AN: Hello! Thanks for all of the reviews and reads in my absence, I've been thinking about what direction I plan to take this fic, I see that a few of you even have some theories of your own, I'm just as excited to see how things play out. I write on a day to day basis, very rarely is something planned to far ahead of time, so lord knows what might happen!
I walked in to find Kylo perched impatiently on the foot of his bed, toying aimlessly with his light saber.
"You are late," he rasped, "I do not like waiting."
"I had someone I had to see before I came back," I offered no more, the less he knew the less I'd have to explain away as idle human fancies.
Kylo did not make connections such as I had, albeit few and far in between. I never recalled him having anything like a friend on base, no one he spoke to while in the canteen or waved to in the halls. He would not understand my connection with the old man, it was silly really, the more I thought of it. My only 'friend' was a person nearly thirty-years – if not more – my senior, and I simply considered him a companion because of our proximity.
I wondered if Kylo ever felt lonely, I would imagine that anyone would in his circumstances. The warmth of another person offered much in terms of feeling the light. If there was something – or someone – you wanted to protect the light side came easily.
There was a thin line between the selfish heat of the dark side and the refreshing tingle of the light. But, there was no mistaking the divide, the way the dark side tainted everything, or the way the light side made you feel clean.
"Tomorrow," he whispered, green tinged eyes focusing on me in the dark, "tomorrow we have to run."
He sounded small, something I was certain I'd never experience from him. Alas, he was filled with surprises. I never wanted to hear Kylo uncertain in his choices. He was so resolute that this made me fear for us both. He was a tactician, not a scared human man, he had to stay that way until we were safe.
My hand found his and they laced together, "we will be okay, this Skywalker man you speak of, he will know what to do."
"Hell Em, I don't even know where to find him," Kylo's insecurity made his aura a murky mess of dark and light, I could tell he was fighting within himself.
'He's on Ahch-To' a familiar voice filled my head, my heart twinged at the lilting sound of her voice.
'Mom?' I called out in my head, 'how?'
'The force keeps your soul alive long after death my child, I can not leave you yet, you still need help.'
"He's on Ahch-To," I felt myself speak aloud, strange considering my conversation going on in my mind.
"How do you know that?" Kylo piqued curiously.
I smiled, rueful and sad, "my mother told me."
"A force ghost," he grinned in return, "how convenient."
"I did not know such a thing existed," I marveled.
I felt an endless comfort at the fact that my mother was still there, perhaps this wasn't going to be an impossible task after all. Though admittedly, I was saddened by the fact that she was not truly resting in peace, her soul remaining with us meant that she had not reached absolution in the eyes of whatever god there may be.
The force had all of the chances to be benevolent, but at the same time, it was a curse. She was left to roam whatever plane of existence held it, rather than whatever afterlife existed. I wondered if it was the same for all force users that came before us, of if they were kept for a reason until they were able to disperse back into the stream of life.
"If he's still on Ahch-To then we can get to him easily enough," Kylo confided.
"Have you been there before?" I asked, not meaning to pry per say, but I knew so very little of his life prior to the base that I couldn't quell my curiosity.
Kylo Ren was an enigma, perhaps that was part of his appeal to me other than the traces of humanity I'd seen in him. I decided that – much to my displeasure – there wasn't a lot about him known at all. At the end of the day I felt as if he were a stranger I was mysteriously drawn to. Maybe it was a bit of a savior complex, or meager attraction due to his looks but I knew deep down that I would not end my infatuation with him for any reason. I was too drawn in to quit now, and my need for him increased at an immense pace.
"The Jedi school I'd attended was there," was all he offered in return.
Naturally it made me all the more interested, I'd figured he'd trained in the force. Someone like him had to have been adept at a young enough age to incite the need for training.
"Hm," I hummed, wishing for him to continue.
"I-I," he stuttered, grasping for whatever it was the he'd wanted to say next, "I killed them all."
'Snoke had his hands around the boy for longer than anyone could've anticipated,' my mother's voice chimed again, this time her lilt had taken on a profound sadness.
"It was not entirely your doing," I offered, laying my hand atop his soothingly, "you did not dictate your path in life Kylo, it was never that simple for you."
"I don't want to know how you know that," he sighed, he removed his hand from mine, leaving an awkward space between us.
"Less about this then," I offered, "how are we going to get away tomorrow?"
I was anxious, the lack of solidified planning was leaving me feeling frazzled to say the least. I needed to know that everything was going to be okay, though I understood that neither of us could truly say that.
A lie, would have sufficed. But I knew he was not the type to sugar coat, regardless of how much I needed it.
"We will have to separate," he said.
I never thought it possible but my anxiety increased tenfold. The last thing I wanted was to be without him, together we could face whatever the order threw at us, apart we were nothing.
"No, absolutely not," I yelled.
"Hear me out," he sounded tired, my forceful nature was wearing on his patience immensely.
"I refuse, I don't care what you have to say, we do this together!" my voice was growing hoarse, and I felt the stream of tears rush down my face.
I cried far too often for my own liking, it was a flaw that I would soon have to grow out of. I was no longer a child that got what they wanted with the threat of tears and a petulant attitude.
"Em," he frowned deeply, "you have a better chance at finding them, they do not know you."
'He's right,' my mother reverberated his declaration.
"And what of you?" I gestured frantically, "where do you go? There is no hiding Kylo!"
"I will be near, just not with you," he responded as if I were daft, like he could get away with what he was suggesting.
"Over my dead body," I answered harshly.
"What do you suggest then?" he was patronizing me, belittling my strife and worry and for once I was utterly pissed.
"You come with me, if they have a problem with it then we do not need them," it was a childish thought of course, but it was all I had to cling to.
"We can't just waltz in, these people are my enemies," his anger was bubbling dangerously beneath the surface.
"You are not a monster any longer," it came out in a whisper, I felt true fear at his ever increasing ire.
"When is a monster not a monster?" he asked coldly.
"They took the light away from you," I argued, "it is not the same."
"Answer me," he ground out.
"A monster is not a monster when someone loves it!" I screamed, voice echoing through the room.
"You will not save me," he turned his head from me, but I could not deny the telltale shaking of his shoulders.
"You will not tell me what I can and cannot do," I was indignant, indignant and tired of him telling me that he could not be saved despite his obvious ambition to do just that.
"And what do you expect to do?" he did all he could do conceal his sobs.
"I will tear down the very fiber of the world if it means you will be safe, these people they will not bring you harm, I will not allow it."
He squeezed his eyes shut at my declaration.
"You may not be able to protect me, you may not be willing to, but I," I pounded my hand to my chest, "I will protect you."
"To be so strong," he responded tightly, "to be so sure."
"You have trained me well," I smiled, "let me shoulder your burden Kylo."
"You need to go to your chambers and rest, tomorrow brings a very harrowing day," he dismissed.
"You are coming to Ahch-To with me," I vowed.
"If you so request it," he promised.
We stood shoulder to shoulder on the docking bay of the ship staring off into the distance of yet another beautiful planet the order wished to destroy.
I prayed that somehow Leia Organa got word of the coming attack and found someplace else to be, maybe with her brother on Ahch-To, I sorely wanted to meet her before the war got too bad, or before it was too late.
Hux stood before us, his face looking like someone had forgotten to take their shoes off before entering his house, sour and miserable as per usual.
"Kylo Ren, and M-0001," his blue eyes scanned over us precariously, "today you will end the life of Leia Organa, are you ready?"
Even if he was trying to sound supportive and bolstering morale he looked like a crotchety old man, there would be no true support in our briefing.
"I offer you my best men to storm the complex with, do try your best not to get killed," he smirked.
"Yes sir," I mocked, giving him a half assed salute.
Kylo elbowed me discreetly causing my attention to flutter to his close proximity to me, it was soothing in a way I could not properly describe.
"Onward and upward," Hux scoffed, finally moving out of the way enough for us to exit.
We marched out with the small group of troopers and started north, no one really knew exactly where the base was so we had that in our favor. We walked until the carrier was out of sight, Kylo and I paused to see that the troopers were walking behind us just as confused.
'We have to kill them,' Kylo sounded off in my head, startling me from the distracted stupor I'd worked myself into.
I grimaced at the thought, I had the idea that the mission would be without bloodshed, little did I know that the plan had been made well ahead of time that it wouldn't be so simple. I steeled my heart to the fact that yet again, I would be ending the lives of 'innocent' people.
We turned toward the group, my hand lay in wait above my saber.
The men stood, unaware of our intentions.
"We must keep moving," one of them commented.
Kylo moved into action, using both hands to strike down the first with ease.
I shifted my weight and lunged at an unsuspecting trooper, my light saber wedged between the plate of his armor and he fell to the ground. I could feel the dark pull of the force around me, I wrapped my free hand into a fist and used the energy to pull another soldier forward and into my waiting blade.
Kylo made quick work of the remaining few, not even breaking a sweat.
They didn't even have a moment to collect their thoughts, I closed my eyes in a quick prayer for their souls, god would take them now and I could only hope that they found solace in heaven, or wherever people who devoted their lives to the order's cause went.
They were not unlike us, they chose a side and went with it. I couldn't truly say that they were undeserving of the warm embrace of heaven. I couldn't help but to mourn my own lacking spot there, I would never find that peace. The force – and my choices and life – certainly would not allow it.
"We need to find a ship," Kylo spoke aloud finally, his voice was grave and if I wasn't mistaken a little forlorn to say the least.
Prior to this day I would have never imagined that he'd feel remorse for ending a life, perhaps it was because of the circumstances, but I felt a sense of relief that he felt anything at all.
I nodded, "it would be beneficial to remove your cloak," I eyed him carefully, to me he looked like Kylo Ren, and of course that meant that to anyone else he would.
I could sense his unease at the thought of leaving an integral part of himself behind, his helmet had become a defining factor in who he was, but of course he could not be that person any longer. The change in our stance dictated that he relinquish every bit of the order he clung onto.
He removed his helmet and placed it onto the ground next to the corpses, in a way it was like he killed himself along with them. The symbolism was there, Kylo Ren as he was had to die along with the men of the order or there would be no saving him.
I could only hope he found solace in the fact that he was able to star anew.
"The village is not far from here, let's go," I could not read his feelings from the sound of his voice, and for that I was glad.