A/N: I do not own any of the twilight characters.
Bella's inner thoughts
Side note: it will take a little longer between updates because this is where the chapters are more in depth and more Bellice. Also, I have company for a little over a week straight starting tonight so... I apologize in advance but I won't have another update until all company is gone. Thanks for all of the story/author alerts and favorites. and thank you thank you thank you for all of the reviews they make me happy. I am hoping to get a bit from this chapter too... and I will try to update 2 chapters when I get back. Have fun all and be patient... it makes it all worth it! I promise :P
Jasper picks up on Bella's confusion and glances at her questioningly but as soon as he does her shield is in place. Walking over to the couch Jasper sits down beside her and throws his arm over her shoulder lightly leaning in and whispering into her ear so that no one else can hear. "You ok darlin?"
Bella nods slightly with a confused expression still plastered on her face. "yeah.. umm.. I'm fine Jasper." She lies unconvincingly before looking back at the TV screen watching the slide show of pictures from the camera. She sees pictures of Carlisle and Esme working in the garden or standing closely in a corner looking intently in each other's eyes when they think the 'kids' are not looking.
Hmm they are so cute together, I think that's the only time I have ever seen them lovey dovey in any way.
Next are pictures from the fourth of July party, Rosalie perched on Emmett's lap his hand resting on her knee as he leans up to kiss her softly. There is the picture of her father Charlie sitting extremely close to his 'friend' Helen (they had since started dating and Bella couldn't be happier for her dad). Every one of the couples glowed until the picture of Edward and herself. The picture that made her realize they were not meant to be together.
After the party pictures were all the pictures Esme had snuck from the boys wrestling match. She had pictures of every match including Bella's arm wrestling with Emmett on the boulder on the edge of the yard. Then the picture of Jasper and Edward wrestling came onto the screen and Bella took an uneasy breath. She knew it was probably there but it still hurt to see it.
That's when Alice and I talked about everything… my second ability and what to do about Edward…
It wasn't that she was afraid of losing Edward, she loved him, he was her first love. But he belonged with Jasper. It upset her more than anything that she knew they were mates but they couldn't be together because of how Edward thought and how he was raised.
Then finally the picture of Jasper, Alice, and Bella's outing today, to the waterfall. There were pictures of Alice drawing and painting, Jasper doing yoga, and Bella starting at the sun sparkling softly. Then there was the picture that was causing Bella the confusion. It didn't change the next time she saw it, not that she hoped it would, it just confused her to no end.
How can Alice and I be mates? Neither of us are gay… well I'm not, or at least I don't think I am. I mean… I have always been touchy feely with Alice but I always thought that was just because she was a touchy feely person. And she's not gay either… wait… I've never asked her that, I just assumed because she was with Jasper that she was straight but they are only together because they work well together. She said they knew they were not mates. Ugh I'm so confused.
Jasper wraps his arm more securely around Bella and leans in again. "Why don't we step up to Carlisle's study and find a couple of good books." He says softly, motioning with his head up the stairs. Bella just nods before standing and following behind Jasper as they move at a humans pace towards the study.
Once they are in the study and the door is closed Jasper leans against it and looks at Bella again. "Ok darlin' what's botherin ya?" He says, his southern drawl coming out showing his concern.
"It's nothing Jasper I just… I was surprised about something that's all." Bella lies again looking around at all of the books much like she did that first day with Carlisle.
I'm surprised that your wife and I are supposed to be together… but I don't know why I am surprised I mean… we are great friends, she always knows how to make me feel better. If I am sad I go to her first, if I am happy I still go to her first. I get and give hugs whenever I can from Alice, even when I am complaining to myself that Edward hugs on me too much.
"Don't lie to me Bella I can tell something is wrong… what did you see that surprised you?" Jasper asks knowing the answer but wanting her to come out and say it for herself.
"Nothing" Bella tries again looking at Jasper before quickly looking away.
How did he know it was something that I saw?
"I've got all the time in the world to wait for you to answer me Bella. You know you can talk to me about anything. What's on your mind?" Jasper asks moving to sit in one of the chairs nearest the door and motioning to the one across from him for Bella to sit in.
"Ugh… I don't know what's wrong with me… I… I know that you are Alice are not mates." Bella says plopping herself down in the chair and looking at Jasper expectantly.
"I know." Jasper says with a small smile picking up Bella's feet and removing her shoes slowly before starting a deep and slow massage on the ball of her right foot.
"What? What do you mean you know? Oh… I guess you and Alice talked about our conversation huh?" Bella says laughing a little when Jasper got to her arch but leaving her foot in his hands.
Why would she need to talk to Jasper about that? Unless she was talking to him about me realizing that Edward and I aren't mates, and that I will leave if I find my mate… I wonder if she knows that we are mates…
"Yes we talked about it. She asked me what I wanted to do. If I wanted to keep being with her or if I wanted to try and talk to Edward." Jasper says moving to Bella's left foot and laughing softly as she closes her eyes and leans back in the chair relaxing more fully.
"And?" Bella says peaking through her eyes at him before closing them again. God this man knows how to give a good foot massage.
"And… well I decided that maybe… if someone were to talk to Edward… someone that he trusts and understands… if they were to tell him that its different now… maybe then I would tell him. But I am not willing to break up this family if that's not possible." Jasper says thoughtfully putting Bella's socks and shoes back on before crossing her ankles and leaving her feet in his lap.
"How…" Bella starts. She sits up a little more and opens her eyes looking at Jasper fully now. "Thank you for that." Jasper just nods with a smile.
"How can you be so patient? You have known for a long time that Edward was your mate. That you should be together, but you watched him love me… be with me and marry me. How?" Bella says trying to understand.
I've only known that Alice and I are supposed to be mates for what? Half an hour? And already I am trying to figure out how we can be together…
"It's hard at times, and easy at times… same as it is for you right now. From the moment you realized that you and Alice are mates you started thinking of ways that you could be together without destroying the family. And you haven't come up with anything yet have you?" Jasper says, smiling knowingly at Bella's raised eyebrows.
Wait… WHAT? Did he just say that Alice and I are mates?
"How did you know that?" Bella stutters removing her feet from Jasper's lap and sitting up completely. "I didn't know that until I saw the picture you took and saw that we glowed when touching…"
"I'm an empath my dear. I knew from the moment that you two met that there was a love there that neither of you saw." Jasper says leaning forward and placing his hand on Bella's knee trying to calm her with is touch.
Love? So… that means that she loves me too. But I can't just leave Edward… that would devastate him completely. Even if Jasper is his mate…
Bella drops her head in her hands, "what am I supposed to do Jasper? I promised Alice I wouldn't break it off with Edward unless I found my mate… and I have… only… I am not sure how he would take it if I left him for his sister."
Bella looks up quickly a smile on her face. "Unless…"
"Oh lord what are you thinking with that evil grin?" Jasper says smiling in spite of himself at the glint in his sister's eye.
"What if I were to talk to Edward?" Bella asks. She continues quickly interrupting Jasper's reply, "Not tell him that you and he are mates, that's not what I mean. I mean… what if I can talk to him and help him see that it is ok to be gay in this day and age. He and I can talk and I can say anything to him because he listens to me more about life in the 21st century."
I'm sure there are all sorts of things on the internet, I could find something that would show how it's ok to be gay now. Wasn't someone at school showing off a shirt or something from some website…
Jasper shakes his head sadly and moves to stand up. "It won't work Bella, Alice has tried many times to get him to see that times are different now. That it's ok to be with someone who is of the same sex if you are in love."
"But Alice isn't me, Alice isn't the woman he claims to love, Alice isn't his wife Jasper. He will listen to me. It may take a while but he will listen." Bella says confident in her knowledge about Edward. Rushing over to Jasper she gives him a huge hug.
Finally, maybe I can get Edward to realize its ok to admit he loves Jasper… and then I can be with Alice. I mean… I want to be with Alice right? Of course I do… I always want to be around her, I am always finding a reason to touch her, Hell I even cuddle with her more than I do with Edward as it is.
"I don't want to get my hopes up but if you want to talk to him… just don't mention me ok?" Jasper says hugging Bella back tightly and talking into her neck.
"That's fine Jasper, but if this all works out… we can both be with our mates." Bella says leaning back and smiling at Jasper before they make their way out of the study and into the living room with the rest of the family.
Hopefully… I mean… I hope Alice wants me as much as I finally realize I want her.
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