Chapter 11: Destiny

A cold pouring rain battered the wardens in the days following their battle with the darkspawn. Sleet and ice made the forgotten road slippery and difficult. The horses struggled on despite the conditions.

Bethany was concerned that they might encounter darkspawn again, Justin and Colo were still weak from their healing, and she and Wren had pushed their own abilities to the limits. Merrill offered to learn healing spells, but she had little talent for them. It seemed that the duties of keeping everyone hale and healthy once again fell to Bethany and Wren.

Bradley volunteered to keep watch as the others recovered. The Templar, no warden recruit she reminded herself, did what he could, working long shifts, with little rest. Bethany used her magic to bolster the young man's strength, but even he would have to rest eventually.

The mages could bolster the group, but that was it, hopefully, they could move quickly enough and be out of the blightlands before another brood of darkspawn noticed them.

They moved fast, and soon had quickly found themselves leaving the path of the horde behind. The first time Bethany had heard bird song she had almost sobbed with relief. Soon they were passing living trees, and animals. The taint was not as bad here, the lands were slowly recovering, of course tainted animals still made the place dangerous, especially the blight wolves. The warden had been forced to kill a small pack of the creatures two days earlier.

Serene scouted ahead, looking for shelter from the rain, with luck the elven bard would find them a dry cave or abandoned settlement, someplace they could stop and recover from all that had happened.

The warden mage was starting to doubt that they would find anything; it seemed that if the spawn or tainted animals did not kill them, the wet and cold weather might.

Finally Serene returned; the elf had a smile on her face.

She had found them shelter.

The elf led the way, though she was constantly asking Bethany how Justin was doing. The warden mage informed her, that he would be fine, but a goodnights sleep, and a dry place to rest would be more helpful than her magic at this point.

Serene feigned indifference, the elf kept saying that she just wanted Justin to be able to resume his duties so that they could go back to their normal watch routine.

Bethany…knew better.

She found amusement in the elf's questions, it seemed that their little Serene was not as cold hearted as she pretended to be.

It seemed that she had developed a bit of a crush on their Commander.

The poor…poor little fool.

There were many warnings that Bethany could give the elf. Choosing partners within your garrison could be problematic. She had learned that lesson well with Darren. Of course, the point might be moot in the end. It was possible that Serene would not survive her joining. If that occurred, her feelings would not matter.

Wren seemed pleased that Bradley was going to undertake the joining; he seemed to think that she was using this to rid them of the Templar's presence. She would be lying if she said that had not occurred to her, but truthfully, she would not have accepted him as a recruit of she did not think he had a chance of living through the ritual.

The boy was tough, she had to give him that, and he honestly believed that this was the right thing to do.

So she had accepted him in, Justin stood by her choice, and so he would undertake the joining ritual as soon as they reached the port village of Harper's Ford.

If he survived they gained a warden, if he did not, they were rid of a Templar in their midst.

Either way, the wardens would win.

Serene seemed to think the young knight was stupid for agreeing to this, she had had no choice, she was a conscript, but he…he could have found a new purpose without risking the joining ritual.

Still, Bradley was adamant, he had decided to be warden, and that was it.

Bethany found herself wishing both of the recruits well; she had seen too many die in the joining over the years.

She had no desire to see anymore.

IOI

The shelter the elf had chosen turned out to be an abandoned chantry along the side of the road. The wardens checked it thoroughly first, making sure that no tainted animals or darkspawn hid within; once it was determined to be clear they went inside.

The place was dry for the most part; the chantry had likely cleared it out during the blight years ago, and never returned because they had no faithful left in the surrounding areas.

They had needed to smash several pews to acquire enough dry firewood, but soon the group had settled in nicely, they changed out of their wet clothes, and for the first time in weeks felt safe enough to take some rest.

Bethany volunteered to take the first watch. She knew that she have been used to travelling in the company of others, but after so many days and nights of close company, she was ready to take some rest away from the others. A little solitude would be nice after so many days of travel.

She sat in the entry way of the chantry, listening to the rain as it pattered on the roof, the sound was soothing, she heard the sounds of her fellows conversing, but had no desire to join them.

A little quiet was nice.

Slowly the others began to turn in for the night, Colo offered to take the next watch after midnight, Bethany agreed, the large Antivan seemed to have recovered from his encounter with the emissary, it was time for him to resume his duties.

Bethany rubbed her tired eyes, they felt gritty, and she suspect that bags had formed there. She would likely need one of her sleeping draughts tonight. Being in the blightlands had robbed her of any restfulness the last few days.

Every time she closed her eyes, they were there, the darkspawn, and their dragon masters. It was all she could do to keep from waking up screaming.

It was just another reason that she would be happy to leave Ferelden again when this was all over.

Bad memories and nightmares were all this place held for her now.

She reached into her belt, removing the vial containing one of her sleeping draughts, Stroud had warned her many times not to take these more than two days in a row, but the taint…it was just so strong here, and she had not really had a chance to rest before this journey had begun.

She could not help it, she needed sleep.

She removed the small cork, and prepared to gulp down the contents.

"I wouldn't," he voice said from behind her.

She jumped.

"Wren," she spat angrily, "I don't like being spied on!"

The healer stepped out of the shadows, he recognized the foul concoction that she was about to drink, there were easier, not to mention safer ways to find sleep.

Not that this was any of his business of course, he had simply been board, and had sought her out.

"Who is spying," the healer shrugged, "I merely came to see if you wanted company. The others…well let us just say that I would prefer less cheerful company."

A hint of a smile played across Bethany's face, the others had lapsed into amusing stories. She had not been in the mood to join in herself, what she found amusing these days and what others thought was amusing was two entirely different things.

Wren sat down beside her, he removed, a small blossom from his satchel, he handed it to her.

She gave him an arched look.

"I'm not giving you flowers, if that is what worries you," he explained, "the pollen contained within that blossom, is a powerful sedative. You will find it far less detrimental to your health than those potions that you carry."

Bethany regarded the flower curiously, she did not recognize it.

"My mum discovered it," Wren explained, "She was a village healer. My birth mother had abandoned me, and she took me in, and raised me. She taught me many such things."

Interesting, typically apostates were either poorly trained, or they had served at least some time in the circle. If Wren was to be believed, he had never been placed it one, and was self-taught, which made no sense to her, she had never seen such a powerful self-taught healer before or since.

Bethany found herself growing curious.

"Was your birth mother a mage?" she asked.

"Yes," he responded, "She is a powerful maleficar, one who views Thedas as her personal playground," Wren's face soured into a scowl, he did not like thinking about his Mother, "She wanted another daughter, someone to teach her skills to. When I was born, she tossed me aside. She would send me spells to learn from time to time, but that was all so I might prove useful someday."

"That is horrible," Bethany said.

Wren nodded, it had been horrible, but it was something he had learned to live with, and he had grown stronger because of it.

Mother was a cruel and heartless bitch, but she had taught him what he had needed to survive.

"Justin told me about your Father," Wren said conversationally, "I would be lying if I said I was not a little envious of your upbringing. Having a parent who both loved you, and could train you, it must have been glorious."

Bethany sighed sadly, it had been glorious, but then Father had died, and she had been left alone.

Thinking of her family started the old pain to rise again, she…no…she would not feel it! She would not go down that path again.

She would NOT!

She forced her emotions back down; she turned her face into a cold indifferent mask.

"The order is my life now," she said flatly, "My duty is all that matters. Who I was…what I was…that girl is dead. She died seven years ago, now all that remains is for the darkspawn to end this mockery of life that I have endured these many years."

"Well, that is cheery," Wren said dryly.

"It is the truth," Bethany responded, "Seven years ago I contracted the blight sickness. I would have died in the deep roads then, but my sister was too stubborn to let me go. She took me to the wardens, and they put me through the joining. It was in that moment that I became their weapon, the order's weapon. A weapon that is fated to be broken upon a darkspawn blade, it may take years, or I may die tomorrow, the only thing I know for certain is that I will fall to the darkspawn. It is my destiny."

Wren snorted.

Bethany looked at him, what was that for?

"Would you like some cheese with that whine?" he said coldly.

She glared at him.

"You don't understand," she growled.

"Self-pity, oh I understand that very well," he said, "When I was only fourteen I watched the Templars burn my mum to death in front of me. I felt…lost…lost and furious! I attacked the bastards. I killed all five of the knights who murdered her. When that was done, it was only then that my birth mother came to me."

Wren's eyes turned frigid, he could see the old crone so clearly, her amber eyes, that cruel mocking voice.

"I am a monster!"

"You are my son little bird, tis the same thing!"

Wren did not like thinking about that night, he had in fact only told Justin about it before now. He was not sure why he felt the need to tell Bethany about it.

Perhaps he knew that he could trust her, or perhaps he was simply seeking a way to get into her small clothes.

Either could be possible.

"What did she want of you?" Bethany asked him.

"To remind me that it was my destiny to serve her needs," he spat, "I was blood of her blood, and that meant my only interest should be furthering her plans."

"You disagree with that, I take it?" she asked.

Wren nodded.

"I'm in control of my fate, not my mum, not my birth mother, and certainly not destiny. I'm no one's pawn," Wren turned to her then his eyes cold, "You should not be one either; you are too powerful a mage to allow yourself to be manipulated so."

Bethany shook her head, it was easy for him to say, he did not have the darkspawn taint flowing through his veins.

The taint bound her tighter than any chain.

"If only I could be as free as easily as you are," she smiled wanly, "There is no true cure for the darkspawn taint, I cannot be saved from it, and all I can do is endure."

Wren rolled his eyes, more self-pity…wonderful.

"Then endure," Wren said crossing his arms, "If you cannot free yourself from this, then why don't you simply try to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. You are not dead yet Bethany Hawke. Why not try to find some pleasure in this life?"

She did not respond; there was really nothing that she could say.

Why couldn't she simply try to find a bit of happiness? Why did she have to hide behind her duty all the time?

Perhaps, it was because that no one would accept her as she was now. It had been hard enough before when she was simply a mage, now that she was a warden as well...

No one wanted anything to do with a twice cursed warden mage!

"Thank you for trying to talk to me," she said sadly, "but I know who I am. I am a grey warden, and I will die fighting the darkspawn, there is nothing else left for me."

Wren considered that.

"If you know how the story ends anyway, why not have some fun while you are still here. There is no reason you cannot sate your desires for pleasure. I say again, why aren't you out enjoying what you still have?"

Enjoy life? It seemed ridiculous; she had lost too much, seen too much. However he did have a point, she had thought out simple pleasures in the past, would it hurt her to do so again?

She…she did not think so.

Thanks for the flower," she said, rising from where she sat, she arched her back making the bones pop.

Wren ignored the view, mostly.

"I'm suddenly tired, she informed him, "I think I will try your suggestion and get some sleep. Thanks again for the flower."

He nodded, happy to be of service.

She returned to her bedroll, she lay down and pulled out the small flower. She placed it close to her nose and mouth, and squeezed it as Wren had suggested. The pollen was released. At first she felt nothing, but then…

Her world spun, she felt extremely drowsy, the world started to fade. She had only enough time to lay back and get comfortable.

Sleep took her into its dark embrace, and embrace that would last for almost six hours and be completely dreamless.

Bethany found that extremely useful.

They, after all, had another big day tomorrow.

By then they should reach the village of Harper's Ford.

Then…the joining could begin.