Disclaimer: Well, considering I'm not richer than England royalty, I don't own Harry Potter. Or Twilight.
Story: The books happened. And then Harry decided to happen. So he did, living his life and traveling the world. Then Teddy comes into his care and he decides to settle down in Forks, somehow drawing attention even when he doesn't want it. Teddy is just exasperated and having his own fun.
Set after book 7, AU Epilogue and slightly altering the final battle.
Spoilers: Books 1-7 probably.
Warnings: ?
Pairings: Harry/Marcus, Bella/Carlisle, Alice/Jasper, Emmett/Rosalie, Esme/Charlie, Teddy/Leah, Sam/Jacob, Garrett/Kate, Diego/Tanya, Fred(Twi)/Bree, Riley/Renesmee…

Stranger Happenings
Chapter Eleven: Fascinate Me

"But Harry, don't you miss us? It's been so long," Bill pouted.

"…I don't care. Get off me."

"Anyway, we got the landing perfect."

"Yup. The location and target was spot on. We got to land right on top with no problems."

Annoyed, Harry shoved the trio of red heads off of him and stood up. Huffing, he patted himself down, before doing a 180 and grinning like a loon at the three new arrivals, going over to hug them in greeting.

Poor, groaning Laurent was ignored and left on the ground in a heap (although Luna snuck over and sat by his head, petting his hair sympathetically).

"Celebration! We must hold a celebration in honor of you three arriving in the humble town of Forks!" Harry announced dramatically.

The three brothers cheered, while Bella and Marcus looked bemused and out of sorts.

"To the tavern!" the red heads cheered.

"To the tavern!" Harry echoed.

"To get drunk and mellow and all become bed fellows!" all of them ended in chorus, singing raucously.

"To becoming bed fellows!" Luna cheerfully applauded, holding up her curved hand, as if she was holding a tankard.

Just then five wolves came tearing out of the forest, growling as they came closer to the group and eyed Laurent with the intent to kill. They periodically looked over to Harry, Bella and Marcus, and actually could be read as being nervous.

"'Sup, Sam," Bella nonchalantly called out, and the lead wolf amusingly made some sort of choking sound.

He looked to Bella, who wiggled her fingers at him in good cheer. Seeing a still groaning and collapsed Laurent on the ground, most of the pack reverted to human form, while only Leah had the good sense to stay the same.

A wolf whistle from George had the boys of the pack blushing red and realizing they were naked. They scrambled to hide their 'assets,' while Marcus was amusingly covering Bella's eyes with a deadpan expression on his face.

Harry whistled as well. "Wow, Sam! I didn't know you boys were into exhibitionism and public nudity! Freedom to express oneself, right? Good for you all! I cheer you on!"

Sam groaned and face palmed. "No, it's not like that, Harry…"

But like always, Harry wasn't listening.

"Tally ho! Off we go~" Harry began the march back, and everyone followed along.

Although Luna had to drag Laurent after her, right after she'd cast a featherlight charm on him. Harry forcibly ignored the vampire's presence (unwilling though it may be).

Minutes was all it took and they were all soon in Harry's inn, and it took even lesser time before the whole gang, from Harry to the newcomers George, Bill, and Charlie, to have some firewhiskey and start drinking. They were a merry group, singing raucously and hanging onto each other.

"Ho! Ho! And up she rises! Ho! Ho! And up she rises! Early in the morning~" the group sang off key, with the rest staring at them in amusement and bewilderment.

"Marcus," Bella whispered to the vampire. "They're…really funny when they're drunk."

"…I just want to know why they're singing about drunken sailors," Marcus deadpanned.

"Hee roar, up she rises! What shall we do with the drunken sailor?"

Jacob cracked up. "Why are they singing about drunken sailors?"

"Dunno," Charlie, the police officer finally off work, shrugged and took a sip of his own can of beer as he tilted his head in pondering. "And technically, it's only one sailor they're singing about."

Carlisle's lips were twitching madly. "I'm not quite sure why in the world they chose this sea shanty to sing, of all things."

Bella looked at him curiously. "Do you know this song, Carlisle?"

"It's called Drunken Sailor," he said wryly. "Aptly named. As to its origins, no one knows, not even of the authorship."

Harry, Carlisle, Esme, Bella, the pack (and whoever else knew about vampires) all turned to look at the Volturi Kings.

"Yes, yes, we're old," Caius said acidly.

"But we don't know everything and everyone," Aro rolled his eyes.

"What are you all talking about?" the older Charlie asked in confusion.

"You guys aren't that old," Jessica laughed, missing the traded looks between that certain group.

"Hey, hey! Let's do some shots!" George cut in enthusiastically. "Firewhiskey overload, with fire lighting it up!"

Harry cackled. "Excellent. Let's start a bonfire."

"Madness," Sam muttered, shaking his head fondly. "This place is always the center of attention and entertainment."

"I don't think they'd have it any other way," Bella said dryly, watching the drunken Brits.

"I want to join in on the fun," Mike pouted.

"Underage," all the underage teens there sighed.

"And good thing too," Marcus gave them a bland look. "Don't get corrupted by this group."

Harry swayed as he walked over. "Aw, don't be like that, Marcus. We're just having good fun. Worse time of the year; gotta compensate, you know? I'd probably be alternately drowning myself otherwise."

Marcus frowned. "Well, I suppose I much prefer this then," he wrapped an arm gently around Harry's shoulders and led him back to the others. He pushed a burning shot towards Harry.

"Enabler!" Bella called out teasingly.

"Says the wayward apprentice."

Bella smirked.

It was hardly five minutes later until the group was beyond salvageable. Carlisle snuck over to Bella, who was busy recording everything with the digital recorder Harry had given to her some time ago.

"Things have gotten wild here, haven't they?" Carlisle commented, shaking his head in amusement.

"It's the usual," she turned and smiled at him.

"Dear Lord, what on earth is that?" he watched in awe as the new Weasley brothers had a huge ice cube burning up in a grate, and yet it wasn't melting. It was completely red-orange and red hot…but it wasn't melting down at all, it seemed.

"How are you doing that?" Aro clapped his hands in delight, watching the spectacle in wonder.

"Magic!" the Weasleys and Harry crowed.

Bella frowned. "…That's induction heating," she told Carlisle. She doubted anyone was paying any attention to her, and even with their vampire hearing, they were probably so focused on the show that not even the usual vampire multi-tasking could go to work. That and Harry probably had some tricks somehow…

Carlisle looked at her. "Induction heating? I've not heard of that. I confess that some fields of science tend to be overlooked by me…"

"There is a piece of metal inside the ice," Bella explained. "There's some kind of currents that get conducted through the grate and into the piece of metal, heating the ice cube from the inside out, which makes it slower to melt and why it's glowing red like that."

Carlisle blinked at her. "How do you know all that?"

"Youtube."

He laughed lightly, shaking his head. Bella snapped the digital recorder closed and turned it off, turning to Carlisle fully.

"You know, why don't I take you out of here and to somewhere quiet, and show you the wonders of Youtube, huh Carlisle?" she said with a grin.

He couldn't help grinning back. "Sounds like a good idea to me."

And when she hooked an arm around his and led the way while walking close to him, he smiled contentedly to himself.

However, needless to say, the next morning everyone was amazed to find that the group didn't look horrible or acted hung over at all. In fact, they all looked and seemed like they had a good night's sleep.

"This should be impossible," Carlisle shook his head, telling Harry with the air of a nonplussed man.

"Nothing's impossible with me," Harry said cheerfully.

"Bloody bangers!" George cursed, trying to cook the sausages.

"Is the mash safe at least?" Hermione asked sarcastically.

"Bangers and mash for breakfast!" Harry announced, ignoring the group. "I'm not cooking for once, or my magical little helpers."

"They shouldn't be too bad," Mike commented, taking one and taking a bite.

His face turned green and he looked ready to hurl.

"Erk…"

He quietly accepted the napkin Hermione sympathetically gave him, and spat it out onto the napkin, also thankfully hiding the blush he'd gained from the embarrassment of doing such a thing in front of his crush and that his crush had noticed him at all.

"Marcus! Did you get my breakfast?" Harry was still cheerful, though George glared at him.

Marcus appeared, holding a large McDonald's bag. He handed it over without another word, though he briefly smirked at Bella, who stifled a giggle.

"Sorry, George," Harry didn't sound so apologetic. "I didn't want to chance your breakfast."

Bill and Charlie wisely kept quiet. Luna, who had a tied up Laurent (still rather confused), had a fork in hand and stabbed a sausage with it. She shoved it into her mouth and chewed, making no changes in her expression. After she'd swallowed, everyone stared at her.

"Good job, Georgie," Luna beamed at him.

Charlie, the Weasley one, vaguely almost vomited in his mouth.

George gave a twitchy smile and handed the rest of the sausages over to her.

"Harry, you better damn well share with the rest of us," Hermione threatened him.

Harry sighed. "If I must."

And somehow, there was enough to feed everyone in that kitchen, despite the fact it was a bag that didn't look enough for all of them. Luna continued to eat her sausages happily, before handing over a blood pop to Laurent.

"Breakfast," she said obliviously.

He stared at her before hesitantly leaning over and licking the blood pop. It was rather good…

Bella, though, scrunched up her nose and then she ran from her seat. Everyone stared after her.

"Er, Carlisle, why don't you go after and check on her," Harry suggested, scrunching up his eyebrows.

Carlisle nodded and got up, just as Charlie Swan snatched Harry's coffee for himself. Harry pouted.

"Mine," Charlie grunted, though his coffee-deprived mind had enough energy to inwardly fret about his daughter and wonder why the hell Carlisle was checking after Bella. Maybe it was because he was a doctor…

And indeed, when Carlisle found her, Bella was retching into a toilet. Bewildered and worried, he hurried over to her and held back her hair.

"Bella, what's wrong, sweetheart?"

"I don't know," she moaned.

"Was it something you ate?" he asked.

"Maybe. I'm not sure," she muttered. "I was just eating and then I felt nauseous. I felt like throwing up, so I ran here."

Carlisle frowned, trying to figure out what could be wrong with her. Harry appeared suddenly, looking very concerned.

"Alright there?"

"She says she feels nauseous," Carlisle told him. "She was eating, felt nauseous, and wanted to throw up."

Harry blinked and stared at Bella. Peering at her closely, he abruptly helped her up.

"Carlisle, I think I'll take over. Don't worry, we'll be right back," Harry smiled stiffly at the blond doctor, before hurrying away with Bella without another look back at the dumbfounded vampire.

"Harry? What's wrong?" Bella whispered over to him.

"Just a theory," he muttered back to her.

He found an empty room and shuffled her into it, and then took out his wand and began some complicated movements. Bella eyed it.

"Is that…a stick?"

Harry grinned widely. "It's the Stick of Awesomeness!"

Bella snorted and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He chuckled and finished up, and his demeanor immediately changed into one of disbelief.

"Holy hell, Bella! You're bloody pregnant," Harry gaped at her.

Bella stared at him before she fainted dead away. Unfortunately, the truth didn't go away when she woke up. And it wasn't all a dream either.

"But I can't be pregnant," she gaped at him. "I've only slept with Aro and that was, what? Last week? Isn't that too early to tell?!"

Harry shrugged. "He's a vampire. Who knows?"

"Oh god, oh god, oh god."

"Ah, the freak out. Should have known it was coming sooner or later."

Harry sniggered as he helped Bella along back out, and to the others back in the kitchen. Everyone turned to look at them, and Harry pushed Bella forward.

"Bella's got something to say!" Harry declared with a mad grin.

Bella threw him a betrayed look.

"Um," she gulped. "Er…I'm pregnant?"

There was utter silence and crickets chirping in the background.

"WHAT?" Charlie screamed.

Everyone cringed and Bella stared at her father horrified.

"Who's the father?" Charlie growled, taking out his pistol from its place in the holster at his belt.

"Hate to interrupt," Harry started, and everyone turned to stare at him.

"Oh god, Harry, don't tell me you knocked Bella up," Hermione stared at him.

Harry stared back.

"Er, I'm not sure how to take your accusation," Harry mumbled.

Charlie hnned. "Well, I'm rather out of sorts –"

"I'm not the father," Harry deadpanned.

"I'm pissed off about this," Charlie was angry again.

"I'm still not sure how to take all this about me," Harry muttered with a twitch. He cleared his throat. "As I was saying, to interrupt –" he looked apologetically at the Volturi brothers, whose eyes widened as they realized what he was planning on doing.

"Harry, you cannot speak a word," Aro warned, but Harry sighed patronizingly.

"Aro, gonna have to. You're the baby daddy."

Again, impossibly, another vampire's brain was fried.

Aro's brothers freely gaped at him. His own jaw dropped and he stared at first Harry and then Bella, and then Bella's stomach.

And then Charlie roared angrily and tossed himself at him.

Thankfully, with a desperate look from Harry, Marcus hurriedly caught the mortal dad and held him tightly.

"What the hell are you made of, Marcus? Rock?" Charlie screamed.

"Anyway, as to my interruption, this had to be said because Aro's the daddy," Harry shrugged. "He and his brothers are vampires. Laurent too," he added as an afterthought. "And Carlisle and Esme."

The humans all gaped and turned to the aforementioned vampires.

"This had to be said. You know. 'Cause Bella's gonna be having a vamp baby," Harry finished.

That finished Aro off, who fainted dead away.

Bella sighed, Charlie stood in Marcus' hold (watching the downed Aro numbly), and Harry started humming. Then Carlisle was the one roaring and he sped (vampire speed and all, and providing undeniable proof to the humans) over to Aro and began choking the "life" out of him.

Harry whistled. "Didn't think he had it in him, the good doctor…"

Bella rushed over. "Carlisle! Don't!"

The newly arrived Weasleys clapped quietly.

"Brilliant place," George said enthusiastically. "I knew it was a great idea to visit Harry."

"This has all the drama, entertainment, and more –all the stuff promised when Harry's involved," Bill agreed.

"You think we can start a business here?" Charlie W. asked. "Add a branch of Weasley's Wheezes."

Draco moaned and put his head in his hands. "Oh Merlin, why?"

"Don't worry, Draky," George sidled over, patting his back. "You'll get used to us!"

That made Draco even more self-pitying.

"Hey, are we still on for the fireworks?" Jacob asked, rather carefree about the stuff (he was steadfastly ignoring Bella, pregnant, Aro, and Carlisle involving himself somehow).

"Do you not see this chaos?" Jessica asked incredulously. "We have a vamp baby, vampires actually being real, and Bella being the center of it! And Harry must be involved somehow!" Harry pouted even more at this. "How can you be all calm about it all?!"

Jacob shrugged. "Werewolf."

That set Caius off, who tried to launch himself at an alarmed Jacob, but was caught by an exasperated Marcus.

"I believe the correct term is 'Shapeshifter,'" Harry smartly adjusted his sunglasses. "Not a real werewolf."

"When you'd find out?" Bella asked suddenly. "I didn't think you'd know because Harry calmed you down that time, and you never got to start into the turning phase."

Sam answered that, though he glanced discreetly at Jacob. "We figured he would need to know, especially since all this stuff has been happening, Harry's usual involvement, and so many vamps around. It would be easier for him to adjust. He's just recently turned."

Caius was only calmed down when Aro ripped off one of his arms and started to beat him upside the head with it, having escaped Carlisle, who was being soothed and talked to by the side by Bella.

"Stop causing ruckus! You'll upset the mother and the baby!" Aro screamed in fury. "And forget your problems, do you not see mine? I'm going to have a baby! I'm going to be a father! I've never been a father before…Dear heavens, I was turned before I got to even get married as a human. What am I going to do?" Aro started panicking again.

Marcus sighed and gave an irritated look to Harry, who just shrugged and smiled innocently. The vampire then hauled both of his brothers away, by himself.

"I will be gone, sorting these two out," Marcus twitched. "Go on and do some fireworks, as planned."

"Hurray! Paaaar-tay~" Harry cheered, winking at him. "See ya later, darling. We're off to blow up stuff!"

Even there at the nearby lake though, the group was still frazzled. The only ones cheerful and going along with things were the Weasleys, Draco (though he was bemoaning everything), Luna, and Harry. Luna happily sat at the side, with an oddly compliant and content Laurent sitting next to her (still tied up and a little in shock about a human-vampire pregnancy). Charlie and Esme fretted over Bella, who was rather irritated about being fussed about when she wasn't even that far along or showing at all. Carlisle was more sweet, gathering that he was more subtle about his concern and help.

The rest of the humans were near the pack, who was carefully taking care of the fireworks that Harry and George were going to set off. Harry dropped the first one into the water, after igniting it.

"Wait, what the hell are you doing?" Charlie asked, gaping.

"Fireworks!" Harry cheered.

The firework fizzled under water, shot through a small length of the lake, erupted under water, and then further exploded upwards and into the exposed air.

"It still worked under the water?" Jessica stared at the exploding fireworks.

"Brilliant, mate!" Bill clapped.

"More, more!" Luna applauded.

"Well, I decided I'm not going to stress out about anything," Bella sighed, and leaned back comfortably. "Not the baby, not this craziness, and not the usual anarchy. I'm just going to watch and enjoy this insane show of fireworks that really shouldn't be happening."

Carlisle inwardly decided to agree and follow her example, and also carefully make sure she was fine and unbothered.

The group continued to light up fireworks underwater and let them go, watching gleefully.

"My God, what are you guys doing?" Charlie asked the other red-headed Charlie.

Charlie gave him a cheeky grin. "An experiment. Saw it done and thought it looked interesting."

"What exactly are you trying to do?" Charlie still watched in shocking fascination.

"Make a smoothie," Harry replied and tossed a watermelon into the washing machine already filled with various other fruits.

Making a large smoothie using a washing machine…

Charlie pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm going to check on Bella and see if that no good bum is helping out."

"Oh, he is," Harry commented nonchalantly. He snickered a little. "And Carlisle is helping her and making sure Aro is around."

Charlie stared strangely at him before leaving. Why did Carlisle kept coming up, especially when his daughter was involved?

"Next week is the real start of it all," George said suddenly, his smile on his face but the topic and his tone became serious. His smile tinged bitter though.

"Mmhm," Harry's eyes darkened behind his sunglasses. "Dobby's death, Hermione's torture, planning on breaking into Gringotts…"

"Are you going to visit Dobby's grave?" Bill asked curiously. "If you do, say hello to Fleur, won't you? She misses you and has been worried about how you're doing."

Harry gave him a soft, sincere smile. "Will do. I miss her as well, and might stay the day then."

"Appreciate it, Harry," Bill returned the smile full-heartedly.

"So, it's March 16 today," George said. "March 5th was the whole exposure thing. Odd that they still haven't pegged us as wizards though."

"Why are you mentioning it?" Harry asked.

George waved a piece of parchment. "You'll see. It's not really important, I think, though."

"I wanna see when you're done anyway," Harry grinned and chuckled.

"Sure thing."

They finished up there, and took the smoothies (it actually worked…kind of) back to the inn.

"It's a Thursday, a Thursday. It's Throwback Thursday," Harry hummed happily.

They walked in and saw Carlisle leaning over a red-faced and shocked Bella, closed to kissing her.

Harry just had to ruin the moment.

Whistling loudly and lasciviously, the two sprung apart and had wide eyes as they stared horrified at Harry and the Weasleys. Harry held up a smoothie.

"Smoothie to cool you two down?" he winked suggestively at them.

"You…Shut up, Harry!" Bella screamed in embarrassment.

But then there was another scream, sounding from the foyer and like it was from Esme. Alarmed, the group rushed there and saw Esme happily dry sobbing and clutching onto two familiar new arrivals.

"Alice! Jasper!" Bella screamed in delight as well.

She rushed over, with Carlisle quickly following, and Harry tilted his head curiously as he watched the reuniting group.

"I guess, the more the merrier then. Although…why does everything have to happen in the foyer?"

Started 8/30/13 – Completed 9/1/13

A/n: Yeah, New Moon time is almost over, I've basically eliminated doing all of Breaking Dawn, and Eclipse is sort of heading along into the timeframe XD Who caught that Bella was going to get pregnant, and earlier on than canon? And Alice and Jasper appear! Youtube videos rock, guys. Hope everyone enjoyed! Please review! I really appreciate everyone's words! I'd like to reply to everyone, but there's so much and I think you'd rather appreciate an update (which I'm sorry it took so long!).