Chapter 11
All plans were going accordingly and they knew it was a matter of time before Peter came out clean. Neal should be feeling very happy and he did but there were two reasons he didn't resolve yet: his father and Sara.
Hughes' crew gathered together to share progress and team up for what was coming next. Jones went to Peter's and told him everything that was going on. Peter was smiling, proud to have such an amazing team of friends, that's right, not co-workers but friends, even Hughes, the most righteous man ever, was now being part of a not so righteous plan to get him out and doing so by working closely with the three musketeers of white collar crime. Peter smiled at that, Alex, Mozzie and Neal were indeed the three musketeers, always getting in trouble but somehow very deep in their hearts, Peter felt they were just kids who were messed up growing up and whom destiny brought together to play and bend the rules as they pleased. But everybody knows there's a fourth musketeer and Peter secretly knew that he was that fourth element, almost a patriarch for them, taking care of them yet encouraging their dark side when it was needed. Shepard had pinpointed the fact that Peter was very smart always having their "people" bend the rules while he stayed above the law, he had never thought about that but she was right and damn, he didn't feel guilty at all. Rules needed to be bent sometimes for the sake of justice… right? Peter almost laughed out loud. Boy, if Caffrey knew how he secretly felt about that one, he would never hear the end of it.
"Honey, I'm gonna go out for a while ok? I need to run some errands" El interrupted Peter's reverie.
"What? No El, you can't leave, it's not safe" protested Peter concerned.
Elizabeth grinned and whispered to her husband "You sound almost as paranoid as Mozzie, hon. It's the FBI pursuing a criminal, not the other way around, remember? They are the good guys"
Peter sat there stunned and he just smiled and shook his head. El was right. Neal and Co. had him all paranoid about everything now.
The real reason why she was going out was because Neal had texted Elizabeth asking for her help in a cryptic way but it was Neal, so she didn't hesitate on following through without further questioning.
"Hi El" said Neal coming from behind Alice in wonderland's statue in Central Park
"Nice place you picked for a secret meeting" smiled Elizabeth and signaled the statue with her chin "Trying to see what road to take, Alice?"
"Are you suggesting that I'm a little lost, Mrs Caterpillar?" replied Neal referring to that little episode in Lewis Carrol's book.
To her, the normally cool and collected Peter Pan was looking a lot like nothing but a lost boy now, but Elizabeth decided to overlook that part to just encourage Neal and be supportive so she didn't elaborate on that not so innocent remark and just continued on a different subject "Peter told me everything's going good. Thanks for helping out" said El coming closer
Neal looked down feeling a little shy all of a sudden "It just went too far this time and it's the least I can do for Peter, after everything James did…"
"Neal, contrary to what Dr. Freud says, children don't have to carry their parent's flaws all their lives, you know. You are nothing like James, you are a good man and you don't have to cover HIS mistakes" said Elizabeth in a motherly tone grabbing a hold of Neal's forearm for emphasis.
"But he's the blue in my eyes" stated Neal sadly looking at her with said blue eyes
El felt like she was missing a piece of that conversation but it didn't matter, the analogy was clear "That's just DNA, it's not everything. Picasso had his own 'blue period', you know?" said El with a reassuring smile and then continued "plus, a man's character is defined by so many more things, Neal" said El looking directly at him with her own blue penetrating gaze "And you know, someday, when you have kids of your own, you'll have to explain a little of your own blue period but that won't make them criminals by nature"
Neal didn't like that idea at all. Being a criminal was fun but it was dangerous and sometimes he just wished he could just erase everything, not being able to settle down and just go places as he liked. He didn't want to run anymore and he didn't want to hurt the people he loved anymore. And if he and Sara actually had Connie and Conrad someday, he would do everything in his power to make sure they didn't have to suffer the same as he did.
"Speaking of… that's why I asked you to come here. I need your help" said Neal changing the subject.
"Oh?" El was definitely intrigued by this.
They went to sit on a bench nearby, it was quiet and secluded, few people passing through "Sara is leaving for London and I need her to… remember me" said Neal in a very quiet and almost shy voice. Elizabeth wondered how such a confident, handsome, smart man, full of qualities, could be so insecure when it comes to feelings. Those are definitely the worst consequences that James' mistakes had left him, certainly not his beautiful blue eyes.
"Neal, how can she NOT remember you?" Elizabeth suggested trying to comfort him.
"Part of the reason she is leaving is because of me" simply stated.
El chuckled and before she could think better, the words were out of her mouth "Neal, don't flatter yourself"
Neal turned to look at her with a hurt look "Gee, thanks. It's a Burke thing I see…"
El laughed "What is?"
"Killing a man's self-esteem. Your husband does it all the time" deadpanned Neal
"Oh Neal, that is only because yours is immortal" said Elizabeth playfully but Neal wasn't having as much fun "What I meant is that Sara is a very driven, independent woman and she is not one to be planning her life around a man. It seems to me that she just took a very good career opportunity. Plus, you guys were not even together anymore, right? Peter told me you were kinda being friends with benefits but nothing serious"
"Amis-amants" corrected Neal
"Right. Whatever. The point is, now you realize that you don't want her to leave"
"Yeah…"
Elizabeth contemplated this for a couple of seconds and then asked him "Do you actually want HER to stay or you just don't want to be alone?"
Neal turned to look at her, surprise all over his beautiful face "What do you mean?"
"It seems to me that sometimes it's easy to just get accustomed to the idea of having someone, not necessarily being with that person, just someone" offered Elizabeth
"Yeah, you already told me that when I was trying to escape with Kate but I couldn't actually prove it, you know…" answered Neal looking down
"Have you been able to prove it now? How do you feel about Sara?" El carefully asked
"I dunno…"
If El didn't know better, he would say that Neal was a teenager. Sure he was a ladies-man but when it comes to commitment and serious relationships that included mature development and brains besides sex, he might not be that well-trained. "Neal?"
"I honestly don't know. I mean, I think I love her but I kinda took her for granted and didn't see the need to make a serious commitment until she told me she was leaving"
"Ok… and you thought committing was going to make her stay? What for?" El asked continuing her little therapy
"Well, to be with me and just… I mean, why change something that's already good?" said Neal in an edgy tone, almost on the verge of a tantrum
"Do you think being amis-amants was good enough for her? And for you too?"
"I thought so. She never even hinted otherwise" said Neal with a little shrug
"So you were waiting for her to hint at it or move overseas for you to act on your feelings?" challenged Elizabeth hoping to make him jump to a conclusion by himself
Neal caught her little psychology trick and wanted to deflect and change subject as he would usually do but this was Elizabeth and he needed to let things out so he curiously asked "What's your point?"
"My point is… you stole the Raphael not because you wanted but because you wanted to call Kate's attention. You escaped from prison until Kate said goodbye. You gave up the Nazi treasure until I was kidnapped. You started looking for your father until someone killed Ellen…" Elizabeth waited for his wheels to start running before continuing… "Do you see a pattern here?"
"Um…" Neal was not quite there so El decided to push some more
"Neal, I think you're just too afraid of exposing your feelings, petrified even. So you usually control situations and stretch people to the extreme before taking action so that when you do, your actions seem a justified reaction to someone else's apparent initiative, not yours. You're afraid of being hurt, considered crazy, stupid, in love… vulnerable"
Neal was just looking down for a while and El started rubbing a hand on his back trying to comfort him. She was hoping this wasn't too intrusive.
"I see now…" was his only quiet response
"Ok, so… about Sara. You want to commit now that she is leaving but… " provided El
"But the truth is I've wanted to be serious with her for a while now, only too much of a coward to admit it" finished Neal.
El just smiled. Smart boy. "So are you going to tell her the truth now?"
"She already rejected me when I told her the truth"
"Oh? Please explain"
"At the Empire Estate, I had a very cheesy speech prepared but I decided to make it real on the spot and when I told her that, she just said that it would have to be in another time and another place and just like that, she took off the ring"
"Neal, she already had all her things packed up and it was all part of a con"
"But I explained that I meant it!" protested Neal like a small kid
El smiled a little and said "I know but let's just say that it isn't easy for a woman to believe you and please don't take it the wrong way. Plus the ring was June's"
"Yeah and that's what I need your help with this time"
"You are going to propose for real?" Elizabeth was surprised even after all this, she was expecting Neal to realize that he was just being possessive with Sara and being too comfy with the idea of not being alone.
"Well, not exactly. We already spoke and she said she had to leave but she also said that maybe one day she was coming back or maybe I would go find her once I get off the anklet, I don't know… so I just want her to remember me" finished Neal with the most honest intention Elizabeth had heard from him.
"And what about you? Are you going to remember her?"
"Of course! No one has ever challenged me the way Sara does and she just sees me for who I am, all the way past my bullshit" explained Neal
"Do you love her?" it was a simple question but this time and after all they had talked he would have to think twice before answering
"I think I do… I mean it's different. The only person I loved was Kate, I just wanted to protect her and show her the world, impress her and have her smile all the time but with Sara it's different. She just keeps me on my toes and there are very few things I can do to impress her, hell she can even protect herself better than I ever could. But I just feel drawn to her, like I instantly feel better when she is around. I just can't stop smiling and looking for ways to tease her and provoke her. She just challenges all my structures and makes me feel better about myself… and she makes me want to be better"
Elizabeth wanted to clap and cry with that speech. Neal was amazing with words but even more so when they came from his heart.
"Well, then you have your answer" El said smiling
Neal smiled back "I think I do"
"Ok, so do you need help with the ring?" El wanted to ask to be the wedding planner too but that was a bit rushed yet
"Not exactly. She is leaving. But I want her to have something that reminds her of our commitment… of my intention to finish our story in a good place where it can have a happy ending so I need some supplies to do something special and since I can't have mine from June's, I was hoping for you to get me some paint and canvas, very small amounts. Oh! And a magnifying glass too"
El was curious but didn't question further "Of course sweetie, count on it"
"Thanks El. Not just for your help but also for the little therapy here. You're good, no wonder why Peter tells you everything"
El chuckled "Well, he does need me to keep him sane having you around"
"He's a very lucky man to have you" said Neal sincerely
"You have me too, ok?" offered El
Neal hugged her and with a kiss on her cheek he parted feeling happy about the almost epiphany he had. He was getting to know more of himself than he ever thought possible. It was kind of scary but it felt good.
"You can choose to be a con or a man. You can't be both" Peter once told him and he felt like he was choosing the right thing.
What do you think? good? sucks? All comments are well appreciated! :)