Alright guys, this one is short and a bit angsty. No comedy, but don't worry, comedy will come shortly. This is a kind of gateway chapter. I can't explain it, but you'll understand when the next few chapters come out.

AlphaFive: I'm glad you're enjoying it so far! And if you like angst, this is another chapter that you'll like, although I don't think it's as angsty as the last one. ^_^'

The Nearly Missed: Ahhwww every good fan extends sympathies to fictional characters! There is more angst, as I've said twice above, and with the Ed thing, you'll just have to wait and see~

(Thursday)

Entry #11

11/3

I hate hospitals. I hate hospitals, doctors, nurses, and medicine. I can't believe I landed myself here…and the psychiatrist is thinking of not letting me go home for a while. He wants me transferred to the psych ward. Just fucking wonderful.

I just kinda lost it…and…well, I cut myself. I hadn't done that in a long time…but I couldn't help myself. I was hurting so much, and…I needed the release.

Unfortunately, I cut too deep and passed out. I would have bled out if Wrath didn't break down the bathroom door. I somewhat wish I didn't… I needed to get the cuts stitched shut and get blood and stuff…I don't like it. But now I may have to STAY here, in the psyche ward! I don't want to get locked up…and that may be how this turns out. They'd better not try to look at this journal…I'd die from shame before they could say 'insane'.

I just want to talk to my friends, but I'm not so sure I even have friends now. I can't call or email them to find out, and now I can't even sneak out to try and see them. Hospitals have so much security, it's crazy.

Why was I instantly shunned by everyone? Really, if Ed lashed out at someone for calling him short, he'd instantly be welcomed back into the group. But when I flip out over something that really emotionally hurt me? God forbid I get forgiven! I hate them and I hate myself. I wish I had just completely finished myself off instead of letting them find me still alive (albeit barely)…

I feel so abandoned by everybody. My family just left me in this stupid hospital. My friends aren't even my friends anymore, and it almost feels like my own mind is leaving without me. It's like reality itself is a dream, that everything is a dream that I'll never wake up from. No, it's a nightmare.

I almost feel like a star. Not like a movie star or someone famous, but a star in the night sky. I feel distant and far away from others. I've always been that way. Even when I had friends, I could never really connect well. I have no idea why, I just can't connect with people. And I don't mean finding similarities between myself and others—that's easy. I mean just connecting in a mental way. I can't really talk about myself and I feel almost awkward, like me and them are too different to even try to compare, even though I do have SOME things in common with them!

Does that make sense? No, it doesn't, and if anybody tries to tell me that it does, I'll refer them to my psychologist.

I have such a headache and I feel sick…I didn't eat the dinner they provided. Or lunch…and I only ate a few bites of breakfast. I can't eat. I can't stomach the food. If I go on like this, they'll force-feed me. I don't want to be force-fed. It'd be humiliating, plus I'd probably gag and then throw up.

I don't want to be here, of course, I've already made that clear. I'm just surrounded by walls that keep me away from everything, and I can't even contact my so-called friends to see if they'd forgive me. I have a phone in here, but I wouldn't doubt it if my mother told the nurses to not let me use it, being the chronic control-freak she is.

Maybe if she wasn't such a control-freak, I wouldn't be this messed up. It's like she's been controlling my whole life, and I'm just a mindless zombie that has to follow her every command. Aren't there books about that kind of stuff? People bringing back the dead to create an army? I think they're called Necromancers, if I remember correctly. I wouldn't be surprised if mother was one. Anyway, our family doesn't resemble one another at all, I wouldn't be surprised if she brought us all from the dead and lied to us and stuff.

Or that could be my inner psychopath speaking.

~TeenagePsychopath