the dirt crowded into every pore and every crevice and he simply couldn't stand the grime.
He'd already killed over thirty creatures since he'd been here. Six that first night, the wolf-like, red-eyed furballs, and then a whole slew of shit he'd never seen before. He wondered how long some of these things had been here.
Each night, when the place would get dark – which was strange on its own because there wasn't really a sun or moon in this place – he would find a place to bunker down and not move until daylight. It was difficult to explain, the patterns of day and night; the sky would be lighter and then darker, no variation in colour at all. The daytime sky would be grey. Always with the grey. The trees, the grass, everything that should have been vibrant seemed leached of life. Much like everything else in this place. Maybe that was why he didn't eat or drink but still felt the need for something to sustain him. The entire place and its habitants were in a constant state of half-alive.
That night he found a tight grouping of trees, some large, some tiny as they huddled together. Dean weaved his way through the bark lined walls and got right into the centre of the mess of growth. He squatted down on his haunches and prepared to be uncomfortable for the next nine hours. Dean was simultaneously happy and pissed that he still had his watch. It was occasionally nice to know how much longer he would have to wait out the darkness, but it made him burn with frustration at the slow passing of days that he was able to keep track of.
With the quiet around him, he started.
"Cas?" He whispered into the trees, hoping nothing could hear him. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the bark with a sigh. "Cas.. babe, please come back. I know you didn't want to fight. I promise I'll protect you. Just come back." He pleaded, hoping that Cas was okay. "I need you, we need each other. Remember?" Dean rubbed at his face and he felt so tired.
No sound of wings, no 'Hello Dean.' Dean closed his eyes tight and braced himself for the pain of yet another night alone.
/\
Two months later, Dean found himself backed against a tree, three evil sons-of-bitches all around him. He brought the knife up, snarling as he did. "Bring it, you fugly beasts!" He growled and began slashing, managing to get one but the other two barreled against him, one crashed hard into his side, sending pain shooting across his ribs and knocking the wind out of him. His grip loosened and the knife fell with a soft thud onto the hard-packed earth.
A hard fist to the stomach and a knee to the groin had him collapsing to the ground. He looked up, tried to stand and only managed to get one foot on the ground, a knife was pulled and he blanked, Cas, the word was breathed from his lips and then a flash exploded all around him. Dean sealed his lids shut against the blinding white, still cringing from the beating. When he opened his eyes, the two monsters were dead on the ground.
"Cas!?" He yelled, stumbling to a standing position that wasn't so much homoerectus as it was homo-lean-way-the-fuck-over. He fuckin' knew it!
"You… fuck, Cas! I know that was you. I know you can hear me." He waited. Nothing.
"How can you fuckin do this to me? After everything!? You're gonna just zap in, save my life and then fly your ass away. AGAIN! When will you learn?" His voice was harsh and angry. He'd never been so pissed in his life. They'd come so far and Cas was going to desert him like this. So much for all the shit they'd said to each other. Obviously it didn't matter as much to the angel as it did to him.
"I hope you're bat-shit crazy when I find you, or I swear to God I will…" He stopped, taking a deep breath. His anger falling away to worry in a sudden drop, his entire body going from tense muscle to slack defeat.
"Please… please, come back." He said quietly, his arms out and pleading. There was nothing and no one around him.
He kept walking.
/\
A shiver wracked through his body, the tremor emphasizing the sharp hard lines of the rock surface beneath his body. Finding the cave had been a blessing, he'd spent a couple nights here so far. Knew he needed to keep walking soon but the shelter and relative safety were hard to leave behind.
This night was colder than any of the others had been and he pulled himself into a tight ball to conserve energy. "I fucking hate purgatory." He complained to no one, grimacing as hard as the lines of his face would allow. He could feel the muck all over it and knew he'd have to find some sort of stream or puddle soon enough.
He didn't sleep as often as he'd had when he'd been in the real world, but he did need to doze off once in a while – mostly just to escape. As unconsciousness slowly pulled him to the dark-side; a warmth seeped into his body and seared right deep in his bones. He wasn't sure if it was a dream or not, and was afraid to move in case it vanished leaving him cold and alone.
The heat shifted and brushed across his face and down his neck, and he knew. He was dreaming, but he wasn't alone.
"Cas?" He didn't get a reply and he turned over to see for himself. His eyes were open but they didn't immediately comprehend what he was seeing. It was bent light, bright, twisting in front of his eyes. He could look at it and he felt warm, he felt…
"Cas?" He said again, looking around himself for good measure. "What is this?" Was he still dreaming?
He didn't receive an answer, but the light shifted and Dean could have sworn it was a head tilt – except there was no head. He scrunched his face in confusion trying to figure out what was happening. There was a real possibility that this was only Dean's dream, made-up and meant nothing at all. The light moved closer and came up alongside his body. He was still on his side, holding his top-half up with an elbow.
The shape transformed to be longer, strips of light stretching out around him, holding him. "Am I crazy?" He said. The light pushed closer and warmed his entire body. Even the ground seemed softer, somehow.
"Is that supposed to reassure me?" He asked the strange light, feeling insane. It slid along his neck, the heat up against his pulse sent shivers shaking down each vertebrae. The light continued to move around him, against him – so soft and warm. Dean didn't know what it meant. He was terrified that it was real and the Cas' body was somewhere unprotected. Or maybe this was Cas' way of crashing his dreams in purgatory – he had no idea. He wanted to be angry, and he tried several times to be mean or to say something hateful, but the actions and words never made it farther than the spark of an idea in his mind.
He broke ranks with his own dignity and tried to huddle closer, annoyed that the light wasn't a solid flesh and blood body he could hold onto.
The light warmed his lips and his neck. A hot streak seared down his body, lightly caressing over his groin.
"Don't be a pervert." He said teasingly. The light fluttered and he was sure it was a laugh. "No touching if you don't have real hands to touch with. It's creepy." He said. The light brushed against him again and he felt himself harden. He sighed dramatically.
"Do you think purgatory takes sexual harassment complaints?" He asked, but the light simply continued to tease him.
"You're such an asshole. I'm pissed at you." He said seriously. The touching stopped for a second, and then it resumed but this time, soft, pleading, and needy. He could sense the desperation and wanted to fight back against it. Fight his own need and found he couldn't. Dean fell onto his back and the light descended over him like a blanket.
"This isn't enough. Cas… where are you?" Dean didn't receive any form of reply, no change in shape or pattern of the moving celestial energy.
A hot force against the inside of his legs caused him to move them apart and then a lick of heat surged just past his lips, it felt like he was breathing in the heat from a fire, hot and burning.
His body trembled as the surges of heat moved over him like a fever. Every piece of skin felt touched bare, though his clothes were all still on. He let out a groan as he felt a hot force push against his entrance at the same it closed around his cock.
"Ohh…fuck this is weird." He said and the disembodied angel continued to touch him, kiss him, and caress his body. Suddenly, the light stopped and waited, as though permission was needed. He would hate himself for giving in, but he nodded anyway.
Words couldn't describe it. Dean had never felt anything like it, as Cas, in his angelic form, pushed inside of him. It was hot and consuming. It felt solid, but not solid. His emotions warped as though they were being affected inadvertently.
It didn't take long and he knew it had nothing to do with the breadth of time between now and the last time he'd finished, or even the general lack of feeling in this place, it was something to do with the light itself – manipulating him. Not that he was complaining.
He came unrealistically, impossibly slow; each throbbing ache seeming to last a minute. His mouth was frozen wide open, his body still and pulled tight. Then he was shaking as the last of it shot out of him, breathing in harsh pants as he lay spread eagle on the ground, recovering from having been fucked by a ball of light. No one would believe this.
"That is by far the most ridiculous thing you've ever done. " He said in a tired voice, but smiling. The light moved fast before his eyes, shooting upright and then to the back of the cave and then towards the front. It moved so fast, Dean could hardly see it as it blew past him. He felt it more than he could see, and then it was in front of him and pushing over and over again. Panic overcame him and he felt like he was falling into a void.
His body jolted hard as he woke up in the cold cave, rising up to a sitting position immediately and listening hard. He heard the quiet brushes against leaves, the low guttural breathing of some creature just outside and grabbed his knife, taking a deep breath and tried to get himself set into the right frame of mind to take on purgatory latest contestant for death.
It had been one of more difficult battles and when the deed was done, he collapsed onto the ground in exhaustion.
"What the hell, Cas?" He asked aloud, praying. "What is going on with you?" He shook his head and though there was still another few hours of darkness, he started walking, leaving his cave spot behind.
/\
After that night, Dean hadn't heard from Cas again. No dreams that would make Thomas Edison proud, or perhaps disturbed. Nothing.
He was sure he'd been here six months now. He started losing track of time a while back. It was getting harder and harder to maintain hope. He still prayed. Every night he prayed. Sometimes he begged and sometimes he yelled. On occasion he got creative. Usually when he felt overcome with fear and he needed to vent it through a different silo to lessen the pain and the worry. Last night had been one of those kinds of prayers. He touched himself slow, taking his time, and talking to Cas the entire time. Teasing him; being mean about it when the fear turned into anger. He told Cas how good he felt and how Cas would never touch him again. At the time it sounded like a statement of his anger to punish the angel, but in his heart he knew it was more an estimate of reality. After so long, it was unlikely that he would see Cas again and he wouldn't touch him.
His faith was withering day by day, but he kept walking, kept looking. He would kill every last thing in this Godforsaken place until the only ones left were him and Cas. Cas wouldn't have to hide then, right? If that was even why Cas was gone. He tried hard not to think of Cas being dead, it left a sickening roll in his gut.
A twig broke and he turned quick to find nothing behind him. He pivoted on his waist, looking around. He heard another subtle shift of sound in nature that was not caused by wind. Because there was no wind.
A trample of feet sounded back to his left ad he turned on his heel and stabbed. The gaunt mouth hung open in shock near his face. The creature sagged, weighing on the knife jabbed into its chest cavity. Dean yanked it out and the monster dropped in dead weight on the ground.
Not a minute to recuperate before another body crashed hard into him, sending him rolling onto the ground. This one had teeth, lots of teeth and was snarling over Dean, holding his arms out and away, the position made it impossible to do anything except torque his lower body in a hard lift trying to buck off the thing. It didn't work. The thing's salivating mouth opened and leaned down. Dean cringed waiting for it, but before the teeth could sink into his flesh, a blade flew through the air and sliced the neck above him.
The head lopped off and rolled away from him, he sprung the body off to the side to avoid getting sickening blood spraying all over his face.
A gruffy vampire stood over him, hand outstretched. "You're welcome." The southern accent said to him, grinning smug.
Dean grimaced and stood on his own, holding his knife out – ready to fight again. "Whoa, whoa… I ain't looking for a fight, friend."
"I'm not you're friend." Dean replied and stalked forwards with his weapon, the vamp took a few feet back, hands outstretched.
"Hold on, now. I think we can help each other." The vamp opened his hands in invitation.
"Oh yeah?" Dean said sarcastically.
"I can get you out." The vamp told him.
"Bull-shit." Dean's jaw clenched, wondering what kind of trap this was.
"There's a way, God's little trap door. Only for humans 'course." He drawled out.
"And what, you wanna help me outta the goodness of your undead heart?"
"Not exactly." The vamp smiled secretively. "It's a human portal, jackass. I'm gonna hitch a ride." Dean observed him and assessed the situation.
"First, we find the angel." Dean's voice was harsh and commanding.
"I don't know if it'll work for angels." The vamp admitted.
"That's it. That's the plan. You want to ride me to freedom, we do it my way. Or I kill you now. Your choice, friend." Dean sneered the last word and waited. Finally the vamp nodded and stretched at a hand for a shake.
"Names Benny. Benny Lafitte."
/\
The next few weeks were a blur. Dean and the vamp named Benny fought together and Dean had to respect a good fighter when he saw one. He felt a sense of trust develop towards the vamp, having saved Dean countless times already.
Benny heard Dean praying a few times and tried to ask him about it. He told the vamp it was none of his damn business and they would move on, not saying a word for hours.
Each monster they killed, Dean would interrogate them, putting to use skills honed in Hell. He battered each and every one of them for information on the angel and was getting nowhere. It pulled him down and he became angrier and more terrified. Benny had started ignoring him completely, opting to walk silently beside Dean instead of becoming the brunt of his anger when bothered with unnecessary chit-chat.
That night, Dean found himself alone. Benny was gone for a walk to "check the surroundings" but Dean was fairly certain the vamp just needed to get away from the seething blackness that had consumed Dean since he'd started torturing again. Combine that with thinking Cas was dead and he knew Benny had debated killing him himself.
Praying had become a habit, and even though he thought Cas was probably dead, he would still pray.
"We hardly saw any action today," he began. "Maybe I'm killing them all. I will, you know? Kill them all. Kill them until I find you. Even if…" He couldn't say it. Thinking Cas was dead and saying it were way different.
"I'm not mad. Not anymore. I just miss you…" He fell silent, realizing how much he sounded as though he were in mourning. Maybe he was…
"We could have been great." He said with a tight voice on the verge of tears, his chest ached terribly and he didn't say anymore that night. Didn't say 'I'm coming for you', or 'I'll see you soon', because they so often felt like a lie and he couldn't find it in himself to lie that night.
Dean was lying at the base of a large tree, his knee pressed against a large tree root when he heard Benny walk up behind him. The footfalls were distinct and he didn't need to look up to make sure it wasn't some creature.
It was a cold night again, but he knew no light would come to him this time. He curled tighter in on himself and frowned hard trying to get a little sleep. He shivered annoyingly and let out an irritated grunt and he heard Benny sit down behind him.
"I heard you." The vamp said. Dean didn't respond. What was the point? He wasn't going to have a heart to dead-heart in purgatory with a fucking vampire.
Benny shifted and laid down behind him, Dean squinted suspiciously because Benny didn't sleep.
"What are you doing?" He asked, his head turned towards his shoulder.
"You're cold, I'm nice and toasty, just accept it and don't be a bitch about it." Benny slithered up behind him, an arm resting over his ribs.
"Get the fuck off me." Dean said but didn't actually move away. The heat felt pretty awesome.
"I said, don't be a bitch." Benny repeated and Dean sighed. Whatever.
"I thought you guys were supposed to be cold or something." Dean observed, the warmth bleeding through his clothes and he shivered as his body adjusted to the change.
"In the real world, we are. Here, I'm always warm. It's uncomfortable for me. Maybe that's why you always seem cold. Who knows with this place?"
Dean shrugged, his shoulders touching another body and tried not to let it comfort him.
Three hours later and Dean was asleep, that is until something stirred him awake. He was extremely warm now and Benny's hand had moved from where it had been draped over his ribs to be resting on the outside of his hip, the vamp's fingers were pressed into the dip towards his junk. Dean's breathing hitched but he didn't move, didn't say anything. He was probably reading too much into it. The situation was already intimate enough and he just needed to forget it and fall back asleep.
He tried to do just that, but the fingers of the hand curled inwards, digging into the sensitive area and Dean responded to it. He hated himself for it but months after months of being angry and bitter and terrified, and this light grip had him desperate for more. Like it could make him forget.
Dean shifted experimentally and the hand slipped lower, the weight of it near enough to have the fabric of his jeans pulling tight against him. He forced his breath not to change, his lungs screaming in frustration. The hand moved again and the tips of the vamps fingers brushed against the hard line of his erection. His breath stuttered then and the hand closed around him as much as possible over his jeans. Dean bit his lip to hold back any noise. He felt a hard length pressed against his ass and closed his eyes trying to imagine someone else. Someone he knew he would probably never see again.
The hand moved up and down over his shaft a few times, pushing hard against him, until it slid up and started undoing the button on his jeans. He opened his mouth to protest but found he couldn't. Or didn't want to, he wasn't sure.
The second his cock was freed to the air, the warm hand enclosed it and starting moving up and down. The movements were mostly clinical, Dean realized, and that was the only thing that allowed him to think with clarity. He shifted backwards, pressing himself against the erection that he felt, the hard pressure was returned, the hardness moving against him, humping as he the hand fisted his cock.
Dean came quick, short spurts that soiled the ground. His breath huffing softly, the hand stroked him a bit and let go, the body moved away from his back. Dean stayed still for only second before he rolled over, avoided looking at the face of the body he had turned to.
Benny pulled himself out and Dean reached out and took control, jacking him off with the same clinical detachment that Benny had showed him. When it was done, Dean turned back around and fell asleep fast.
The next morning things were back to normal. No mention of what happened in the night and why would they? It was nothing more than lending a hand. It still made him feel rancid inside.
The spent the day walking, torturing, and killing everything they found. It turned out to be a long day and when the night came, Dean didn't know what to say. Benny looked at him strangely and then took off leaving Dean alone with his prayers.
He had no words that night. No mention of hate or hope. In the end he looked up at the sky and simply said, "I'm sorry."
A/N: So, so sorry for taking so long to post this chapter! Things have been busy lately and therefore updates may not be as often as I'd like.