Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns all of Harry Potter's world and its wonderful characters. I own nothing but the plot I made up and a few OCs.

Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide?

I won't pretend that I'm someone else for all time.

When will my reflection show who I am inside?

(Christina Aguilera - Reflection (From Disney's Mulan))

REMUS:

I don't know who he thinks he's kidding, Remus thought. He felt the now-familiar stare burning into his back as he tried to keep his attention on Professor Anders's lecture on lesser duelling jinxes. He shifted in his chair, fighting with his natural instinct to turn and face what the wolf within him considered a predatory gaze. He should be used to it by now: four months and still Black hadn't given up.

Remus could only be thankful that Black hadn't tried to talk to him again. Everytime he returned from the infirmary following his transformations, Remus could feel those grey eyes rake over him, searching for signs of what Remus had so carelessly revealed to him that first moon which now seemed so long ago. It took every ounce of acting ability and full utilisation of his high pain-threshold to walk calmly through the halls, common room and classes in the few days following the full moon. He knew that if he showed even the slightest sign of weakness, Black's hesitant façade would break and he might confront Remus again.

Remus knew he was a good actor. He knew he could fool almost anyone with the stories he used to protect himself from detection. But he also knew there was only so much that acting could hide. Black believed there was someone at home who was hurting him, and that was just a little too close to true for comfort. If Black, with his piercing grey eyes and blunt searching questions could wheedle that shameful truth out of Remus, who knew what else he might end up uncovering? In spite of his reckless Gryffindor nature, a little of Black's Slytherin heritage was clearly apparent in his sharp eyes, and clever, careful assessing.

Remus shuddered to think what Potter, Black and Pettigrew might do if they found out they were sharing a room with a werewolf. At the very least they might use the information to blackmail Remus into doing something terrible, but in the worse case…

They could tell everyone. Remus would be expelled. Dumbledore's job would be in jeopardy. Werewolves weren't allowed to be educated, and Remus had read enough books in the school library to know just how bad the Wizarding World's prejudice was against his kind. If the Ministry found out, he was in real trouble. His age might count a little in his favour, but they were more than likely to lock him up in one of those werewolf reservations – particularly if his fellow students told them how unbalanced they thought he was. Or they might even choose to put him down. That's what happened to most Dark Creatures that put a human life in danger.

Remus felt himself beginning to tremble and grow clammy with fear. It was only a day after he'd been released from Madame Pomfrey's care, and his defences were low as he fought with the pain of his wounds. The thunderstorm on the night of the full moon had agitated the wolf, and his injuries were as bad as they had been on that first full moon of the year. The wolf had gnawed an impressive gash out of his leg, just above the knee. It had taken all Remus' willpower to walk to class rather than limp.

Suddenly aware of a shadow falling over him, Remus looked up.

"Mr. Lupin, are you with us?" Professor Anders asked, standing over him.

"I…er…"

"I have asked you the same question three times now."

Remus wracked his brain, hoping for some vague idea as to what the question could have been.

After a moment, the young Auror frowned and bent over to study Remus's face more closely. Remus saw his eyes flicker towards the window where the still-stormy sky was visible outside. He saw the realisation register on the man's face and, not for the first time, regretted the fact that all the professors had to be told about his condition.

"You don't look very well, Mr. Lupin," Professor Anders said, his boyish face going from stern to concerned. "Perhaps you should go and see Madame Pomfrey?"

Remus wanted nothing more than an excuse to escape that classroom and the grey eyes that watched and watched and searched for chinks in his armour. but he also knew he couldn't leave. Going now would be a sign of weakness, and he was sure Black would draw conclusions from it. He also thought of his mother and the vow he had made to do his best at school so he could come out with grades that would have made her proud. It was one of the reasons he had convinced Madame Pomfrey to release him so early.

"No, I'm fine, sir. I was just daydreaming. Could you repeat the question, please?"

Anders looked like he wanted to protest, but clearly thought the better of it. "I asked you if you would attempt to demonstrate the jellylegs jinx on Mr. Longbottom here." He gestured to where Frank was standing by the blackboard looking resigned to his role as test subject.

"Uh, yes. Yes. One moment."

Remus searched the archives of his mind for a memory of the spell. He'd been lost in his own world longer than he realised as he couldn't even remember the demonstration. Luckily he had found his DADA book fascinating, and because his father had kept him in his room for most of summer, he'd had plenty of time to study it.

He stood up, trying not to wince as the movement hurt his damaged leg. "Sorry Frank."

"S'alright, mate." He shrugged and grinned at Remus. "Gather that magic."

Remus took a deep breath and cast the jinx. He only half expected it to work as he so exhausted the edges of his vision kept going fuzzy round the edges if he moved to quickly. To his amazement, however, Frank started wobbling around the front of the classroom as though his legs were made of rubber.

"Excellent, Mr. Lupin!" Professor Anders was grinning at him with an expression close to amazement on his face. "I hope you all took note of his very precise wand-movement. It's not so much about the strength behind the spell on lesser jinxes like these, but the precision. Finite Incantatem!" Frank stopped wobbling. "You may both sit down."

Remus sat down in relief, determined to pay attention for the rest of the lesson. Time seemed to drag and Remus felt like crying with relief when Anders finally asked them to pack up. As the class was about to leave for lunch, however, Remus felt a hand on his arm, preventing him from moving to the door. He tried to hide his wince as the hand – gentle though it was – pressed against a ragged wound on his arm.

"A moment please, Mr Lupin."

Remus glanced longingly towards the door and noticed Black standing just outside with Potter, both watching curiously. On balance he felt he could deal with Ander's questions more easily than theirs. He nodded to the professor.

"Off you go gentlemen!" Professor Anders said to Black and Potter, shutting the door and moving his wrist with a flick to cast a silencing charm

"You have some nosy friends there," he commented to Remus as he moved to sit behind his desk. "Have a seat."

Remus sat nervously at one of the student desks near the front of the classroom. "They're not my friends."

"No?" Anders said. He looked at Remus, his expression calm. "Who are your friends then?"

Remus looked down at the table. "Uh...n-no friends."

"Why not? Are you afraid they'll find out your secret?"

Remus didn't know what to say. He found he couldn't meet the man's eyes. He stared at the scratched tabletop and shook his head.

"Well then?"

"I –well, I d-don't want them to find out, of course," Remus said, flushing and flicking a glance to the sky outside. "But, that's not why I have no friends."

"Then why don't you?"

"I don't know!" Remus suddenly realised that maybe here, finally, was someone who could tell him what he was doing wrong. "I try to be nice to people, but they all just think I'm crazy and they c-call me Loopy. Or even if they don't hate me they only feel s-s-sorry for me because I don't have any friends, but because I don't have any friends no one wants to be my friend 'cause then they won't have any other friends as well. Please - what am I doing wrong?"

"Remus, you have to realise that because of your curse and the trials you've been through in your life, you regard the world in a very different way to most children of your age. You see the world a little like an adult might. You don't have illusions about the fairness of life or the darker side of magic. An ordinary eleven-year-old has never had anything to worry about except what House he will be in, or what his classmates think of him. They are quick to judge and outcast anyone who seems a little different."

"But I don't know how to be like them!" Remus slammed his fists down on the table in front of him in frustration. The desk-lid buckled and splintered and his left fist went all the way through. "S-sorry," he whispered, mortified. Werewolf strength: another thing that set him apart. Animal. Beast.

"It's fine, Remus, it's fine," Professor Anders said. He didn't look horrified or frightened, only sad. "And you shouldn't pretend to be like them." He stood up and approached Remus, giving a quick wave of his wand. "Reparo." The desk repaired itself. "Black spends a lot of time looking at you," Anders continued. "That's why I thought you were friends."

Remus shook his head. "I share a dorm with him. One day he saw some of my …uh …s-scars and things. I think he thinks someone at home is hurting m-me."

"Why does he think that?" Professor Anders asked, frowning a little.

"I tell them that I am going home to visit my sick m-mother on full moon nights. It's easy to see why he guessed that, I suppose."

There was silence in the room and Remus could see Anders trying to think of something to help him while knowing that, without revealing his Lycanthropy, there was not much he could do.

"I try to hide my wounds from them," Remus said. "That's why I couldn't leave class today."

"So you're not well? And yet you still managed to cast an exemplary jelly-legs curse. Quite a feat, Mr. Lupin."

Remus smiled, ducking his head. "Thank you."

"Your parents will be proud."

"My mother is dead."

"I'm sorry. You father, then."

Remus felt a tremor of that same hysterical laughter that had overtaken him at the station with Potter's mother and stood quickly before it could escape. "I think I'll go to the hospital wing, now," he murmured and hurried to the door as fast as his injured leg would allow him.

"Mr. Lupin!" the sharp tone made him hesitate and look over his shoulder. "No one is hurting you at home, are they?"

Remus's heart hammered in fear. His father would kill him if anyone found out. "The wolf, sir. It hurts me wherever I am." He was amazed at how steady his voice was. He turned and hurried from the room before Anders could say any more. He was unable to keep the laugh from bubbling from his mouth as the irony of the situation hit him. In Black's case, he was using his parental beatings as an excuse to hide his lycanthropy and in Anders, he was using his lycanthropy to hide his father's beatings.

He hurried towards the Gryffindor tower, no longer caring that he was limping, unwilling to undergo the fussing that he knew he would receive if he returned to the Hospital Wing. He didn't notice the two dark-haired boys who had lingered in the corridor, staring after him in bemusement.