Harry Potter characters belong to JK Rowling. Ditto with Peter and C.S Lewis
Really long chapter here btw
"SUNDAY MORNING, DANDRUFF FALLING!" he bellowed as he exited his room with a towel draped around his neck.
"SMEAR SOME SHAMPOO ON MY SCALP!"
Doug pushed the bathroom door open, pleased to find there was no one inside; now he was ready to dye his hair in peace.
"SUDS ARE SHROUDING US AT MOMENTS UNFORGETABLE!" Doug sang as he yanked open the cabinets under the sink; he grabbed a container of Herbal Essances hairdye and placed it on the counter.
"YOU RINSE TO FIT THE MOLD THAT-...What the fuck!" Doug frowned, peering down at the container; it was all..empty and stuff.
"..No..this isn't--NO!"
Doug reached up and yanked the medicine cabinet from the wall, tossing it aside in new-found strength; in its place on the wall was a safe. Doug franticly spun the knob--right,left, right--before hearing a faint click.
"Please..please, be there.." he murmured, slowly pulling the safe open...
"Okay, it's my turn with the remote!" announced Melissa, reaching for said-remote; David merely held it out of her reach.
"Ebert and Ropert are on." he said simply, staring at the TV with a blank expression on his face.
Melissa pouted. "Uh..General Hospital is coming on. And If I miss Alexis having her baby, I will--"
David's head slowly turned towards her.
"..Fine. ..I'm telling!" blurted Melissa, hurling herself towards the hall; she stopped at the doorway and turned to look at the back of David's head.
"..Bitch." she murmured as quietly as possible.
Above her, she heard a loud doorslam, followed by loud footfalls moving towards the stairs. Melissa crept towards the staircase, stopping at the bottom. Looking up, she saw Duncan staring down at her.
"DID I JUST HEAR SOMEONE CURSE!" he snapped.
"Um..ye-..Yeah! It was David. That boy has a foul mouth." Melissa said quickly. Duncan shook his head.
"I knew it.." he murmured, pulling a white glove from the waistband of his pants. "Duncan's gunna have to smack a bitch.."
Melissa quickly jumped aside as Duncan rushed down the stairs and into the living room. She paused before running up the stairs with the sounds of slapping and someone like...telling whoever is smacking them to stop and stuff.
Suddenly overwhelmed with boredness, Melissa decided to check up on her fellow Topless Women. She walked over to Dimitri's door and knocked gently.
"Dim? It's me, Melissa!"
"Er..come back later! I'm busy!" was Melissa's reply.
"Yeah. Later." came a second voice.
"..Freddy? What are you doing in Dimitri's room?"
"Er...playing..Monopoly.." said Freddy, after a short pause.
Melissa blinked. "Why is your door closed?"
"So no light will get in! The board glows in the dark, duh!" came a third voice. Female.
Melissa pressed her ear against the door. "Carrie?"
"Freddy, you landed on my property. Pay up."
"Bullshit! I saw you take 100 bucks from the bank, you cheating whore!"
Melissa heard the sound of something being thrown across the room. Suddenly the door opened and Freddy pushed past Melissa, stomping into his own room. Melissa looked into the room to find Carrie celebrating her win by rolling around in the paper money while Dimtri started putting the game away.
Sighing, Melissa walked across the hall to Sarah's room, pushing the door open. Inside, she found Sarah haunched over her computer with Carly standing over her, scribbling vigoriously onto a notepad.
"Hi guys!" said Melissa cheerily.
She jumped out of her shoes when Carly and Sarah whirled towards her, each holding something in their hand--Carly, holding her pen like a dagger, and Sarah, holding her computer mouse like...something all...threatening.
"Oh! Melissa, sorry..we thought you were..er..someone else.." Carly said; she and Sarah lowered their weapons before turning to the computer again.
"Er...what are you guys up to?" breathed Melissa, twitching slightly.
"Saralee's on the move. We're trying to track her, but she keeps slipping away every time we get close." murmured Sarah.
Carly nodded in agreement. "Yeah, and like..we're talking extra precautions for the house and everything. Caitlin told me she saw her at the front door, and I was all..'Uh, wtf how'd she get here..' and Caitlin was all 'Bitch, how do I know..?' and then I was like.."
"Basically, we need to gather a group of people and put together a search party and take her out." inturrupted Sarah.
"OMG, Can I join?" asked Melissa imediately.
Carly and Sarah exchanged looks, before looking off in oposite directions.
"Melissa..sweetheart.." Carly started, smiling fondly at the younger Topless Woman. "Er..how can I say this without sounding, you know...mean.."
"Fuck no." Sarah said flatly. "Now please leave. And don't mention this to anyone just yet, alright? We don't need people freaking out all over us.."
Melissa left the room quietly, closing the door behind her. She sniffed, glaring at Sarah's name printed on her door.
"Bitch.." she murmured as quietly as she could.
Melissa heard hurried footsteps stomping up the stairs and immediately took off down the hall towards the bathroom; how would it look if she were around the scene of a cursing crime for the second time? Stopping at the bathroom door, she gasped at what she saw.
"OMG, DOUGLAS! DOUGLAS, SAY SOMETHING!" Melissa shrieked, knealing next to the older Topless Woman, who was twitching wildly. Doug reached out towards
Melissa before passing out. Rising to her feet, Melissa screamed loud enough to wake the dead; Josh was the first to reach her.
"Whats wro--Oh dear god.." murmured Josh, looking down at Doug. David pushed past them, looking down at Doug as well.
"First Aid kit! Quick!" he shouted.
Josh stumbled over to the bathtub and opened the medicine cabinet (cause Doug threw it over there), searching for Doug's first aid kit; each Topless Woman had their own kit, as there were different things that helped heal them and stuff.
Finding Doug's kit between Dimitri's and Duncan's, Josh grabbed it and tossed it to David, who caught it easily and opened it; bottles of Herbal Essances fell to the floor and David jumped to pick them up.
"QUICKLY, DAVID!" cried Melissa. Tears streamed down her face; behind her, Freddy, Carly and Katy worked to console her.
David opened a bottle and poured the shampoo in his hands. "CLEAR!" He shouted before rubbing the shampoo into Doug's hair; Doug's body jolted slightly.
"CLEAR!" David repeated, rubbing the shampoo in again. "Agh, nothing. Give me the mousse!"
Josh tossed David a bottle of Herbal Essances musse; repeating his actions and getting no results in return, David finally rose to his feet.
"...He's...gone.." he murmured after a short pause.
Everyone was silent for a moment, then all at once people cried out in grief.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO! DOUG,WHYYOU DIIIIIIIIIIE!" Melissa wailed.
"AHHHHHHHH! HE OWED ME 6 BUCKS!" Katy shrieked, rubbing away her tears.
"I told him he should've used Pantine Pro V. Like me.." sobbed Freddy, tossing his hair to demonstrate.
Doug's eyes poped open and he sat up immediately. "What did you say?" he snapped, looking at Freddy.
"You heard me!" Freddy snapped back, wipping tears away. "Your hair doesn't have body like mine!"
"Oh no you DI-IN'T.."
"DOUGLAS IS ALIVE!" Melissa cried, lunging at Doug. She rubbed her cheek against his; everyone cheered and stuff.
"YAY! NOW YOU CAN PAY ME BACK!" Katy blurted.
"Anyway, why were you all...dead?" asked Carly.
Doug frowned, turning away from the group. "Someone..." His lip began to quiver. "...Someone stole my Herbal Essances hair dye.."
Only one person gasped.
"How horrible!" Melissa said, shaking her head. "Who would do that?"
"I bet I know.." spat Freddy. "He's the only other person here, besides Doug, who uses the stuff.."
Realization spread across Doug's face. "..Diggory.." Rising to his feet, Doug pushed his way out of the bathroom and rushed up the stairs leading to the fourth floor; everyone followed, eager to see someones ass get beaten. Once he reached the top, Doug pounded on the single door leading to the rest of the floor. The door swung open immediately and Doug was staring into the eyes of Cedric Diggory...in a towel.
Several of the Topless Women girls whistled under their breaths ('cept Katy, cause like...she didn't). And the boys whistled as well, but not cause of Cedric..
On either side of Cedric stood two girls, also in towels, clutching Cedric's arms.
"Caitlin and Ali.." Doug muttered, scowling.
"What?" someone said behind Doug; whirling around, Doug turned to find Ali standing behind him carrying a tray of Pancakes.
"..What the hell? You're here and.." Doug pointed at one of the girls clinging to Cedirc. "There?"
Ali blinked at him before looking up to see...herself. She dropped the tray and screamed.
Earlier..Slightly.
"Makin lobster for my Ma-yaan.." Caitlin sang, standing over a boiling pot of lobster. She turned away from the stove and moved over to the counter where she had prepared some heart-shaped cheese sandwhiches. Glancing around the kitchen, Caitlin found that she was alone. She pulled out her ziplock gun and aimed it at the sandwhiches.
"Say 'ello...TO MAH LI'L FRIEND!" she murmured before pulling the trigger; at the same time she pulled the trigger, Melissa was like...screaming for Doug, so like..she didn't hear it, otherwise she'd be up there and stuff. Anyways..
Caitlin placed her gun down on the counter and whirled around to check on her lobster, nearly bumping into Cody who like.. appeared there.
"Nice gun. Can I use it?" he asked, somehow making it sound more like a demand.
"Er.." before Caitlin could reply, Ali and Brianna entered the kitchen.
"I smell Lobster!" announced Brianna, grinning. "Can I have some?"
"Hell no." Caitlin said immediately while slapping Cody's hand away from her gun. She looked up to find Ali stirring together pancake mix. "..Whos that for?"
"Ceddie-Pooh." Ali said sweetly; she glanced at the boiling lobster. "And that?"
"Ceddie-Po..I mean.." Caitlin paused to think of a different nickname. "Ced-Ced"
Both girls glared at each other for a moment, then the glares slowly morphed into overly sweet smiles.
"Let me see how it looks!" they both said in unison, pushing past each other to examine each others work. While Ali had her back turned, Caitlin began pouring various spices into the pancake batter. As she reached for the tobasco sauce, she glanced up to look at Ali.
"How does the lobster look?" she asked.
"Scrum-didly-umcious!" Ali said. She looked over her shoulder to find Caitlin stirring her batter; taking advantage of the oportunity, she grabbed the tongs off of the counter and dipped them into the pot. "How does my batter look?"
"Very untouched!" Caitlin said a bit too quickly; too busy sabotaging the batter, she didn't notice Ali toss her 'Scrum-didly-umcious' lobster out the window, and only looked up just in time to see Ali place the tongs back onto the counter.
They quickly rushed back to their respective areas. Caitlin peered into the pot.
"WTF, WHERE'D MY LOBSTER GO!" she spat. Looking up, she saw Brianna leave the kitchen picking at her teeth. Caitlin stood there in silence for a good 10 seconds before scooping her ziplock gun from the counter.
"..I'll be back." she said flatly before leaving the kitchen. Ali smirked the entire time she finished her pancakes, placing the perfectly browned flapjacks onto a plate and placing that plate onto a silver tray.
"Tony, would you mind carrying up a glass of milk for me? Cedric needs his calcium.." Ali said sweetly.
Cody scowled at her. "My name is Cody."
"Sorry.." Ali murmured. "Solike, bring the milk. In a tall glass. Please? Thanks Brody!" she said cheerily before leaving the kitchen with the tray.
Seconds after Ali left, Caitlin returned. Silently, she fetched another lobster from the freezer and dropped it into the pot, then went to the cuppard to grab some refils for her gun; she heard a scream from upstairs, followed by a loud crash.
'Hmph..sounded like Ali. Probably screaming cause Cedric didn't like her pancakes..' Caitlin thought, grinning. But then another thought crossed her mind. 'Wait..if Cedric didn't like her pancakes, wouldn't she just come down here and try to assault me..?' The grin was replaced with a frown.
"Shit." Caitlin finished loading her ziplock gun before running out of the kitchen. She ran up four flights of stairs--hopping over Brianna's body somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd--to the third floor and ran all the way down the hall, breezing past the rooms of the Topless Women; she stopped at the foot of the staircase leading to the fourth floor--not cause she was being cautious, but because the Topless Women were crowding the stairs.
"Excuse me..pardon me, guys.." Caitlin murmured. No one moved.
"You guys, I'm trying to get through.." she tried again. Ignored once more.
Quickly losing her patience, she fired a warning shot in the air. "I'M ABOUT TO SHOOT SOMEBODY! MOVE OUT THE WAY!"
The Topless Women parted like the red sea, creating a clear path for Caitlin to go through; she took the steps two at a time, eventually reaching the top where Doug and Ali stood.
"Alright, I'm here. What seems to be the problem?" Caitlin asked.
"Okay, so..Diggory stole my hair dye. And you and Ali are like..here...but then you're there.." Doug murmured, pointing at the three people standing at the door. Looking over Doug's shoulder, Caitlin found herself staring at herself.
"Okay..why does this bitch have my face? ...AND MY MAN?" Caitlin snapped, raising her ziplock gun. Cedric blinked, looking from the girls next to him to Caitlin and Ali.
"Okay..this is weird. I thought they were you!" Cedric admitted.
The Ali look-a-like tilted her head. "Um..I don't know who you are, but..My name is Hali."
"Yeah, and I'm Fait" said the Caitlin look-alike. "Short for Faitlin."
Two more girls appeared at the door, bearing resemblence to Katy and Carly, dragging Draco and Peter behind them.
"And this is Chaty and Harly." Faitlin said, nodding to her other two friends. "We're the Famer Girls."
Ali and Caitlin glanced at each other; behind them, Katy and Carly appeared, already cracking their knuckles.
Cody began the slow climb up the stairs, pausing at the 2nd flight to blink at Brianna; a ziplock baggie was tucked neatly over her head.
'..I want that gun.' he thought to himself as he continued up the stairs. As he neared the 3rd floor, he heard various voices and sounds of stuff breaking. He quickened his pace, careful not to spill the glass of milk he hand in his hand.
'Stupid bitch. Thinks she can tell me what to do and get away with it?' Cody placed his foot on the forth floor staircase and started going up; a body was tumbling down the stairs and Cody pressed up against the wall to avoid getting knocked over.
"WTF, Josh?" Cody rushed over to his friend, who immediately got up.
"I'm cool. Just be careful. Those Famer girls are bionic.." Josh said in a rush before running back up the stairs. Confused but curious, Cody followed after him. Reaching the top, he stopped at the door and watched what was going on infront of him in awe..
It was complete pandemonium; The Topless Women were all fighting against four girls in towels; in the corner, Cody saw that girl that ordered him around in the kitchen earlier taking on Dimitri and Sarah; Sarah reached up and clawed off half of the girls face,revealing metal and wires and..non-humany things.
Then he saw the same girl--in clothes--slamming Carly's--in towel--head into the floorboards while Carly kicked herself in the side.
'What the hell is wrong with these people..?' Cody thought. Josh climbed onto a bookcase and jumped off, bodyslaming In-towel Katy to the ground. Melissa then ran up, stepped on Katy's face and ran off. Cody saw Doug and Cedric fighting in a corner and walked over to join them.
"You Cedric?" he asked, blinking at the younger boy. Cedric nodded and Cody slammed the glass--milk and all--into his face.
"Heres your milk, sucka."
All of the Topless Women froze in battle position; Carly had her towel-clad self in a headlock, Towel-Katy was holding Josh up from the floor by his ankle while Katy was on her own back, choking herself. Dimitri, Melissa, Sarah, Freddy, David, Carrie and Rachel were all in a dog pile over Towel-Ali, except Towel Ali escaped the dog pile and was now filing her nails in another corner. Caitlin and Towel Caitlin were attempting to shove Ali out the window.
"...GET HIM!" Ali shrieked, despite being in a precarious position. Caitlin and Faitlin dropped her and immediately lunged for Cody, while the others just stood and watched...