Difficult

"So here we are again, same old argument and now I'm wondering, if things will ever change."

-Good Charlotte, Say Anything

Chapter 11: Career Advice

Snape worked her to the bone, throughout the holidays and he didn't let up once school started or eased off at all. Tracey wasn't in a very good mood by the time she had her career advice meeting when it finally came up, the first week back to school. She merely sat gingerly, before leaning back and crossing her arms over her chest, refusing to look at Snape. She fear it she looked at him, she would do something stupid, and made the hell he was putting her through even worse.

She'd had half her mind to not go at all. However, she supposed at least it got her out of Herbology. She honestly loathed the class with a fervor and she wasn't too fond of Professor Sprout either. She wasn't sure why, but she suspected the woman delighted in knocking all the Slytherin's down a peg.

For his part, Severus wasn't particularly looking forward to the girls meeting. He felt that he was spending far too much time with her as it was and despite the curve in her attitude, whenever he was around her he knew she was seething. He could feel the anger, like white hot air, pressing in all around him. It was quite suffocating. And though she hissed at him yes sirs, he could hear the contempt in her voice and hate in her eyes when she glowered at him. He supposed that was just the thanks he got for trying to save her wretched little life.

"This meeting Miss Davis, is to discuss which careers you would be interested in to decide which classes you will need to take for your NEWTs classes. Being as you know how I feel about your marks, I'm sure you will get all your OWLs and that I don't need to tell you which classes you need to improve on," Severus started crisply. All the while, he eyed Tracey with disdain, as she was seated leisurely in the chair across his desk, studying her nails with a look of extreme boredom. "Now, I am sure you have noticed the pamphlets in the common room, and have perused them, as you are not an imbecile. Are there any careers that sparked your interest?"

"Actually, professor, I've been too busy to waste time on anything, other than my studies. And being as these detentions you have me going to every evening take up so much of my time, I spend what little is left of it to do my homework and sleep," Tracey said in a cool and mocking tone, all the while not looking over at him once.

Severus felt the heat under his skin rise as he stared at the girl. "I will not be condescended to by the likes of you," Severus hissed as he stood.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry Professor. I didn't mean to sound condescending," she said in a sickeningly sweet voice as she looked up at him, twisting her face to look at him in contrition. However, he could see the turn in the corner of her mouth, and see the malicious twinkle in her dark eyes.

"YOU-"

Tracey got to her feet, "Thats what you wanted isn't it?" she said loudly, raising her voice only enough to be louder than him and cutting him off completely. Severus furrowed a brow.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he snapped, beyond annoyed with the girl.

"I expect you to behave at the level of someone in Slytherin," Tracey parroted with a look of disgust, spitting his words back at him. "And what level is that, Professor? I suppose you mean the lowest of lows. Well I know how to reach it and its by playing underhanded games, having no morals or ethics and being false! And believe me, I can play that game well enough. I could be a master at it, in fact. But I don't want to be like that."

Severus straightened as throughout her hate-filled rant, she had leaned over his desk and as he'd already been doing that, their faces had come closer than he felt comfortable with. "Well sometimes Miss Davis, there is very little choice. And for your sake, I hope you never have to find out why."

Tracey huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. She wasn't sure why, but at his words, all the fight went out of her. Not because she thought that he had a point, but because his even tone and words, sounded like he really only wanted for her to be safe. "What do you know, Professor? Why are you so concerned on what could or could not happen to me once I leave the school?" she asked, looking at him.

"I've already told you-"

"I know, I remember very well what you said. But here you are asking me to swallow my pride AND take a leap of faith. I think I deserve a little more in return," Tracey stated.

"I'm already trying to keep you safe and not expelled you from this school, what more do you want?"

"Well I never asked you for any of it. I told you to just expel me," Tracey said, feeling like they were going in circles. "I'm working myself to exhaustion, only because I want some information from you. But I don't really care about my life, its a piece of shit anyway. Why do you care so much about it? What's it to you if I live of die?"

Severus glared at the girl. It really was a question he asked himself more and more these days. What was it to him if Tracey Davis came to a bad end by her biological father's hands, ungrateful and difficult as she was. He really shouldn't even bother. But he knew he could no more leave her to her fate, than he could hand her over himself to the Lestrange's.

"Like it or not, you are my student and in my House. You are my responsibility and unlike the rest of your Housemates, you have no parents to look out for you. The one you did have, muggle as she was, was not fit to look out for your safety in our world," he said softly, not wishing to put a harsh tone to harsh words. It would be hard enough for the girl to hear, without him making it worse. But it was the truth, and she needed to hear it. Maybe it would even soften that damnable stubborn will of hers.

Tracey felt her heart clench at this and did her best not to let her pain show on her face, not to Snape. It was bad enough he had seen her reduced to tears on more than occasion. She could not bear to have him see her weak again. However, she felt tired. Slowly she sunk into the chair opposite of him and gazed around the office, thinking.

"A Death Eater killed her, to get to me," Tracey stated slowly. She hadn't ever said it aloud, but that was what Snape had lead her to believe without ever explicitly saying so. She didn't know why a Death Eater would know about her, much less why one would care to get to her. She was only a fifth year Hogwarts student. And she had no money, nor was she of a pureblood family. What did they want with her? Slowly, she turned to look at Snape and found him staring at her in that calculating way of his. Her gaze hardened as she looked at him. "What makes you believe they want me? I think I deserve to know that much."

"And I've told you, I'll tell you when I think you deserve to know," he responded coolly.

"And I've told you, I've already swallowed my pride and showed you some faith by even bothering to agree to your demands. I think I've earned something in return. Besides, April is soon coming to an end. There are only about six weeks left before OWLs, and after that, home. I don't think this war will be over by then. We are running out of time, and you're wasting what's left of it with these stupid detentions you've assigned."

Severus chose to ignore that last part, but the girl did have a point. School would be coming to a close very soon. He didn't know whether Dumbledore had set about any precautionary measures for Tracey, he was a busy man after all. Tracey would more likely have to fend for herself. He needed her to be able to defend herself and he didn't even know if the girl could duel or not.

Girls rarely got into dueling matches with one another in halls, much less Slytherin girls. If they took issue with one another, they tended to tear the girl down with words, not spells. And in her second year, Tracey had perhaps been the only person in the whole school who had not cared one wit about participating in the dueling club. He supposed the only measure of her talent with spells and charms were her scores on class work, but that was not the same. It was one thing to be able to perform a spell in class. It was another to have to do it while thinking on your feet, moving quickly, and defending yourself. The pressure could be too much.

However, there was nothing really that he could divulge to her, that would not alert her to the fact that he himself was a Death Eater. Considering that she knew that a Death Eater had killed her mother, that wouldn't make her trust him. And he wasn't sure if he could trust her enough to tell her that he was a spy for Dumbledore. After all if Rodolphous did get to her, it would be a liability for her to know where his allegiance was.

"Very well. Your detentions with Filch are done. Instead I expect you back here. You need to learn to duel, and perhaps there is more I will be able able to teach you," he said sitting back down. Tracey merely nodded, not sure there was really anything left for her to say. It was not what she had bargained for, but she supposed that it would have to do. "And now, back to what we were originally here for-"

"There is nothing that interests me, Professor Snape," Tracey said, this time excluding any intonation in the word Professor.

"You should think about it. You won't be a student forever."

"No, but a lot could happen in two years," Tracey responded. Severus was about to open his mouth, but Tracey raised her hand to stop him. "But I will take into advisement. I'll look through the pamphlets some time. Considering that I will be seeing a lot of you in the next couple months, I think this meeting could be postponed to a later date."

Severus sighed and nodded. The girl sounded so diplomatic that he would have praised her, if he wasn't annoyed with the fact that she had somehow taken the reigns of this meeting. He was the Professor, not her!

"Indeed. You're dismissed."

Tracey stood slowly and nodded. "Am I to come here, after dinner?" she asked before taking her leave. Severus grimaced at the prospect of having to see her again. She was so tiring. He really didn't want to deal with her again. However, there wasn't enough time. If he was going to prepare her, he needed all the time he had left with her.

"Yes. If anyone bothers to ask, you'll be attending detention," he said, motioning she could leave.

Tracey nodded in response. After all, according the to High Inquisitor, teachers were not supposed to teach students things that did not concern their subjects. She somehow doubted whatever Snape had in mind would have anything to do with Potions. "Well, good afternoon Professor," Tracey said, turning and heading out the door.

Severus watched the girl leave with a furrowed brow. What was it about her grace that bothered him so, he wondered briefly after the door had closed behind her. However, he was more astonished by her tone and words. How had he managed to make her a little more pliable? It baffled him. Sighing heavily, he supposed that he really shouldn't complain.

XX

Tracey flew and fell on her back, panting. She grit her teeth, when the spell managed to get past her barrier and hit her square in the chest. She knew landing on the hard ground would wind her, and she was not about to gasp or groan in pain. As soon as she landed, she rolled over and got to her feet and put up another ward. She barely missed a spell sent by her opponent while she was on the ground, and the shield had only gone up, before another one of his spells crashed into it.

A Death Eater won't fight fair, so he will not stop his attack even if you've are knocked down, or have your back to him. Snape had said that to her, on their first Dueling lesson. That night, he had been unmerciful, testing her skills. By the end of the night, she had felt bruises all over her body, and felt her muscles twitching with exhaustion. Her head even cracked open a bit in the back, and she'd felt a bit of blood there, from one of the times she had been tossed off her feet. By the time she had been able to crawl into bed, she had learned a new meaning to the word pain. But it hadn't been for nothing.

Snape had told her that she had a high threshold for pain and that it was good, because she would need it. He also told her that her gracefulness was good trait to have, as it lent her speed. More than anything he was impressed with the fact she could perform nonverbal spells, something that Tracey hadn't even been aware of as being a difficult task. Over all he had said that she was better than he had expected. Something of a compliment coming from Snape, and something she hadn't ever received from him in Potions.

They dueled in one of the dungeons, one that was large enough to resemble the Great Hall. Tracey had never come across it, and she wondered how that was. The room was HUGE, hard to miss. However, it had taken quite a labyrinth of halls to get to it, so it was really no surprise.

Big as it was, and buried so deep under ground, it was also cold, dark and damp. A dozen torches wouldn't have managed to light the room up. Professor Snape had to use a spell, that kept a roaring fire lined up all along the walls and burning bright the whole time they dueled. The first time Tracey had seen it, she felt trapped and extremely wary of the flames.

What if Snape weren't able to keep them controlled, they could burn alive. And what if a spell went wrong, and she was accidentally tossed into the fire. It never really crossed her mind, that one of her own spells could knock Professor Snape out, and spell out doom. After all, after her first match against him, she found that he was a lot more apt at Dueling than she had ever thought possible.

After all, he was the Potions Master. She had grown to think that those who could not really do magic, often excelled in subjects were very little magic was used at all, like Potions and Herbology. She was sorely wrong, she found. At least in Snape's case.

However, she didn't begrudge him the nightly beatings, or bruises. It was all making her stronger. She could feel herself vastly improved after several weeks, though she couldn't tell from the day to day. But more than improving her skill at being quick and learning to tolerate and roll with the duel, he had taught her spells she had never thought to learn.

She was quite sure that by the standards of many of the Wizarding World, that some of the magic he was teaching her was considered the Dark Arts. However, Tracey didn't see the world so black and white. She rather thought that there was some magic, that depended on the witch and wizard who was using them and his or her intentions.

Of course, that didn't mean she thought that there was magic, that was not wholly evil. The Inferi, for example. Morally, she thought it was disgusting to use the corpses of people in such a manner. The dead should be allowed to rest, not used as macabre puppets to do someone's bidding. However, she was aware that the Dark Lord did not respect the dead, anymore than he respected the living.

Tracey ducked when the next spell raced towards her and shot one of her own, followed immediately by another. Most of the time, she found it easier to side-step spells, rather than put up a shield to block. Putting up shields took up time that she could use to discharged an offensive spell. However, injuries made dancing around in circles around her opponent difficult. As it was, her left knee still pained from a leg-locking jinx Snape had hit her with earlier that week.

The third she managed to shoot off, hit Snape in the stomach, making him double over. She took the opportunity to disarm him sending him sprawling onto his back, while his wand went sailing through the air. She jumped up and hurtled towards the wand and caught in her left hand.

Even after disarming your opponent, you don't stop. She remembered this and proceeded to run to him before he could get up. She straddled his chest and jabbed her wand into his throat. Severus groaned when he felt her weight constricting his lungs, and felt the hard tip of wood against his jugular. He looked up at Tracey, her hair wild about her and lose. She was panting for breath, with her eyes locked on him. Her hand was steady, and there was no mercy in her eyes. Severus felt himself smile.

"Very good, Miss Davis," Severus said, wondering if he should call her off. This wasn't the first time that she had disarmed him, but it was the first time she had followed through. A lesson he had to really hammer into her. For a moment, he considered calling her off, but instead decided test her to see where she would go with this. Not all Death Eaters fought merely with their wands.

Before the girl could react, he shoved the hand holding her wand to his throat out of the way and managed to pin it under his arm, while with the other he grabbed her free arm and held it. Being that she was so light and he caught her off guard, he managed to buck her off his chest and rolled them over. He then quickly scrambled up her body and used his own to pin her down.

"Unless you plan to go through with maiming, killing or otherwise incapacitating your opponent, its best you stay out of arms reach of them," he said as she tried to wriggle out of his grasp.

"Unless my opponent is a man," she gritted out when she saw that there would be no wiggling out from under his iron grasp. To emphasize her point, she dangerously pressed her leg to where his groin would be as her knee was unable to reach. Snape immediately stood up and walked away from her.

"Yes well... I think you did fine for today," he said, indicating that it was the end of their dueling practice for this evening. Tracey got to her feet and watched as Professor Snape straightened his robes and averted his eyes from her. It was hard to tell by the light of the fire that created almost a ring about them, but it seemed to her like he was blushing. She smiled slightly in amusement at this. She supposed he'd never expected that she would threaten his manhood. She wondered how he would have reacted if she had actually just kneed him in the groin. She suspected he would have been pissed, after he finished rolling around and holding himself.

Tracey walked closer to him and held out his wand to him, which he took without thanking her or even looking at her. Instead, he turned away from her and waved it at the fire. Most of it went out immediately, leaving them in semi-darkness. However, Snape left a one side lit up, so that they weren't in complete darkness. "Have you been practicing your Occlumency?" he asked as he did at the end over every evening, with Tracey he found he didn't need quite such a hands on approach as he did with Potter, she was a natural at it. Tracey merely nodded. "Well then-"

"I've given some thought, these last few weeks, on what I might like to do when I finish school," Tracey said, interrupting Snape before he dismissed her.

"Oh, and what is that?" he asked as he stared at her with a raised brow, intrigued by not only the fact that she had brought up the subject but by the revelation that she had thought of it at all.

Tracey bit on her lip, unsure if she should really say. What if he mocked her? However, she shoved this aside. Since their chat during the career advice meeting, he'd become a lot more tolerable than she remembered him being. Besides, she had brought it up. If she didn't say now, he would bug her about it, maybe even tease her for not having the guts to say.

"Become an Auror," she said.

Severus was surprised by this. He wasn't sure why. Perhaps because she was a Slytherin and he hadn't ever expected a Slytherin to go into something so ungrateful as that. After all, no one really thanked the Aurors for their work, and there was no glory to be had in it. Just look at Alastor Moody. Best Auror perhaps of all time, and all the world referred to him as Mad-Eye, a paranoid loon many dismissed.

"Well... you're certainly bright enough for it. And your dueling certainly shows lots of promise," Severus said. He rather found it ironic, and almost funny. Her father was a Death Eater, and the girl would be an Auror. If he didn't know any better, he'd say the girl was doing it to spite her father. However, the girl didn't know about her father, so that was not possible. He wondered if he really should have suspected. After all, the girl did seem to take rather a lot of pleasure from dueling, and she could really take a hit. "We'll talk about it another time," Severus said when he saw her yawn. "Your OWLs begin tomorrow. You need a good night's rest."

"Will we be continuing lessons even during OWLs?" Tracey asked. Severus had given that a lot of thought. However, he shook his head. "Well good night then, Professor Snape," Tracey said, before walking out the door and winding her way through the labyrinth. She was dead tired, and tomorrow she had OWLs first thing in the morning. She needed to be well rested for that.

TBC...

A/n: Hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Please review and tell me what you think!