HI guys sorry I haven't updated in a while, a lots been going on, one of my relatives recently fell really Ill and I've had so much going on. I don't really wish to speak about it but I didn't want anyone to think I've just abandoned it or not carried on with it. This chapter might not be that long but I hope it's what you guys want - Ella.

She couldn't breath. She couldn't think. She couldn't feel.

That's what Katniss felt in the last five seconds as she watched the people who promised her everything will be okay rush around frantically there bodies turning around, there voices loud and their words fast as they spoke. She kept gripping and ungripping her hands trying to sustain some kind of conciseness because she couldn't stand the words that she'd just heard and the sickening smile that spread across his face. That smile and look in his eyes was colder than his own name. Snow. She breathed in heavily, she didn't want this, she even said so, but all along she knew she had no choice or anything of that matter.

A glimmer of hope was given to her, made her think Cato was alive and well and then he's taken away from her again. He's probably been killed so they can't rescue them or worse...they've all been taken. Gale. Her one childhood best friend apart from the blonde headed girl Madge who she had heard died along with those from district 12; that gave her the precious pin that started this was gone and soon she worried Gale would join her. She would louse them both. She felt the tears she had tried to keep in for so long cascade down her cheeks, her whole body shook as she cried, all she ever wanted was peace, and maybe Snow was right...no...don't be so foolish she told herself as she tried to sustain sanity as she thought of the president she'd just encountered with.

But as always, she couldn't help it, her mind fell into darkness once again and she couldn't help but imagine herself having to tell Caia her brothers dead and for her have to endure the same pain she felt with her mother when she passed in the bombings. Caia sparked something in Katniss that was similar to the flames her sister ignited within her, the young and innocent souls of the two sisters were what kept her fire going and made her determind to fight. However this also made her realise that there were lots of Prims and Caia's and Rue's...she hadn't thought about Rue in a long time. Once she saw the little girl in her sister but like everything even Prim seemed to be changing and growing, it was like that everywhere now and it seems like it's the revolution that's caused it. It's strange how Prim now eats better food when at war than she did before when at peace. She's growing so quickly and Katniss who would never have thought this two or three years ago seems to feel as if she's missing this and soon she will be all grown up. It's the same with Caia, with her new wheelchair and the absence of her parents (her farther in particular) she seems to have regained a healthier look and certainly a more lively attitude since there first encounter and when she arrived here.

Although, as much as the two brought happiness into Katniss' boring and stressful life she still felt guilt. She felt herself feeling guilty for Cato like it was her fault he didn't make it and how he was always saving her, and she didn't like it. But Katniss couldn't help but feel that the walls she once built around him were coming down as she heard the storys Caia told about him and the proudness that shined through her voice whenever she spoke of him. Even when she was falling to her almost death after showing of her diving she still spoke with happiness and pride whenever mentioning Cato's name. It was like he was a different person and sometimes she'd wonder if he would be like this with their own child. But it would never last long and soon the once happy memories fade into guilt because she knows Caia probably won't have anymore to tell soon and what was going to keep her happy after that?

Striking back to reality she found herself in Haymitche's arms when she wound back to herself and her body ached as she cried. Her stomach was hurting and shooting pains were escalating throughout her lower abdomen and the baby seemed agitated inside of her. She started to feel tense like cramp all through her stomach and the pain was excruciating, but she didn't have the energy to panic and tell someone so she cried more the pain evident in her voice which was not only physical pain but emotional too.

Because no matter what she did she was always destined for a life of misery and that sometimes even hope felt hopeless.

It was an hour later when she resumed back to normal and now she lay dormant in the tightly packed hospital room, they said she was dehydrated which was very dangerous for her and the child, but the crying didn't help either they said and was what probably caused it to stress out and cause the pains. But they didn't tell her she was close to having a miscarage after hearing two nurses whispering about it. She now realises how serious this was and can't help but despise herself for making another thing go wrong becuase of her. It scared her how that could happen so late into the pregnancy and some kind of instinct inside of her made her heart wrench painfully at the thought of lousing something she'd tried to protect so much.

Sighing to herself she waited a while thinking to herself when a sober Haymitches walks into the room.

"Sweetheart" he sarcastically implied walking over to her "how are you and the bun in the oven?"

Although part of her could sense the humour in his voice she could tell he was genuenly concerned too.

She shook her head silently then replied "fine, just fine"

He chuckled to himself before saying "well while you were here, we have had some unexpected news"

What he just said caused her head to snap up and her body to envelop itself in a flurry of butterflies hoping that it's the news of what's been plaguing her mind since she woke up. So she asked with her eyes pleading for an answer that is good for once and not to her misfortune "what news and before you tell me is it good or bad? Is it them? Are they here!?"

Her hopes of Gale and Cato actually being alive and arriving safely go sky high and she hangs on his every word as he replies to her anticipation "you could say both really, from what you were showing earlier you could say good"

Katniss cocked her head to the side slightly, she hoped it would be the news she wanted and was growing agitated at the fact he wasn't getting to the point, she was like that sometimes, she's waited all her life and hates it when people don't just put things straight. So instead she asked bluntly "But?"

Haymitch sighed, she could tell he didn't want to tell her and it was getting her angry even if she didn't show it to the farther like figure. She didn't like how people treated her now, like she was weak and couldn't handle things.

She coaxed him again more angrily her voice sharp and demanding "Haymitch!"

"There back b-" she didn't even listen to what he said next as she jumped out of the bed carefully and was just about to start running when Haymitch grabbed her turning her around his arms holding onto the tops of hers like she was a child "Sweetheart, I know how much you've missed them and probably really want to see them now but...before you go in I want to warn you, Cato might not look the same or even be the same..."

She looked at him confusion running through her face, but she didn't care, she knew he would be different. The horrific torture he's been through would probably change anyone, Katniss never wanted to admit it but she was scared, she feared facing Cato again. She didn't want to face his cold stares that threatened her to her core and the fact she couldn't understand him, couldn't figure him out and yet he figured her out so easily. He fustrated her so much and she hated it and she hated simply not winning when he gave her home truths or was truthful with her. But something changed. When he wasn't there it was like she had no one else to take her anger out on, she had nothing else to figure out and she had no one else she would relate to like him.

So when she stared at the cameror when he was being interviewed something felt wrong like seeing him tugged on her heart the same way it did when he came and visited her room at the start of the quarter quell, when he looked ashamed and so innocent as he hated himself for doing this to her. She couldn't help but want to bring him back becuase part of her felt like she owed him and part of her realised all those times in the arena weren't fake as much as she didn't want to tell herself they were. She had to save Cato not just for her or her baby but for Caia too and seeing the same look on her face as Prim did when she was going into the games made her know for sure she couldn't stand back and let it happen. Katniss knew she wouldn't forgive herself if she did.

So she turned back to Haymitch and said quietly her voice broken from her thoughts "I know Haymitch...I know"

Thats when his arms eased of her and gave her a sympathetic look that she'd never seen him ever give her before and replied "there down with prim on ward 7"

Katniss nodded to Haymitch whilst taking off desperate to know what kind of state there in continuously repeating 'Ward 7' over and over again, she had the tendency to forget things lately but put it down to the stress of things.

Finally she saw the bold writing of ward 7 and walked in to find Gale leaning against the wall, his face was pale and his forehead was knitted together in confusion. Desperation took over her and she ran towards him shouting "GALE!" He saw her coming and pulled her into his arms tightly then set her down quickly he obviously wanted to tell her something urgently.

"I don't understand Katniss, the Capitol crafts were right there, and they let us go! They could have shot at us at anytime and instead they choose not to why?" He said his voice etched with confusion and wanting for an answer.

But she didn't know so shook her head and replied most confused and curious "I-I don't know but whatever it is...I don't like it"

Gale nodded then sighed and replied "you must be wanting to see him..." He paused his words spoken with pure loathsome "he's in there, he's just coming round after we knocked them out" he nodded towards a room where the blinds were shoot and the siloietes of people shuffled around.

Gluping down the now large ball of anxiety that's stuck in her throat Katniss walked slowly towards the door her whole body shaking with fear and the thoughts of what she will picture when she opens the door. She takes a deep breath and enters the room.

There on the bed is a frame she doesn't even recognise anymore, he's bruised badly, deep cuts travel down his arms like brushstrokes and he's shaking badly. His whole body is different, the once stocky build is almost non-existent and instead thin from starvation. She feels tears prick her eyes and blinks to pass them away, her head is banging rapidly and her heart shudders as she realises she did this to him, if it wasn't for her he would never have gotten taken by them and Coin would have him as their symbol of the rebellion, but she pushes these thoughts away and just stops dead staring for a minute or too as the people in the room gradually start working again after staring at her confused at her sudden inburst that Cato seemed oblivious too probably the sedatives that have made the once awear and alert career drowsy and uncaring.

When she shuffled closer her insides churning as she got even nearer to seeing his face. When she grabbed up the confidence she faced him, his head was down, his eyes were both black and bruised and his face was dirty with a unhealthy yellow tinge. She gulped.

When she grabbed up the confidence to say "Cato?"

He looked up his face was dreary for a second and the look of his face made her whole body louse itself so in a bottled up feeling of hate towards herself and guilt she placed her hand on his cheek being careful not to hurt him.

When something changed.

She froze her whole body went still and she almost cried as she was about to apologise and explain to him all the bottled up feelings bubbling inside of her like a shaken bottle of campaign ready to explode and bubble over the top in self pity and grief over what she's done.

Becuase as she stared into his frozen blue eyes she saw one thing radiating through them as she stared...

and it was the look of fear.