Title: On My Knees
Disclaimer: I don't own anything
Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.
Chapter Ten: Identity
The first day of elementary school, the first day that Isabel had ever been away from this man and woman who she was beginning to think of as her parents, had been both nerve-wracking and exciting. It was a chance for her to be whoever she wanted, to show the world all the different characteristics she wanted them to see.
Max had caught her arm before they walked into the building. "No one can know," he had said.
She had pulled her arm out of his grip and nodded seriously, recognizing the truth of his words. She could be anyone she wanted… except the truth.
Isabel raised her hand again, threatening him. "Tell me," she ordered.
And then she was flying through the air, smashing into the far wall. Max and Maria both turned towards her, crying out her name in surprise, but Isabel looked past them towards the woman standing in the doorway, the one who had attacked her.
"Don't you dare hurt my boyfriend," the woman said, her voice icy cold and dripping with venom.
"Tess…"
"Oh my God," Nick breathed. This was not his Tess. Not the quiet, scared, diffident woman running from her past, not the loving mother devoted to her son, not the stranger with all the secrets she would never spill. This woman, he realized with a shock, didn't even appear to be human.
"Nick, get out of here," Tess said, her eyes pinned on Max.
But Maria moved to block the door. "The hell we are letting some enemy alien just waltz out of here," Maria snapped, placing her hands on her hips as she barred Nick's path.
Tess gave the other woman a cold stare. "If Nick was actually an alien, do you really think some mere human would be able to stop him from leaving?" Maria flinched and shot a nervous glance at Nick, but Tess ignored her and turned back to Max. "He's a human, Max. He doesn't know anything about us, or Khivar, or the skins. Just let him go, and we can talk this out ourselves."
"Aliens?" Nick asked hoarsely. "What are you talking about? Tess, what is going on?"
"Nick, go," Tess said angrily, looking over at him again. "Just go."
"Why do you care so much for him?" Isabel asked, pulling herself to her feet. "You certainly didn't care about any other mere humans."
If possible, Tess' already pale skin went even whiter, but she said nothing to Isabel. She let her gaze wander briefly to Max, but his expression was unreadable. So she looked at Nick instead, her eyes pleading with him to let her handle this, to trust her, just this once.
"Nick…"
He looked at her. Through the fog of confusion that was filling his mind, he was able to think one coherent thought. "What about Alex?" He was Alex's father, even if it wasn't biological. If this conversation was going to discuss the young boy, he had every reason to be here, every right to know what was going on.
"Alex?" Maria screeched, her eyes narrowing. "What do you know about him?" she spat, quivering with anger. How dare this stranger come and talk about her friend?
"He means my son," Tess said warily. "He's talking about my son."
There was a moment of silence, then Isabel asked in disbelief, "You named your son Alex?" She shook her head, disgusted. "That is just sick. Naming your child after the man you callously murdered."
Tess felt the lump form in her throat. She wanted to scream, to tell them that it hadn't happened that way, that she'd tried so hard to save him. But… the words were stuck, and she just couldn't force them out. How could she try to convince these people that she hadn't killed Alex when she wasn't even sure she believed that? She'd watched him fall, failed to stop the destruction of his mind.
It was her fault.
Max raised his hand, and the door behind Tess snapped shut. "Nobody is going anywhere," he ordered furiously.
Tess rolled her eyes and took a few more steps into the room. "Fine. I'm sure you've got a lot on your mind, Max, so let's hear it."
"I thought our son couldn't survive on this planet. Did you abandon him on Antar?"
Tess shook her head. "No… he's here. He can live on Earth." At Max's questioning stare, she elaborated, "It was a mind-warp. Something I needed you to believe." Max gave her a look of utter disdain, and she felt herself saying fiercely, "I had to do whatever it took to get you to activate the Granolith!"
"Granolith?" Nick asked, the strange word rolling off his tongue.
He was, as he expected, completely ignored.
"Including killing Alex?" Maria demanding, walking towards Tess, eyes glittering dangerously.
Tess turned to look at Maria, and for the first time her gaze softened just a tiny bit. "That's not what I meant to do," she said truthfully, although she doubted anyone would believe her.
"What was he?" Isabel asked harshly, striding forward. "Collateral damage? I should just kill you right now!" She raised her hand in a threatening manner, and Tess took an instinctive step back.
But the petite blonde was not done fighting yet. "You kill me, you kill my son."
"What?" Isabel asked, faltering.
"My son," Tess repeated. Then she turned to Max and added icily, "Our son. We're linked. Physically. If I die, so does he."
"I don't believe you," Max accused, scrutinizing her expression, trying to see past the façade.
"Oh?" Tess taunted. "Go ahead and kill me then, see if I'm lying." She paused, watching the shutters fall over his eyes, watching the way he slanted a warning look at his sister, who lowered her arm. Tess smiled coldly. "I know you Max, you would never take that risk."
She did not like using her son in this manner, but it was the only way to buy her some time, to try to figure out what to do next.
"So what are you doing here?" Isabel asked, annoyed that she wasn't going to have the opportunity to give Tess exactly what she deserved.
That question jolted Tess back to the reality of why she was here, and she turned to Nick in frustration. "I told you to stay away. Why couldn't you just listen to me?"
Nick gave her an incredulous look. "Listen to you? God, Tess, I don't even know you."
"I meant," Isabel interrupted, "why are you on Earth?"
Tess blinked. "Oh… I live here. With Nick and my son."
"Where is he?" Max asked. "What have you done to him? What lies have you twisted his mind with?"
"He's my son, Max," Tess argued, eyes filled with disbelief. "Do you really think I would hurt him?"
"No, just turn him into a murderer like yourself," Maria hissed.
"Hey, that wasn't Tess' fault," Nick said suddenly. "She didn't fire the gun, she didn't…"
"Gun?" Max asked, turning to face Nick. "She told you she killed our friend with a gun?" He gave a bitter laugh that seemed so out of place in the almost silent room. "She told you it wasn't her fault?"
"Yes…"
"Then how do you explain what Kyle saw, Tess?" Max asked viciously. "How do you explain that he watched you kill Alex? How do you explain that you used your powers to force him to carry Alex's dead body, to stage the car accident?"
"What?" Nick asked, looking to Tess for validation of what Max said. She wasn't looking at him, however, but instead staring solely at Max, and he had no idea what to believe.
"So I take it she lied to you, too?" Isabel said gently, reaching out and placing a hand on Nick's shoulder. She could tell he really was human, and the confusion and betrayal radiating from him was too strong and too overwhelming to be fake. He was just another person tricked by Tess, just another fly caught in her web of lies.
"So why did you pick him?" Maria asked, feeling her heart go out to the obviously bewildered Nick. "Why would you shack up with a mere human?"
"Did you need a cover for some reason?" Max asked. "Are you the reason Khivar is on Earth? Are you two plotting something?"
"But… the FBI said that Max could help you," Nick said, shaking his head. "That's why they wanted me to find Max. Because you weren't going to do it on your own, and you needed Max to save Alex."
"Alex isn't in any danger," Tess retorted, even though it was a lie, as she well knew. "The FBI contacted you?" She turned to look back at Nick, and the gentle expression in his face had hardened into something she didn't recognize. A mixture of emotions, anger, betrayal, disgust, and fear, blended together, reflected in his eyes.
"Yes."
Tess ran a hand through her hair. They were obviously willing to do anything at all to make sure she did exactly what they wanted. She should have known they wouldn't leave her alone, that they'd find some other way to get her to do their bidding. But the fact that they had used Nick… that just made her mad.
"The FBI is involved?" Maria asked.
"Are they really the FBI and not more skins?" Isabel added curiously. She couldn't understand why Tess would be working with the FBI.
"Yes," Tess said, not really thinking about the question.
"And why would we actually believe anything you have to say?"
"I don't understand," Nick said finally, stepping between Max and Tess so that she was forced to look at him. "Who are you? What are you? What is going on?"
Tess bit her lip. "I'm an alien. Half-alien, actually. Half-human. So are Max and Isabel."
"What?"
Max reached out a slid his hand around Nick's arm, pulling his backwards. "Stay away from her," he warned the speechless human. "Look, we can explain everything to you later, but for right now, we need to deal with Tess." He looked at Tess and added, "And my son."
"I don't… I don't understand… how… how is this…possible?"
Maria placed a reassuring hand on Nick's arm as well, and he looked at the three people standing behind him. Max was regarding him with a still slightly suspicious expression, but both Isabel and Maria were looking at him with sympathy and kindness, as though they actually wanted to help him. He turned and looked back at Tess, but her expression was unreadable.
"You're not the only one she's tricked, Nick," Maria said. She pushed a few strands of blonde hair out of her eyes. "Trust me. You're lucky you've only been hurt this much. It could have easily been a lot worse."
Tess frowned, thinking. It was unusual for Max or any of the others to easily accept someone into their group, so she was surprised that they were rallying around him. But then she remembered how Alex's death had affected them, how it had nearly torn them all apart. It was only natural, she knew, to protect someone from feeling that type of pain, especially when it was caused by someone perceived as an enemy.
"So what now?" Isabel asked. "Since we can't kill her…"
Max shook his head wordlessly. "Where's Khivar?" he asked finally.
"I don't know," Tess said.
"Where is he?" Max demanded again, striding forward and catching Tess by the arm. "Tell me!"
"I can't tell you what I don't know!" She stumbled backwards. "I'm not working with him. He tried to kill me… wanted to hurt Alex as well. So I escaped. That's why I'm on Earth. Max. That's why I'm hiding. I'm just trying to keep Alex safe."
"I don't believe you," Max snarled, his face turning an angry red.
She pulled her arm out of his grip. "Fine, don't believe me. But I can't tell you anything about Khivar. I don't know where he is." Then her gaze slid past him to Nick and she paused, a strange look crossing her eyes. "But I know someone who does."
"Oh?"
"Agents Thompson and White." Tess turned away from them, frowning. "Maybe it's time they start telling us a little bit more of the truth."
"Us? There is no 'us,' Tess. We're not on the same side of this," Maria spat.
Tess gave her a cool look. "I want to keep Khivar from killing my son. You want to keep him from killing all of you. We have a common enemy, Maria. That puts us on the same side."
Maria didn't look particularly pleased by that comment, but she said nothing. She and Isabel both looked at Max, who was still fuming as he stared at Tess. Finally, the hybrid king gave a short nod. "Fine," he snapped. He'd do anything to protect his friends, even if it meant working with the enemy.
"What if it's a trap?" Isabel asked, giving Tess a suspicious look. "She's just playing you, Max. Like she always did."
"If it's a trap," Max said softly, "I will find a way to make her and Khivar pay for it."
Tess stood alone in the bathroom, staring at her pale reflection in the mirror. She wanted nothing more than to mind-warp everyone in the other room and slip through the door, unseen and unnoticed. She wasn't worried about Nick anymore, she knew that Max and Isabel could sense that he was human. They'd probably check his blood, just to be on the safe side, and Isabel might even take a stroll through his dreams. They'd find nothing suspicious, and they wouldn't hurt him.
Why didn't you just tell them the truth?
The little voice in her head sounded an awful lot like Kate.
She sighed, exhaling a slow breath. "They would never have believed me," she said aloud, her soft whisper echoing slightly.
You don't know that. You could have convinced them of the truth.
"How can I convince them of the truth when I don't even know what it is?" She had spent so long blaming herself for Alex's death, knowing that others blamed her for it as well… how could she believe anything different? Max, Isabel, and Maria all thought she was the enemy, and sometimes… sometimes she agreed with them.
You know, deep down, that you didn't kill him.
"Truth is subjective," Tess answered. "I did kill him, even if it wasn't my fault. And that is my truth."
You know you aren't a murderer.
There were days when she'd wake up with Alex's frightened eyes haunting here, and in the split-seconds before her mind caught up with her emotions, she truly believed she'd been responsible. Or she would hear the faint echo of Max's angry words coming to her even across the great expanse of space that separated them, and she'd imagine herself as every foul name he'd ever called her.
"I don't know what I am. And neither does anyone else." She had lied to everyone about who she was. Kate and Charlie still believed she was a normal human with a complicated past. Nick had no idea what to believe anymore. Max and the others thought she was a murderer. Was it possible, after so many years of changing her identity, that she could have actually forgotten who she was underneath the lies?
Whatever else you might be, you are Alex's mother.
That was true. That was the one thing she had never forgotten, not once.
But what was best for her son?
A chance to know his father, his family, his heritage.
"He has a father. And he has me. He doesn't need anyone else."
Then tell Max so that Nick will know the truth as well. Tell him because your son shouldn't lose his biological father and his de facto father all in one night.
And what would that accomplish? Max was still engaged in a war against Khivar and the skins, a war that would claim his attention for the rest of his life. Alex was just a child, and he deserved a chance to grow up without the pressure of people expecting him to take the throne. The rebel leaders on Antar had tried to turn him into some savior, and she'd fought that every step of the way. If introducing her son to Max was going to make those fights start all over again…
She would protect Alex even if it cost her everything.
Maybe it would be best if you joined forces with Max. Maybe together with Michael and Isabel the four of you could defeat Khivar and provide a safe world for your son.
"Maybe it would be best if I took Alex and disappeared. Tried to start over again."
Because it worked so well last time?
She leaned her head on her hands, resting her elbows on the cool marble around the sink. Her past life had caught up with her once, and she knew now that no matter what she did, it would continue to chase her.
But the idea of facing Khivar again…
With Max by your side, it would be different.
"Maybe. But maybe not."
Do you think the four of you can stop Khivar?
And she was honest enough with herself to answer softly, "I don't know."
Nick stared at the closed bathroom door and tried to wrap his mind around what he had learned. Isabel and Maria had given him a brief explanation of what had occurred when Tess still lived in Roswell. He knew they'd left out quite a bit of the story, and judging by the way they looked uneasily at each other when he asked probing questions, they still didn't trust him enough to reveal all the details.
They hadn't explained why four hybrids in their early twenties were fighting a war. They hadn't explained why Tess had been so interested in dating Max. They hadn't explained what the connection between the four of them was. At this point, all he really knew was that Max had the ability to heal, Isabel could walk into people's dreams, and Tess apparently was a murderer.
It just didn't make sense.
The Tess he knew would never have killed anyone in cold blood. Never have used and betrayed people so cruelly.
Then again, the Tess that Max, Isabel, and Maria knew was a cold and manipulative liar who was incredibly good at hiding the truth behind her thousands of lies.
The door swung open and Tess appeared in the room. All eyes turned towards her, and she said, "Khivar and the skins are probably behind the virus outbreak in New York City. Which means they're starting an all-out war on Earth."
"We know," Max answered.
She looked at him. "But obviously none of us know as much as White and Thompson."
"You think we should trust them?" Nick asked, for a moment forgetting that this woman was not actually trustworthy herself. When they locked gazes, he looked away abruptly, and let his eyes fall to his hands clasped together in front of him.
"I think they know more than we do. And we can't afford not to know what is going on."
"You're not the one calling the shots around here!" Maria retorted furiously.
"No… but I'm also right," Tess answered calmly.
"Tess, you're going to take me to see my son," Max said suddenly. "Isabel, you and Maria stay here. Nick will come with us."
"I'm not so sure I like that idea," Isabel said, staring hard at Tess. "Maybe we should all go?"
It was then that Nick realized with a start that the others were not only livid and hurt by Tess, but they were afraid of her as well.
"I don't think that is a good idea," Tess said cautiously. "Too many people for Alex to meet all in one night."
Nick looked at her, and could tell instinctively what she was thinking. Alex had always been a little wary of strangers, probably because Tess had been downright paranoid about them. She might not be able to keep Max from seeing his son, but she wouldn't want to overwhelm the little boy with all these new family members.
"Trying to keep Max away from his son?" Isabel asked hotly.
Nick blinked. It was the first time he'd really thought about it, having spent all his time trying to understand what he had learned. But Max would want his son… would want to raise him. But Alex… Alex was Nick's son, and Nick didn't want to give him up… not without a fight.
Before he could voice this, however, Tess had already answered Isabel. "I am trying to do what is right for my son," she said coolly. Her eyes flicked to Max. "And you should want to do that also."
"She's right," Max agreed heavily. "As much as I don't like it, Tess does know Alex better than we do. If she says it would be too much for all of us to visit him… I have to trust that."
"Trust?" Maria sputtered.
Max sent her a quelling look, and she silenced, but not without one last glare at Tess.
"Alright, Nick will go with you and Tess," Isabel said softly. "We will stay here."
"Can I talk to you guys for a moment?" Maria said, jerking her head towards the other end of the room. Max and Isabel acquiesced and followed her towards the balcony, where they began to speak in hushed whispers, constantly glancing over at Tess and Nick.
Nick stared at his girlfriend for a long time, trying to figure out what to say. She wasn't looking at him, in fact she seemed to embarrassed to meet his gaze. But he knew she was an accomplished actress, and he shouldn't trust anything she said or did.
But… This was Tess. His Tess. Even if she wasn't acting like it now, even if he barely recognized the woman she had become in the past hour, she was still Tess.
"Tell me you didn't do it," Nick said. "Tell me that this is some type of misunderstanding. Tell me that you aren't what they think you are," he gestured towards the people on the balcony, "and I would believe you."
She looked at him. "Would you?"
He nodded, not trusting himself to speak.
She shook her head. "You're a good person, Nick. You should avoid me. I tend to hurt good people."
"Tell me the truth, Tess. You owe me that much."
She shook her head again. "Truth is relative. It doesn't matter what I am. It matters what you believe I am."
"It's not that simple."
She laughed bitterly. "Nothing ever is."