AUTHOR'S NOTE: So this silly author made a small factual error I just picked up on. Re-reading Memoirs of a Geisha (instead of finishing Dorian Grey…oops!), I made an error on Nobu- he was in the marines and not the army. Not sure if anyone picked up on that (because it certainly escaped my memory since it's a minor detail), so I apologize for that, as it was bothering me (yeah, I can be a bit of a perfectionist!)
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They are going to amputate his arm.
He is not afraid of pain, but the fact they are even considering amputation is starting. What is he to do without an arm?
They try and explain to him something about gangrene and how there is no other way, but he doesn't listen to them.
"What am I to do with myself?" he demands. "A scarred face and body and now you are hacking off my arm?" The nurse cringes and turns away.
Work is only a part of his problem. How will he lead a normal life? The doctor already addressed that, of course, but thoughts he never bothered with have crossed his mind as of late.
They don't let him use mirrors, and for that he is glad.
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I shiver. It's growing late and yet we have remained in the gardens. There are lights here and there, yet we rely greatly on natural light and keen eyesight to guide us about.
I feel as if I must watch Schessler at all times now. I fear for Sayuri for some reason; normally I could care less. She's only spoken to me once- why does she play with me like this? Because it certainly isn't sweet, nor will it make me chase after her! It angers me, and I'm tired of it.
I just want her to be mine!
I'm dawdling, speaking with two other Japanese investors, my eyes remaining locked on the German. There is another geisha who has accompanied them, but I took no care as to learn her name. She has an unfortunate lazy eye and an upturned nose that isn't particularly attractive, but is articulate enough- for a geisha.
It's so damn cold, yet everyone insists on remaining out doors! I hug myself and worriedly glance about me. I feel so uneasy, something in the pit of my stomach tells me that things are not all right. I see Sayuri glance back at us and smile in the midst of speaking with the Chairman.
I am jealous of the company he is keeping on such a beautiful night.
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I'm sweating. It is past midnight and I am sweating.
I stumble out of bed and retreat to the bathroom for water. It's cold, but not satisfying in the least. I spit it out and run a hand over my face. I'm exhausted but cannot sleep. I close the door and slide onto the smooth tile, my hand self-consciously creeping over my stump of an arm.
She does not care for me, and she surely never did. I hang my head and breathe- I must not lose control.
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The pain is incredible when he wakes up.
He refuses to look at it immediately- it'll shock him, the nurse warned him. They gave him even more advisories about phantom feelings and shock and such, but he did not listen to them.
And now, he has only one arm and a melted face.
His sisters always berated him for being too curious. Curiosity finally grabs hold of him and he glances down; they've wrapped it up, but there's still blood all over the place.
The doctor forgot to take down a mirror. He glances into it momentarily, twists his head to the floor, and vomits.
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I've woken up with a pounding headache and lack of sleep. Of course, the sleep is no surprise, but I feel ill. I feel like I can barely keep my eyes open while speaking with the Chairman. His face shows concern, but I do not want to show him that I am weak. There is tea in front of us, of course, but I am afraid I won't be able to hold it down.
There are military types and big shots alike wandering about in the lobby here. A couple of them are watching us, as I am well aware. They know are names- this is not pompous to say in the least, of course. I recognize a handful of marines with graying beards. These men were once my friends when we were younger, but now they will barely acknowledge me no matter how successful I am.
"I walked with Sayuri last night. She spoke very highly of you, although you spoil her to no end, it seems." He comments, twisting the empty cup in his fingers. I gave her a small gift at the end of the night when I believed us to be at least somewhat in private- it was just a small jewel, really. She admired it for a very long time, a small smile on her red lips the whole time. Despite my anxiousness I couldn't not smile back.
"I have told you before, Chairman. I don't hand out gifts without a reason behind it." I cough.
"Perhaps you may elaborate? You are to become her danna, I know well enough." He sighs.
"We talked about this on the train, Chairman. Explain to me why you need to bring it up over and over again?" I hesitantly take a sip of the tea.
He shrugs. "It is strange to me, Nobu, that is all. As I told you it is strange that you should take such interest in a geisha." He stops and thinks a moment. "Although you have always been a strong believer in destiny.." his voice trails off.
I stand and sway slightly before steadying myself by grabbing the edge of the little table. "I'm not sure what you are getting at, my friend. You're rambling, as usual."
The Chairman stands as well, placing his fedora on his head and shrugging. "You're right as always. Remember yourself, Nobu."
It's a strange warning, and I'm not sure what he is trying to say to me. "Always the older brother, Chairman." I sigh, but I say this with a smile. He laughs and accompanies me outside.
"One that owes his little brother a very great debt."
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My headache does not seem to want to recede today, and the businessmen around me certainly are not making it any better!
One of the geisha to my left is pouring endless cups of tea. I asked her, after she poured what must have been my fourth cup, if she would be kind enough to lead us in a song of being a tea pot. She found this witty, but after that she moved as far away from me as possible.
The men around me, the Chairman and Schessler included, are wholeheartedly enjoying their lunch and speaking with anyone and everyone in the room. Mr. Kanagawa-san has finished speaking to me and has turned to a petite geisha next to him. With the lack of conversation, I stroke my chin with my fingers.
There are times where I find myself wondering what became of Izumi. She ran away after our other sister drowned in the stream; why, I can never say. I was still young and naïve then and believed Izumi would return any day to play children's games with me and read me The Tale of Genji at night. My father was never a kind man, but after losing both of his daughters he spent more time in the towns at night then trying to hold what remained of his family together.
I told the Chairman once, long ago, about my sisters. He tried looking for her, putting ads in the newspapers for one Izumi Toshikazu. He reached out to friends throughout Japan, yet none of them recognized the name.
It was as if my former greatest friend and confidante, my big sister, had fallen off the face of the earth.
I give a heavy sigh and glance up. Sayuri is watching me, her head tipped to the left as she speaks to another man. She looks away briefly to pay him more attention, then her eyes gradually wander back to mine. Her smile is coy as she pours him more tea. I mimic the man's actions, taking a deep gulp of tea and rolling my eyes dramatically as he does. She laughs, as I intended, and I can't help but snort.
Mameha slides next to me and whispers into my ear. "Since when did Nobu-san become such a clown?"
"Never." I respond, holding the tea in my one hand. "I just enjoy satire, that is all."
She laughs. "Of your own investors? You are terrible, Nobu-san. No wonder those men bow so low when they meet you, it's because they beg you not to make fun of them." Her tone suddenly becomes serious. "If I may speak with you honestly, Nobu-san, I am worried for our Sayuri. This Mr. Schessler of yours-"
"I know," I interrupt quietly. "You aren't the only one. Don't think that because I am not officially her danna yet that I won't keep an eye on her." I pat her hand.
She purses her lips. "Oh Nobu-san," she sighs. "Things have changed so much."
I nod and do not respond, for there is nothing for me to say. Mameha is right, and I am sure that things will never be back to normal again.
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I hold her hand lightly in my palm. It's small and smooth, like a child who has never done hard work. Mine by comparison is large and scarred, rough and lined. We are hidden from anyone passing through the hallway on the way to the toilets or wherever else. She is watching me quietly, surveying my face for any hint of what is running through my mind.
"Why do you ignore me, Sayuri? Do you find it exhilarating, exciting to charm other men?"
"Not at all, Nobu-san. It's just that you never seem to want my company. You would rather speak with boring old men than with me!"
Her comment is irrational, of course. "Listen to what you're saying, would you? I am to be your danna in a couple weeks' time or so, and I don't want your company? Your arguments are so preposterous sometimes. "
Sayuri moves her hand away from mine and adjusts her sleeve. Her pearl hair ornament jingles as she lifts her face to my own. "I figured, Nobu-san, you might want to save our time together for-" she blushes and clears her throat, and I feel my face growing hot.
"I brought you to Tokyo for your company, Sayuri, and nothing more. You know this." She says nothing, so I continue. "I want you for myself, don't you see? The German wants you, if I don't give you to him he might as well damn the company! I can't do that, you silly girl. I could never promise you to another man!"
She moves closer and puts her small hand on my chest. "You want Mameha to begin plotting again?" Her eyes glitter mischievously.
"Not at all." I snarl. "A geisha has no place in the business world. I know well enough how to handle the pig." I lay my hand over hers, the two of us standing in silence.
"If we weren't in such a public space, Sayuri, I would speak to you honestly."
"We are in a corner of a teahouse, Nobu-san. I hardly think that there is a large group of people behind us!" she giggles. Daringly, her face moves closer to mine, her lips resting on my scarred cheek. I sigh and move my face so as to feel her soft hair against my skin, her eyelashes against my neck-
But when I look up, I see she is wrong. There is the Chairman, his face frozen with an expression I cannot place. I feel as if Miyugami himself has knocked the wind out of my stomach when I lock eyes with my friend.