Wabana
by ErtheChilde

'Your faith is something I prize very highly.'

AN: Massive thanks to everyone who read this story. Special shout out to TiaKisu and SusantheRedhead for taking the time to review!

ELEVEN

Luckily, one of the coast guard hover ships noticed them bobbing in the water and sent a boat out to get them.

At first the officers in charge mistook them for pirates fleeing the stranded vessel, but with a quick flash of the psychic paper and a few quick words, the Doctor managed to convince the authorities that he and Rose had simply been out enjoying the water when the pirate ship appeared out of nowhere.

'Crashed our hover scooter right into it,' he explained, all wide-eyed innocent. 'Luckily we jumped off in time, but still. Bit of a shock.'

It was best that the authorities didn't know they had been involved with the pirates, or they might have days of giving statements and filling out paperwork ahead of them.

He winked at Rose when they weren't looking.

'You hear the stories, you know, but never think you'll get caught up in it,' she added to the Doctor's blatant lie. 'So we figured we'd stay out of sight – we didn't want them to shoot us or anything.'

Which, of course, the coast guard believed was a perfectly understandable reaction. They had the Doctor and Rose sit down, offered them blankets for the shock and sent a kindly lobster-red man to get their full statements. The Doctor rolled his eyes at this but complied, and soon they were being boated back to the resort.

Once they were deposited back onto the empty beach, the Doctor turned and raised an eyebrow at her.

'Investigative journalist? Really? That's what you went with?'

'It was the first thing to come to mind!'

He beamed. 'I'm not judging. Actually, was a bit impressed you came up with anything at all.'

'Well, I figured, talking yourself out of trouble works great when you do it…'

'Yeah, but usually I have a plan.'

'You do not! Half the time you've got no bleeding idea what to do next and you only come up with it at the last second,' she retorted. Then she frowned, 'Unless you do actually have a plan from the start and just enjoy being dramatic and leaving things to the last second so everyone gets worried and then you can be more impressive.'

'Oi!'

'Anyway…I saw you doing something, so I figured you'd save us. You always do.'

His hearts trembled a little at that – he was both pleased by her faith, and alarmed by it. ''What if one day I don't?'

She paused to consider that, and then grinned. 'S'ppose that'll be one of those days where I save the universe instead of you. Don't worry, I don't mind. Everyone needs a vacation, yeah?'

'Or a vacation from a vacation,' he grinned, nudging her shoulder.

Rose started to head for the spot where they had left their things, but the Doctor shook his head and nodded to the hotel.

'Gonna have to wait for the lockdown to end to get our things,' he told her. 'Standard procedure during pirate attacks is to ensure none of the sand-safes can be accessed without the master override.

'Oh. I guess that makes sense…think they'll have something for sunburn?' she asked. She shifted uncomfortably, and he noticed for the first time the rather glaring red colour of her skin, which contrasted with the white strip that her now torn bathing suit had once hidden.

Again, fury at the idea of anyone manhandling Rose like that welled up inside, and he forced himself to calm down.

Nothing had happened, she was all in one piece.

But she might not have been, an annoying voice argued at the back of his mind. Rather than try to figure out which incarnation of him that stark reminder came from, he adopted a bright tone. 'The hotel probably has a little shop, the way these places do. Bet there's someone who'll even put it on for you.'

'Thought we agreed you'd be doing it?'

There was absolutely no excuse for the way his stomach gave a queer little twinge at the idea of rubbing sunburn tonic over Rose's bare skin.

Time. Lord, his thoughts reminded him pointedly, the words in swirling, angry mauve against the backs of his eyes.

He swallowed and called up his most unimpressed, over-burdened expression. 'And get my hands all greasy? No, ta.'

'You're so gay,' Rose rolled her eyes.

'Yep – happy as a clam,' he agreed. 'Although, clams aren't really happy. Don't have the biochemistry to allow for emotions. Better to say happy as a mollusc, or a cephalopod, if we're gonna stick with marine…metaphors…'

Something clicked into place suddenly, and he faltered.

'Doctor?' Rose questioned when she noticed.

'Bit odd, don't you think, how the pirates came here specifically for some heiress but got her arrival date mixed up,' the Doctor said slowly, looking around at the interior of the hotel entrance chamber. 'In fact, it's really a huge coincidence that they thought you were her, don't you think?'

'I guess.'

'Except why would they have made that connection in the first place? Obviously this Lampyra person is reclusive enough that people don't know what she looks like – but they thought you were her. And that security footage they showed – anyone can tap into video feeds, but that particular video and the angle? Don't know why I didn't think of it before.'

'Let me guess,' Rose said, a grim smile on her face. 'Are the words "get the cops" headed in my general direction?'

'Got it in one,' he agreed, before heading over to the reception desk. 'Ey-up, chuck, got a minute?'

'Sorry, sir, I'm very busy,' the cephalopod manning the desk muttered distractedly. 'You don't know how many guests have been demanding refunds and reductions because of the pirate attack –'

'The attack you helped coordinate,' the Doctor pointed out. 'No one else could've beamed an image of my friend to the pirates except you. Not from the video angle I saw.'

'I don't know what you're talking about –'

'And no one else but you asked for her name, either,' the Doctor went on. 'Reception also has a clear view of the horizon – you're the one supposed to lock down the hotel in case of attack and ensure the security protocols. But it was near ten minutes before anyone even noticed the pirates – way too long a response time, don't you think?'

He heard Rose coming up behind him, and saw that she was flanked by hotel security and one of the members of the coast guard. At this, the cephalopod tried to make a run for it, vaulting over the desk and heading for the door.

The Doctor lazily stuck out a foot, tripping the alien.

'He's part of the pirate crew, no doubt,' the Doctor told the security force that leapt forward to apprehend the fallen desk attendant. 'I bet if you look into his background, you'll find he's transferred from other resorts that were hit by pirate attacks. Places where famous guests were supposed to be staying and where they managed to squeeze some hefty ransoms out of the families.'

The cephalopod sputtered as the coast guard ambled forward and scanned him with some kind of wrist-computer. 'I don't – you're making stuff up – I would never –'

'He's right,' the coast guard said. 'Not only that – wanted on three different planets for insider trading.'

The cephalopod let out a frustrated groan, and turned to glare at the Doctor. 'What about them, eh? Impersonating guests! Never would've been a pirate attack if they hadn't showed up, pretending she was worth money!'

'Not today there wouldn't be,' the Doctor returned as they carted him alone. 'But at some point there would've been. Think it all worked out rather well, don't you think?'

Rose beamed at him.

Then there was a cough from nearby.

A violently orange man with four ears and an overlarge nose was looking down on the Doctor and Rose.

'Thank you so much for pointing out the most unscrupulous behaviour of my former employer,' he said grandiosely. 'And saving the resort from what I have no doubt would have been considerable financial damages.'

'All in a day's work,' Rose declared.

'But…records indicate that he was telling the truth about your impersonation of an important guest...something which no doubt has something to do with her deciding to cancel her reservation here,' the man continued with a sigh, and snapped his fingers.

Two more security officers suddenly flanked the Doctor and Rose, grabbing hold of them.

'Oh, well, that's gratitude,' the Doctor complained.

The orange man shook his head. 'Normally, I would press charges for attempting to defraud the resort, but considering your help here, I will simply notify the shore police and let them sort you out. If you'll come this way.'

'As if we have any choice,' the Doctor grumbled as they were frogmarched out of the lobby.

'Can we at least get our things from the sand-safe?' Rose asked.

'Of course, miss, we are not thieves here,' the orange man insisted haughtily.

They were shown to a secure room to wait while the rest of the guests and other witnesses gave their statements, both about the pirate attack and the arrest of the receptionist.

'So…not much of a prison, this,' Rose remarked, looking around the room after the hotel staff left. It was sparsely decorated, but there were two comfortable chairs and a basket of biscuits. 'Doubt they'd notice if we decided to sneak out.'

'Not worth it,' the Doctor answered. 'We'll likely get off with just a warning. And probably a lifetime ban.'

'Just?'

'Don't worry about it – plenty of leisure planets in the universe, this is only one,' he smirked at her. 'Though maybe we should avoid those for a while.'

'Yeah, I was thinking maybe it's time to head back to London,' Rose agreed.

He felt a swooping sense of dismay at that. He really had bollocked it all up. 'You want to go home?'

'Not exactly,' she told him hurriedly. 'But after today…think I'd like to do something low-key. Shopping in the 1960s, I think.'

The Doctor groaned, 'Fine. But I'm not carrying your things. A man's gotta draw the line somewhere.'

'Right…cos holding a shopping bag is so much more traumatizing than sneaking around a pirate ship trying not to be noticed by possibly telepathic aliens,' Rose deadpanned.

'Hm…and on that note, remind me next time we're cruising around the hundredth century to pick you up some matricite.'

'Some what?'

'It's a mineral. Blocks out telepathy – though, I wouldn't recommend wearing it too much cos it bothers the TARDIS a bit. That and it gives of a bit of a weird radiation signature – but it might be useful in an emergency.'

'Yeah, well, the only radiation I want to worry about for is the UV kind,' Rose grumbled, craning her neck to get a better look at her very red shoulders. 'Think they give detainees a complimentary bottle of after-sun lotion?'