You're cynical and beautiful
You always make a scene
You're monochrome delirious
You're nothing that you seem
I'm drowning in your vanity
Your laugh is a disease
You're dirty and you're sweet
You know you're everything to me
- Dizzy, Goo Goo Dolls
The girl is shaking violently, her eyes squeezed tightly shut. She feels her stomach lurch again, and in response she clamps her jaw tightly shut. A sob bubbles in her throat, and she can't hold it in.
She jumps at the feeling of heavy and smooth fabric being draped over her bare body.
"Apache?" A very familiar voice asks quietly. She nods stiffly. She hears the common room door swish open, accompanied by a thundering of feet.
"What was that?" Apache sobs. Please, he's the last person she wants to see right now.
"Whos, is that Apache?" Beast Boy. She'd be okay with him. She just wants to be alone, though. She feels an arm drape over her back. She can't hold back the sob in her throat.
"What is the matter, friend?" a gentle voice coos at her. She wails out something incomprehensible between sobs. "You will have to repeat yourself, I do not think any of us understood."
"My moooooooom," she wails. "Ebony, they're deeeaaad," she breaks down in nasty body wracking sobs, burying her face in Star's lap. "Ra-r-raaan us off the road," She feels a different, slender and light hand on her back, rubbing small circles. Everyone is quiet as she sobs, the two female Titans consoling her to the best of their ability. She feels another presence kneel next to her on her open side next to Raven, a third hand joining the others, this one on her upper back above Star's arm.
She doesn't know how long she sobs, but she sits there until her throat is raw and her eyes burn. Her sobs slowly taper off, her tears running out. Her head is swimming, her body aching. Star's arm becomes tighter around her, comforting. She in turn wraps one of her arms around the Tamaranian slender waist.
Pull yourself together, she chastises herself. Some first impression you're making.
She slowly sits up, sniffling. She glances around, her eyes swollen and red, her usually pale face blotchy. Her wavy mid back length red hair sticks to her face and is in horrendous knotts. She only now realizes its Raven's cloak draped around her.
She first meets two sets of green worry filled but kind and open eyes. Her eyes land on a cloakless girl next, her expression masked and unreadable, yet she bares a coffee mug. She gently hands the warm mug to the distraught girl. She recognizes the smell of the substance, hot chocolate. She had wanted a cup. She projects a thank you to the pretty girl, not trusting her voice. The girl simply gives a nod.
She tentatively shifts her eyes without much movement of her head off to the side. Leaning on the couch is the two other Titans, their arms crossed, their expressions anything but pleased. She quickly shifts her gaze back to Raven, panic rising in those bi colored depths. Raven simply blinks at her, her hands folded in her lap. Suddenly the girl feels comfort swell inside of her. She tilts her head the slightest bit in question at the girl. Her amethyst eyes flash for a moment, and the girl knows it was her. All the girl can do is project her gratitude to the dark Titan.
She leans into Star's side as carpet muffled foot falls make their way over to the dual purpose TV, promptly switching the movie that is playing off and switching the desktop on.
"First things first," Robin begins as he types away at the keyboard. "I need your full name, social security number, birth date and one of your parent's full names," He does not sound pleased, his posture tense.
"Can't that wait for another time?" Raven instantly speaks up before anyone else has a chance to.
"This, no. Everything else, yes. So...?" Robin's voice holds an edge to it that the girl does not like in the slightest. She feels more tears well in her eyes.
She's quiet for a moment, steeling herself. "C..." her voice wobbles. "Ca..." Her voice cracks. A hand rubs her back as Star's arm tightens further. She shuts her eyes, taking a tentative sip of the warm substance cradled in her hands to push the lump in her throat away. She gulps in a huge breath of air, before releasing it slowly through her nose.
"Casey Autumn Byrne, February second 1999, 987-37-9807, Janette Anne Byrne," the Titans are surprised at the faded Irish accent that rolls off her tongue, as if she had lived in Ireland, yet the accent had faded after living among Americans for years. Casey sinks further into Star when the Titans all look at her strangely. She glances at them shyly and confused.
"How old are you?" Beast Boy asks quietly, his hand still on her back.
"I-I'm e-eighteen now? Its February isn't it...?" Her voice drips with uncertainty.
"It's 2010, you can't be eighteen," Cyborg quips, his voice dangerous.
"No, but, it was 2017. I was getting ready to graduate and everything! I was even supposed to be going to Cal Poly in the fall!" the girl is borderline wailing again. Star shushes her, wrapping her other arm around her waist.
"So a time jump, too then?" Beast Boy sounds contemplative as he puts his free hand in a fist to his chin. She lifts her eyes to Raven in panic. The girl just gives her a level amethyst gaze. Robin sighs heavily, tapping away at the keyboard.
"I need your mother's maiden name," Robin gives Casey a raised eyebrowed glance.
"Th-that is h-her maiden name," Her voice wobbles.
"What's the last digit to your social?"
"That is my full social," She can feel herself beginning to break down again.
"Spell your last name for me," Her voice wobbles as she spells it out. The lump is full force back, tears escape her eyes. She takes a sip of her hot chocolate to calm herself as her stomach rolls dangerously. She glances guiltily to the vomit on the otherwise grey carpet. She'd have to clean it up as soon as possible.
"I can't find any matching or similar records," Robin says after a while. The girl doesn't expect any different. She simply stares at Raven's folded hands, focusing on the warmth cradled in her own hands.
"Apache," her head snaps up. Robin had called Casey multiple times, yet she hadn't reacted. He raises an eyebrow at her. "Until we get everything straightened out, you're under probation, understood?" She nods. "I'll be asking you questions soon, so be prepared to answer them," she nods again. With a sigh the Boy Wonder strides out of the common room.
"What a night, eh, Casey?" Beast Boy tries to lighten the atmosphere.
"Just call me Apache, please," she says quietly. "I don't want to have to relearn my real name right now."
Beast Boy nods solemnly, glancing out the window to the darkened bay.
"I'm really sorry," she says even quieter, yet her voice still carries in the silence. It's making her ears ring. She can't stand complete silence.
"For what are you the sorry for?" Star asks her curiously. All eyes are on her. She simply stares at the glass mug in her hands.
"For being such a nuisance and compromising you all," she says just as quiet, refusing to lift her eyes. She feels sick.
"You're not a nuisance, it's been fun having you around," Beast Boy punches her lightly and playfully.
"I do agree, it has been very pleasurable," Star smiles at her kindly and openly.
"That was when I was a dog," she reminds them.
"So? It'll be just as fun now. I mean, you did get me a girlfriend," Beast Boy beams at her.
Apache huffs out a small broken laugh. "Yeah."
They fall silent.
"So, Cal Poly, huh? You must be really smart," Beast Boy says after a moment.
"Not really," Apache says quietly. "I'm just an over achiever and want to be a livestock vet, and Cal Poly was the closest school to Yuba City with a vet program. Has nothing to do with smartness," she explains. Beast Boy yawns.
"Well, I'm gonna go back to bed. See ya all in the morning," He stands with a stretch, meandering toward the door. Cyborg follows without a word.
Apache's eyes fall on the puddle of vomit again. She wants to take a shower, then clean it up.
Her first shower in months. She's going to really enjoy it.
Her eyes slowly travel up to find Raven's face. "Would it be possible for me to take a shower?" her voice refuses to raise past a whisper. The lump is still forcefully wedged in her throat, causing it to be difficult for her to speak. Raven simply nods as their eyes meet.
Apache hugs Star loosely around her thin waist. "Thank you, you really are just a wonderful person."
Star gladly embraces her back. "It is no trouble at all, friend," She sounds delighted. She releases Apache, instantly floating into the air.
"See you tomorrow, yeah?" Apache gazes up at her.
"Yes, good night," Star zooms over to the common room door, her feet touching carpet before she goes through, leaving just Apache and Raven.
After a few moments, Apache's eyes meet Raven's.
"Well, hello for real this time," she says quietly, her eyes almost lame and dull looking. They don't have the light that they used to have.
"Yeah," Raven slowly rises to her feet. "Come on."
Apache slowly rises in a wobbly fashion, her legs like jello. She isn't used to walking on two legs. She can feel herself falling apart, but she does her best to keep it together. As she clumsily hobbles after the girl, her cloak still draped around her own shoulders, she gazes curiously around the common room and the hall as they go. Before leaving the common room she had darted over as quickly as she could and set her cup on the counter before following Raven. She'd had a dog's eye view of the tower, so it actually looks a bit different from her added height.
She'd never seen the stacks of filthy dishes in the sink before now, not that she is surprised to see them.
It ignites her mother's words in her head, a nagging feeling to get them clean itching at her. She feels a little lost, unsure what to do. Being a dog and not knowing allowed her to try to figure things out and problem solve, and it had worked to an extent. Maybe not knowing would have been a blessing to her.
Her eyes fall on Raven's back, not hidden by a cloak. She isn't much taller than the girl, she realizes. She's five-foot three, so Raven must be around five-foot one or two.
They're both short.
She's sure her cheeks flush pink as she averts her eyes from where they shouldn't be to begin with. Raven's hourglass figure is just gorgeous to Apache. The leotard is flattering, but Apache would prefer the cloak stay on so people wouldn't be able to stare at her backside.
Hypocrite, she thinks.
She hobbles down the flight of stairs a few steps behind Raven, having to keep her hand on the wall to keep her balance as she descends. Her foot audibly pops as she puts her weight on it, startling her slightly. She looks down wide eyed for a moment, before continuing down the last few steps.
The Walk to the bathroom is uneventful and silent, the silence causing Apache's ears to ring. She takes a silent deep breath, exhaling slowly.
Raven being so wraith like is slightly unsettling to Apache simply due to the silence. Silence she could do without.
Her mom did always say she'd make the poorest dead person because she couldn't handle silence all that well.
Raven pulls the bathroom door open, motioning for Apache to enter first. She slips by Raven awkwardly, her hands fisted at her chest in the cloak draped over her otherwise bare body.
"Towels are in that drawer," Raven points to the lowest drawer on the cabinet. "Wash cloths are in the drawer above it. Just put everything in the hamper when you're done and I'll have some clothes for you set by the door. Just come to my room when you're done."
Apache nods. "Thank you," she says quietly. With a nod, Raven shuts the door, heading back to her room. Apache simply gazes at the door for a moment, then gives a heavy sigh. Brown catches her eye in the mirror as she goes to grab a towel and washcloth. She stares wide eyed at her reflection.
Bi colors stare back at her, shocked.
Those aren't her eyes.
Those are Ebony's eyes.
Her eyes are a shade of emerald.
Tears well in her wide eyes, one shining aquamarine that contrasts heavily with the gold colored brown.
One of the last things she remembers is the confusion reflected in these same bi colored eyes.
Her stomach lurches. These aren't her eyes.
They belong to the one creature in her universe that held her together mentally and emotionally through the worst times in her life.
A blotchy, thin and bruised face surrounds those bi colors, plump lips slightly parted in shock. Red wavy hair is knotted together and wild, as if it hadn't been brushed in weeks. She doesn't remember being this thin.
She's disturbed, she feels as if she doesn't know who she is anymore.
Pulling her eyes away from the bi colored ones in the mirror, she drops the navy cloak into the hamper. She grabs a towel and washcloth as tears stream down her cheeks. She unfolds the violet towel and tosses it over to hang on the curtain rod for easy reach.
She switches the water on, crossing her arms over her chest as she waits for the water to warm. She hums lightly to herself until steam begins billowing from the water. She adjusts the water temperature before stepping under the scalding spray. She slowly falls to her knees as the water runs down her chilled body, burning her bruised and overly pale skin. She wraps her arms around her knees as she pulls them to her chest.
She cries, her head laid on her knees. She's able to keep her sobs quiet at least. Before she knows it, she's curled up under the spray, the water pelting her side. It feels sore, yet she ignores it.
She realizes that she shouldn't even be alive. She doesn't know how this works, but she's certain when people die they're not supposed to go crashing into another dimension. Where's her mom? And Ebony? This isn't heaven to her without Ebony, if that's what it's supposed to be.
She'd rather be in limbo if that meant she could always have Ebony with her.
Are they here somewhere? Did they go to heaven or hell? Is death just really nothingness and thats what happened? So many questions, and she's not being thrown any answers.
It takes a while, but she's able to finally pull herself together. She sits up with a sniffle, gazing around the shower. In the corner of the tub by the spout for the bathtub are two bottles, one shampoo and the other conditioner. There's a white bar of soap next to them.
She slowly grasps the shampoo bottle, depositing a small amount on her palm from the bottle before lathering it in her hair. Her fingers catch and pull in knots, her short nails lightly scratching her scalp. Her hair had been greasy. She forgot how much she loves her hair being clean.
Her eyes are closed lightly, and they sting from the crying. She yawns as she rinses her hair out. Her movements are sluggish, uncaring.
She slowly lathers conditioner into her unruly locks, twisting her hair loosely around her head. She needs a haircut soon, she decides.
All she can think about is Ebony and her mother as she washes her face and body. What became of them? Her mom, if there really is a heaven, its up in the air if that's where she went due to some of her choices from when she was young. She is a good person nonetheless, so Apache would like to think that God, if there is one, would take mercy on her. She chastises herself. Her mom might not even be dead. She needs to stop thinking before she gets herself so worked up she can't function. A panic attack is the last thing she needs right now, and she can feel one building in her chest.
She's surprised at the dirt that comes off of her. Her pale skin had actually been slightly dinghy with a dusting of dirt over it. She twists lightly in the water, rinsing the suds from her body. She slumps back down as she rinses the conditioner from her hair, leaving her red and knotted locks feeling silky under the hot water.
She's noticed her nose isn't quite as sensitive as it had been, and this bothers her slightly. What if the shadow comes back? What if she isn't able to smell it like the others seem to not be able to?
She sighs, deciding to quit wasting the Titan's water.
She shivers at the chill that overtakes her body when she switches the water off. She wants to just sit where she is, but she knows it probably isn't a good idea. She's taken long enough, and she doesn't even know what time it is.
She slowly pulls herself up, wringing her hair out then grabbing the towel. It falls over her face, and she sighs. She slowly towels herself off, lightly scrubbing at her sopping wet hair before stepping out of the tub and onto the cold tile. She puts the towel and washcloth in the black hamper after she wrings the excess water from the washcloth.
She opens the bathroom door slowly, her eyes searching the grey carpet. There's a small pile of folded navy clothes just off to the side. She bends down and picks them up, shutting the door to dress herself.
She sets the clothes on the counter as she inspects them. No underwear, but that's to be expected. She wouldn't have worn someone else's underwear anyway.
As she unfolds the size too big navy T-shirt, she almost snorts at the "Sarcasm Queen" in white block letters on the front of the shirt. She slips it on before slipping on the black and navy striped pajama bottoms that go down to her ankles.
Steeling herself, she pulls the bathroom door open and slowly slinks down the empty hall to the familiar door. She knocks lightly, two taps. The door slides open and she slowly and cautiously enters. She spots Raven on her bed, floating an a meditative stance. As familiar as ever. She lightly steps over the soft carpet, seating herself to lean against the side of Raven's bed, her hands fisting in the pajama pants over her thighs.
Jinx pops into her mind next. She has questions but she's afraid to ask them. Thinking about Jinx is easier than thinking about her mom and dog for sure. Guilt and sickness rolls around her belly.
"Just ask, it isn't that scary," Raven voices, causing Apache to jump. She really radiates her emotions that much? Or maybe Raven is just choosing to be so perceptive to her. She sighs.
"A-" her voice cracks, and she clears her throat. "About Jinx," she says tentatively.
"What about her?" Apache can't see Raven.
"Is the Academy still under Blood's control?"
"What are you getting at?"
"Is Jinx still brainwashed?" Raven hums in realization.
"No. We took Blood out and he ran. We think he ran to Gotham but we haven't had the information to chase him. Richard informed Batman and he's been keeping a lookout." Apache makes a surprised sound.
"That's different than the cartoon, that didn't happen until after Trigon," Apache pulls herself onto her knees, gazing up at the girl seated in the center of her large bed. "Is the Academy still going?"
"It did resurface a few months after we thought we took it out. It's got a new headmaster. We've been keeping an eye on it, so far they haven't made any moves," Raven gazes at her.
"Huh..." Apache looks down to her fingers laying on top of the black comforter.
"Why do you ask?" Raven's monotone surprises the girl slightly.
"No reason, I just recalled her being brainwashed and I wanted to know. Plus I was afraid the entire time Blood was gonna show up or something," Apache shrugs.
Raven huffs in amusement. "No."
Apache gazes at Raven's bedside clock. Three about? It's still dark out.
"I'm sorry you lost your family," Raven's words surprise Apache, and she switches her gaze back to the girl, bi colors meeting amethyst. She didn't think Raven was sentimental.
"There's nothing to be sorry for," she says, the slightest hint of confusion peppering her tone.
"It's a horrible feeling, to lose people close to you. I know, and I've felt it. You had no control over it though, so you should stop blaming yourself. Nothing good will come of it," Raven's words cause the air to catch in Apache's throat. All the girl can do is gaze at her dumbly. She isn't used to someone being able to perceive how she feels. Her mother's words play on repeat in her mind.
Everything happens for a reason.
All Apache can do is nod, wide eyes gazing into pools of amethyst. She sighs, lowering her gaze. Say anything, change the subject, diversion, anything, she gripes to herself.
"So, what's gonna happen with rooms?" Apache says shakily after a long moment.
"Well, you can have a guest room, but you'll be recorded 24/7 until Robin trusts you. Every room in the tower has surveillance, but it isn't checked unless it needs to be," Raven informs. Apache's stomach rolls sickly. "There's an inflatable mattress in the utility closet for tonight, though."
Apache nods, sighing in relief. She follows Raven as she floats out of her room and down the hall, the girl dressed in a plain black T shirt and dark grey sweats that go mid calf on her, her arms crossed loosely. Its highly amusing to Apache to watch her float.
They retrieve the box containing the mattress from the utility closet on the floor below the one they're on, moving silently through the halls.
"Little adventure," Apache quips when they're almost back to Raven's room. Raven hums, her arms loaded down with the heavy rubber filled box.
"Why do you let me hang out in here and no one else?" Apache says off handedly as they unfold the mattress.
"You don't touch everything you lay your eyes on and you're quiet and calm, they aren't," Raven says simply. A small sliver of warmth blooms in Apache's stomach, like a dog being given a bone. They sit in silence as the air pump roars noisily to life, doing its job to inflate the mattress.
Apache watches curiously as Raven pulls herself to her feet, approaching her desk. She grabs something from the top of it before turning around to walk back toward Apache. She tosses what is in her hand at the girl. She reflexively snatches it out of the air.
It's a hairbrush. She immediately grasps her knotted hair, brushing the ends out first, slowly making her way to her scalp. She's only half done with her hair when the mattress is full of air. Raven switches the air pump off, setting it against the wall with the mattresses box.
"Your hair is a mess," Raven comments as she seats herself on her bed.
"The beauties of having slightly curly hair," Apache quips, wincing as a knot catches in the brush and pulls some of her hair out. "It's nowhere as curly as my mom's. Can you cut hair?" she asks, wondering if Raven does in fact cut her own hair.
"Well, I CAN, but that doesn't mean I'm good at it," Raven shrugs.
"Would you cut mine? I don't care if its uneven," Apache pulls the brush forcefully through some knots in her hair.
"Right now?"
"No, I mean like soon. My hair is getting too long for me, and I'd appreciate if you'd cut it for me," Apache quips.
"I guess," Raven answers her. "But it isn't my fault if you don't like the result. That's my disclaimer and your warning."
"I'm fine with anything," Apache shrugs, working on the last bit of her hair. Her hair is now flowing silkily, twisting around itself in a gorgeous fashion, all frizz and knots done away with.
"So you'd be fine with it if I shaved your head?" Raven asks her.
"Well, no," Apache lowers the brush to gaze up at the girl.
"Then you're not fine with anything," Apache rolls her eyes playfully.
Apache slowly strides over to Raven's desk to place the brush back in its place, lightly stepping over the grey carpet. She crawls onto the blow up mattress, enjoying the smell of the thick plastic, like a new swimming pool before its been filled.
She lays down on her belly with a sigh, folding her arms under her head. A square of folded fabric floats its way from Raven's closet, enveloped in black energy. It plops down next to the red haired girl.
"Thank you," Apache voices lightly, flipping onto her back to pull the soft and fluffy dark brown blanket out with her hands and feet. Raven just hums as the various candles around the room extinguish.
Apache twists herself up in the blanket, using a portion of it for a pillow. She sighs contently as Raven slides herself under her own blankets.
Apache can't help but miss laying next to Raven. She misses the presence of another body next to her when she sleeps, not used to being alone. She stares at the wall with half lidded eyes, wishing she could still cuddle up next to Raven.
She misses her dog. They'd always lay back to back when they went to sleep, and she'd still be there next to her when she woke up. That dog means the world to her. She was there when everyone else wasn't.
Her chest aches when she thinks of her father.
She hasn't thought about him in years, with good reason.
Disowning her because she's gay, and before that he was highly abusive. She decides to brush him aside like she's done before. Hopefully its five more years or more before she even spares him another thought, if ever.
She listens to Raven's breathing, noticing when it evens out and becomes more shallow. She tosses and turns, unable to close her eyes. Her body is exhausted, yet her mind is running on overdrive. On nights like these, she'd usually take some cold medicine so she wouldn't sleep through class the next day. She wouldn't even know where to find cold medicine in the tower, so she decides to not even try lest someone think she's snooping.
What would her mom say? She'd say... Apache yawns. She'd probably say "Casey, ya just need to disregard everything unimportant and close those eyes of' years."
She smiles lightly. Her mom is really something else. She's more of a "just live your life with no worries" type of person.
After turning herself over for the umpteenth time, she sighs. She quietly pushes herself up and glances at Raven as she throws the blanket off of herself. The girl seems to be fast asleep. She winces when the bed squeaks under her weight.
She tip toes toward Raven's door, pushing the button for it to open. She sneaks down the hall silently, stepping lightly. The only sound that would alert anyone to her presence is her light breathing.
She sneaks down the hall like a frightened mouse, looking both ways as she darts up the flight of stares to the common room. She faintly wonders if Robin would allow her to get a pet after she passes all of his tests or whatever.
She glances around the darkened common room.
It looks empty.
She inches through the door the rest of the way, gazing around the dark space before flipping the lights on.
Her first stop is the kitchen.
She pads over the carpet lightly before stepping onto linoleum. Where would cleaners be kept?
She checks the cabinet under the sink, glad to find numerous cleaners, sponges, scrub brushes and a small bucket. She has to move numerous filthy dishes and place them on the counter to reach the faucet. It seems like every dish in the tower is dirty.
She runs the water until it gets warm, to which she fills the bucket half way. She pours a small amount of Pinesol into the bucket as well, tossing a blue and white scrub brush into the water.
Grabbing some paper towels off the roll that is sitting on top of the microwave, she slowly makes her way over to the couch, walking around to its front and kneeling beside the dark spot on the carpet.
She gets as much as she can with the paper towels, ensuring she wraps it up in a way that it won't get on the carpet she sets the paper towels on. She grabs the scrub brush from the bucket, and begins scrubbing the carpet. She scrubs it this way and that until she can't see the stain anymore.
She picks everything up, making her way back to the kitchen.
She tosses the paper towels in the trash and sets the bucket on the counter off to the side.
She sings to herself as she begins piling dirty dishes from the sink onto the counters until the sink is empty.
"Swing left, swing right, bruised and black eyed," this song had gotten her through tough times just as much as Ebony had. She'd memorized every lyric.
She runs hot water as she pulls a fresh sponge from the cabinet, dumping dish soap into the food crusted sink.
"Half a life, bleeding, choking but not broken, inside," She scrubs at the sink with the scrubbing side if the sponge. She decides she needs to get the brush to finish the job.
"And in this world of compromise I hit every curb, every red light, trying to keep both hands on the wheel," the brush is working quite a bit better than the sponge had. She rinses the sink, plugging one side to fill with hot water. She places the worst dishes in the sink to soak. She rummages through various drawers to try to find dish towels, and hums when she finds them. She pulls two out and lays them on the empty side of the counter.
"But through it all I'm still undefeated, with my back against the ropes, still undefeated, you can knock me down with mighty blows but you cannot break my hope," She begins washing each dish by hand, the cleaner ones being easy. She places them one by one onto the dish towels.
"Weak knees, can't stand, raise up, your hands, don't walk away, been sucker punched but I'm not down, my feet have never left the ground, it's a fight that I can't fix, like a cut that needs a stitch, and somehow through it all I stay," It continues on, Apache singing various songs and pieces of songs that she remembers to fill the silence.
She goes over and over, washing each dish until one side of the counter is clear and the other is full of dishes neatly piled on one another, glistening. She moves onto the soaking dishes, having a much easier time with them since they soaked. She sighs as she washes the final spoon, setting it on top of the large pile of silverware. She drains the sink and washes it, setting the sponge down on the counter.
She lowers herself to her knees, then onto her side. She finally feels as if she can sleep. Tears slip from her eyes as she gazes at the white cabinets. She just wants to hug her mother.
She can't lay here, even if she feels as though she doesn't have the energy to move. The fear of Robin or Cyborg finding her here overrules her tiredness.
She pulls herself up, sluggishly dragging her feet as she walks back to Raven's room, flipping the common room lights back off. The lit halls are almost too bright on her aching eyes.
It seems as if it takes her longer than it should have to get back to Raven's room, but she eventually makes it. She sneaks back through the door, wearily gazing at Raven for signs of life.
She seems to still be out.
Apache rubs her eyes tiredly with the heels of her hands, stepping lightly and slowly back to the inflatable bed that sits on the left hand side of Raven's bed. She climbs back on it as quietly as she can, again wrapping herself up in the blanket. She barely has time to register the warmth of the fabric before her mind shuts off and she falls into a restless and dreamless sleep.