Chieko
When we went down the next morning, Akira and Wakana were in the kitchen already, preparing breakfast. Tyson was also there, but he was sipping from a mug of tea and watching them as they worked-though he did seem somewhat lost in thought as he did so.
"Can I help any?" I asked. Wakana turned around.
"Oh, hey, you've come down. Nah, I think we're fine, right?"
Akira nodded to confirm this.
"Yes, we are. But thank you. Oh, and good morning to the both of you." He added as an afterthought, which made me smile.
"Good morning." I looked down at Shizuka, about to prompt her to say good morning, but she did so herself anyway, and then, after a moment of hesitation, hopped over to Tyson.
"Good morning, Ty-san." She said shyly. Tyson blinked down at her, and then smiled at her.
"Good morning, Miss Shizuka." He replied. "Did you sleep well last night?"
"Yup! I had a funny dream about Yosa!" Shizuka proclaimed, pointing to the frog peeking out from the pocket of her pink dungaree shorts.
Something flickered over Tyson's face when she said this, but he made a visible effort to push it away, and instead carefully crouched down to her height.
"Ah, did you? Was it a good dream?!"
"Yeah, it was really funny!" Shizuka started to giggle as she launched into an account of the dream that she'd had-it was, as I had expected, bizarre and silly with a story that clearly had some internal logic for her but made little sense to me. I doubted that Tyson was following it any better than I was, but he listened and nodded intently as if he was. So, leaving them to it, I went over to Akira and Wakana, to talk to them and see what they were doing. I considered insisting on helping, but they seemed to have worked up a good dynamic in the breakfast preparation, and so I just leaned against the nearest counter while making small talk with them.
The other three came down soon after-first Masashi, and then Hokuto and Noriko together-and they ended up joining us in the kitchen and chatting. Once Akira and Wakana had the breakfast ready, we carried it over to the table and sat down to start eating.
"Masa-san, look! I'm like a kangaroo!" Shizuka said unexpectedly after a few moments.
"Huh?"
"Look, I've got a pocket for Yosa, like a mummy kangaroo! Though I'm not an actual mummy, which is why I'm just like a kangaroo." Shizuka informed him gravely.
"That's good to hear." Masashi said. "Does that mean Yosa is like a baby kangaroo…a….ah, what's a baby kangaroo called again?"
"A joey, I think?" Wakana suggested.
"No, isn't it a roo?" Hokuto disagreed.
"A what now?" Masashi asked.
"You're thinking of the kangaroo mother and baby from Winnie the Pooh, I think. Kanga and Roo." Tyson chuckled wryly.
"Oh." Hokuto pulled a face. "That's a disappointment."
"Why?" Masashi asked, baffled. Shizuka giggled.
"Yup! Yosa's like a baby kangaroo, but he's actually a ballerina frog!"
"Oh, yeah, Shizuka, why do you say that Yosa's a boy? Shouldn't Yosa be a girl?" I asked at that moment. Shizuka had taken that precise moment to eat a mouthful of scrambled eggs, so she didn't answer immediately, but when she did, she looked incredibly offended.
"No, Mummy, Yosa's a boy."
"Why is that, then?" Noriko asked. Shizuka turned to look at her, just as offended by her question as she had been with mine.
"Because he is."
"What, even though he's wearing pink?"
At that, Shizuka made an exasperated face and sighed exaggeratedly, before unexpectedly pointing at Akira, who stared back at her in surprise.
"Akira-san has bits of pink hair, and he's still a boy! So Yosa can be a boy too!"
Instantly, everyone started laughing at that, and I groaned.
"Shizuka…."
"Well, that makes a change." Akira shook his head in surprised amusement. "That certainly makes a change."
"And Noriko-Chan, I think you just got told." Hokuto cackled gleefully. I shook my head.
"In all truth and honesty, I think we all got told." I sighed. "Keep eating your breakfast, Shizuka."
"Okay, Mummy!"
"She's seriously the cutest." Hokuto whispered over to me, and I smiled back gratefully.
The conversation turned to other things, and once we had all finished breakfast, we all brought our own plates and cups in in so that Akira could wash them.
"It's a nice day, why don't we sit out back for a bit while we're talking about what to do for the rest of the time you're all here?" Akira asked all of us.
"That's fine with me, I'll bring the paintings out there." Tyson shrugged.
"Yeah, it'll be nice to sit outside." I said, taking a glance through the window, noting the garden.
"Right, that's settled then." Masashi declared.
"And who asked you?" Noriko retorted cheekily. Masashi turned and pouted exaggeratedly at her.
"And who asked you?" he fired right back. I shook my head at them, remembering the same sorts of silliness from back then. I'd never really understood why it was they seemed to have this friendly rivalry thing going on, but somehow, I doubted they had any idea of the reason either.
"Why don't you go up and bring down some of your toys?" I turned to Shizuka. "You can play with them while we all talk."
Shizuka hesitated, frowning slightly.
"Is something wrong? Do you know the way up there?"
"I have to play by myself?" she asked tremulously.
"Just for a little bit, then I'll play with you, okay, Shizuka-Chan?" Wakana intervened. Masashi looked over and grinned.
"I will, too!"
"See now, that's fine, isn't it?"
Shizuka looked at all three of us carefully, and then a small smile brightened her face again.
"Okay then! I'll go get my toys then!"
…
Tyson
Masashi helped me to carry the paintings out into the garden, and I leaned them against the wall of the house while everyone else found a place to sit. Noriko and Hokuto sat straight down on the grass, Chieko and Wakana each took a garden chair, while Akira and Masashi sat on the doorstep and Shizuka ran out into the grass, found a spot she liked, and arranged her toys out in front of her.
"You're making a bit of a production out of this, aren't you?" Masashi commented.
"We did end up bringing all of them out, I need to make sure I give out the right ones." I replied. To this, Masashi made an unintelligible spluttering sound. I just continued on. Perhaps it had been a bit unnecessary to bring them all out, but I liked how it kept my body busy-stopped me from remembering the nightmares of the night before. Kept me sane, in a sense.
"Okay then. Kazama, sir, this is yours." I continued on once I was satisfied that I'd got everything. "And yours, Edano, Ma'am."
"Oh, cool, thanks." Noriko replied cheerfully, ripping at the brown paper with little abandon. Akira was more careful and measured as he gave his thanks. I found everybody else's, and then once I had given them to whom they belonged to, I hovered, waiting expectantly. Wakana, the only one not opening a painting-obviously, since I had already given it to her-looked up at me.
"De Guerre-Chan, you sit down too." She said kindly.
"Ah, yes, of course." There was an empty garden chair, so I took that and sat down on it, and watched them, wondering if they would like their paintings, whether it had been right of me to give it to them or whether it would make old pain worse.
"Hey, I vaguely recognise this scene!" Noriko cried out.
"Huh? Oh yeah, I do too. "Hokuto looked over at Noriko's, then back at hers as she pulled off the last bits of paper. "And mine too."
"For you guys, I basically just adapted pictures from those class ones that we were given." I explained, gesturing at Masashi, Noriko and Hokuto.
"Niiice. " Noriko grinned, turning her painting around to show the summer-time scene involving herself, Hokuto, Kanekatsu, Yashiro and Erica sitting on a picnic blanket under a tree on what I assumed to be the grounds of Hope's Peak.
"Nice, indeed." Masashi nodded in approval.
"Yes, you really are talented, Tyson-san." Akira agreed.
"And for us, you did our important people." Wakana stated, pointing to herself, and then Chieko and Akira. Both of them nodded at that, though Chieko seemed absent, dreamy as she looked at the painting she was holding in her hands.
"That's about the sum of it..." I hesitated. "Do you mind terribly?"
"Why the-"Masashi stopped mid-sentence and coughed as he looked over to where Shizuka was playing, and then sighed.
"Why on earth should we mind?" Masashi started again huffily. "Of course you did it like that. They're the ones who lost someone they valued above everyone else in that stupid game."
"Mhm." Akira said absently as he carefully leaned his painting next to him against the step, the image of a laughing Hibiki facing the rest of us.
"That doesn't mean we didn't care about everyone else though." Wakana added, biting her lip suddenly and looking guilty. Once again, this earned a spluttered, huffy response from Masashi.
"We know that, silly. You don't need to say that."
"Yeah, exactly. " Hokuto chimed in. "Anyhow, thanks for this, De Guerre-kun, I appreciate it."
"No problem."
"Yes, thank you, De Guerre-kun." Chieko said softly, as we all looked at her. Carefully, she re-wrapped the painting in the brown paper, and set it down beside her.
"Again, not a problem." I said simply, not knowing what else to say. There was a silence for a moment, and then Hokuto spoke up unexpectedly.
"This has me wondering, though, is there anyone here that the rest of us happens to miss a little more than you'd miss the others?"
Tsukishima. I thought instantly, but did not say, for it had been her I'd been dreaming of the night before.
"This…isn't this yours?" I asked, frowning down at the small hard-covered phrasebook with the slightly dog-eared corners that Yashiro had just handed me, turning it around in my hands and wondering why she had come up to me to give me this.
"It is. But I have plenty." Yashiro said simply. "And you need it more right now, don't you?"
"I…do?"
"To translate your secret. Since I can't do it myself, this should be sufficient."
"Oh. I see." I blinked, recalling the conversation from earlier. Suddenly, the gesture made a lot of sense to me.
"Well then, I am grateful, Tsukishima, Ma'am. So, where are you off to now, then?"
"I want to find something new to read, so the library."
"May I escort you there?"
Yashiro regarded me quizzically, then shook her head firmly.
"I can go alone."
"Well then." I nodded at her. "I bid you goodnight, and I'll see you tomorrow."
"Mhm." Wrapping her cardigan more closely around herself, Yashiro turned away and walked down the corridor, footsteps barely making a sound as she gradually disappeared out of sight.
"That's….sort of a tricky question for me, to be honest." Noriko said. "I'm tempted to say Arata-kun right now, but last month I'd have said Inoue-kun and next month I would have said Ueno-kun so….yeah, I don't know. I miss them all. What about you guys?"
"Probably Hibiki-tan, since even accounting for what that creep did to us we were pretty tight back then, all three of us. Right, Akira-tan?" Masashi said.
"Yes, indeed." Akira agreed.
"What about you, Ho-chi, since you asked the question?" Chieko asked. Hokuto frowned.
"Hmm….." Hokuto frowned at this, and considered for a moment, but didn't say anything. A moment passed while we waited for her to answer, but she didn't, and instead looked down at her lap.
"Hokuto-Chan?" Wakana asked in concern.
"Ah….well." Hokuto looked up again and gave us a sheepish grin. "I probably should have thought of this before asking the question, but I really don't actually know. "
"Hey, that's okay, I don't know either!" Noriko said.
"Yeah, it's perfectly fine. " I reassured her. Hokuto bit her lip, but then seemed to cheer up, shaking her head.
"You know what though? One thing I do miss is what we don't remember. I mean, it's silly, considering, but yeah. I just wonder what could have been, and what things we have missed out on."
"Tell me about it…" Masashi agreed. The rest of us nodded at that. It was certainly a sentiment that we could all agree with, all too well.
There was another moment of silence, punctuated only by the sounds of the outdoors, and of Shizuka playing at the other end of the garden. I wondered if I should say something about the night before. Nobody had mentioned anything about having disturbed sleep, and it had only been Akira who had actually seemed to have noticed anything amiss in the night. But I knew I couldn't rely on that being the case for the rest of my stay…
"I think that if I had to pick anyone that I missed more, I'd say Tsukishima." I blurted out instead. Just like that, they all stared at me.
"Is….that a strange thing to say?"
"No, I just didn't expect you to answer." Noriko said wonderingly. I raised an eyebrow at that, but didn't comment.
"I almost expected you to say Cain-san." Wakana piped up. "But…though it's probably wrong for me to say this, I'm glad you didn't."
"No, no, I understand." I wondered about that. I knew that I had enjoyed Erica's company while she was around, that we'd had a certain solidarity as foreigners and appreciators of the past and the stories it had to tell, and how we ourselves related to those stories.
"It is a bit of a culture shock, being here." Erica admitted. "But!"
She gestured around her, though it wasn't clear what she was referring to, and then turned back to beam.
"We're going to become an important part of history! Actually, we've become it already, just from being here in the first place. Even when our bodies expire, we'll never die! Isn't that amazing?!"
But I think where such things truly mattered, there was a separation. A separation in the values we held. That separation was probably why she had killed, and I had not. It was nothing to gloat over, but it was something that meant that missing, or not missing, were not feelings I could so easily apply to her.
At this moment, Shizuka came over, looking a little offended.
"Wakana-san, aren't you going to play with me yet? You've been talking for ages." Suddenly, she noticed all the paintings around, and her eyes widened.
"What are those?"
"She'll come in a moment, Shizuka-"Chieko started to say, avoiding the question completely, but then unexpectedly, Masashi got up, stretching theatrically as he did so.
"Ah, I'll come play with you. You're probably getting bored on your own there, huh?"
"Yes." Shizuka pouted, as if this was an obvious fact. Which I supposed it was, in a way.
"Ah, but I was thinking we should make some plans on what we're doing the rest of our time together…" Akira said.
"Hey, no sweat, fill me in later, okay?" Masashi grinned. "Okay then, Shizuka-tan, let's play, as long as it isn't too strenuous-I'm an old man, you know."
Shizuka giggled at that, and they went down to the bottom of the garden. Chieko let out a great sigh as she put a hand on top of her own painting, almost protectively.
"Well, at least she forgot about it for now…I'll have to show her later anyway, but…"
"Speaking of the paintings, you want to try and get the others to their loved ones, right?" Noriko asked me. I nodded at that.
"If at all possible, yes." I said. "Though I accept that I won't be able to deliver all of them in person."
"All of them? Have you got the entire class here or something?" Hokuto asked.
"Almost…everybody, apart from…" I hesitated a moment. "Inoue and Nobunaga. Not because I didn't paint them at all-despite what they were like, it wouldn't be fair not to, so I did paintings for them, too. But I didn't bring them in because….well, because there's nobody to give them to, is there?"
"It happened again, huh?"
I held in my disgust as Hideki wafted by and stared down at Yashiro, orange eyes as hard as ever. But it got harder to hold in those feelings when he suddenly started to laugh, wheezing from the efforts and having to hold his sides in.
"Oh, I can't –oh my god, I really can't believe it! Another one bites the dust! Pffft, I suppose that psycho First-Aider was right to say he'd finally kicked off this entire fucking mess!"
"H-hey, Inoue-kun, that's a bit uncalled for…." Kimihiro appeased, but was, of course, ignored. And I just held back my own anger at his lack of caring, not wanting to make this worse than it already was. Not that it could do that, in any case.
Akira pulled a sympathetic face and nodded soberly.
"True, very true. But you're right, it wouldn't be practical to get everybody's paintings to their left behind loved ones. Leave that to me. I'll either make sure to send them to the right places myself, or get Kita-san –Masa-san's brother-to do it for me. "
"I could probably pitch in a bit too," Wakana offered. "Though it would probably depend on the next time the Future Foundation ask my orchestra to perform for them."
I looked to both of them, and smiled.
"Thank you."
"Then, where are we going to start?" Hokuto asked.
"Didn't Cain-san's family settle in Towa? Do they still live here? That would be the easiest place to start, right?" Noriko asked.
"They did, from what I remember." I replied.
"Yes, they still reside around here. And if I remember correctly, her father still works for the Towa Computing Company." Akira confirmed. "So that would be a good place to start…maybe even today…actually, hold on."
"What's wrong?" Chieko asked as Akira suddenly got up and made to go back inside.
"Let me get something to write all of this down on." Akira said as he opened the back door. "If we're going to do this, we may as well make sure we do it right. I'll just be a moment."
"Ah, so official." Noriko laughed as he disappeared back into the house. I chuckled along with the others, but as I looked over at the remaining paintings leaning against the house, wrapped up and waiting, I knew that he was correct-if we were going to do this, we should do this right.
…
Hokuto
Getting off the train and walking around, I felt a strange sense of what I could only call deja-vu. Though perhaps maybe it was not entirely accurate to call it that, given that we had indeed been here before, one way or another. I knew that I would have probably done the vaguely touristy thing and looked around the city when I'd first arrived to join Hope's Peak, and that later on errands for the club I had created would have sent me here.
But where The Wishing Tree was concerned, I wasn't so sure. I had not been one of the group who had been there to see it blow up, and so I never had that memory to lose. Still, walking down the paths that I knew were in that immediate area gave off an odd sense. Did I ever come around here with Rei? Had we gone shopping together, had we brought crepes at the stand we'd just gone past, or gone for a meal in the Italian restaurant just up ahead, or gone to catch a movie at the cinema across the road from us?
I wish I knew.
"Oh, I think this is….hey, we're almost there, right, Kazama-Chan?" Wakana turned to ask Akira. "This all….feels familiar."
Ah, yes, she was one of the ones who saw it happen, I remembered, noticing how her steps slowed all of a sudden, as if wary. I noticed that Chieko and Tyson seemed to do the same, with the latter in particular suddenly seeming on guard for anything that was off. Remembering what they had witnessed, even without memory.
"Mummy? What's wrong?" Shizuka asked, tugging at Chieko's hand as she picked up on the mood.
"It's….nothing…"
"Mummy?" Shizuka still looked confused.
"A-ah, don't worry, Shizuka-Chan, it's fine, really!" Noriko reassured her. Shizuka twisted around to look at us while still walking.
"Is this a scary place? Why does everyone look scared?"
"It isn't actually a scary place!" I piped up, making sure to smile. "It just….has some scary memories. From a long time ago. Like a haunted house!"
"Somehow, I don't think that was a helpful definition." Masashi snarked at me, but at that moment, we reached the site of The Wishing Tree, and we all stopped to look at it.
Of course, The Wishing Tree itself was not there anymore, but there was still something in its place. A long, boxy metal pillar, surrounded by a small rope fence, with a plaque hanging from it. The plaque read "Wishing Tree Memorial". The pillar itself was engraved with names on all four sides, and a number in brackets next to each of them, all in a clear, medium-sized font.
The names of people who had died, and their ages.
"This….is…." Chieko looked up at it. "The other people?"
"The Remnants' murder victims, including those who died in the bombings of The Wishing Tree and Towa City Central Hospital, and anyone who died during the Distractor Riots." Akira filled in. "I helped a little with this. Documenting the names and all. It was…quite the task."
I could imagine it was, for as I circled around it, I could see that three sides of the pillar were completely filled from top to bottom with names, and the final one was over three quarters full. Oh, wait, if that's the case, then….
I went back around to the first side I had been looking at, and scanned the names on it, and soon came across it.
Kiku Inoue (17)
"There's too many of them." Wakana murmured.
"Whatcha looking at, Hokuto-Chan?" Noriko asked. "Oh, hey, that's the name of that girl who went to Hope Valley, right? She got killed by her friend?"
"Huh? Who's that?" Masashi came to look at the name, and nodded. "Oh, yeah, there was a lot of coverage on that, huh?"
"She wasn't related to our Inoue, was she, this girl?" Tyson asked.
"I….don't think so?" Akira said.
"Somehow I feel like the newspapers would have gone even crazier if that was the case." Wakana commented drily. I laughed at that-just from the things I read, I knew that she was right to say that. But at the same time, I wondered if Hideki would have even cared, if he had been related to this girl.
"Oi."
Just about to turn back and go back to sleep now that he'd shown his face and confirmed he was still alive, Hideki suddenly crossed back across the canteen with a surprising amount of energy, and shoved his hands deep in the pockets of his black hoodie as he looked down at Chieko, who barely seemed to notice him. Wakana and Daisuke, sitting with her, were on guard immediately. But it was Kanekatsu, at the other table with Erica, Tyson and Kimihiro, who spoke up.
"What do you want, Inoue-kun?"
Apart from a derisive snort, Hideki paid her little attention, and instead continued to stare at Chieko.
"Hey, Chieko-Chan. I know that was a shitty turn of events for you, but don't worry, you're going to get out of here. You're going to get stronger, you're going to be able to face this. And when ya do, you'll get out of here. I know I sure as hell won't, but you will- you hear me?! Heh, whatever. Good luck to ya, kid."
Hideki sighed and rubbed his dirty face after that little…..whatever that even was, and then glowered at the rest of us.
"Right, I'm going back to sleep so you can deal with it or fuck off." He announced abruptly, as he had taken to doing, and then he stalked away. There was a moment of silence, and then I exchanged a look with Noriko.
"Did that just….happen?"
Perhaps he would have cared, in his weird, harsh way. But not that it mattered. For all intents and purposes, he never knew it had happened, and he hadn't been related to her anyway, so it was not as if he would've had any reason to care in the first place.
Seeing the name that had had a brief mention in my journals, I then had a thought that perhaps Rei's name might be on here, too. More likely as one of the Distractor Riot victims than anything else, but it was a possibility. So I started to look at it more carefully, both hoping to see and not to see the name of a Rei who might have once been mine on there.
"What is this?" I heard Shizuka ask in wonder. "Why is there so much writing on it?"
"It's a memorial. We use memorials as a means of remembering and honouring people who died." Tyson answered her. "So you see all of this, Miss Shizuka? These are the names of people who died, and who need to be remembered."
"Ah, let me show you, Shizuka." I looked over to see Masashi gesture to Shizuka to look at a name he was pointing to on the final side of the pillar. He frowned and considered, then turned to Shizuka.
"You can't really see it from here, is it okay if I carry you?"
Shizuka frowned at this, but it really did not take all that long for her to consider as she nodded pretty quickly. So Masashi grinned, and then carefully knelt down, making a little 'oof' sound, as he did so. Then, once he had Shizuka, he creakily got up again, and then using his free hand, pointed to a particular name.
"That's my father's name."
Shizuka gave him a look as if he'd said something foreign.
"Your daddy?"
"Yes, that's right."
Now that I'd looked at the other pillars, I went to stare at this one, and found myself looking at the name in question.
Hayate Kita (44)
I thought, for a moment, of my own father. There wasn't such a big memorial like this one, but the town had put up a commemorative plaque in the town square for those who had died in the Space Shuttle Rikimaru disaster. Before I'd been involved in Hope's Peak, I couldn't even bear to think about it, let alone go to see it. Afterwards, when I had finally allowed myself to believe that I was really at home and safe to boot, going to see it was one of the first things I did, and finally, I had understood. Something about remembrance, the importance of it, that I could not quite put into words. But I had understood it.
"That's your daddy's name?"
"Yes, it is?"
"Why isn't my daddy's name on this?"
"Uh….."
Helplessly, Masashi looked over to Chieko, who had been carefully keeping an eye on them for a few moments. Looking almost panicked, she just shook her head at them. And it occurred to me that there was no memorial to the 11 we had lost. There were graves, and Wakana's song, and Tyson's paintings, sure. But no collective memorial to approach and be awed by, as we were doing now. Nothing like that.
That's not right…
"Because he didn't die for the same reason. That was because of one bad thing, this is about another." I piped up.
Which was sort of accurate, in the most technical sense. Now was not the time to go into the details on how all these different 'bad things' were actually very much linked to each other.
"Oh…."
"Okay, how about we get going now? We've still got a little while to go to reach Cain-san's father." Akira announced decisively.
"Yeah, sure."
Masashi let Shizuka down, and she ran to Chieko's side, clinging tightly to her, no doubt directly experiencing the feelings she had no ability to understand.
"Alright then, let's go."
As we trooped on, I took one last look over my shoulder at the pillar. There had been a few Reis on there (and some Reikos and Reinas, too, that I had briefly considered), but none of their ages seemed right for the Rei I had apparently known. And none of those Reis made me feel anything at all, none of those names had sparked any sort of emotion. Even without memory, I should have felt something, anything, the same way Wakana and Chieko and Tyson had instinctively recoiled from this area moments ago. But I didn't.
Which meant that the answer was elsewhere. And I did not know how to feel about that.
…
Masashi
It felt slightly evil, to walk away afterwards, leaving Erica's dad still sitting on that park bench, contemplating the wrapped painting in his hands, while his part-eaten lunch languished in the box next to him. But I could see how awkward it was him, to look at us and remember that his daughter was not amongst us-and of course, that fact was the whole reason he had been given a painting, in the first place. And I wasn't sure about the others, but I knew I'd felt awkward standing there, confronted with his simmering but still strong guilt and grief.
"I…do believe that went well. " Tyson said.
But still, I could tell that Simon Cain had appreciated the gesture, that it had touched him in some way. That despite the feelings, he'd probably been glad to have us unexpectedly appear just as he'd stepped out of work to take his lunch break. So I nodded reassuringly at Tyson.
"Yeah, I think it did. You hit onto a pretty good idea with all this, you know." I told him. He smiled gratefully.
"I suppose I did. But I don't suppose it will be that easy with the others." He mused.
"No, probably not." Akira agreed. "But it could be. We'll just have to see."
"Yeah, exactly. And we're gonna help you out anyway, so it'll be fine, right?" I added.
"Hey, hey, what should we do next?" Hokuto asked. "Shall we just look around everywhere a bit or…?"
"Eh, I'm not sure I really feel like wandering around so much. " Wakana said.
"No?" Hokuto tilted her head.
"No, not particularly."
It then dawned on me that going to see Erica's dad would have had a very different meaning for Wakana than it did for me, or the rest of us. You stupid moron. It hadn't occurred to me, but seeing Erica's father, reassuring him that it was alright to be sad for her even in spite of what she had done, that had to have been a blow for her, a reminder of everything she specifically had lost, the person in the class that she missed the most.
Not that we really need reminders of all this anyway.
"Do you want to go back, Wakana-Chan?" Chieko asked her, concerned.
"We can, if you want to." Akira interjected.
Wakana considered this, and then Noriko spoke up.
"You know what, we should get ice-cream! Didn't we pass a place on the way here? An ice-cream place, with my name?"
"Are you suggesting this because of the ice-cream, or because the place is called 'Noriko's'?" I muttered at her, causing her to pout and elbow me playfully in the side.
"I quite like the idea of getting some ice-cream." Tyson admitted.
"I second that!" Hokuto agreed.
"Ice-cream?! Mummy, can we have ice-cream?" Shizuka bounced excitedly. Chieko patted her head absently, and we all looked to Wakana, who considered, and eventually smiled.
"Yeah, okay."
…
Chieko
Okay, this was a bad idea.
Leaning my forehead against the window as I looked aimlessly out of it, the thought pinged around my head relentlessly. This was a bad idea. I should have known that we'd be revisiting the past, once we were altogether. That there would be no avoiding it. And in a sense I did know, I was aware. But I hadn't realised that it would be to the extent that it ended up being. How difficult it would be, to keep Shizuka from noticing things. Today wasn't too bad, if I was being honest, even despite the fact that we'd gone to see where The Wishing Tree had once been. She hadn't even questioned who we'd gone to visit nor why Tyson had given him a painting-though I suspected that the excitement of unexpected ice-cream had wiped any lingering curiosities from her mind. But this was only the beginning, really. Distractions wouldn't work forever, and standing here, thinking about it all while we waited for Wakana to finish with the bathroom, that concerned me.
I hadn't stopped the others from answering her questions, as such. They kept looking to me, to see whether I minded, and though I did mind, I also wanted to trust their judgement in how what we had suffered should be explained to a child. And they had been so good about it all, so there hadn't been a reason to regret that so far. But that was just the surface of it, and seeing Erica's father today and seeing how it weighed on him, the regret of knowing that someone he'd loved and lost had done something so awful, made me realise that sooner or later, the topic of Koutarou would come up. And how easy would it be, to explain that? How could I even do that to her? Not to mention the others, especially Akira.
Because though I would not be portraying him as a villain when explaining to Shizuka, I could not act as if nothing had ever happened. It would not be fair to any of us, if I were to do that. What…do I do?
"Mummy! What is this? You never told me!"
Startled, I whipped back around to see that Shizuka had wandered away from where she was busily drawing, and was now standing by the painting which I'd leaned against the wall that morning, just before we'd left the house. Shizuka waited expectantly, and I hesitated for a moment.
"It's…a painting. " I said dumbly.
"A painting? Of what? Where did you get it from?"
"De Guerre-kun painted it, and gave it to me." Shizuka gave me a blank look at that, and it took me a moment to realise she hadn't understood the name I'd used.
"Tyson-kun." I tried again. Comprehension dawned on her small face.
"Oh, Ty-san. Mummy, you should have just said that. But what did he paint anyway?"
I rubbed my face wearily. I should put have just put it away. Then, I knelt down and carefully pulled the paper away, letting it gather in a loose pile on the floor around the painting, before I pulled it away and turned it so Shizuka could see it. She studied it intensely, then looked over at me.
"It's Daddy!" she said triumphantly. A second later, the satisfied expression morphed into one of confusion.
"Why did Ty-san paint Daddy for you?"
"Because….because…because Tyson-kun knew him too, and he was sad about that, and he wanted to do something nice to remember him by."
Such a simplistic explanation, and so, so inadequate. But what else could I say? Could this be enough, for now at least?
"Were they friends?" Shizuka asked, wide-eyed. I nodded at that as I leaned the painting back against the wall.
"We all were." I took a deep breath. "All of us here, and some other people too. "
Shizuka stared at me, and pulled Yosa out of her dungaree pockets, hugging the frog close to her as she considered this.
"Mummy?"
"Yes?"
"Can I have it?"
"Uh….."
Not expecting that, all I could do was look at her, and almost instantly, her eyes started to shimmer and lip started to wobble threateningly, before she abruptly turned away and rushed for the sleeping bag, burrowing right down into it until I couldn't see her.
"Shizuka?!"
Baffled, I got up and went over, kneeling at the opening of the sleeping bag and peering in to see the top of Shizuka's head.
"Shizuka? What's wrong?"
"You won't let me have it?" her voice was muffled.
"I…I didn't say that." I said cautiously. "Do you really want it?"
"Yes." Even muffled by sleeping bag, she sounded incredibly offended that I could think otherwise.
"Why?"
"I don't have any pictures of Daddy! You have all of them, and it isn't fair. "
I was about to protest against that when I realised she was right, and that this applied to so much more than pictures. I had memories, the privilege of having known him, other mementos besides the pictures. Even the turbulent feelings I'd been questioning and had never had a chance to resolve, even Shizuka herself. Though Koutarou was gone, I still had so much of him. And apart from knowing that he was her father, she did not have anything of him beyond shared blood.
And that really isn't fair.
"Well….do you think you'll have enough space on your wall for it?"
Shizuka didn't respond for a moment, but then she shuffled upwards, until her head was poking out of the sleeping bag, and she peered up at me hesitantly.
"I can have it?" she half-whispered.
I nodded. It hurt my heart to, but I nodded, and managed to put a smile on my face.
"Of course."
Her eyes went wide with disbelief for a moment, and then she wriggled the rest of the way out of the sleeping bag and clambered onto my lap, wrapping her arms around me and burying her face into my middle. She didn't say anything, but she did not need to.
Characters introduced this chapter
Dead
Hideki Inoue, former SHSL Technician (Belongs to: Scissor-Snipper )
I really, really hate coming up with chapter titles. -.-' Ahem, but anyway, I guess this is another case of me not focusing too much on a particular event itself-the meeting of a dead character's loved one- and instead telling the story around it, because there will be plenty of other scenes in the story that deal with the actual moment. I think it keeps things interesting, but don't worry, there will be actual scenes of the painting handovers and meetings with these different people and all sorts of things.
Erm, so anyway, you might have seen the update on my profile, but in case you didn't, I have started tracking a Tumblr tag for this fic (#The SHSL Survivors' Society). I've posted a timeline of the mutual killing game using it, and I'll use it for any other things I post there about the fic, including all the drawings. But also, if any of you wanted to draw for this fic, whether that's your characters or someone else's, and you have a Tumblr then it would be awesome if you used the tag and posted the pics there . Or if you don't have Tumblr you could message me as to where to find the pic and I could share it there (and obviously credit you) because it would also be nice to have everything in one place to look at :) I mean you obviously don't have to draw for this if you don't want to, but if you do, the tag is now in existence, so, well, yeah.
Anyway, I've not got much else to say (which is weird because when I started to type this authors' note I thought I did but meh), so I guess I'll leave it at that. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and please leave feedback :)