Getting to Know You
I don't own Naruto. Never have, never will. This one's related to the Dark!Naruto oneshots from 3, 4, & 5, taking place before 5, but after 4. Sorry for the lateness. Internet was down.
"What's your name?" Ibiki Morino asked politely. He heard from the teams of Anbu that brought him in that this boy was strange, and not quite right in the head.
"Ah, the politeness routine," the blond in chains responded, "An interesting choice, Ibiki Morino, special jounin and commanding officer of the Konoha Torture and Interrogation Force, brother to Idate Morino, failed chuunin, possibly dead. Might I add, on a personal note, I'm honored that you chose to meet with me. It's not everyday that a child is considered so dangerous."
"I see you've studied interrogation techniques," Ibiki commented, ignoring the mention of his brother, "I can only imagine what you'd have been like if you were on the other side of this interrogation."
"No, you don't have to wonder that hard," the blond said.
"And why is that?" Ibiki asked.
"Now, now," the blond smiled, "That would be telling, and I don't relish the idea of telling you just yet. Next question."
"What were you planning?" Ibiki asked, "You had an interesting group of followers when you were captured."
"That would be telling," the blond said in a sing-song voice, "But, I can tell you that we were having a nice chat before you arrived. Do you mind telling me how you found us? After all, you don't expect me to do all the talking, do you?"
"We had Anbu tailing you since you killed the head of the Kumo delegation," Ibiki responded, trying to proceed with the interrogation.
"Nope," the blond said with a dark grin, "I know for a fact that there were no Anbu following me. I never leave witnesses. Try again."
"I'll be honest, then," Ibiki said, "The International Anbu followed Sabaku no Gaara to your base of operations. Since none of you had heard of the international division, they were unnoticed."
"I see," the blond commented, "Well, I believe we can start this from the beginning, now that we know where we stand with each other. Would you care to begin?"
"What is your name?" Ibiki asked, looking the blond directly in the eye.
"Well, I am called Naruto," the blond said in a contemplative tone, "Though I don't think I'm Naruto Uzumaki. When did you get news of what happened to the Kumo delegation?"
"We received news of it from the village Anbu," Ibiki said, realizing that he wouldn't get any information without giving any, "We investigated and found out you had the heiress with you a few minutes after their deaths. Why aren't you Naruto Uzumaki?"
"Naruto Uzumaki is dead," the blond responded, "He died when I was sealed inside. As a show of good faith, I will give you the right to ask another question right now for free."
"Who exactly are you?" Ibiki asked directly.
"Call me Naruto. Yes, that should suffice," the blond responded, "I'm the Nine-Tailed Fox. How long do you think this cell can hold me?"
"Hi, daddy," the blond with one eye covered smiled, "Are you going to ask me questions?"
"Ino, what were you thinking?" Inoichi asked, looking at his wayward daughter in confusion.
"When, daddy?" she asked innocently, "There are so many times I thought before now, since 'were' is kind of vague about 'when.' When can be any time."
"Why did you do that to those delegates?" he asked, getting more specific.
"Do what, daddy?" she asked, a grin spreading across her face, "I did a lot of things. Their minds were just too weak, daddy. They wanted to be stronger, but they couldn't handle that they were incapable of holding any power. So I told them that. And then I showed them every last thing they'd ever done in a continuous loop. It does make me sad when my toys break quicker than I like."
"Why?" he asked again, confused as can be.
"Because the boss said so," she responded, "And their minds were so delicious to look into. Such vivid hopes and dreams, all meaningless of course. Still, they were so adorable in their desires to bring their village to a brighter day."
"Who's the boss?" Inoichi asked, thinking that he might be able to help his little girl get out of this situation.
"It's Naruto, daddy. Who else would it be?" she replied, "but all he really did was let me know what those men were doing. That just gave me a reason to have fun with them. I would have done it just for fun otherwise."
"Why?" he asked, "Why would you want to play with other people's minds?"
"Because it's something that can be done," she answered, "The human mind is so vulnerable, and filled with misconceptions about good and evil. Did you know that those men from Kumo thought they were doing the right thing, daddy? I let them know what they were doing from the Hyuuga heiress' perspective, and they broke, as their morality was only able to handle these things if they remained detached and without tampering with their delicious thoughts. The idea of good and evil is so funny."
"What makes it so funny?" he asked, dreading where this conversation was going.
"It doesn't have any purpose," she responded, "I could hear everyone at once, daddy. I've heard them since I was born. They think what they do is so important, and they think something suits a greater good, but what is good? Everyone thinks differently about it. Oh, also, before you try, since you're thinking of it, I would recommend not prying into my head. I'm much better at it than you, and I don't even have to try, daddy."
"What happened to you?" he asked, looking at the girl who was not like he once knew her to be.
"I got caught," she responded brightly, "If I hadn't, I would have kept up the image you had of me, daddy. By the way, don't bother looking into the heads of my friends either. Two of them are demons, one couldn't be understood by you, one will only give you a glimpse of the death of his family, and the last two are a puppeteer and a girl they bound because of how violent she is. You've avoided the other ones in solitary as well, which is a good plan. Make sure you keep that practice up, daddy."
It was a broken man who left the cell of Ino Yamanaka. Turning to the guards, he said in a cracked voice that barely held back a sob, "Keep her gagged and drugged. She'd make you commit suicide otherwise."
"Hello, my name is Sai," the pale boy said with a false smile, "How can I be of assistance?"
"You can start by telling me why you killed so many jounin," Anko said, looking right into the dead eyes that the boy possessed.
"I cannot answer that question without permission from the leader," the pale boy responded, as if repeating by rote.
"Who is your leader?" Anko inquired.
"His name is Naruto," the pale boy answered, still sounding like a clipped recording.
"Why do you work for him?" she asked.
"I work for him because he is the one I answer to," the pale boy responded, not giving a real answer.
"Can you tell me why you killed Danzo Shimura?" she prodded, trying to get a balance with the boy.
"My instructions were to kill Danzo Shimura," the pale boy responded.
"Why?" she automatically asked, despite already being able to guess what he was going to say.
"I cannot answer that question without permission from the leader," the pale boy responded, his damnable smile still not leaving his face.
"What can you tell me?" Anko asked, at the end of her nerves.
"Hello, my name is Sai," the pale boy said with a false smile, "How can I be of assistance?"
Anko, at the end of her rope in this conversation, contemplated torturing the boy. Nothing too bad, but enough to make the average jounin beg for mercy.
"I would not bother with torturing me, if I were you," Sai commented, "I do not register pain unless the leader personally informs me I must in order to maintain appearances."
"What's wrong with you?" she asked, surprised by the sheer honesty in his tone and that ever-present smile.
"I cannot answer that question due to prior conditioning," Sai responded, "May I have paint?"
"No," she replied automatically, "As a general policy, paint isn't allowed into this ward."
"Another painter?" Sai asked, "I would like to meet her."
"How do you know it's a girl?" Anko asked.
"I cannot answer that question without first consulting multiple people," Sai responded.
"Is there anything you're able to tell me without talking to your allies?" she inquired, feeling completely exasperated.
"Hello, my name is Sai," the pale boy said with a false smile, "How can I be of assistance?"
"What now?" the blindfolded brunette asked as he heard someone enter his cell, "I notice that there is a male in here, though by the sound he makes, when he moves, I would say that pieces of his head are missing. Where is Naruto, Ibiki Morino?"
"I left him in his cell," Ibiki said evenly, "Since he didn't seem willing to cooperate much further than he did, I left."
"So you decided to try a different player of this performance," Sasuke said, "Well, welcome to the show. As I'm sure you know, I'm here for life in the cell twenty paces from the exit, turn left and six more paces to the next intersection, followed by eighteen more after turning left, at which point, you reach the back entrance, which is sealed by a combination lock. Your lucky numbers are 9-1-6. Open the door and you have a clear exit. My eyes are blocked, not my mind or my other senses."
"And yet here you sit," Ibiki commented dryly. These children were proving to be a headache.
"Because I have my script to consider," the brunette responded, "I do hae to play my part properly if I'm going to play my brother's executioner, Sasuke Uchiha: the dark avenger."
"Your script?" Ibiki asked, hoping that this would give him some information.
"Yes, my script," the brunette responded, "It's a remarkable job. I just have to do what I normally would do and then do whatever is needed to keep the stage properly set. That's what my job is. I keep the stage running."
"Why?" Ibiki asked, confused by this behavior in the boy.
"If the stage isn't set, then the players can't perform," the brunette responded, "All we need to do is wait for the story to commence and the curtain to open when the stage is prepared. By the way, we're only in here for your sake. Have a nice day Ibiki Morino."
Ibiki walked out of the cell. These children were evidently not going to talk. Idly, the special jounin found himself wondering whether Anko was doing any better with the redhead.
"Serpents do not scare me," the sand behind the chakra reinforced wall commented, "So why did they send you, Snake of the Leaf."
"Beg pardon?" Anko asked, thrown off by the greeting rather than the boy made of sand. If she had any good thing to say about Orochimaru, it would be that he managed to teach her that little children shouldn't trust creepy grown-ups and, more importantly, that she might as well ignore how weird a thing seems.
"Your exploits are well-revered in Suna, Anko Mitarashi," the sand replied, shifting to the right, "We consider you the most skilled shinobi to ever kill members of Suna's Anbu."
"Why did you kill the Kazekage?" she asked, getting back on topic.
"Well, there were two reasons," he said, "First, I was told to. Second, I didn't particularly like him. My siblings were not fond of him, either, so they left with me."
"Who gave the order?" Anko asked, though she was certain she already knew the answer.
"My brother," the sand replied, pressing against the glass lightly. If he were in a more human form, he would have been leaning against the glass.
"The puppeteer?" Anko asked, confused. She had been certain that he would have mentioned Naruto.
"Of course not," the sand replied, forming a redhead who pulled away from the glass, "I mean my literal brother. The Nine Tailed Fox."
"But he's Naruto Uzumaki. Neither of you share parents," Anko responded in confusion. She hadn't expected this to happen.
"Did you really think that an infant would be able to house a demon and survive?" the redhead asked, "I am the One Tailed Tanuki, given the name Gaara, which stuck, much like how The Nine Tailed Fox is called Naruto. Now, I must rest. I have not slept before, and at the moment, as I am not going anywhere until necessary, I would like to try it."
Before Anko could respond, the form of the boy collapsed into a pile of sand that gave no movements.
"When I get out of here, I will slaughter all of you!" the blonde bound to the chair said, trying to pull herself loose.
"I don't think that the guards are there, Temari," the brunette next to her said, looking at the puppets across the room longingly, "We're not important enough to put in solitary, so why would the bother with us?"
"Well, then what do you suppose we should do, Kankuro?" she seethed, "Wait in here until our life sentences are up?"
"I say we should wait for Naruto's next move," he corrected, "Don't you remember the message?"
Temari paused at that. She had forgotten what Ino had told her. She supposed she could wait for now. But once they were free, their captors would pay.