HEARTBREAK.

Harry told everyone what he saw. He recalled his vision: He was watching from the sidelines as the snake attacked Mr. Weasley… Everyone continued to stare at him, but no one spoke.

"Is mum here?" Fred asked Sirius.

I touched Harry's shoulder and nodded at him reassuringly as Sirius replied. "She probably doesn't even know what's happened yet," he said. "The important thing was to get you away before Umbridge could interfere. I expect Dumbledore's letting Molly know now."

"Well, we've got to go to St. Mungo's," George said firmly. "We need some cloaks or something…"

"You can't go to St. Mungo's!" Sirius yelled.

"We can!" Fred argued. "He's our dad!"

"And how are you going to explain how you knew Arthur was attacked before the hospital even let his wife know?

"What does that matter?" said George hotly.

"It matters because we don't want to draw attention to the fact that Harry is having visions of things that are happening hundreds of miles away!" said Sirius angrily. "Have you any idea what the Ministry would make of that information?"

Ginny said, "Somebody else could have told us… We could have heard it somewhere other than Harry…"

"Like who?" said Sirius impatiently. "Listen, your dad's been hurt while on duty for the Order and the circumstances are fishy enough without his children knowing about it seconds after it happened, you could seriously damage the Order's –"

"We don't care about the dumb Order!" shouted Fred.

"It's our dad dying we're talking about!" yelled George.

"Your father knew what he was getting into, and he won't thank you for messing things up in the Order!" said Sirius angrily in his turn. "This is how it is – this is why you're not in the Order – you don't understand – there are things worth dying for!"

"Easy for you to say, stuck here!" bellowed Fred. "I don't see you risking your neck!"

Sirius looked as if he wanted to hit Fred, but he didn't move and I had gripped Harry's arm tightly. Ginny walked over to the nearest chair and sank into it. The twins sat down, but Harry mumbled something about bed and I expected Ron to follow him, but the Weasley's stayed in the kitchen. I went upstairs to get a shower.

I really hoped that a shower could wash everything away. I wished it could wash all the guilt, all the heartbreak, all the sadness and anger away, but I knew that it would do nothing but wash the dirt off my body.

I must have been in the shower for a long time because someone knocked on the door and I heard Lupin's voice. "Darcy? Are you okay in there?"

I turned the water off and stepped out, wrapping a towel around me. "I'm fine," I replied, picking my clothes up from the ground. I opened the door and walked past him to get to the room. "It's just a little hectic here."

"He's still alive," Lupin told me. "Arthur."

I turned around to face him. "That makes it sound like he's dying."

I looked towards the ground. "I'm sure he'll be alright," Lupin said quietly.

I nodded and smiled weakly at him. I stepped into the guest room where I stayed over the summer and I got back into clothes, hoping my trunk would arrive soon with new clothes. As soon as I got dressed, there was a knock on my door and I told whoever it was to come in. It was Harry. "Hey," I said, sitting down on my bed. "Are you alright?"

"I have to tell you something… I didn't want anyone else to know…" he answered, glancing at the floor and then back up at me. I nodded for him to continue and he sat beside me. "I wasn't watching the attack from the sidelines… It's like… I was the snake… I attacked Mr. Weasley."

"Did you tell Dumbledore?" I asked quietly.

"Yes," Harry replied quickly. "But he didn't tell me what it meant. Well, he doesn't tell me anything anymore…"

"I'm sure Dumbledore would have told you if it was anything to worry about."

"But that's not all," he replied, his voice just above a whisper. "I… I think I'm going mad. In Dumbledore's office, just before we took the Portkey… for a couple of seconds there I thought I was a snake, I felt like one – my scar really hurt when I was looking at Dumbledore – Darcy, I wanted to attack him –"

I was going to answer Harry, try to reassure him, but I heard Mrs. Weasley's voice from downstairs and before she started calling our names, we hurried quietly down the stairs.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Since Tonks went to the Ministry to help cover for Mr. Weasley and try to overhear some things, Lupin and Mad-Eye Moody were going to escort us all to St. Mungo's. We took a train to London and everyone was speaking but me and Harry. Lupin sat beside me.

"Are you okay, Darcy?" he asked. He had been asking that a lot lately.

I nodded slowly. "Yeah." He touched my hand and then smiled at me. When I returned the smile, he let my hand go and looked out the window.

When we got off the train, Moody led us past all the Christmas decorated shops and finally to a brick department store that looked shabby and miserable and old fashioned. The fashion dummies were at least ten years out of date and a large sign told me the place was closed for refurbishment.

Lupin looked at all of us and got real close to the window, looked up at the ugly dummy and whispered, "We're here to see Arthur Weasley."

I jumped when the dummy had nodded and with her finger, beckoned us forward. Lupin turned to me and grinned and took my hand, pulling me through the glass. We stepped forward and I looked around in awe as the Weasley's, Moody, and Harry entered St. Mungo's from the wall behind us.

"Have you been here before?" I whispered, my hand still tightly gripping Lupin's. I looked around at the wizards and witches seated in the waiting room. One wizard would clang like a bell every time he moved, another witch sounded like a kettle with steam being blown out of her mouth, and some other wizards had hands sprouting out of their chests.

"On multiple occasions," he whispered back.

Mrs. Weasley was ahead of us all and called us over to the counter. She continued to speak to the lady at the desk while I still looked around. "Are they doctors?" I asked him, nodding towards the tall wizards writing on clipboards.

"No, no," Lupin answered. "They're Healers."

"Come on you lot!" Mrs. Weasley said and she led us towards the double doors in the corner. We climbed a flight of stairs and entered the "Creature-Induced Injuries" corridor and we stopped outside the second door on the right.

"We'll wait outside, Molly," Lupin said and I noticed Mrs. Weasley's eyes glance at our hands. "Arthur won't want too many visitors at once… It ought to be just the family first."

Mad-Eye Moody agreed and he stood against the wall, his magical eye spinning everywhere in all directions. Lupin and I sat down on a bench together and Harry meant to sit with us, but Mrs. Weasley reached out a hand for Harry and then smiled. "Don't be silly, you two, Arthur wants to see you both and thank you, Harry."

I looked at Lupin and he nodded, letting go of my hand. I followed my brother into the room. There were three patients and at the end, Mr. Weasley was reading the Daily Prophet. He looked around and saw us all and smiled.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, breaking the awkward silence. No one seemed to know what to say.

"I feel absolutely fine," Mr. Weasley said brightly and I summoned up a stool for me. I sat down beside Ginny, who was on his right side. "If they could only take the bandages off, I'd be fit to go home."

"Why can't they take them off?" Fred asked.

"I start bleeding like mad every time they try," Mr. Weasley replied cheerfully.

Everyone was quiet again until Fred spoke up again. "Are you going to tell us what happened, Dad?"

"You already know, don't you?" Mr. Weasley smiled at Harry. "It's very simple – I'd had a very long day, dozed off, got sneaked up on, and bitten. But of course, it isn't in the Prophet – the Ministry wouldn't want everyone to know a dirty great serpent got –"

"Arthur!" Mrs. Weasley warned.

"- got – er- me," Mr. Weasley finished, but I knew that wasn't what he meant to say.

Fred turned to Harry, who was standing beside me. "Didn't you say You-Know-Who's got a snake, Harry?" he asked, looking at his father for a reaction. "A massive one? You saw it the night he returned, didn't you?"

"That's enough!" Mrs. Weasley interrupted and everyone looked at the ground. "Mad-Eye and Remus are outside, Arthur, they want to come and see you. And you lot can wait outside," she added to all of us. "You can come and say good-bye afterward. Go on…"

We all stood up slowly and left the room. Lupin and Mad-Eye entered shortly after us and Fred raised his eyebrows. George reached in his pockets and pulled out Extendable Ears. As they all put their ears to the door, I hesitated. There was a reason we weren't allowed in – there was a reason I wasn't even allowed in.

I stood back for a few minutes and I saw Harry's face go pale, so I knelt down beside him, listening to the conversation. Mrs. Weasley was whispering. "Dumbledore seemed worried about Harry when I spoke to him this morning," whispered Mrs. Weasley.

"'Course he's worried," growled Moody. "The boy's seeing things from inside You-Know-Who's snake… Obviously, Potter doesn't realize what that means, but if You-Know-Who's possessing him –"

Both Harry and I jumped back and my heart was pounding. I stared at my brother, worried and scared and his face turned red. Everyone was looking at him now, looking rather fearful.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I opened Harry's door and then crossed my arms. He obviously hadn't heard me open his door. Harry was packing his stuff and then closed it. "Where do you think you're going?" I asked and Harry jumped and turned around. "Are you leaving?"

Harry didn't answer me.

"Are you running away?"

We both looked up at where the voice had come from. Phineas Nigellus had appeared in his portrait and was leaning against his frame with a smug expression on his face.

"I'm not running away," Harry snapped.

"I thought that to belong in Gryffindor House you were supposed to be brave?" Phineas continued, stroking his beard. "It looks to me as though you would have been better off in my own house. We Slytherins are brave, yes, but not stupid. For instance, given the choice, we will always choose to save our own necks."

"Don't listen to him, Harry," I hissed. "Could you please just leave your fucking portrait?"

Phineas yawned, making me more angry. "I have a message for you from Albus Dumbledore."

"What is it?" Harry asked.

"Stay where you are."

"I haven't moved!" Harry said. "What's the message?"

"Stay where you are. Didn't you hear me the first time?"

Harry was about to yell, but I shushed him and told him to go to sleep. I could have sworn he was on the verge of tears, and so was I, but he obeyed me and I walked back to my own room to sleep.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Someone was shaking me awake. I opened my eyes to see Lupin sitting on my bed. "Wake up, Darcy," Lupin said quietly. "Molly's made sandwiches."

"I'm not hungry," I replied and I frowned and closed my eyes again. "Please, just leave me alone."

"What's wrong? You and Harry have been avoiding everyone since we got back from St. Mungo's," Lupin said and he pushed my hair out of my eyes. "I know I keep asking if you're alright, but I don't think you're fine."

"What's wrong with my brother?" I asked painfully, looking up at Lupin. His eyes widened and then he gave me a confused look. "What's Voldemort doing to him?"

"What do you mean?"

"I know you think Voldemort is possessing him," I whispered. "Please tell me what's going on."

"We – we don't know for sure –"

"But he's going to be okay, right?" I asked, grabbing his hand. Lupin didn't answer me. "This just means that Voldemort is getting closer to us, doesn't it? It was Voldemort's snake that attacked Mr. Weasley… I know it. He's coming to get us next."

"Darcy," he sighed inwardly and then licked his lips. "I won't let anything happen to you. Or Harry."

"You're the most important thing to me, Remus," I whispered. "There's nothing more important to you."

He smiled. "What about your dreams, Darcy? What about becoming an Auror? Working for the Ministry? Harry? Defeating Voldemort?"

I shook my head and laughed quietly to myself before looking back up at him. "You are my dream."

Lupin sighed and closed his eyes. With his one hand still closed around mine, I sat up and kissed him gently on the corner of his mouth. He didn't kiss me back and I settled back into my bed. "I don't deserve you," he breathed. "You gave up everything for me. Why?"

I shrugged. "Because I love you."

He looked at me. "Because you love me?" he asked. "I'm hardly deserving of your love. Look at what I've done to you."

I simply smiled at him. "Tell me why you've stuck with me for so long."

I was hoping that I would hear those three words that I longed to hear. I was hoping he'd be able to tell me. I was hoping that he still loved me. "Because you need me."

"I don't need anyone," I grinned wider. "I can do just fine on my own, thank you. But really… why are you still here?"

Lupin laughed to himself quietly. "You're fishing."

"Fishing?" I asked innocently. "Fishing for what?" My heart ached when I realized he wasn't going to tell me he loved me. We smiled at each other.

His smile faded. "You know I care about you, Darcy," he told me seriously. I laced our fingers together and bit my bottom lip, sighing loudly. "And it's because I care about you that I stick with you. You do need me, Darcy. People need people to survive – it's just a fact of life. You can't do this alone. I've told you before, love, you can't do this all by yourself."

"If it keeps people from getting hurt, then I've got to do this by myself."

"That's selfless of you, but you must understand that there's more to it than that," he replied. "It's much bigger than you think. Just because you decide to isolate yourself from everyone doesn't mean Voldemort won't kill others. Everyone is in danger – not just you and Harry."

"But –"

"This is why you aren't in the Order. We all understand the danger that we're put in everyday. Arthur was just attacked, but he understands. You can't go out and let Voldemort have you, Darcy," he continued, gripping my hand tightly. "That would be defeated the purpose of having us around. We're trying to protect you and Harry so you aren't in any danger."

"No matter what," I smiled weakly. "I'm always in danger."

"Then we're trying to protect you so you don't get hurt."

"Well, I haven't been hurt yet," I looked at him and laughed. "So you're doing a good job."

He let my hand so and wrapped his arms around me and I hugged him back. "I'll never let anyone hurt you."

I frowned, but kept my arms wrapped firmly around his torso. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead on his shoulder.

There is more than one way to get hurt. You can be physically wounded, bleeding from the eyes and foaming at the mouth, broken ribs and arms and legs. You could have your ear blown off or you could die.

You could be mentally hurt. Studying too hard could make your brain hurt. You'd get headaches and you'd get the feeling where you just want to sleep forever.

What Lupin didn't realize was that, sure – maybe I wasn't hurt physically or mentally – but I was hurt emotionally and that was, to me, the worst of them all. He had, either intentionally or unintentionally ripped my heart out in front of me or stepped on it until it was broken into little tiny pieces that I could never be able to fix. Whether he knew he was doing it or not, I didn't know. But I could never stay mad at him. He always knew what to say and what to do so I could forgive him.

And the worst part about that was knowing that I had Voldemort chasing after me and my brother and sometimes, I don't think I would have cared if he had killed me.