Split Second
Chapter 11- decisions about love. Also includes the epilogue.
I used the speech from Do You Know? To write her acceptance speech.
A/N- OMG I can't believe how long it took for me to get my laptop back! So sorry! Forgive me! Or rather blame Bing Lee! They have kept me from writing to my awesome readers! Okay so I'm going to spare you my rant and just go on with the story, because you deserve it. R and R!
Cristina's POV-
The greatest thing in this world is life, and life is full of pain struggle and strife. Decisions and moves you make pave the way for pain or happiness or sadness, they pave the way you're going on the journey that is life. Life is a long journey that is nearly meaningless unless you have somebody who loves you and who you love. But who do you love?
I smooth out the train of my long flowing dress with sweating and shaking hands. The dress was black and simple. My hair was pinned up onto my head, containing it from sticking out wildly in all directions like usual. I swallowed past the lump in my throat and looked into the mirror, I didn't look like somebody whose life's dream was about to come true, I looked sad and lost, but the hope in my eyes brightened them slightly. After this, if I didn't win then there would be no other chance. Teddy stood behind me and she must've seen the nervousness wracking my body because she laid a gentle and comforting hand on my bony shoulder.
"You can do this. I'll help you." She said in a soft voice, almost whispering.
I nodded, "I would like that. A lot. Thankyou." I smiled in thanks and she smiled back, her pearly white teeth being framed by her flame red lips, crow's feet appeared around her eyes and her eyes brightened when she smiled.
"Cristina Yang saying thank you, that's a rare sight." Teddy grinned and put in her hoop earrings that were so big that they brushed her tanned shoulders. "Ready?" I nodded and let her wheel me inside and up to the table.
Meredith sat in the chair next to me and Teddy sat on the other side of me. Derek sat next to Meredith and Richard sat next to him. Owen sat next to Teddy and Ian who I didn't think wold come because of what happened not too long ago sat beside Owen and next to Richard. They all smiled and congratulated me and raised their glasses in a toast to me, it was special that they were here, my friends. Sometime during Catherine Avery's speech my eyes drifted to Owen's cerulean eyes that were staring right back at me. His strawberry blonde hair was tousled and a light stubble was starting to grow over his defined jaw. I took in the sight of him, memorising every wrinkle, crack and crevice in his handsome and rugged face.
Suddenly everybody was clapping and everybody sitting at my table was cheering and telling me to go. Did I win?
Catherine Avery was looking at me and beckoned me with a finger. Teddy stood and held a hand out to me. I gulped and inhaled a sharp, cold breath that burned my lungs. My foot moved just as I willed it to and touched the ground. My other foot did the same motion, I barely heard the loud gasps of astonishment, shock and disbelief. I was only focusing on moving the limbs that for so long had no feeling or movement within them and were just dead weight attached to me. I stood on shaky legs that were still unsure of how to hold my body weight after so long of sitting in a chair. I took a hesitant step forward and took another soon my legs were slowly carrying me towards the stage where Catherine stood with the glass Harper Avery award. Teddy was strongly holding me from falling down.
I accepted the award and shook Catherine's warm hand in my pasty and cold one, I took the place behind the podium with Teddy by my side.
"Do you know who you are? Do you know what's happened to you? Do you want to live this way? All it takes is a moment, a split second in time, one person, one patient, one moment to change your life forever. It can change your perspective, colour your thinking. One moment, a split second that forces you to re-evaluate everything you think you know. Thankyou." Everybody clapped and I walked back down with the help of Teddy and sat down in my wheelchair, my breaths were laboured and short, my legs screamed in pain and exhaustion and sweat was dotting my brow.
I looked at the faces around me, Ian looked upset probably because I didn't tell him, everybody was smiling and happiness lit their faces and more than that, Owen looked proud. I smiled softly and thought back to when this became possible.
I was sitting in my bed reading a medical journal like usual when my leg started to tingle, like a tickling sensation that made me want to curl my toes and shiver. I tried to curl my toes but I couldn't. The tingling feeling was still there reminding me of what I had thought was lost.
My doctor confirmed what I had been hoping for.
My doctor told me what I knew, I was getting my legs back. I stretched until sweat poured out of every pour and everything burned and hurt, but it was a good hurt, the kind of hut that reminds you that you getting what you lost. My doctor got me to stand using the support of the metal, parallel bars. I fell but I got back up, I always do. Went home to relax.
I sat in my chair holding a cup of coffee that was cold and had been for some while, I just stared at the black substance occasionally swirling the glass and following the liquid with my eyes. A loud blare of noise made my hand jolt and coffee spill over the top and touch my legs. This shouldn't have bothered me, it's not like I could feel it. But I did feel it. The coolness of the coffee and the clinginess of the wet tights. I could feel it. I smiled.
My eyes found Ian's and reminded me of what happened.
He sat beside me while I looked through a magazine about phony and fake celebrities and their problems. His eyes burned into me with his intense stare.
"Your staring." I told him without looking up.
"I love you." It was rushed and blurted out but he said it, the words I dreaded, and the words I didn't want to hear or need to hear. I looked at him but I had no reply for him I could see the anticipation in his eyes. When it became clear that I wasn't going to say anything he spoke again. "And it's because I love you that I want you to come to Amsterdam with me. I love you and I never want to let you go. I got offered a job there and I think you need to leave this place, the hurt and pain, there's nothing here for you anymore. Maybe there once was, but not anymore. We could have a life together and I would never hurt you." It was so sincere.
"I don't feel that way." It was harsh but it was true. Some part of me always knew that I was always going to be in love with Owen but now it was just clearer. I didn't want anybody but Owen, I would have him any way I could, as a friend or co-worker or lover, as long as he was in my life then I would forever need nothing more. He completes me. More than my work ever could. I just wish that it hadn't taken me this long to realize it.
"You can learn to." His voice was desperate and pleading with me to love him.
"I can't. I still love Owen." He looked heartbroken. I felt like I had used him to comfort myself and was now throwing that comfort back at him like he didn't help me through the hardest time of my life. "You deserve someone who can love you wholly and completely. That's not me. I'm sorry." He didn't say anything more, he just walked away.
Everybody was chatting amongst each other and sipping graciously on the amber coloured champagne. I could see Ian heading out of the room, needed to talk to him. Clear the air.
"Ian wait." I called out for him. He stopped with his back turned to me, we were in an abandoned hallway but you could still hear the party going on in the room next door.
"I'm sorry I hurt you. You're a good guy. You're just not the guy for me. You'll find your happy ending. You will. Your too amazing not to." I said sincerely, he turned back around and there were unshed tears swimming in his eyes.
"Why wasn't I enough for you?" he asked, his voice was smooth and showed no hint that he was going to cry.
"What we have its simple. What I have with Owen is an all-consuming and complicated love."
"How is simple bad?"
"I've never been a simple girl. My life is not simple."
He seemed to accept this. He walked over and kissed my cheek, it was friendly and didn't linger, he walked away and I wheeled myself into the party. Determined to find Owen.
It was easy to find Owen, he was laughing at something Richard said, and when he laughed his whole face lit up and brightened the room around him, his laugh made you laugh.
I wheeled myself over to Owen and made myself known.
"That was certainly one way to accept an award." Richard chuckled and noticed that Owen and I were staring at each other, he slowly backed away and walked over to Meredith who was also watching.
"So when did you get feeling back in your legs?" he asked carefully, I didn't want small talk. I wanted to tell him that I wanted what he wanted and that I loved him more than I've ever loved anything. More than I can love.
"A few weeks ago." I opened my mouth but no sound came out, I probably looked like a fish. "I love you." There I said it. He looked like he didn't know what to say so I kept talking. "I love the way you talk, your honour, bravery and patriotism, I love that you can love so strongly after all you've been through and still not afraid to be hurt. You consume me, you take up my thoughts, my body, my mind and my soul. My heart only beats for you. You make my heart pound and breathing quicken. With you I'm more. I'm not just a surgeon, I'm a wife, a friend, somebody worthy of love. I used to think that love was for the weak and that love was weakening, you don't make me weak. You make me strong." I don't know what I was expecting. Owen getting on his knees and kissing me with such raw love and passion in front of everybody was not it.
When he pulled back I didn't even care that people were watching, all I could do was look into his eyes. His eyes have always been the window to his soul, in his eyes I saw love. A love so powerful it never went away. A love so powerful that I could give him what he wanted. A family, a place to call home, bookshelves lined with family photographs and a wife who will always love him. I wanted to give him these things.
Epilogue- 9 years later
I could hear the pitter patter of tiny feet clapping against cold floorboards, soft snoring to my left courtesy of my husband Owen and my alarm clock blaring out PINK'S song funhouse. It was only seven AM and it was my day off. Soon the door opened and two children burst into the room, big grins stretching across their entire faces and their faces bright with happiness.
They jumped up onto the bed and giggled. We had promised to shower them in love and happiness so that they could laugh without reason and smile just because it felt right.
The boy was only three, chubby legs that made him stumble and wobble, he had inherited most of me with his skin and unruly hair that stuck up wildly in their ebony curls, dark brown eyes. He had inherited Owen's personality and his facial structure. His name was Theo, after Theodora Altman who has helped us through some of the hardest times of our life.
The girl was eight and was all Owen, if I hadn't carried her inside of me for two months I wouldn't have thought she was mine. She had strawberry blonde hair but she at least had my curls, ice blue eyes and pale skin. But she did have my passion for surgery and had already decided that she wanted to be a cardiothoracic surgeon just like me. Her name is Hope so that we never lose hope and that she is a reminder that anything is possible.
I had fully gotten back my legs two months after the Harper Avery and I got my job back. It took a while but now I even go jogging in the mornings if there is time. I divide my time between work, my husband and my children and I've never been happier. My kids bring me a joy that I've never had, I love them more than I've ever loved surgery and they have made my love for Owen stronger than ever, nothing could ever break us apart. My family are the light of my life, there are no awards lining the bookshelves instead there are photos of the family that I've made, the friends that I've held onto.
My Harper Avery is on my desk at work in my office as head of the Cardio department. I've got everything I've ever wanted and more.
It's funny how things change in a moment, a split second. For the worse or the better.