Hey everyone!! I'm sorry it took me so long to get this up. After the past few chapters I really needed a break- then this was another hard one to get out. But, it's flowing again and Chapter 12 is already to my beta and should be up tomorrow or Sunday.
I also went back through every chapter and reloaded them so my beta's changes are actually accepted and it doesn't look like a bunch of typos, so sorry about that! It'll be clean from now on. =D
Walking past him into the house, a brand new flourish of emotion overtook me. It was almost too much being in his house again after what happened since I'd last been here. I was hoping to live here with him and love him for a very long time if not eternity. Being here without those promises was like a cruel slap in the face. Controlling the urge to turn and run, I forced my feet forward one at a time until I was in the sitting room. Eric and Pam walked in snapping me out of my pain-induced haze. Looking around, I noticed his house looked like a tornado had been through it. Vases and other decorations had been thrown against the wall and some of the furniture had been smashed.
'What in the world?'
I turned to look at Eric to ask what happened, but the look on his face said he didn't want to talk about it. Taking a seat on the somewhat pulverized couch, I listened to Pam explain what happened with Andre at my house; his face remained unchanged, but his eyes became increasingly clouded the more she talked.
"This is acceptable, although it's not an ideal situation" he glowered at me and I stared right back trying to burrow holes into him for acting like such a jerk. He focused his attention back on Pam "Why were you there though? I did not send you."
My body instantly tensed not wanting him to find out about my plans for fighting off Andre; he would undoubtedly freak.
"Sookie asked me to come." She simply answered. I was hoping he wouldn't take the conversation any further than that, so I jumped up and headed toward the guest bedrooms, extremely happy I had taken the time to explore the other day. He grabbed my shoulder to stop me as I tried to pass.
"Why did you request to see Pam?"
I should have lied, but I was too tired to make up any more stories. And if Eric ever found out what was really going on, I didn't want Pam to get in trouble on my account. "I wanted to learn how to handle a sword. Being your child, I figured she could teach me the basics." The gears in his mind began to churn as he gave me a quizzical look, still grasping my shoulder. I tore away from him and stomped down the other hallway. The light bulb must have clicked for him because a few seconds later he was in front of me with the most pained and scared expression I'd ever seen him wear, including the time he was cursed.
"Sookie, please tell me you're not considering fighting Andre by yourself?"
"What other choice do I have? I won't go with him." Horror exuded from him as he grabbed my shoulders and shook me hard.
"No! You stand no chance against him. He would be difficult for even me to kill!"
I stood on my tiptoes and looked him square in the eye, willing my voice to come out as confident and even as possible. "Vampires will not control my life anymore. I'd rather die than go with him."
He took a step back like I had just slapped him across the face and it had actually hurt. The normal veil over his eyes that kept his true emotions at bay was lifted, and I saw the deepest unbridled pain and confusion in them. It felt like I could touch his soul.
'I can't lose her.' reverberated in my mind. I took a sharp breath from hearing Eric's mind for the second time in my life. He slowly stepped forward and took my hands in his, never breaking eye contact.
"Don't be irrational. Bond with me and we won't have to worry about Andre or anyone else trying to take you. Not unless they have a death wish." He smirked at me, very confident in his abilities to protect me.
"No. I refuse to bond to you only for business or safety purposes. So unless you have something to say to me, I suggest you go to your dayroom before the sun comes up." He regarded me for a moment before the veil dropped back over his eyes and he pulled away from me. The tears already started to spill before I stepped around him. Biting my tongue, I turned and asked him "I'm going to fight Andre regardless of what you tell me, so will you please allow me and Pam to continue with our plans."
He had already turned to walk away and didn't bother looking back at me. "No, I will teach you." He stated flatly before leaving me suddenly alone in the hallway. My daydream from the aerobics room flitted across my mind, and I had to tamper down the sudden surge of lust that welled up. Already knowing the layout of his house, I made my way straight to the Victorian bedroom I had already fallen in love with. It was 5:00 in the morning and the sun had just risen, so I knew I wouldn't be interrupted by any more Vampires. I quickly shed my clothes and jumped in the shower to try and relax before getting a couple hours of sleep. Unfortunately, my mind wouldn't stop creating glorious images of Eric swinging around his sword before pillaging me like the Viking he was. I would have given anything to have my Eric back just then to enjoy the shower with me.
Feeling more riled up than when I got in the shower, I chided myself for wanting something there was absolutely no way I could have. Even after my inner-self lecture, I still fell asleep dreaming that my vampire was next to me.
Keeping Vampire hours was starting to wear on me. I awoke groggily at two in the afternoon wondering how the day could have slipped by so quickly. Without hesitation, I did my morning stuff then put on a pair of my favorite jeans and a red fitted tank top that showed off just how blessed I was in the boob department. I closed my eyes and summoned the magic deep inside me. A sweet breeze blew across my face, and I opened my eyes to Hekate's shop; except, I was standing on one of the stools and quickly lost my balance, tumbling to the floor.
"Oof! That hurt." I muttered to no one in particular. Hekate's familiar chortle came from around the corner as I tried to collect myself off the ground.
"You certainly need some practice my dear. How did your talk with your fated go?" My skin crawled every time she said "fated." It was an especially touchy subject with me, especially after how he had acted last night.
As fast and emotionally detached as possible, I explained everything that happened at Fangtasia, Andre paying me a visit, and how I was now staying at Eric's house.
"He only wants to bond to me so he can keep me around to use me and I'm not going to let that happen."
"I doubt that's the only reason, little one, but if he's not ready to admit it yet, I can understand." Disbelief overtook me and I spat my next words at her. "You were here, he said himself he wasn't capable of love and I'm certain that's true. How could it not be after what happened last night?" My words were true, but his pained expression kept clouding my vision and his mind voice was replaying in my mind 'I can't lose her.'
She sat down next to me and smiled her crinkliest smile. "Because if he's thinking he can't loose you with that much conviction, I doubt he thinks of you as just an asset." Trepidation hit me, as I realized she, of course, had heard my inner musings.
"Please, please don't ever tell anyone I've heard a Vampire's thoughts. They would kill me! And I've only every heard Eric twice."
"Of course I won't tell anyone. Besides, when we're finished you will be able to read anyone's mind. With your Fae powers to enhance your telepathy, there is no reason you shouldn't be able to read all Vampires and Weres."
My mind reeled with that information extremely dismayed there would probably be no inner peace after going through this. Hearing everyone loud and crystal clear in my head would be awful.
"Don't worry about that, you silly child. You will also be able to keep everyone out without having to think about it. You will only hear those you choose to listen in on." Now that was downright the best news I had ever heard.
"Really? Let's go!" Enthusiasm spread over me, and I was eager to see all that Hekate had to teach me, especially if it meant I could have better control over hearing people's thoughts. She cackled and hopped off the bench.
"Do you see these X's on the floor?" She motioned to several white X's made out of masking tape all over her shop. I nodded in response.
"Consider this target practice. I want you to look at the X, close your eyes and visualize it, then pop to it. With practice, you should be precise and not end up standing on chairs." She winked at me. I went and stood on the first x and did as she instructed, except I landed about a foot away from the X and knocked a couple things off a shelf.
"Remove everything else from your mind. You're distracting yourself with too much worry. Solely concentrate on moving yourself to an exact location."
This time before popping myself, I took a deep, steady breathe and let my anxieties leave with the exhale. I mustered the energy needed and concentrated on my next goal the entire time. I opened my eyes to see that I was only a couple inches off the mark this time. My face could have split open I smiled so hard. I felt like a little kid who had just learned to ride their bicycle without training wheels.
"Good, now keep trying until you're exact every time." She commanded. For the next hour, I popped from X to X and was doing very well by the end; I was exhausted though.
"You're only tired because you're straining yourself so much mentally with trying to put your emotions aside. Your Fae powers won't drain you like it would a normal person who uses magic; the power is already a part of you. Go home tonight and try to relax. Work on being able to compartmentalize your emotions. You must be able to stay calm when you're fighting with Andre."
I went over and gave her a long hug. "Thank you for your help. It means so much to me, and I don't know what I'd do without you. I didn't have anyone to help with my telepathy growing up and it was really hard; it's nice to have someone here with all this new stuff."
She pulled back and gave my shoulders a reassuring squeeze. "Give your fated a chance. Without his memories, he doesn't understand what or why he's feeling what he is. Allow yourself to love him instead of being so reserved and in pain. Through what he feels from you in the bond and your actions of love, he'll be able to better understand what's happened." My heart tugged at the idea of letting myself open up to Eric again. Was she crazy? A one-way love was a torturous thing.
'But it's always going to be one sided until you show him what he's truly lost so he can want it back'
The truth of her words stung. She was right; I did still love him even though I'd been trying to shut it out —it already was one-sided. Perhaps showing it would get me someplace faster, but the outright rejection would be excruciating to get through.
'You're strong, you can handle it. Now off you go! Come back tomorrow and we will work on new things!'
I gave her one last hug and a smile before I closed my eyes and popped myself to Eric's guest room, landing on the bed. I smiled at myself for the amount of accuracy I was able to achieve in such a short period of time. I flopped back onto the bed sighing heavily.
'Maybe she's right. All Eric's known so far is my pain and anger at him. I'm sure he's confused as to why I feel that way. I can't explain what happened, but maybe I could show him. He's been a complete asshole, but I knew this was going to be hard, even when I thought he would have the memories of our time together.' It dawned on me that all he really knew was that I had been making him miserable the past week. I knew it was emotional suicide to put myself out there like that, but I couldn't give up on my Vampire, not yet. I would show him what he meant to me, and if he didn't eventually return my feelings, then I'd give up for good. Although Andre may cut my time short anyways and take away the need to make that decision. I shuddered at the prospect of dying so young; I really enjoyed life.
'I'll do it. I'll show him how much I love him.' I closed my eyes, shut out the pain, and let the love for Eric pour into me. Replaying all our happy times together, I held onto the idea that we could have them again. I sat up and felt much better now that I wasn't keeping my emotions bottled up. I couldn't wait for Eric to get up. Briskly, I walked to the aerobics room and looked through all the swords. I tried to pick a few of the smaller ones up, but they all seemed ridiculously heavy to me. There was a rack of miscellaneous weapons on the far side of the room that piqued my interest so I went to investigate. Most of the items I had never seen before and decided not to touch. At the end of wrack, there were two shiny daggers with extra prongs that called out to me. Carefully I picked them up liking the feel of them in my hands, they were the perfect weight. I knew I wanted to use these instead of an actual sword. As much as a weapon could, these felt right in my hands.
"They're called Tsias" Eric's voice boomed from the doorway causing me to shriek and drop them on the floor. I wheeled around to lecture him about sneaking up on people, but my jaw got stuck in the dropped position. He looked so devastatingly sexy in just his jeans and nothing else. Lust overcame me, but this time I let the love accompany it and wash over him. He closed his eyes and drifted in the sea of feelings I was sending him. When he opened his eyes, I saw the slightest glint of understanding, and a smile developed on his face. My heart melted at seeing him smile at me like that; it was peaceful.
'I've missed that smile.' I thought as I sent longing to him over the bond. I wanted him to know I wanted that back. I wanted him back. Without answering my wordless plea, he came over to me and picked up the tsais. "Would you like to learn with these instead of a sword? They fit you."
"I like them. Elektra used them."
"Who?"
"A comic book character they made a lame movie out of a couple years ago. These were her weapons of choice." He took one in each hand and stood behind me crushing his body to mine. He placed an arm above both of mine and placed the tsais in my hands. Suddenly, I wanted to throw him down on the floor and have my way with him right there instead of learning anything about stupid weapons.
'Weapons that will save your life if Eric doesn't come through for you. Now pay attention!'
"Hold them like this," He whispered seductively in my ear as he rearranged my hands on the tsais. For the next half hour, he stood behind me like that, torturing me the whole time with his sultry voice and close proximity while giving me instructions and guiding my movements. By the time we were done though, I knew the basic maneuvers and was quite proud of myself. Breaking contact with me, he put the weapons up.
"Thank you for helping me."
"You're welcome." He came back over to me and cupped my cheek in his palm. "I hope you never have to use them though."
My pulse picked up, and I leaned my head into his hand, loving the way his skin felt on mine. "Come with me to Fangtasia tonight." Elation gurgled up at the idea of him wanting me by his side again. "We need to make an appearance together in case Andre is still watching." Of course he had to ruin the moment and turn back into Sheriff Eric. Why did he always have to do that?
"Bar! Oh my gosh! I was supposed to work tonight! I have to call Sam and let him know." It occurred to me that I was going to have to take several days off again and that I could be dead in a few weeks, so as much as it hurt, I was actually going to have to quit this time. I ran out of the room to call Sam and get away from the lustfulness in the room; the intensity was starting to choke me. Before I left though, I sent Eric as much love as I could, leaving a very dumbfounded Vampire behind.
Back in my room I called Sam.
"Merlotte's this is Sam," came his always-friendly voice over the speaker. This was not going to be fun.
"Hey Sam, it's Sookie. I'm sorry I haven't come in yet. Things have been a little crazy."
"It's alright cher, I'm just glad you're ok, I was getting worried. Everything alright?"
"No, had some trouble last night but I'm fine. Sam I'm really sorry but I need to quit. I feel just awful, but I don't know what's going to happen in the next couple weeks and I can't do that to you."
He sighed heavily. "Well I guess there's not much I can do since I don't even know what's going on. For the record, I hate those fucking vamps and how they always drag you into everything. You don't deserve this! They are uppity, viscious, . . ." He was going too far so I stopped him before he really made me mad.
"Sam, watch it. You don't know what you're talking about. I'll be fine. Eric is helping keep me safe. I'll be at his house for a while."
"Fine. You know you can always have your job back if you need it. Be careful, Sook."
"I will. Thanks for understanding." We hung up and I was actually pretty happy with how that had gone. I expected a much bigger lecture from my well-meaning friend. Sam liked poking his nose in my business too much for his own good.
There was a light tap on my door. 'Please don't be Eric. I can't handle him right now.'
Pam walked in without waiting for me to answer her knock. I was relieved I wasn't going to have to fight off my lustful feelings right now. I was trying to love him, but I didn't want to jump back in the sack with him until we had everything worked out.
"I'm assuming you don't have anything to wear tonight so I brought some things for you." She laid a few scandalous looking red and black leather outfits on the bed. "Why won't you bond with my Master? He's actually offered it, and now you're throwing it back in his face. Do you not want to live?" That Pam, always so blunt! Her words stunned me; of course that's not why I didn't accept.
"Yes, I want to live. I won't accept it because I just can't let vampires control my life anymore. I'm tired of feeling like I have no control over what happens to me. If I'm going to bond with someone it's going to be because we love each other and wanted it, not because we had to. "
"I would tell you that Vampires do not love, but I felt what he did while he was with you and I'm not so sure that's true anymore. His lack of ability to show his feelings is still no reason not to bond with him." She really just didn't get it so I tried to think of an example that would relate to her better.
"You and Eric have a unique relationship. I'm guessing that mostly has to do with the fact that he doesn't force you to do his bidding like Lorena did to Bill and Appius did to him. You serve him willingly because it isn't expected. I could never be with Eric because it was forced, I want him to want this as much as I do or what we could potentially have would suffer as a result."
"Oh. When you put it into that perspective I can understand your position."
"Why did he look so messed up when we got here last night, and why does his house look like a train wreck?"
She joined me on the bed before answering. "I told you he hasn't been well. He's been extremely angry he can't remember what happened and he's had a hard time dealing with all the extra emotions you've been sending him. He's also pissy he can't feed or fuck right now because you must keep up the appearance of being bonded. So in short, he's been taking his aggression out on the furniture and decorations here and at Fangtasia in fits of extreme anger." Most of what she said went over my head because I was elated that Eric hadn't been with anyone else since our time together. Thinking about him sinking his fangs into some fangbanger while cumming inside her instead of me had broken my heart several times this past week.
"Oh," was all I could say. Part of me wanted to run out the room to find him and tell him he could feed from and fuck me anytime he wanted, but Pam interrupted my scheming.
"Get dressed and meet us in the foyer in half an hour. Don't be late." She said with a warning glare as she sashayed out of the room.
The three outfits were all very scandalous. One was three-piece set of tight black leather plants, a red leather rube top, and black cutoff leather jacket. The next was simply a red bra top and red micro mini skirt, and the final outfit was a barely there black leather dress. Deciding that the dress would make me feel more comfortable than anything else, I slithered into it and matched it with the red leather thigh-high boots Pam had also brought in. I curled my hair adding as much volume as possible to make my hair poofy and voluptuous. I added on a lot more makeup than usual to complete the outfit and painted my nails red. Somehow I had managed to do that in only half an hour and quickly walked down the long hallways to the foyer. Both vampires turned to look at me when I walked in, and their fangs ran down simultaneously. I couldn't help but giggle at their mutual reaction.
"I approve," he hissed barely loud enough for me to hear. I rolled my eyes and walked past them to the door.
"Well you better be willing to keep other Vampires off me if ya'lls reactions are to count for anything. This was your idea. Remember that, and don't go killing anyone on my account."
Pam snickered and Eric looked like he was reconsidering his words of approval earlier. "You are well known as my bonded. If anyone touches you, they deserve to die and I would have every right."
I snapped around and frowned at him. "But I'm not actually your bonded so it doesn't count." I let my anger, love, and longing flow into him. He frowned back and walked past me out the door and into his corvette. "Can I ride with you? He's being too frustrating right now." Pam laughed at me as she walked by. "No. We can't have Eric arriving separately from his bonded, now can we?"
'Ugh, she is so insufferable!'
I stomped toward the corvette, piled inside, and slammed the door closed. If he was going to give me the silent treatment, I could play that game. The ride to Fangtasia felt like it took forever, even though with Eric driving, it was no longer than ten minutes. I wanted to be angry with him for not responding earlier and now for not talking, but my anger was fading, regardless of what I wanted. I stole a sideways glace, and my hootchie automatically did a flip and started getting warmer. One look at that man and my world turned upside down. He looked really good tonight in a black wife beater and tight leather pants. Wanting to see his backside in those pants, I was very anxious to get to Fangtasia. His lips turned up into a smirk, and I knew he had caught my ogling and felt my increasing lust through the bond. I sat back in my seat and thought about how much I really loved the man I was with. I let it swell up in me and pour out into the bond that I knew Eric could feel. He fidgeted in his seat, and vampires never fidget, so I knew he still didn't know how to react to this new development.
Eventually, we got to the club and went inside. Pam and Eric went about doing all the necessary things to open and I tried to help as much as I could. Most of the things, such as stocking the bar, were pretty much the same as at Merlotte's. My mini throne was still by Eric's, much to my delight; though I had a feeling he didn't really want it there. Visions of the night he asked me to stand by his side for all to see swam through my head. Like a fool, I accepted before he had the chance to ask me willfully as himself. Eric caught me staring at it and came over to interrupt my thoughts.
"I would give anything to know what you're remembering right now, or what would have possessed me to put that there." He was always doing that; saying something nice and then covering it up by being all business.
Deciding now might be a good time to share, I looked at him and let the feelings of that evening flow from me. "You were trying to convince me to let you in again. I didn't think I'd see you again after the night of the witch war when you were supposed to get your memories back." I paused, letting Eric sit down so he could absorb what I was saying. His eyes were wide with surprise I was finally sharing something with him. "Living with you after Mark tried to hurt me, well I had already cut myself off from you, and you weren't too happy about that; although, you were up for the challenge of making me 'yield' to you again." My lips curled up into a smile at the memory of him trailing kisses down my neck and threatening me with another steamy shower. He smirked, obviously happy with the idea he was able to win me over twice. "We came to Fangtasia after I convinced you we needed to keep up appearances for the Queen. You asked me to sit in that silly throne next to yours. But you weren't just asking me to sit with you, you were asking if I would stand by you for who you were, Vampire politics, drama, everything." My head hung as the tears started to make their appearance. The loss of everything was still so fresh, and it really stung. I was remembering why it was such a bad idea to talk about these things with him.
"Did you?" Eric's voice sliced through my silence.
Meeting his gaze with a bittersweet expression I replied, "Yes, I did." Quickly, I wiped the tears from my eyes. "That doesn't matter now, though. I'm going to go fix my makeup."
Wanting to get away from the now awkward situation, I turned toward the women's bathroom. However, before I could get away, Eric grabbed my arm and pulled me into the most romantic kiss I have ever experienced. He was extremely gentle, barely pressing his lips to mine, seeking permission. His tongue grazed my lower lip, which I opened, giving him the access he desired. Languidly, we explored each other's mouths while our hands tenderly stroked the other's back. My heart melted and was overwhelmed with love for my vampire. This was a kiss my Eric would give me. I welcomed the familiarity and the peacefulness of it. He pulled back, and I let out a small sigh; that one kiss helped ease all the pain I had been feeling in the past few days. Though I was afraid of what I would find, I opened my eyes to meet his gaze filled with love.
And then nothing. He was gone from me in Vampire speed. I sat down on a stool at the bar to let my heartbeat return to its normal pace and to figure out what in the world had just happened.
'We just had a perfect moment and he left me standing here by myself. Is he scared of his love for me?'
My instincts told me that he was indeed scared, but I didn't understand why. Part of me was extremely excited there was a possibility that this version of Eric could love. There was no doubt I had seen deep feelings for me in his eyes after that kiss. There wasn't anything more I could do about it that night, and it was almost opening time, so I went and rested on my throne, waiting for the boring evening to begin. The staff actually looked happy to see me, probably hoping Eric would be in a better mood. Unfortunately they couldn't have been farther from the truth because when Eric finally came out and sat with me an hour later he seemed to be in an extremely foul mood.
"What's wrong? Has something happened?"
He didn't answer me, and continued to give me the silent treatment the rest of the night. Several fangbangers approached him, trying to seek his attentions, and most of them received a quick kick to the face. In an attempt to calm him down, I sent as much peace and love toward him as I could. That was a very bad idea; he turned to me and growled.
"Would you stop doing that?" Never in my life had I truly been scared of Eric, but I was in that moment. I knew he was seriously debating whether to kill me, ignore me, or love me. Personally I was really hoping for the love me option, but I kept my opinion to myself. The rest of the night I did my best to sit still and not cry. We danced once for appearances, but I might as well of been dancing with a statue he was so cold to me.
When I thought my heart was going to break, Eric finally told me we were leaving. I nodded my understanding and almost ran out to his Corvette. All I wanted to do was get back to my bed for the evening and cry myself to sleep. Eric and I didn't talk the whole way home and he still had that stony aggravated look on his face. Stepping inside his house was upsetting and a relief at the same time.
"I'm sorry," I whispered before running to my guest room and collapsing on the bed. I did cry myself to sleep that night and had horrible dreams of Eric draining me, and I didn't wake up three days later as a Vampire either. Sometime during my night of restless sleep, I felt a cold hand stroke my cheek. A voice that seemed so far away whispered in my ear, "Sh, lover, you are safe." The touch was gone after that, but then I started to dream of what my life with Eric could be like, and the happiness engulfed me into peaceful sleep.
So what do we think? Thankyou so much for the reviews--many of your opinions inspired the Sookie and Pam heart to heart =D
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