Evan ran home in tears, replaying the things Connor's mom had said to him.
Every bad thing about himself that he'd tried to repress and not think about, every little wound and cut he'd bandaged up neatly, ripped open for people to see, and the pain of it was threatening to suffocate him.
He ran home almost blindly, not really even registering that he was running until he stopped, feet stinging and lungs burning.
He collapsed inside his doorway, not even bothering to lock the door.
And he let the sobs wrack his body, wave after wave after wave, until he was heaving for breath, his body hurt everywhere.
He was used to this, although it hadn't happened for a couple of weeks, and eventually he was just empty, no emotion left.
He laid in the entryway most of the night, surrounded by his thoughts.
At one point, Connor knocked on the door, but Evan ignored him, and eventually he went away.
"Evan!"
Connor yelled across the hallway.
Evan turned his head away and closed his locker, walking away before Connor could get through the crowd.
"Evan!"
He yelled again, pushing people out of his way.
Evan quickened his pace.
Connor grabbed Evan's arm, and he turned, shooting a murderous look at Connor before ripping his hand away, leaving Connor staring after him with a look of sorrow, not that Evan saw it.
The rest of the day flew by in a haze, which Evan was glad for, he hated school.
Connor didn't seem to have gotten the hint, and he kept trying to talk to Evan, who ignored him every time.
At the end of the day, as Evan was walking out of the building, someone grabbed him and pulled him into a classroom, he wasn't surprised to see Connor, who was standing in front of the door, arms crossed and a look of determination on his face.
"Let me out, Connor."
Evan said in a low voice.
Connor shook his head.
"Talk to me."
Evan walked to Connor, who stood almost a foot taller than him, and tried pushing him out of the way.
"Open the door,"
Evan was starting to raise his voice, something he never did.
Connor shook his head again.
"You can't keep ignoring me."
He responded.
"Watch me."
Evan replied, sitting down at one of the desks and opening his backpack, pulling out a book he was supposed to write a paper on.
The book was ripped out of his hand, and Connor threw it at the wall.
"TALK TO ME!"
He yelled, slamming his fist on the desk.
Evan stood up, fists balled.
"Fine, where were you?!"
He yelled back.
A looked of confusion passed over Connor's face.
"What?"
He asked.
"Where the fuck were you when I was getting screamed at?"
Evan yelled.
"I'm so sorry."
Connor said softly.
"Every single thing that I hate about myself, every fucking thing that I try not to think about, that I push down every fucking day because I hate it Connor, I HATE IT, screamed at me, because of YOU!"
Evan pointed accusingly.
"And you know What, Connor? I was finally like, 'hey this fucking druggie that everyone hates? He isn't actually so bad' And then I thought, 'No, this is the kid who threw a printer at the teacher in third grade', a fucking printer, Connor. And then I thought 'Maybe no one gives a shit about him and that's why he's such a dick. Maybe if I could show him that someone accepts him, we could actually be friends.'
"But no, you're just another rich kid who thinks he's different, who does exactly what every kid rebelling does, who keeps himself away from everyone because he thinks it's cool."
Connor opened his mouth to reply.
"No, listen!"
Evan yelled.
"I didn't even want to write the fucking letters, okay? I wanted to tell them the truth, that Zoe didn't write any suicide letter, that we weren't even friends."
He pointed accusingly.
"You're the one who fucking told me to lie. 'It'll blow over' my ass, you want everyone to think you hate everyone because you're so cool, Connor. You pretend to be this edgy cool guy, but you're not, okay?
You push everyone away because you can't even accept yourself, so why the fuck would anyone else accept you?"
Evan's voice had gone softer now, and he looked drained.
"you're a coward, Connor Murphy."
He took a short breath.
"That's all you are."
He finished, shaking his head and walking out of the room, not even bothering to grab his stuff.