This will be tossed and tumbled around, it's kind of a filler but I have to get it in there, it is 2 weeks later! Now…
I throw my feet out from under the covers when I hear Cassie walking toward my bed, I've noticed how much of a light sleeper I have become in these like few weeks, it's horrible, I barely get enough rest. "I'm up" Cassie smiles at me and turns on her heel toward the bathroom, I hear the shower turn on and I walk over to my closet to pick out my clothes.
Very quickly I decide on a pair of holy jeans and a slate gray t-shirt with a big white peace sign on the front. I carefully place the clothes on my body while Cassie is in the shower and I push all my hair to the top of my head, I take the hair band on my wrist and tie it around the big brown mess. I push a pair of white 'Old Navy' flip flops on my feet and sit down on my bed, waiting for Cassie to get out of the bathroom.
5 minutes later she emerges and I push my way into the clattered room, I walk over to my sink, considering we have two, and start picking up random makeup pieces from the porcelain counter top. I put on silver eye shadow very lightly and out on my black eye liner very dark, I get it even darker in the corners and take a step back, I'm satisfied. I have one last thing, mascara, I take the stick out of the tube and quickly apply the sticky goo to my lashes.
I step out of the bathroom and look over at Cassie who is, once again, searching frantically for shoes; I swear she has the worst time with shoes. I take a quick look over her outfit, it's plain and simple, blue jean shorts, and a black t-shirt. I look down at my shoes and carefully pick up a pair of deep pink flip flops and throw them at her. "Hey! Oh thanks" I laugh and she places the flops onto her feet. "Okay let's go"
--
Therapy Session…
"A good thing to do" Taylor starts as she walks around the room "is to find something that can keep you're mind off of cutting, you've got to find a replacement. Miley what do you think you could use as a replacement for cutting?" she must really like asking me questions because every time she needs an answer she just asks me "I think I could use boxing, my last couple classes have been really helpful, it gets rid of a lot of stress from my body" she nods her head and smiles "Good choice, that is you're replacement from now on, but you don't have to have just one, you could have 10 for all I care, just as long as you find something to replace it. Now Cassie tell me what you're replacement is" Cassie turns to face her "I use song writing as a technique and I really like talking so whenever I feel like cutting I start talking a lot, it works too!" I laugh silently, she must think about cutting a lot because she is constantly talking, but then again maybe I just haven't caught her at one of those times, maybe she REALLY talks a lot when she feels the urge, although I've never saw her writing any songs? "Anyone else" Taylor looks around the room, most people use art and music and stuff like that but some of them have different ways like rolling around on the floor and eating, at first I didn't understand how rolling around on the floor would help, but I think I get it now.
--
Later that night in 'the girls' bed room
"So, when do you think you'll be able to go home?" it was just a random question that flew out my mouth, Cassie sighs "I don't know, I actually want to stay here as long as I possibly can, this place soothes me, but I guess eventually I'll have to leave and let someone else have my spot, but I just, I'm just hoping that I won't have to leave for a while" I nod my head "When do you think you'll get out of here?" and just like Cassie, I sigh "I don't know, I mean in a way I hope I leave soon but in another, I want to stay." She turns her head "What do you mean?" I shrug my shoulders "I want to go home and see all my friends and stuff and that is giving me encouragement to get out of here sooner. But I also want to stay here because, well obviously all the friends I've made and I don't think I have ever, no I haven't had to urge to cut the entire time, and that feels good." She smiles "I understand now" I nod my head "Yeah"
Like every night I grip my cell phone in my hand and push myself as far as I can in the corner of Cassie's bed. This time I call 'Kev'
(Kevin/Miley)
Hey!!
Hey Kevin, how's it going?
It's alright, were just packing up.
Oh, what for?
A new tour
Oh, that sounds like fun
Yeah I think it will be, I mean it always is
Yeah, so dad wouldn't happen to be back would he?
I'm sorry Miles, he hasn't come back yet. I sigh
Alright, well I guess I should get off here and let you pack
No it's alright Miles, I think everyone here wants to talk to you. My mood livens up
Hey Miley! That's Lily?
Lily?
Yeah Miley, guess what? I get to go on tour with the brothers, isn't that so cool? My mind doesn't really comprehend any of this, I'm just thinking about dad.
Yeah Lils that's pretty cool
So how's that place treatin' ya? That's Joe…
Um, it's alright, I'm just I'm kinda tired I think I'm gonna get off here.
Are you okay Miles? And that's Nick…
Yeah I'm just fine and dandy my voice is full of sarcasm and they can tell I'm lying, but I can't help it.
Miley still Nick
I've got you off speakerphone now, please just tell me what's wrong My body breaks down and the tears spill out of my eyes, the gut wrenching sobs escape my mouth and Cassie comes over to me and sits beside me rubbing circles on my back.
Come on Miley, just tell me.
Where's he at Nick, I need to know where he is, I'm driving myself insane, I need to talk to him, I need to hear his voice and know he's alright. It probably all comes out in a big blur because of the crying but at least I'm telling him.
Oh Miley, it's gonna be alright, I'm sure he's fine.
He doesn't love me anymore
Yes he does Miley! Don't say that!
Well it's true! And he has every right to hate me, I'm a disaster, I'm a cutter I mean HELLO who wants to see me? I just I'm gonna get off here Nick, I love you.
Alright Miles, I love you too, and don't let this get you down, I'm sure he'll come around.
We say our goodbyes and hang up; I escape from Cassie's grip and run with everything I have in me to the bathroom. I need my escape… and I need it now.
I can hear Cassie yelling at me through the door "Miley don't do anything! Open the door, Miley come on just open the door, let's go talk to Taylor or something, let's go boxing, just don't do this!" I block her out, she knows me to well by now, I spot the soap holder, it's a little different from the one in the hospital, this one doesn't have as pointed sides, but I can make it work.
I pick up the soap holder, Cassie's words now blurring together, and press the pointiest part down on a clear spot on my wrist, I press down, hard. As soon as I feel my skin break I slice the rest of my arm open, the red color forming a perfect line across my arm.
"Miley, I'll get Taylor if you don't come out of there right this instant!" Cassie's voice now fills the room through the door, oh short. I grab a wad of tissue paper and press down with force, letting the white sheets soak with a red sticky liquid. "Hold on!" once the bleeding subsides almost completely I push that arm up against my jeans and walk back out into the room.
"I'm disappointed in you" my face showed shock "Why?" she looks over at me, tears filling up her eyes, soon they would spill over, it's just a matter of time, or a couple of blinks "I know what you were doing, you were escaping, because obviously something was wrong, you were upset so you escaped, you should have used a replacement Miley!" her voice was growing and I realized she was right, "I'm sorry" my knees buckle and then they quickly give in, causing me to collapse on the floor, my head in my hands.
Before I knew it Taylor was in the room, coming to see what all the commotion was about "Oh, my gosh Miley Stewart, what have you done?" wait, how does she know- oh, there on my arm was blood running down, most of it dried but some fresh. "I'm sorry" her and Cassie both run over to my side and embrace me in a hug; it's filled with love, something daddy doesn't have for me anymore. "Were gonna need to talk about this Miley" it takes me back to that day, that day in the hospital when Lily and Joe didn't show up and I cut, and those same words came from Charli 'Were going to have to talk about this' I closed my eyes and let a couple more tears fall before they helped me up from the floor.
"Do you want to talk here or in my office?" "Here" she helps me toward my bed "Would you like Cassie to leave?" I shake my head vigorously, no way in sam heck was I going to be here alone, plus Cassie knew what this was like, she's been through this.
"What triggered it" I look down at the ground "It's a long story" Taylor lifts my head up "And were here to talk about it." I nod "Daddy doesn't love me anymore" and then I tell them the entire story, starting from the first day in the hospital, I even told them about hearing and seeing momma, and they believed me.
"Okay Miley, you've got to think the best things, you can't let you're mind wonder off and think things like you're dad doesn't love you, because he always will." I can see Cassie's lip trembling when she says this "And you can't think that something bad has happened to him, you have to think he's off on a vacation somewhere nice. He's probably just stressed Miley, this is a lot to take in, knowing you're daughter cuts and all" I open my mouth "And that's exactly why he doesn't love me, because I cut and because I heard momma" she pulls me into a hug "Miley, you're daddy loves you, I can feel it. So does yours Cassie, you're dad had a lot to go through, losing your mom and all that, second chances and thinking the best things are great, and that's what you got to do, you got to short for the stars and believe in the greatest. You two are wonderful girls and we knew you all would fall into a great friendship and you have haven't you?" we both shake our heads yes "So you've got to be there for each other through the tough times" we smile at each other and Taylor looks at her watch "Girls, I think it'd be best if you get some sleep now, I'll see you in the morning"
We give her a hug and then when she leaves Cassie gives me a hug "Thanks for trying to get me to stop, even though I wouldn't listen" she looks at me "You're welcome, I guess. Just next time you feel like you need to cut come with me and we'll go boxin' or somethin'" I smile again "Okay" then we climb in our beds and go to sleep, ready for whatever life throws at us.
Please tell me you're happy i'm writing again! I'm extremely SORRY that it took me SOOOOOOOO long but bunches of things have been going on in mine and my families lives. I hope you understand. I'm not sure when the next one will be posted but the more reviews i get the sooner! ) -- Make me smiley!