Do not fear, my sweet readers, for I, , am alive! ...Hello? Is anyone still there?

I do not own One Piece or anything associated with it. If I did, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction on it. x)

All right, so this story has quite a bit of backstory to it. In the original, the setting is in Newport Beach, CA, in the United States. Any mistakes you see are my own, as my lovely beta is currently battling other Black Friday warriors.

The Clown Statue

"You sure have a gorgeous house, Mr. and Mrs. Adams."

The thirty-something couple turned to the girl with the bright orange hair, smiles on their faces. Then again, what parents of four wouldn't be relieved to be liberated from their children? They were dressed elegantly, clearly ready to have a turn about the town. The woman, with her sleek, dark looks, was so beautiful she could've been a model. The man, like his wife, was fitted in luxury, albeit his was a bit more eccentric, with the electric blue hair and all.

"Thank you, Miss Babysitter."

Nami stood at the door, waving them off. "Buh-bye now! You guys have fun!"

"Thanks! Have a SUPER night yourself!"

Nami shut the door and leaned against it, giggling to herself. She had never seen such a magnificent mansion in her entire life! There were more rooms than she could count! She quickly bounded up one of the grand double staircases and soon found herself in the parents' room.

After a few minutes of searching, she found a safe behind a large painting of an odd ship, one with a figurehead in the shape of a sheep's head.

Drool gathered at her gaping mouth, as Beli signs replaced her pupils.

"What're you doing in Mommy and Daddy's room?"

With a small yelp, Nami whipped around.

In front of her were four small boys. The youngest couldn't have been more than two and had shaggy dark hair and a goofy smile. The green-haired one next to him was glaring daggers at her; Nami had a feeling he'd be getting a time out sooner or later. Beside him was a blond one with a peculiarly shaped eyebrow; she cringed when she realized his eyes were in the shapes of hearts. Last but not least was a long-nosed boy peeking out from behind the green haired one.

"H-hi guys! Whew! You sure did give me a scare!" She clutched at her chest, attempting to calm her racing heart.

"Mellorine!" The blond haired one had seemingly teleported in front of her. He pulled a red lollipop from his mouth to speak. "We are all eternally grateful to find such a spectacular diva in our humble abode!"

Nami's brow twitched, as she wondered how such a smile child possessed such an ample vocabulary.

"My sweetest flower, my name is Sanji. These dirt bags are my younger brothers: Luffy, Usopp, and Zo—"

He was suddenly shoved away by the green haired boy. "Out of my way, curlicue!" He placed his hands on his hips. "You're not supposed to be in Mommy and Daddy's room. I'm gonna have to tel—"

His face soon connected with the carpet, and the blond boy was standing above him, a violent glint in his eye.

Nami quickly returned the painting to its previous position with a heavy sigh. Zoro's shoulders had started shaking in an odd way, his breathing coming in gasps. Before she knew it, he'd burst into tears. Sanji stared at him in shock, until tears began to pour down his cheeks too. Before she knew it, all of the boys had started bawling.

"Ah! No, no, no! Don't cry!" She grabbed at her head, as she paced the room. "How about…some pizza...and ice cream...and TV?"

Simultaneously, the tears stopped.

"Yeah, that sounds good right? Good, good."

An hour later, Nami was collapsed on the couch, the boys cuddled about her. Their soft snores filled the room, the only accompanying sound being—

"Sssh, be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm huntin' wabbits."

Nami sighed at this, her eyes cracking open. She shifted uncomfortably, her neck stiff from her sleeping position. A warm weight on her lap caught her attention. Not surprisingly, Sanji had wormed his way onto her lap and had curled up there, his thumb in his mouth. Usopp was in the fetal position under her arm, a fuzzy blanket covering his body from view. Luffy was splayed against her, a pacifier in his mouth, and Zoro was leaning against Luffy, his brow knit even in sleep.

Unearthing the remote, Nami switched the channel, going from Looney Tunes to Scream. She rolled her eyes as she watched the movie, but the sight of the female character making popcorn made her stomach rumble. She lifted Sanji off her lap and placed him in-between Luffy and Usopp. To her satisfaction, none of the boys stirred. She stood, stretching her arms high above her heard.

She decided to first put the boys to bed. One by one, she moved the boys into their separate bedrooms. Deciding to grab some grub (and maybe a few valuables, too), Nami made a beeline for the living room.

She jumped back as a scream formed on her lips. As if on cue, a woman in the movie screamed, filling the void between Nami's own lips.

In the corner of the room was a very disturbing work of art. It was a statue, a clown statue to be exact. The clown had a bright red nose like most, but what made him unique was the orange pirate hat on his head with blue pigtails sticking out of the top of it.

Nami shuddered at this. These people sure had some weird taste. "What's up with all the pirate stuff?

Ignoring her fears, she decided to satisfy her building hunger. Making her way to the kitchen – and also carefully navigating a route that kept her as far as possible from the clown – Nami got started on the popcorn. She quickly put a pack in the microwave and leaned against the counter. With a yawn, she watched the living room where the TV – and creepy clown statue – were still in view.

The microwave beeped, and she turned to pour it in a bowl. She went back to the living room and dropped the bowl with a clatter, spilling popcorn over the pristine, white carpet.

It must've have been her imagination. There was no other explanation to it. The clown statue, it had…moved. Yes, it certainly had moved. Nami could've have sworn it'd had it's left hand resting atop its pirate hat, but now its left hand hung by its side.

Nami quickly left the room to go to her purse. From it, she pulled a sleek new cell phone and dialed the number she'd been left.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mrs. Adams. This is Nami."

"Is everything all right?"

"Yes, yes, everything's fine. The boys are fine. I've put them all to bed. I was wondering when you were coming back."

"We'll be home in about fifteen minutes, Miss Babysitter. I'm sorry we've run late. There's a fairly severe accident on the road we're currently on. We're in a traffic jam right now."

"Oh, don't worry about it."

"…Are you sure you're all right? You sound a bit tense."

"Yeah, everything's fine. I'm just on edge. This is going to sound really silly, but that clown statue of yours really weirds me out."

"Excuse me?"

"I said your clown statue scares me. You know, the one in your living room."

"Miss Babysitter, please get the children, go to our next door neighbors' house, and call 911 when you get there." The woman's tone had suddenly turned serious.

"What? What's going on?"

"Please, just go to the neighbors' house and call the police."

Nami was very confused, but followed the woman's instructions regardless. It did give her an excuse to leave the house and get away from that creepy statue. Once Nami and the children were in the neighbors' house, she reached for her phone.

"Mrs. Adams, what's really going on?"

"Miss Babysitter, we don't own a clown statue." She paused and resumed with a remorseful tone. "I should've listened to the children. They'd told me they were afraid of a clown watching them sleep, but Franky and I had assumed they were just having nightmares."

Soon, Nami saw the flashing blue and red lights of the police. Looking outside, she saw them escorting the "statue," who was now walking by his own accord!

It turns out that the statue was a homeless person dressed as a clown who had somehow gotten into the house. He had lived there for several weeks, living off of the family's food and avoiding detection thanks to the abundant amount of rooms. He would go into the children's rooms to watch them sleep and had been in the living room watching them all sleep. Nami waking up had caught him off guard, and since he didn't have enough time to hide, he froze and pretended to be a statue.

Nami digested this thoughtfully. After a few moments of silence, she spoke at last.

"Does this mean I get paid double?"

All right, so there it is! I personally don't think this story has any logic to back it up. xD For one, I don't understand what the clown would wear. I mean, if you broke into a rich person's house, would you continue wearing your ratty, old clown costume? It's not like you could sneak your CLOWN costume into the laundry and clean it, so you'd have to wear it constantly...ew. And if he's been living there for weeks, does that mean he's been retouching his clown makeup periodically? Wearing that much makeup for weeks can't be good for your skin... =.=

Despite all of the gaw-this-can't-possibly-happen-in-the-real-world stuff, I still find this story very freaky, probably because to a certain extent, this story could actually happen. After all, it's not uncommon to hear stories of people breaking into homes. If you still want to read up more about the background of this, head over to this site: .com/od/horrors/a/clown_

Freaked out? Rolling your eyes? Eating a live baby lamb? Let me know with that fancy, dandy review button. ;-) Don't know what to write? Well, I've got this handy little template for you. I saw this on some other stories and thought, Geez that is some awesome shiz!

Dear Furry Potaters,

I am lonely without your bountiful supply of exotic pizzas. My oven misses your baked, hairy presence. I am, however, glad that you have returned, and to celebrate, we must have a pizza party. I call dibs on the turkey pizza!

Gobble gobble,

Your glorious reviewer

PS - I'm glad you have survived Thanksgiving and not been turned into a mushed, cheesy substance.