Written by Lady Hallen. Tweaked by Fragile Dreams.

Instructions: Before we begin…please go to soundcloud, youtube, or whatever. Play Gary Jules - Mad World and come back. Listen to it while reading.

Current Location: Canon World, Nara Residence

What were you searching for?

For as long as Shikamaru can remember, his birthdays are always melancholic for his parents.

They look at him and smile, but there was a wealth of sadness brimming in their eyes. They were careful not to show it, and some birthdays they didn't even look sad, but most of them were spent with genuine happiness and carefully hidden sadness at the same time. His dad would ruffle his hair carefully in the morning, he'd get gifts from both of his parents after breakfast, then be gently shooed out of the house to spend his birthday with his friends.

He didn't notice it for a while. Not until he was well into the Academy. That in the evening, his father would keep company a bottle of sake, sometimes joined by Yamanaka-san and Akamichi-san. His mother would carefully smooth out a wrinkled picture, kiss it, and burn some Incense. Incense was for the dead. He was never told and he never asked.

He didn't truly understand until he had graduated and given a free day. His father had been busy at the tower and his mother would be talking with Kufuku-oba about new medicine research. His birthday was in a few months and he got the itch to know why? Why do you look like that?

He had eventually found the picture in a box. It wasn't exactly hidden but his mother would never imagine him on his belly under the bed. He had sat right by the bed and opened it. The picture was of a baby girl laying on her back, her hands by her head. Her eyes were rimmed red like she had been crying, but looked peacefully asleep. Her cheeks were red and chubby, her skin soft, and her hair fluffy and short. She was a Nara. He could tell by the shape of her forehead and nose.

Shikako Nara it said on the back. The Shika name made his heart lurch.

He understood then. His parents had had a daughter before him. She would have been the heir and his older sister. He tried to imagine it and couldn't. The box had a pacifier, a tiny dress, and a baby suit. He was no longer confused as to why his parents were mourning. He ignored the sting of his eyes and put it back carefully so his mother wouldn't be able to tell her had been in their room. He didn't tell them, but that night on his bed he talked to his sister for the first time, even if she couldn't answer.

MWMWMWMW

He had apparently never truly understood anyway, because Asuma-sensei had left him feeling like the floor didn't exist anymore. He was sitting by himself outside his house trying to distract himself with shogi and a move his father had left him to analyze. Chouji was still in the hospital and he had been sent home by Tsunade.

"What?" he said flatly. It was less like a question and more like a statement.

Asuma- sensei was tired. "Shikamaru, do you remember that Nara that arrived and saved the mission?" he asked. He wasn't saying something. Are you okay? Had gone unsaid but it was there. He was digging. He wasn't saying it because of Chouji, he was saying it because of the Nara.

The things connected in his mind. That Nara? The girl from another universe. That was his older sister? The person that Lee and Temari had been talking about was his Nara?

"Are you saying she is Shikako Nara?"

Asuma-sensei was looking like he wanted to be as far away from the conversation as possible. He was used to Shikamaru jumping to correct conclusions.

"You know who she is?" He said not surprised. He looked at his sensei with a flat look. It didn't matter that he had found out just recently.

"So, she is from another world?" His finders had unconsciously formed a circle "And she lived?"

He ignored the lurch his stomach gave. What was she like? What did she look life grown up? How old was she?

"The corrosive chakra of the Kyuubi didn't affect her as much, maybe she was further away, or maybe, like you, she pulled through" His sensei said taking out the lighter and lighting his cigarette. A lot of newborns had been killed by the corrosive chakra. Newborns.

The words jarred something in him, Kyuubi and like you, flashing in his mind. Not his older sister. His twin. His twin had died. He had always felt like something was missing…and he had found what it was, and he would never get it. He knew then, why it was on his birthday. Why his mother's smile always looked a bit fragile. Shikako Nara.

His sensei's eyes sharpened "you didn't know" I thought…

"I thought she was older than me" he said looking down at the board. His sensei cursed and dropped his cigar, killing it with his shoe.

"Can I see her?" he asked before he could help himself. He hadn't given her much thought beyond a small bit of gratitude for salvaging a nearly impossible situation. Now he felt like he had to see her. He wanted to see what he could have had.

Sensei sighted, "She's under guard. We're still waiting for your father and Jiraya-sama"

How bloody troublesome.

"You're not telling my mom, are you?" he asked. He didn't think he could stand it if she spent the entire time waiting for his father, crying. Well, he didn't she would cry. His mother wasn't the type to cry. She'd just walk around the house, face as brittle as glass and quiet.

"No

"Sensei said "but Naruto is bringing them groceries every two days"

Of course Naruto would be spending his time with an ANBU from another world, someone who was under guard at that. But his sensei was giving him information, or a way to get it.

"Troublesome" he muttered. He dropped his shoulders and looked down at the board. At that word, Asuma-sense relaxed.

A slightly longer chapter.

Lady Hallen: Brilliant. Is it heartbreaking enough?

Fragile Wishes: my throat felt funny when I was reading it