A/N: Hi everyone! I want to apologise for taking this long to upload. I've been ridiculously busy with uni and then I got out of the flow of writing- it was really difficult to get back into it and I didn't want to just post something halfhearted that would just ruin the story. Hope you forgive me, particularly for leaving the last chapter where I did. There's some Newt fluff in this chapter so hope you all enjoy :)

There was one thing Ruth was certain of in that moment.

Nothing had ever hurt so much.

"Newt!" Her body heaved as she cried out. Her wobbling legs gave way and she dropped onto the seat, curling into herself. Pure agony. It was an icy blade tearing through her chest.

Newt's last words before he… they replayed in her mind.

You're right. Everything will be okay.

He was replying to her. He had heard her. Why hadn't he shown that he had heard her!

Why!

Why?

Then the truth barrelled into her. He'd spoken into the beetle blade cameras initially, but then those words… he whispered them to himself.

Because that's where he thought the words had come from.

His mind.

He thought he was hearing voices. Newt had thought he was going mad. And it was her fault.

Her fault.

A scream erupted from the camera feed. "I hate you, I hate you!" Ruth's head snapped up and she rubbed away the glossy film from her eyes. Newt was clutching his leg, cursing the sky. Hope shot through Ruth.

He wasn't dead.

The spike of relief dissipated rapidly. Yes, he wasn't dead.

But he wanted to be.

Eyes burning, Ruth shoved away the urge to sob and wallow in her grief. She couldn't leave him there. She had to act. Quickly. Sniffling, she overrode one of the beetle blades that was crawling around the Glade. Alby was walking around by himself and Ruth took this chance to lurch towards him.

Alby spotted the beetle blade and leapt into the air.

"Get off me!" He tried to shake the creature off his leg, but the metal limbs clung on. When the shaking slowed, the beetle blade swiftly scuttled onto the ground and towards the Maze door. Ruth spun the small machine around to look at Alby.

"What the shuck do you want!" Alby exclaimed, irritated. In answer, the beetle blade continued towards the Maze Door. She heard Alby's hesitant footsteps quicken into a run to keep up. He didn't know what it was the beetle blade wanted, he was merely intrigued by the strange behaviour.

Ruth! Dr Buren shouted. You've got to get out of there!

He jumped! Ruth cried out as she controlled the beetle blade, her anguish ringing loudly. He thought the Maze made him mad. He wanted to die as himself, on his terms, before it got worse. It's my fault!

Ruth, I am so so sorry. But it's not your fault, it's WICKED's, and right now you have to listen to me!

Now, Alby could hear Newt screaming in agony. "Newt!" He called back frantically. "Newt!"

I've got to help him find Newt. Ruth insisted. He can't be alone, he can't be alone!

Ruth, WICKED know. They know what you've been trying to do, they knew the whole time. Now that this… variable has run its course they're ready to step in. They want to know who helped you learn how to do it. You've got to get out of there!

And go where? Ruth spat, still guiding Alby. Newt's limp figure came into view and Alby shot to his side.

I can get you into the Maze, Ruth froze as Dr Buren continued, they won't want to interfere with the trials further. You'd be safe in there. But you have to go, NOW!

Ruth shot out of the door, the words carving into her brain.

She was going into the Maze.

Ruth screeched to a halt as she spotted WICKED personnel turning the corner. As they clocked Ruth, they called out and raced towards her.

Back-up, back-up! Other way!

Ruth dashed back the way she came, skidding around corner after corner until she reached the lift.

You have to get down to the basement, Dr Buren said and Ruth hopped inside, I'll override the Box and send you up.

Ruth jabbed the button repeatedly, urging the doors to close. Right at the last second, a figure slipped into the lift.

"Teresa," Ruth relaxed as she realised who it was.

"Ruth, what's going on?" The girl asked frantically. "Why's everyone searching for you?"

When you get there, there'll be two doors, you want the furthest one Dr Buren commanded, let me know when you're in.

"You can't let them follow me." Ruth urged Teresa. "You've got to hold them off."

"Why? What are you doing!"

The lift reached the basement and Ruth shot Teresa a pleading look before dashing into the narrow room.

Along the right wall were a series of panels and screens, and opposite those were the two doors Dr Buren had referred to- the furthest of which was open. As she neared it, she spotted the bold letter painted next to the open doorway and jerked to a halt.

"No, no, no." She murmured to herself as the B stared back at her. I'm not going to Group B! She yelled to Dr Buren. I can't! I have to go to Group A!

As much as Ruth desperately wanted to see Beth after all these years, she couldn't. Not now. Not knowing that Newt was out there, in so much pain. She needed to be there for him. Even if she couldn't tell him everything about WICKED, she could tell him that he wasn't mad.

The thought of being sent into Group B and seeing Lizzy, made her sick to her stomach. Ruth had promised her she'd take care of Newt. She was supposed to be there for him. Not only had Ruth failed him, she had been the cause of his depression.

Lizzy's rage would be preferable to the ignorance Sonya would greet her with. Guilt gnawed away at Ruth's chest and she needed someone to lash out at her, needed someone to scream at her for what she had done, but Sonya didn't know Newt- she wouldn't do any of those things. She would look at Ruth with the same confusion that all the other girls would. Each of them baffled by the fact she was a mirror image of Beth.

There would be no hatred or grief in Sonya's eyes, but Ruth could imagine the wails of a girl who remembered her brother, and she couldn't bear it.

"Ruth!" Teresa snapped. "What's wrong!"

Startled, Ruth's eyes abruptly focused on Teresa who was watching her worriedly. Her mind replayed the event that had occurred not even fifteen minutes ago, Newt's screams echoing endlessly. Feeling her eyes welling up, Ruth vigorously shook her head. She couldn't say it.

Teresa planted her hands on Ruth's shoulders. "Tell me."

"It's Newt-" She whimpered, not knowing how to possibly explain.

Ruth, you've got to hurry up. Dr Buren pressed.

Open the door to Group A. Ruth ordered.

Ruth I don't think that's a good idea. Dr Buren warned. Who knows how they'll react to a girl appearing in the Glade?

Open. The. Door. Ruth repeated.

I can't just-

Open it!

Ruth could sense Dr Buren's resolve disappear as she realised they didn't have time to argue. The door to Group B slid closed just as the one to Group A opened. Tearing herself from Teresa's grip, Ruth sprinted through the doorway and it shut behind her.

She was in The Box.

Metal grating glinted in the dim light, encapsulating her in the cage. Boxes sat in the corner- supplies to be delivered when The Box next went up. Glancing up, all that could be seen was a seemingly endless abyss, poorly lit by small lights that stretched up the walls. Ruth suddenly felt trapped, beginning to panic as the Box shuddered into motion. She dropped to her knees, trying to keep her breaths even.

Closing her eyes, she was struck by a moment of clarity and relief began to soothe the worry.

She had done it. The moment she had longed for since the Maze Trials began was within her grasp. Every beat of her heart brought her closer to seeing her friends, to seeing Newt. She couldn't believe it.

The smooth ascension jerked to a halt and Ruth's heart did a flip as her eyes shot open. The box remained still and Ruth was swallowed by agonising silence.

Ruth… Dr Buren said shakily and Ruth knew something bad had happened. They've overridden the controls. I can't do anything without giving away that it's me-

Suddenly, Ruth's stomach dropped as the Box plummeted, a shrill scream escaping her. Fingers clutching at the grating beneath her, she squeezed her eyes shut, wishing for it to stop.

Then there was a bang, and Ruth's unconscious body lay limp on the floor of the Box.

There was no brief bliss when Ruth awoke. No moment of peace. The second she slipped back into consciousness, her whole body knew something bad had happened. Her muscles ached and her heart wrenched in her chest. Then her mind caught up, details of previous events slotting into place, and Ruth wanted to collapse into sleep once more.

She heard the click of a door and her eyes cracked open, unable to fight the curiosity.

Dr Paige.

She stared at Ruth with a softness in her eyes that would have fooled any other. Ruth, however, was too familiar with the act for it to phase her.

They weren't in Ruth's bedroom, nor was it one she recognised. Four large screens surrounded her, covering the entirety of the walls, although all they currently showed was the WICKED logo. Ruth, who was slumped on the concrete floor, sat upright, drawing her knees to her chest as she glowered at Dr Paige.

"Ruth," Dr Paige spoke at last, "I understand how much you must be hurting." Ruth's eyes flickered to the floor, unable to bear the sight of Dr Paige as she lied so easily. "None of us wanted that to happen to Newt. No one could have predicted what he was about to do…"

Ruth didn't make a sound. Inside her head swirled shouts and cries, calling WICKED out on the truth, Newt's own screams entangled in the uproar.

"I'm not sure how much you know," Dr Paige sighed, "but it's more than we've told you. What you did to Newt… communicating with him, we never taught you how to do that. Now hopefully you'll understand why." A spike of guilt stabbed at Ruth but still she refused to acknowledge the woman's words. "But Ruth, we need to know who told you to do it. This person who is clearly trying to ruin what we've all been working so hard to achieve.

Newt will be fine, in time, but he could have died Ruth. Whoever you've been talking to, they're the reason he almost died. They have to be stopped Ruth, don't you see?"

A whole minute of silence passed.

"When you decide to do the right thing, let me know."

As Dr Paige left, the screens came to life, and Ruth was submerged in Newt's cries.

"It hurts Alby, it hurts so bloody much! Make it stop, make it stop." He pleaded.

"I know Newt, I know," Alby soothed, "Clint's gone to find more painkillers, it'll stop hurting soon."

Ruth glanced up. It was the same video feed on each screen. Newt was writhing on a bed, his leg wrapped in bandages, hiding the severity of the wound. Alby gripped Newt's hand so tightly, trying to hide how much it pained him to see his friend like this- to hear his friend begging him to take the pain away. Ruth and Alby both knew Newt was asking for more than painkillers.

"What do we tell people?" Jeff asked from the doorway he was blocking.

"Nothing." Alby grunted. "This stays between us."

"People are going to ask…"

"Then we tell them to mind their own shucking business!"

Jeff knew better than to reply. So he stayed quiet, watching helplessly as Alby whispered comforting words to Newt.

Ruth knew WICKED was observing her. She couldn't let her despair show. So she sat there, listening to Newt's moans of pain, for hours.

Her whole body thrummed with the anticipation of seeing him again. It had been three days since she last saw him, three days since their kiss.

Ruth didn't know how things would change between them. Had he told the others what had happened? Teresa had bombarded her with questions the day after it had happened, Ruth's only reply had been the furious blush on her cheeks.

She was on her way to the maintenance room alone; Thomas and Teresa had both pulled out last minute which immediately made Ruth suspicious. Reaching the door, she pushed it open to find Newt sitting there, Alby, Chuck and Minho nowhere to be seen.

"I see your lot backed out too." Newt cracked a smile.

"What are the odds?" Ruth smiled back, her heart doing frantic somersaults. Was Newt just as nervous as she was? He didn't seem like it. Did he not understand the effect he had on her? How could he just sit there, so calm and relaxed?

"I'm sure it was purely coincidental," he patted the floor beside him, making Ruth realise she was just standing there like an idiot. He must've been thinking she was acting weirdly. Was she making things awkward? Chastising herself, Ruth moved next to Newt. Immediately, he took her hand and her heart leapt into her throat.

"Chuck's started doing this thing," the corners of his mouth tugged upwards, "he'll mimic everything Minho does. Minho pushes his hair back," Newt ran his hand through his hair, ruffling it and Ruth bit the inside of her cheek. "Chuck'll do the same. Minho rolls his eyes, Chuck rolls his. At first it was just because he wanted to act 'cool like Minho', but now it's just because it annoys the idiot so bloody much."

"I'll have to remember that trick for the next time Minho gets on my nerves."

Newt's grin faded, something on his mind. Ruth waited, overly aware of his thumb tracing shapes on the back of her hand.

"The other day, when I mentioned how Dr Buren had told Teresa you weren't well, you looked worried..."

"I did?" Ruth feigned naivety; she didn't want to think about the possibility that she was going mad. Newt nodded, waiting for her explanation. "I dont know," she shrugged. "I was probably just tired, you did wake me up remember." She nudged him teasingly.

"I said I was sorry!" Newt exclaimed softly.

"I know, I know." Ruth assured, resting her head on his shoulder.

"You'd tell me if something was wrong, wouldn't you?" Newt asked, serious again.

"Of course I would." The lie stung her tongue, but if Newt noticed, he didn't remark on it. He just wrapped his arm around her shoulder, his cheek resting against the top of her head.

"Good."

Ruth's eyes snapped upwards as she heard someone enter. It was the day after Newt had jumped, and she was still locked in the room, although luckily the screens had returned to their blank state. Ruth couldn't handle having to watch Newt in pain again. Her heart twanged when she saw the boy standing in front of her.

Thomas.

Pain evident on his face, Thomas stared at her, the truth swimming in his eyes.

He knew about Newt.

Slowly, Ruth got to her feet, her eyes fixed on Thomas. They stared at each other for one long moment until finally Thomas stepped forward, his hoarse whisper shattering Ruth's stoic walls. "Ruth, I…"

Her stiff expression morphed into grief and she stumbled into his arms, letting out a sob. Everything she'd been holding in flooded out, tears pooling down her cheeks and dampening Thomas's shirt. She tried talking, but all that came out was incoherent murmurs. His arms tightened around her, sniffling as he tried to hold himself together.

"I should've been there, maybe I could have noticed something, anything, and then maybe…" He croaked. "I'm sorry Ruth, I'm so sorry."

It was true that Thomas hadn't been to the observation room since the Randall incident- when they'd discovered he'd gone Crank. That was a month ago. However, that didn't mean he should feel guilty, there was nothing he could have done. Besides, Newt would have been fine, if it hadn't been for her messing with his head for months.

Ruth shook her head. "It's not your fault, Thomas." She croaked. "I'd been there the whole time and I didn't spot it. I should have. I should have realised but I was so stupid. I thought everything was okay and I didn't even see that- that he- felt like that and I-"

"Shh," Thomas spoke softly into her ear. "We both let him down. So did Teresa and Dr Paige and everyone else at WICKED."

"It hurts," Ruth whimpered, Newt's voice echoing in her head. "It hurts so bloody much."

"I know, Ruth," Thomas clenched his eyes shut, "I know."

Ruth tumbled into the Group A barrack. About a dozen boys were mulling around between classes and Ruth spied Newt sprawled across one of the lower bunks. She could hardly contain herself.

"Newt!" She exclaimed loudly. Caught by surprise, Newt bolted upright and looked about in concern. He saw the grin stretched across her face and relaxed somewhat, intrigue replacing the confusion.

She grabbed his arm, heaving him to his feet. "Come on!"

"What is it?" He asked, glancing around the room. Butterflies flurried in Ruth's chest at this. He was always so wary of the other boys' reactions. He'd never been a fan of being the centre of attention, he preferred to be the support rather than the leader, unlike Minho for example. He'd had to put up with a great many looks when Ruth had initially joined Group A, everyone curious as to their relationship. Ruth hadn't been overly fond of the attention either at the time. Gradually she grew used to it, and the boys lost interest anyway. Newt however, was always self-conscious, which made it far too easy to tease him.

"Just shut up and come on!" She hauled him from the room, out of view. Abruptly, she spun around. Leaping into his arms, she tightly wrapped her arms and legs around his torso.

"Ruth?" He tucked his hands under her legs.

"They've shortened the Maze Trials," Ruth pulled back, beaming so widely it hurt her cheeks, "you're only going to be in there for two years!"

Ruth watched as the words sunk in. She saw the minute shift in his expression, the sudden glint in his eyes, marking the exact moment their meaning barrelled into him

He yanked her to him, their lips crashing together. He moved forward until her back pressed against the wall, her erratic heartbeat reaching out to him. A smile tugged at his lips and he leaned back, searching her eyes. Ruth gazed back, into his deep brown eyes. They were endless, and swimming within them was everything that was Newt. His soft nature; his patience, his understanding, his kindness. His laugh, his smile. His memories; every choice he had ever made, every event that had turned him into the perfect boy he was today. It was all there, in those unforgettable brown eyes.

Newt pressed his forehead against hers, breaking their gaze as their eyes fluttered shut. Newt lightly touched his lips to hers, not close enough for her to kiss him, but enough for her heart to explode in her chest.

It was at this moment that Ruth realised something.

She reached a hand to the back of his neck, tugging him closer, and finally Newt bridged the gap.

She would never stop loving him.

Month twenty-one of Maze Trials

The steady murmuring in the background fell eerily quiet and Ruth snapped from her daze. She saw Dr Paige staring at her, looking unimpressed.

"Did you hear anything I just said?" She arched one of her brows.

"Yes," Ruth replied wearily. Dr Paige sighed heavily in irritation.

"Did you listen to anything I just said?"

"Something about making people feel things." Ruth shrugged, her mind aching to flee the dull meeting. "Bad things."

"Good things too," Dr Paige corrected, "all essential in our work."

"The feelings aren't real if you force them."

"Which is why we don't," Dr Paige replied impatiently, "we don't strap electrodes to them or pump hormones into their veins."

"You manipulate them…" Ruth drawled, "their surroundings… their memories. The only reason you make them happy at all, is so that they can crash harder, so that their pain is more extreme." Dr Paige scowled at that.

"You had such potential- you still do- and yet you choose to waste it." Dr Paige sighed. "You want to sit back and let the world burn around you because you're too selfish to take the hard path."

"I'm the selfish one?" Ruth slammed her hands on the table. "What have you had to sacrifice! You lot work on a cure that doesn't exist and use it as an excuse to fund this building to keep you safe from all the Cranks out there."

"Do you really believe we won't find a cure?"

"You've spent ten years putting all your efforts into the Maze, then they've all been in there for nearly two years, and you're still nowhere near to finding a cure! When will you realise that what you're doing isn't working!"

"What do you expect us to do Ruth?" Dr Paige retorted. "Give in and let the rest of the world suffer? There are millions out there, some nearly at the Gone, some newly infected. Those that haven't been infected yet still spend every waking moment terrified of the Cranks and the possibility that they could soon catch the Flare. Even Immunes are affected. They spend their lives hiding from savage Cranks and fearing for the lives of their Non-Immune family.

"You think we're harsh but we won't make any progress if we're overly cautious. We don't have time for that. We need to follow methods that will get results, and they do. Although we don't have a cure yet, we are getting closer every single day. Piecing together more and more information on the virus-"

"I bet you've got that speech down to a tee now." Ruth interjected, her tone prickly. "Trying to brainwash everyone so that they fall into place. Perhaps you've even convinced yourself… but trust me when I say that you will never fool me."

"You thought you knew better than us once Ruth. Thought you'd take matters into your own hands." Dr Paige replied, referring to communicating with Newt. "Remind me, how did that turn out?" Ruth glowered at her. "I thought so," Dr Paige hummed smugly. "All you need to do Ruth, is tell us who you were speaking to, who helped you…"

"Get out."

She sighed and left the room without complaint. Ruth didn't even wince as the screens around her replayed Newt's jump. They'd played it so many times that Ruth now felt numb. Not numb to Newt's pain- she could never even begin to get over that- but numb to WICKED's form of torture. Her heart heaved but she no longer shed any tears. She felt trapped within her own mind. It was like being amidst a storm at sea. Locked away within the bowels of the ship with waves thrashing against the sides. Although she was as safe as she could be, she was still surrounded by the ravenous ocean that threatened to wash her away.

All she could do was stay hidden, and hope it would pass.

Month twenty-four of Maze Trials.

Ruth, you can't give up.

Exhausted, Ruth didn't even attempt to reply to Dr Buren.

Ruth, please. The Right Arm will come I promise.

Dr Buren had been saying those words for months now, and still the Right Arm was nowhere to be seen. Ruth knew the likelihood of them ever coming was miniscule. The rational part of her mind screamed, it wanted her to accept this, yet she couldn't. A tiny sliver of hope still nestled inside her and despite loathing her naïve side, she couldn't rid herself of it. If she did give in, what would she do? What would she have left, other than unbearable guilt?

Even if she turned against Dr Buren, what good would telling WICKED do? The corporation was still the reason all of this was happening. Revealing Dr Buren's identity to them might get rid of Dr Buren, but it wouldn't take away the consequences of what were still Ruth's decisions. All that would happen is that Ruth would be left completely alone to deal with what she had done.

Dr Buren continued to talk at her, and Ruth continued to ignore her. She didn't want to be hopeful. She wanted to stop pretending that everything was going to be okay. She wanted all of it to stop.

The door to what was effectively her prison, swung open. Thomas shuffled in, frowning at Ruth's lack of reaction. She just sat there, eyes fixed on the far wall. He sat near her, wringing his hands as he worked out what to say. He visited often but after the first time, Ruth seemed to have drawn in on herself. She was like an empty shell of the bubbly girl she used to be. Each time he saw her, she said fewer words to him. Sometimes he'd only get a hum or a nod. It was clear she blamed herself for what happened to Newt. Thomas tried desperately to convince her otherwise, but she refused to listen. If anything, it only made her even more absent from their conversations.

"Chuck goes into the Maze tomorrow." He said at last. The only sound was her shallow breath. "He wanted to say goodbye to you-"

"But they won't let him." Flickering from their spot on the walls, her eyes bore into him.

"No." Thomas swallowed. "They won't." His heart sank as Ruth went back to staring at the wall. "Anything you want me to tell him?"

Ruth was quiet for a minute and Thomas was worried she wouldn't say anything. Ruth's head whirred as she tried to come up with something to say. She called out into her mind, pleading with herself to string together one single sentence that would comfort Chuck. All the subjects in the mazes were children, but Chuck… he was far too young. She still remembered the first time she saw him, sniffling in the corridor through one of the security cameras. His presence had given away that Teresa had been messing with the camera feeds- the loop she'd made no longer seamless. Thinking back to that day reminded her that Chuck was entirely innocent. He didn't know about the horrors WICKED had committed; Ruth, Thomas and Teresa had made sure of it. He was Chuck. The boy who'd become like a younger brother to everyone that knew him.

She'd be damned if she didn't offer him some sort of reassurance.

"Tell him if he doesn't annoy the hell outta Minho, I'll be very disappointed." She managed a small smile. "And that I'll see him soon."

Thomas soon left to find Chuck, a grin on his face after seeing Ruth's mood lighten for the first time in so long.

Ruth's heart twanged at how cheerful he had become by what she had said. She knew he hated seeing her so miserable all the time, but he didn't understand. He would never understand. As much as she wished it weren't true, if she told him what she had done, he would hate her.