Chapter 11

Sam opened the door and a surprised smile flooded her features. "Daniel."

"Thought I'd see you off," he smiled, his hands tucked away into their usual place.

"I'm just finishing packing. Come on in." She backed away from the door allowing him room to follow her into her guest quarters.

Daniel closed the door behind him while she moved past her desk to where she had a duffle bag laying open nearly full with clothing.

He found an empty desk chair at the foot of the bed and sat, quietly observing her while she bustled around the bare room. It was hard to believe Sam was already leaving again. She was back in her pristine Atlantis uniform, her hair pulled snug into a ponytail, looking like Colonel Carter and more importantly looking ready to resume her command of Atlantis. He smiled again, unable to contain his small pride at her accomplishment.

She picked up a shirt off a small pile of clothes and sat on the edge of her bed. Seeming to misinterpret his expression, she frowned in concern. "How are you doing?"

He shrugged. "I think I may have learned the name of P4X-587."

Sam nodded expectantly and began to fold the last of her clothes.

"I've been looking through the Asgard database and found a number of sources on the four-race alliance between the Asgard, the Nox, the Furlings, and the Ancients that reference a neutral meeting place for the four races. The location of these meetings changed pretty regularly to maintain secrecy. One of the planets stood out as being unique from the others. It was a terrestrial planet called Hira. It was the only one assigned to a planet in this galaxy. All other meetings seemed to take place in galaxies outside their own to promote neutrality."

"Did they provide a stargate address?"

"No," he said with a frown. "However, the planet had been chosen with the intent to discuss the topic of advancing technologies within the context of an advanced society. They intended to study the technology founded on this planet and make decisions about what technologies would be shared among each other. And they did refer to this planet as being on the outer edge of the galaxy, which P4X-587 is."

"So, Hira," Sam stated.

He nodded, "It's a long shot, but the pieces seem to fit."

"So when you go back, you're going to try and find reference to this meeting of the four great races?"

He shrugged, unable to hide his frustration. "It's all I've got."

Sam laid the pants she had started to fold in her lap and looked up at him with saddened eyes. "I'm so sorry, Daniel."

He turned his blue eyes on her, a smirk on his lips. "For what? This is what I do for a living."

"That's not what I'm talking about."

The smirk drained from his face and his eyes darkened with emotion before dragging them away.

Sam finished folding her pants and stood up to place her small stack of folded clothes into a suitcase sitting on her dresser. "Vala's smart. She's strong. She's resilient. With everything she's been through, I'm sure she's found a way to survive whatever this is, too."

"I know."

"Then…?" she pursued, looking up.

He smiled darkly and shook his head, "I've never written her off before… but somehow this is different."

Sam looked worried. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know." He stood up and paced the room slowly. "Every other time she's disappeared there was always an underlying hope. I worried, but somehow I knew she would be okay. This time, I'm not so sure. Something just feels wrong."

She was quiet for a minute contemplating her words. "Could your feelings for her be clouding up the issue?"

He stopped pacing and turned his head to give her a look. She only smiled at him knowingly. He sighed and looked away.

She closed her suitcase. "You're extremely close."

"Friends. Close friends."

"Nearly inseparable close friends."

"That doesn't mean-"

"No, it doesn't," she admitted, but her eyes said otherwise.

"We work together. You know better than anyone how well that works."

"Not fair. You can't compare me and Jack."

Immediately he regretted his words. "I know. I'm sorry."

"You don't know how difficult it was on her when you were gone."

Daniel didn't respond.

"Cam, Teal'c, and I had to keep her busy or we'd find her holed up in your office for days on end researching ways to try and find you. I can't tell you how many times I found her napping on your keyboard, or at your desk. Cam found her more than once curled up on the floor of your office with all the comforters and pillows from her quarters. In many ways, though she never said so, she was inconsolable."

Daniel scanned the room with his eyes. This is the last thing he wanted to hear. It was easier thinking she didn't care and that he had been ignoring his emotions because he thought she was merely working him over for sex.

Not that he hadn't wanted it. He had wanted it on nearly every occasion she had offered. That coy smile, those roaming eyes, the silky tone her voice conveyed whenever she tried to proposition him… it had taken every bit of strength he had to keep her at arms length. He just wasn't the one-night-stand kind of guy. He couldn't disassociate himself from sex, nor could he keep his heart and mind from interfering if he allowed their relationship to move to that level. Sleeping with Vala would mean more than it had with anyone in a long time. The emotional toll it would take on him would be something he couldn't return from.

Vala's experiences established the opposing view. Sex was a means to an end. Whether it was for survival or success, she never intended for sex to include emotional attachments. Her Goa'uld had taught her that sex could only be used to gain advantage or to serve as entertainment. Her experiences likely had little proof to view it otherwise.

He expected her to play to her sexual prowess. He understood where it came from. He understood that it was a self-defense mechanism, but he was unwilling to open himself up to the same indifference when it came to any possibility of shared intimacy between them. He didn't think his heart could handle it.

"I'm worried that she's gone," he admitted quietly with a sad smile. "I'm worried that I've lost her. It feels like Sha're all over again."

At the raw tone in his voice, Sam crossed her arms over her chest and moved away from her suitcase closer to him. "It's not the same," she told him, her eyes sympathetic.

"It just infuriates me that I fell for it again. She seriously had me convinced that she was going to go to bed and that she'd let me take care of things. Just when I thought I could trust her…"

"She wasn't being selfish, Daniel."

"I know, but that doesn't make me any less angry." He shook his head and directed the anger at himself. "There wasn't anything I could have done to stop her."

Hearing the vulnerability in his voice, Sam made sure his eyes locked with hers. "Don't give up on her," she admonished him softly.

That seemed to break him out of his reverie. "I'm not." He looked up at her. "I'm just pissed off that she's in this position again."

"Join the club. Do you know how many times we had to wonder if you were really dead?" He managed to look amused at that. "After a while Jack started calculating odds and taking bets."

"I think he admitted it to me once. Something about being 'sick and tired of me up and dying all the time.' He figured he could at least find a way to make some cash off it."

"He thought you were being a 'glory hound'."

Daniel smiled. "He just doesn't like the competition."

She chuckled and glanced at the clock.

"Time to go?"

She nodded just as the phone rang. No doubt a call reminding her it was time to leave. She sighed and moved to grab it before the second ring.

"Colonel Carter," she responded. Her eyes rose to Daniel as she listened to the person on the other line. She nodded. "He's here." She pulled the phone from her ear and pointed the receiver at Daniel. "It's Cam."

His brow furrowed before he stood up and retrieved the phone from her.

"Jackson."

"What is it?"

"He's awake."

Daniel straightened. "Jonas?"

"No. His source."

Everything inside him seemed to freeze. "Tomin?"

"Yeah, he's awake and we're cleared for questioning."

"How'd you manage that?"

"I worked my magic with Lam."

"I'll be right there." He looked over at Sam. "Tomin's awake."

She lifted her brows in surprise.

"Cam got him cleared for questioning."

"What he do? Charm Lam?"

Daniel gave her a wry look. "So he claims."

She smiled again. "Figured."

"I'll walk you down," he said as he moved to grab her suitcase.

"I'll be fine. Go talk to him."

He frowned, but didn't argue. He knew talking to Tomin was a priority with Vala missing, but he wasn't happy to be saying goodbye to Sam so soon.

She grabbed her duffle bag and swung it over her shoulder, while taking her small suitcase from Daniel who had snapped it closed for her. "Keep me updated?"

"I will."

She opened the door, allowing him room to leave before she closed it behind her. Sam paused, looking at him with serious eyes. "You'll find her. Or she'll find you. That more often seems to be the case."

He could only nod.

Her hands full, she moved in to hug his side. He helped, pulling her in tight against him. "Have a safe trip."

She nodded with another one of her familiar warm smiles before pulling away. It was her simple goodbye before heading off down the hall and out of sight towards the gate and Atlantis.

Atlantis. It was hard to believe that once he had planned his entire life around a possible future there. And then Vala had dropped in and interrupted his dream. Twice.

And for the first time, he realized, he didn't regret it. Somewhere along the way, his dreams had taken the shape of an entirely different monster. A monster with storm-colored eyes, dark wavy hair, and a smile that, when shared, could blind you.