aw yeah, the start of the train wreck

And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew
And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming?
No one's listening anyway
-Goo Goo Dolls, Acoustic #3

I climb the stairs slowly. The first thing I do is start running a cold bath. The second thing I do is take three aspirin. It's too many, but I just want to feel normal again.

I sit on the edge of the tub and watch the water. This noise doesn't hurt my head, and I wish I could leave it run forever, but mom's waiting for me downstairs. I strip out of my clothes quickly and climb into the water.

It shocks me awake, and immediately the water gets murky. I rub myself all over with just the water, and pull the plug. I quickly wash my hair and body with more soap than I should, and when I get out I almost feel like myself again.

I sit on the edge of my bed. It's so comfortable. I wish we weren't going to church because I just want to sleep. I want to sleep and wake up last week sometime and prevent all of this from happening.

Can mom actually make sure the teachers keep me away from the guys? It sounds almost ridiculous, but Castle Rock is a small town. And mom and dad are valued members of said small town; anyone would do anything to keep them happy.

I groan and force myself to stand. I turn on my small bedside radio, but the moment the lyrics from Lollipop start filtering through the speakers, I snap it off again. The song reminds me too much of the adventure, and that reminds me too much of Chris.

My stomach flips at the thought of his name. My cheeks feel hot, and I wrap my towel tighter around myself. I kissed Chris no more than an hour ago. And he kissed me back! If my parents hadn't been home, who knows what would have happened.

I struggle to push him out of my mind. Every time I replay our kisses in my head, I get that jolt of something in my stomach, and I can't feel that. It'll just make it harder to stay away from him.

"Cordelia, are you ready?" mom calls up the stairs.

"I'll be right down!" I call back.

I quickly run my brush through my hair. It won't dry fast enough, so I braid it and lay it flat down my back. I go to the closest and pull out my nice, light yellow dress that mom picked out for me at the start of the last school year. It's her favorite, and what better way to show I'm playing by the rules than to dress the way she likes? I step into my brown flats and hurry downstairs.

"Sit down," mom says as she turns from the stove to me. A smile crosses her face and I'm relieved. "You look much better," she tells me. "I've always liked that dress."

I sit down across from dad, who nods approvingly. This is so strange. Is this all it really took? Just doing what I was told and being agreeable?

Maybe I should have done this a while ago. Maybe it would have saved me a lot of grief.

Mom sets down breakfast, and after dad gets his, I grab two bananas and a plate of eggs, all of which I eat quickly. I feel like I could eat a dozen more bananas, but I settle for a piece of toast.

Dad talks to mom about a business meeting he has tomorrow, and I sit quietly until they're done eating. I want to get up, but I don't ask to be excused. I lay my hands on my lap and drink my juice slowly. I don't think mom is pleased with how fast I ate, but it's been almost a full day since my last meal. I couldn't tell her that, of course, but I'll just be careful to eat slowly at lunch.

When they're finally done, mom drops the dishes in the sink. As we're getting ready to leave, I tell her I'll do the dishes when we get home and she smiles again. Mom hasn't smile at me this much in a long time.

I really should have been better.

After church, everyone gathers on the front lawn to chat. I completely dread it, but I allow mom to talk for me and instead of fighting it, I go along with it. I'm so tired I just want to go home as soon as possible, and if being cooperative will help me, I'll be cooperative.

It's been a weird day.

Mrs. Walker comes over as we're making our way to the parking lot. Her daughter, Christina, and I are in the same grade. While our moms start to talk, Christina and I find ourselves on the edge of the lawn.

"I'm so relieved to be outside," Christina says. She begins to fan herself with her hand. "Would it kill them to open a window?"

I shrug. "Maybe they think we'll get the sermon if we're sweating out of our clothes."

She laughs. Mom and Mrs. Walker move towards another group of woman a couple feet away. One of them is Mrs. Pritchard. I sigh and look away quickly. I pray mom's not talking to her now about watching over me. I don't want the whole town knowing.

"I have her for English, too," Christina tells me. I look back at her quickly. I shouldn't have been staring. I'm being way too obvious.

"I think everyone has her for English this year," I say, for the lack of anything better to say.

Neither of us speaks for a couple minutes. Christina grabs the front section of her hair and starts braiding it. The sun shining down on us makes it look almost white.

"I'm having a slumber party Friday," Christina says. I glance over at her. The braid she's done is crooked and I want to fix it for her. "Can you come?"

I glance over at mom quickly. I don't know how she would want me to respond, but considering Christina lives four houses down from us, I take a wild guess.

I turn back and plaster a smile on my face. "I'd love to."

It's been a really weird day.

accidentally named her new friend a name that Chris can be a nickname for. oops. too bad I refuse to change it because I like it.