Once the champagne was poured it was time for none other than the best man, Itachi's right hand, Deidara to get this dinner started.

"Okay, hi everyone, yeah! First, I just want to say…I can't believe that my big sister and my best friend in the world are getting married, yeah!" Deidara paused for the applause.

"Oh here it comes…" Sasori whispered to Pein. Lola and Konan exchanged nervous glances. Not even Pein knew yet and no one had noticed that Konan had poured her champagne into Lola's glass.

"The first time I learned that Itachi had slept with my big sister, my beautiful sister…I was mad as hell, yeah! But then, Dana totally told me how it all happened and when I learned alcohol wasn't involved I felt like so much better and stuff. And then before I knew it, my best friend was sleeping with my sister on a regular basis and Itachi would get so proud when he would introduce Dana as his girlfriend to people, yeah, I mean, it does make sense because Dana's hotter than most everyone else except for my Marisol, yeah. Hi Marisol!" Marisol waved as if she hadn't seen Deidara all day even though she was sitting right beside him. "And then there was this one time when we shopping and Itachi bought Dana a pair of Manolo Blahniks and a Gucci waist bag, yeah." Deidara started to tear up. "That's when I knew…that this relationship would so last! I always knew Itachi had amazing taste in clothes…but when he showed me those Manolos…oh god I can't talk about it! There was also this one time when me and my Marisol and Itachi and Dana were so hammered that we actually mail-ordered something from the J.C. Penney catalog, yeah. After that happened we instated a very strict no drunk shopping rule, yeah." Deidara stopped to dry his tears.

"Oh my god, that was such a priceless night! I was so vulnerable to pick up that catalog!" Itachi was in tears over this moving speech.

"And I remember when Itachi tried to make Dana chicken soup once when she was sick…but he couldn't do it so he carried the TV upstairs so Dana could watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show yeah! And Itachi isn't good at carrying heavy stuff, yeah. I thought that was so sweet and I also think those models are way too skinny, yeah. I mean, they can't be healthy and stuff! Every woman deserves to have her cake and eat it too!" now Deidara's mom and dad were in tears.

"Seriously, is this happening right now? My god, this is awful!" Hidan whispered to Sasori.

"And then one thing that like totally sticks out in my mind was when we were in Cancun for Marisol's smoking hot photo shoot….and Itachi proposed to my Dana, yeah! I couldn't believe that he actually did it so we celebrated later that night with tequila, yeah! I think there also may be some very questionable photos from that night floating around the house somewhere…I hope no one ever finds those, yeah. I didn't even help Itachi pick out Dana's gorgeous 5 carat diamond! But it's so hot, yeah!" Deidara had to wipe his eyes again. "I also remember this one time when me and Marisol were coming home from having dinner and Itachi had Dana half naked on our couch. And she was laying on Lola's lawyer papers, yeah."

"Oh fuck…THAT'S what was all over my documents!? Shit…I remember sending those to the judge with a post it note that read 'sorry-my assistant spilled something on these'. Damn it Dana…" Lola swallowed the rest of the champagne.

"And more recently, me and Itachi had to be pretend gay in this club to go get Tobi, yeah. That's when I knew that Itachi was going to be the best husband to Dana ever because when I forced him to hold my hand, I noticed he had soft hands, yeah! That could only mean that he would also be gentle and kind to my sister even though he is such a bitch to just about everyone else, mainly his unfashionable little brother, who's sitting right back there, yeah! Hi Sasuke! We are glad you're here, yeah! "

"What the fuck!? How did that make any sense!?" Kisame asked out loud.

"I can also really relax knowing that there is nothing left to the imagination for them on their wedding night tomorrow, yeah! I mean, they've everything in bed and I think that's great!" Deidara had to stop and fan himself because now he had none other than the bride to be crying. "That made it so much easier to pick out a wedding gown for Dana, yeah. We all knew she couldn't have one of those poofy innocent gowns. She had to have something edgy that said I am an experienced bride who is willing to try anything once except candle wax, yeah!"

Itachi and Dana shook their head in agreement.

" Okay, okay I need to wrap this up or I'm going to start crying a lot, yeah. One of the best things about Itachi and Dana getting married is that me and Itachi are going to be related now which is like taking our friendship and making it….like incest or something, yeah. This is the best wedding ever in life! It's so beautiful and perfect unlike those open toes boots that are in right now, yeah. I'm glad Dana and Marisol also think they are ridiculous…and that's why…I don't think open toed be in next season, yeah. Here's to my favorite sister and my best friend!" Deidara raised his class and surprisingly people clapped….must have been the stupid people Dana invited.

"Oh my god…that was so beautiful!" Itachi said through his tears as he threw his arms around Deidara.

"My god…are we supposed to laugh, cry, throw up?" Lola asked anyone who would answer.

"That was…different." Yunko said trying to be polite about this whole thing.

"My son has always had a way with words!" Deidara's mother was so proud.

"It's like Deidara's brain just spits out random crap and he throws it all together in a weird convoluted way." Zetsu said.

"Bring on the main course. Screw this salad." Konan said looking at the puny salad in front of her.

"What's wrong with the salad? It looks good." Pein told her.

"I'm hungry!" Konan said defensively.

"I'm so ready for more whiskey. Konaaaaaaan doesn't want any." Lola added quickly. She hadn't gotten used to the fact that a pregnant woman was sitting beside her. She was so used to going on up on shots with Konan. "Sasori, you're doing shots with me tonight." Lola said.

"But you always do shots with Konan. She always tried to make out with you." Sasori said.

"Yeah, she's just going to try to eat my salmon instead." Lola said. Sasori's eyes grew wider.

"Wait…is that slang for her trying to eat your…." Lola spit her champagne out horrified.

"OH GOD NO! OH GOD! OH GOD! NO I LEGITIMATELY WAS TALKING ABOUT SALMON!" Lola reassured him. "Yunko I'm so sorry you had to hear that."

"Oh thank god….because I was really going to have to cut her off." Sasori said.

"It's okay Lola, Sasuke would you like my extra shrimp appetizer?" Yunko shoved the shrimp toward Sasuke.

"God, you are just glowing like a fucking Lite-Brite, you little sweetheart. Wait until you end up on your back merciless, hot and sweaty, just clawing the hell out of anything on top of ya….baby you'll light up like the fuckin' fourth of July…I can say things like that to you I'm pretty drunk." It was then that Lola noticed somehow Konan's champagne was refilled. "I'll take that off ya' hands."

"Kakuzu quit trying to cram all the free dinner mints in your pocket loser!" Hidan scolded him.

"These are my favorite kind! They are the ones you often find sitting out in old people's houses! Besides, I like the pastel colors!" Kakuzu said.

"Oh get over it! Those stupid things are going to melt in your pocket and then you are really going to have a mess, seriously!" Hidan said.

"No they won't these kind of dinner mints don't melt dumbass!" Kakuzu fired back.

"Fine! You watch, you just watch! When those melt I'm not going to help you at all stupid!" Hidan warned him.

"Zetsu…I'm don't mean to alarm you…but where is Tobi?" Kisame asked.

"Oh my god! Tobi!" Zetsu got up from the table and ran out the door. Konan looked at his helpless plate of salmon.

"Do you think he's gonna want to eat that?" she asked Lola.

"If he doesn't come back in five minutes it's all yours." Lola reassured her.