A/N: warning there is an f-bomb in this chapter.

My leg bounced nervously as I checked my watch for the umpteenth time. Where was he? One o'clock meant one o'clock but as the minute hand crept closer and closer to half past I got more agitated. Nana was cooking dinner – even just thinking about her Sunday roast could make my mouth water – and the rich smell wafted all the way to the window seat on the landing of the stairs. After forty five minutes it was pretty uncomfortable but I kept my vigil waiting for a car to turn into the driveway.

I had been away at school in Scotland for the past four months and for the three prior to that FDR was out training on a cruise ship. Not seeing my brother for that long left me a little on edge and desperate to see him. I couldn't fathom the reasons that led to him spending months on end stuck on some huge boat – he'd always been so energetic and active – but he enjoyed it and that was what counted. Wait was that a car?

I sat stock still with my eyes glued to the black car that was slowing down on the road running parallel to our house. It turned into the driveway and crept past the large green fields on either side. Was it him? I'd never had great vision so the dark convertible was slowing to a stop before I could make out the distinctive features of my brother in the driver's seat.

"HE'S HERE!" I yelled repeatedly as I launched my sixteen-year-old self down the stairs two at a time. "He's here! He's here! He's here!"

The rug at the bottom slid alarmingly as my foot made contact with it and for a terrifyingly long second I teetered on the edge of falling. Balance restored, I wrenched the door open and ran straight for the car. FDR managed closed the door milliseconds before I threw my arms around him. He staggered back against the car with an "Oomf!" but laughed as he hugged me back as tightly as I was squeezing him.

"You're back!" I cried. My statement was neither a laugh nor a sob but I'm sure it was somewhere in between.

"Yeah, Kiddo, I'm here. Let me look at you! How can you have got so grown up in seven months?" he asked in disbelief.

He was teasing me, of course – I hadn't changed but during my early years at boarding school there were times when I had grown a whole foot between our visits.

"You're mad." I accused. "But I'm so so excited to see you. It isn't like you to be tardy, everything okay? Oh, and your hair looks horrendous by the way – did you join a boy band?" I babbled exuberantly.

"Horrendous? What the heck does that even mean?" he asked but he could guess enough from the context to look mildly offended and not bother with the rest of my statements.

As I took in a breath to reply someone said, "Bloody awful, mate. Terrible, unpleasant, hideous, abhor-" "Thank you Tuck, I get it."

I was startled when I realised that someone else had exited the car and the amazement continued when I actually looked at him. He wore a boyish grin as he teased FDR that instantly had my face warming and my insides turning gooey. His face was young – probably of age with my twenty-year-old brother – and, combined with his casual blue top and black leather jacket, had my hormones out of control before he'd even finished speaking.

Swallowing my overreaction, I skirted the car to introduce myself. I was still giddy from seeing my brother and the effect of his gorgeous friend so I didn't bother thinking when I wrapped Tuck in a hug. I'd belatedly noticed that he was readying to shake my hand but he managed to move it out of the way and, rather surprisingly, hugged me back without reservation.

"I'm sorry! I'm Jessie. I didn't realise Frankly was bringing anyone and you must think I'm so rude now." I said as I pulled away.

"Oh, don't be daft, it's fine. You should never apologise for being happy to see someone. Though I'm wondering: your accent isn't entirely American is it?" he asked.

I was caught off guard by how mesmerising his eyes were – neither blue nor grey though maybe more blue because of his t-shirt and so gorgeous that I had to shake my head after a moment to get my thoughts on track.

"Good ear. I've been back here long enough to pick up the American again but I've spent so much time in bonnie Scotland that it can go either way. English?" I replied.

"Yes ma'am." he said cheekily and I didn't fight my own grin.

FDR cleared his throat pointedly so I skipped over to him where he stood by the open trunk.

"Yes big brother?" I asked mockingly.

"As you so helpfully pointed out: we are late. Wanna grab a bag and take it inside?" He didn't give me an option because he held out a large duffle and let go of it without giving me any choice but catch it.

Childishly, I stuck my tongue out at him before hefting the bag towards the house.

"Did you pack the kitchen sink in here too?" I threw over my shoulder.

TmWtMwTmWtMw

Three hours later we were all sitting by the fire and chatting as if Tuck had always been a part of our tightknit family. He was charming – so Nana liked him instantly – and engaged in the conversation no matter what tangent it took. I spent a lot of my time watching him. Not in a creepy way (for the most part) but because I found him fascinating from the get-go. Tuck instinctively knew when to take a back seat in the discussions – when family things came up or someone was particularly passionate or knowledgeable about a subject – which, I noticed, gave him time to observe us too. He caught me looking at him more than once but made no effort to make anything of it; he'd just offer a casual smile and focus back on the conversation.

We learned that Tuck's parents still lived near London – they spoke and visited but weren't a close and affectionate family like ours – and that he was splitting his time between London and LA. He spoke openly and eloquently but I couldn't shake the feeling that we were missing something, something that only FDR seemed to be clued in on. Maybe it was just the overwhelming curiosity that had arisen in me since his arrival.

My eyes drifted to the mantel piece again and a different itch of curiosity sprang up. What on earth had Grandpa sealed in that envelope? As Nana and I were clearing the table, Grandpa had slipped out. When he joined us in the living room a short while later he placed the envelope where it was still sitting and sat himself down as if nothing happened. Naturally, we bombarded him with questions but he was utterly adamant that it was not to be opened. I was still sulking about it.

"Jess?" I was drawn out of my pondering by someone calling me by an unfamiliar name.

"Huh?"

"Sorry love, you were miles away. I was asking if you've ever climbed to the top of Arthur's seat? Your Nana said she remembers doing it when she was young and that you go to school near there." Tuck explained.

"Oh, yeah I've been up with my friend Mark. We climbed it just before I came home for Christmas break. The view of Edinburgh from there is stunning." I said.

We continued talking for hours after Nana and Grandpa went to bed. I sat squeezed between Tuck and my brother as we looked through some family photographs and ones that FDR had taken since we'd last been together. It was difficult to focus on the pictures when Tuck put his arm casually around my shoulder so he could get a better look at the photos FDR was holding. A little after two in the morning I switched my bedside lamp off and snuggled under my blankets. Thoughts of Tuck played through my head for a long time but as I drifted off I told myself it was a harmless crush, it would pass.

END FLASHBACK

TmWtMwTmWtMw

I closed my eyes and sighed. This was it. Once I told him how I felt things would change between us, no matter how much we didn't want them to or what promises we made. Gathering my courage, I looked into his steely blue eyes and thought about how I'd always considered them to be more blue than grey. How many times had I looked into those eyes and wished I could say what I was about to?

"Why can't I just get over you? Why have I always been so damn in love with you?"

My statements swirled in the silence around us like a tangible fog. Tuck's eyebrows pulled together then relaxed every other second as he digested my confession and his lips were parted ever so slightly while he tried to form words. This close, the smell of his cologne surrounded me; usually I revelled in it but at that particular moment it felt like I was being suffocated. I was acutely aware of the warmth coming from his skin and the trace of alcohol on his breath. His grip on my hand never faltered.

"Jess…?" he whispered.

"Don't. Please, just don't say anything." I begged.

A familiar sting behind the bridge of my nose warned me a second before my eyes filled with tears and though I clenched my jaw, I couldn't stop my lip from trembling. My eyes quickly searched for the floor and the muscles in my neck became taught. All the while I knew Tuck's eyes were trained on me.

He's confused, you could make it to the washroom before he realises I thought.

I squirmed against the door. It looked like I was just uncomfortable but I was repositioning myself to run. As if forgetting his hand was in mine, I raised my right hand to wipe my eyes. Tuck let go of me and I didn't hesitate. I slipped to my right and headed straight for the small room by the stairs. As the door clicked closed and the lock snapped into place I let out a choked breath. I felt sixteen, not twenty-six: hiding in a bathroom because a guy knew I had a crush on him.

"Idiot." I whispered.

I rested my forehead on the door and curled my hands into fists to keep my emotions in.

"Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot!" I hissed under my breath.

Tears dripped from my nose onto the floor, some catching on my hair on their descent. Each breath I took shuddered as I tried to stop myself from sobbing outright and the room around me seemed to tilt and sway. I heard Tuck's footsteps approaching and each step he took brought a constricting pain to my chest until I could no longer breathe properly. He stopped on the other side of the thin wood separating us. Nothing was said for what seemed like a long time but in reality only a couple of minutes probably passed.

"Jess will you let me in?" he asked quietly.

It sounded as if he too had his head pressed to the door. I knew he was smart enough to realise his own double entendre.

"I can't." I whispered back. "I have to let this go; I need this to change. I'm sorry but please, please just go back to the party and forget I said it. Tuck, I'm not strong enough for this." I admitted.

"Jess I…." Tuck trailed off and sighed heavily. "I'm sorry." he whispered.

The sound of his shoes faded slowly. I wiped under my eyes and sniffed hard – a very unladylike action as my Nana would jokingly tell me. Turning my back to the door, I slid down until I was sitting on the floor. Had I wanted him to walk away? I couldn't find the answer. Taking soothing breaths was something to focus on and after a few minutes I was calm again. A quick look in the mirror showed me that my mascara had run slightly but it was nothing that couldn't be sorted. If only it didn't feel like I'd been kicked in the chest.

FDR and Lauren were hovering close by when I walked back into the glorious but slightly irritating sunlight. With a quirk of his eyebrow he asked if I was okay. Putting on my best poker face I nodded, smiled and found a spare plate of cake to console myself with. I resolutely did not look for Tuck.

"Y'know, Mr Hansen was wearing a similar look when he came back. There's also a distinct lack of Katie anywhere I can see. Any ideas?" Nana's approach had been stealthy so I couldn't escape.

"She left. They're over. He knows." I mumbled. When I remembered that it was Nana's celebration I rearranged my features. "It's for the best, all of it, now go and enjoy your party. You only turn eighty once!" I could tell she was about to pursue it so I cut her off. "I'm fine and he'll live. Now go and enjoy. Please." I put my plate down and hugged her. Reluctantly, she left.

I caught glimpses of Tuck throughout the rest of the party but he was one of the first to leave. He stood awkwardly as Joe enthusiastically hugged me goodbye then, upon Joe's encouragement, kissed my cheek before they quickly left. It wasn't long after that everyone else left en masse and the tidying occupied my mind for some time afterwards. I made my excuses early and headed upstairs to go to bed. It's a testament to how bone tired I was that I didn't think it strange that my bedroom light was on. Seeing a man standing by the window sent me into a startled spasm for the fourth time that day.

"I swear I'm not going for a record." Tuck joked feebly.

"Tuck I am way too damn tired to do this now." I sighed.

Contrary to my words, I walked to the head of my bed and sat down heavily. I drew my legs up and a pillow onto my lap. Tuck kicked his shoes off and sat facing me with his legs crossed underneath him. His crisp shirt and jeans from earlier had been replaced by a well-worn version. A five o'clock shadow graced his jaw.

"Do you want to start from the beginning?" Tuck asked eventually.

"What is there to say?" I shrugged. "It's just a crush I've never managed to get over. Katie saw right through me and told me to back off just before you got engaged and then again last week. I decided enough was enough and I cut my hair as a reminder that I couldn't wait around forever." I summarised.

He was quiet for a short while before saying, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Really? Really? And risk a friendship that means more to me than any other based on what? Feelings there is no way you return? I was an overexcited kid when we first met. You're smarter than that, don't ask stupid questions." I snapped.

"Oh, if only you knew." Tuck chuckled without humour. It piqued my interest.

"Enlighten me."

"Jess, I was constantly reminding myself that you're my best mate's sister. You were sixteen going on thirty when we met; with all the emotional intelligence Franklin lacked. I spent half my time thinking about you and the other half trying like hell not to think about you. Do you have any idea how much I wanted to kiss you when you were standing there in my apartment wearing my t-shirt? Then it took everything I had for me to be a gentleman that night when you were in my bed. To have you right there after all those years, with all those feelings coming back and still not being able to do anything again because of the choices I'd made? It drove me mad!"

I was rendered speechless by his confession but then my temper reignited.

"They were your choices! You chose other women over me time and time again. God fucking dammit Tuck what do you want from me? I've been here the whole time and, yeah, I'm FDR's sister but what better choice could he make for his sister than his best friend, someone he trusts? I have spent ten years of my life pining after you and now you choose to tell me it wasn't one-sided? No. Nope, sorry but it's too late. The door is closed on this one and I think you should leave."

I stood up and drew myself to my full height. I would not relent with this. When Tuck made no move to leave I let out a restrained scream of frustration and turned to storm out.

"Screw this." I heard.

Before I could realise what he was about to do, Tuck caught my wrist and tugged me back to face him. Then he tangled his hand in my hair and kissed me. He kissed me in a way I had never been kissed before. It was forceful, unyielding and hungry; he had a point to prove. My shock didn't last long and years of pent-up feelings wouldn't let me remain motionless. I kissed him back and realised that my back was now firmly pressed against the wall, Tuck's hand still gripping my neck. I finally knew what it was like to run my hands anywhere I wanted on him. I knew how his lips tasted and how well we fit together like this; perfectly, every line on his body resting against mine, every contour finding a home. My whole body was heated, my skin dancing with tingles wherever Tuck's free hand roamed, and I was blissfully lost in the best kiss of my life. The kiss was clearly having the same effect on Tuck as it was on me – there was a very distinct force pushing just below my waistline. One of us moaned but I'm honestly not sure which. No one interrupted us. I became lightheaded – whether from the kiss or its oxygen depriving properties I'm not sure – just before Tuck's lips moved away from mine. I didn't have time to miss them: he slowly kissed my cheek, my jaw, down my neck to my collarbone and back again as I sighed and tried to catch my breath. Tuck kissed me softly again, slowly winding down the kiss until we were standing with our foreheads resting together.

It was a long time before either of us spoke.

"Is that what you had in mind Sweetheart?"

Much love and thanks,

Liv.