"Laxus. La-AH-xus! Come on, Laxus! Play with me!" Asuka grabs hold of his arm, using it as leverage to walk up his leg until she his hanging off of him perpendicularly. Her parents try to chide her, but can't keep a straight face. Lucy, Gray, and Natsu aren't even trying to hide their laughter.

Laxus ignores them, his chest puffing out with pride that Asuka chose him. The reality of fitting in with his guild mates is a lot different than he'd thought it would be. He certainly never imagined that it would involve so much babysitting; or that he'd like it.

Laxus easily lifts Asuka up in his one palm, spinning her around like pizza dough until her cries of joy are too much for him to handle. He cradles her safely in his arm before doubling over in laughter himself.

"Damn, Lucy!" Cana sloshes some beer on the table. "What did you do to him?"

"What do you mean?"

"Look at him! He's willingly playing with kids. He's laughing! I've never seen him laugh unless he was destroying something!"

"Don't exaggerate, Cana." Lucy shakes her head. "Laxus laughed plenty before me."

"Nu-uh, Cosplayer." Bixlow hops over the back of the booth wiggling his way between Cana and Natsu. "He was a grumpy old man before you came along."

"Screw you, Bix." Laxus surreptitiously gives him the middle finger behind Asuka's back.

"See what I mean?" Bixlow laughs, tongue lolling out of his mouth.

The little girl reaches up to Laxus's neck and starts wiggling her fingers. Laxus isn't ticklish, but he pretends for her sake, just to get her to laugh some more.

"We can't change into anything we don't already have the parts for," Lucy says. "If Laxus is different, it's because he already had it in him to begin with."

"Here, here!" Levy high-fives Lucy then gives her most loving look to Gajeel, who kisses her fiercely.

"Gag!" Lucy and Cana tease.

"Hey," Levy pulls away and levels them with a glare. "I'll have you know that I stopped him from pulling a spider prank on you, so you better be nice to me."

Lucy shudders violently, making everyone laugh at her.

"I'm getting a milkshake; anyone want anything?" Lucy asks. Everyone gives her their order, then Laxus watches Lucy skip over to Mira at the bar. He gets distracted thinking about how much he loves watching her walk away from him when she's naked.

Asuka crawls up his chest until she can put both her hands on his face and turn it toward herself. Her frown is so cute that Laxus almost can't keep a straight face.

"Playing with me!" She pouts.

Bisca and Alzack burst into laughter.

"Sorry, kid." Laxus tosses her into the air.

"Weeeee!"

Laxus catches her on the way down. "That better?"

"Again! Again!"

Two Days Ago

When Laxus and Lucy show up to the guild hall for their reception, they are met with the worst—and most obvious—sight they can think of: a mural of the battle against Pisani, wherein Pisani was portrayed as a chibi and everyone else as fucking giants.

"You're dead, Reedus." Laxus threatens.

"Hey!" Lucy pouts. "He murdered two of my people! Like, for real!"

"Yeah, but…seriously, it was you and Laxus!" Cana laughs.

"I was curse-poisoned! Laxus loves me more than his own life! Where's the portrayal of that?"

"Is getting teased what it means to fit in?" Laxus asks. "'Cause I'm totally up to scaring people into walking on eggshells around me again."

At that moment, Erza appears on the stage, and shouts, "Silence! I will explain the rules to you: First, you must all wear white! Max is selling t-shirts if you need one. Second, it will be team against team, not wizard against wizard. If you wish to ally your team with another, you must register the alliance with Jellal." She points to him near the guild entrance. "The last team standing wins."

"Wins what?" Gray shouts from his seat at the table.

"Gray, clothes!" Everyone shouts back at him.

"Wins the pride of knowing that they have out-performed the entire guild." Erza says passionately.

"Lame!" Cana bellows, then downs a swig of beer.

"Me." Laxus says, shutting everyone up; even Erza. "Whoever wins gets to toss me in the lake, with or without magic. One by one."

The whole guild erupts into cheers and stampedes out of the doors.

The game itself is a blast, especially when Lucy uses her whip to stop a blue ball of chalk that was about to hit him; he almost throws her over his shoulder and carries her into the woods to have his way with her. In the end, and to no one's surprise, the only two teams left are the Raijinshu and Team Natsu. Or, so everyone thinks.

Asuka has snuck away from her babysitter inside the guild hall, found some paintballs, and joined in the fun. By the time anyone realizes what's going on, she has already taken out Freed, Evergreen, and Erza. And before anyone can so much as open their mouths to shout for her parents, she gets Wendy and Gray.

In the end, none of them can take away the kid's win.

Standing on the edge of the dock, allowing himself to be pushed into the lake by a tiny little palm he can barely feel is one of the most humbling moments Laxus has ever experienced. When he pulls himself up onto the dock and feels Asuka's little hands pushing him again, and hears her laughing and shouting, "Again! Again!" he surprises himself by happily complying. Only this time when he surfaces, he does so silently, popping up on the side of the dock and grabbing Asuka around the middle.

"Mwahahaha!" He shouts, holding her above his head as he treads water. "The evil lake monster has taken you prisoner! How will you ever escape?"

Asuka giggles delightedly and says, "You not evil; you funny."

Laxus's heart nearly bursts with joy.

"Look, Mommy; I swimming!"

"Very good, Asuka!"

"Look, Mommy! I flying!" Asuka shouts as Laxus runs around tables with her held above his head.

"Very good, Asuka!"

Lucy shows up with a tray full of drinks just as Asuka says, "I marry Laxus."

At the brief look of death on Lucy's face, everyone—including Laxus—goes into a violent laughing fit.

"Are you…jealous…of a five-year-old?" Laxus finally manages to ask between chuckles.

"What? No! Shut up, idiot."

Laxus just laughs even harder.

Once everyone has settled down, Alzack pries Asuka from Laxus's arms, saying, "It's time for bed, little one."

"Noo!" She wails. "Laxus, save me!"

By the way Lucy laughs, Laxus knows that he wasn't able to hide his dumbstruck expression.

"Uhh…" He mumbles. "Sorry, Asuka; not even I can save you from bedtime."

"But…but…" She looks crushed, and Laxus almost takes her from her parents and runs off with her just so she won't look at him like that anymore.

"We can play again tomorrow, Asuka. Okay?"

"Promise?"

"Promise."

She goes quietly after that, staring forlornly at Laxus over her dad's shoulder.

"Looks like you've got a new admirer, bossman." Bixlow laughs.

"Lucy not young enough for you, cradle-robber?" Cana joins in.

"Not funny!" Everyone yells at her.

"Geez! Get a sense of humor!"

"Laxus?" Lucy asks shyly, poking her two pointer fingers together.

"Yeah?" He asks curiously.

"How would you feel if we had our own Asuka?" She puts her hand to her lower abdomen and looks at him with a blush in her cheeks.

Laxus's jaw nearly hits the floor. So does everyone else's.

"LU!" Levy is the first to find her voice. She steps all over Gajeel to get out of the booth and throw her arms around Lucy. She starts chattering, but is speaking so fast and excitedly that it only comes out in gibberish; or maybe it's a different language. Laxus can't be sure.

"Are…you're…really?" Laxus asks, a powerful mixture of fear and excitement making him feel a little queasy.

"Nope." Lucy smiles deviously. "Consider this payback."

Levy squeaks indignantly, then starts yelling in that gibberish language again, her cheeks puffing out. Lucy laughs until she has to grab onto a chair for support. Levy turns to Gajeel, says something that apparently he understands, then points at Lucy.

The next thing Laxus knows, there is a tarantula flying through the air. It lands on Lucy's knee and slides down her leg. She shrieks so loud that all of the dragon slayers are momentarily stunned. Before anyone in the guild hall can come to her aid, she lifts her right knee to her chest, extends her left arm in front of her, and her right arm behind her, shouting,

"NINE LIGHTNING STARS!"

From nowhere, nine sword-shaped bolts of lightning appear at her right hand, which she then hurls at the plastic arachnid, disintegrating it completely, leaving the foul odor of burnt plastic in the air. Laxus can't believe what he just witnessed; she doesn't just have a little bit of lightning magic. She could probably hurt Natsu or Gajeel with the power she just released. From the look on Gajeel's face, he knows it, too.

Laxus looks back at his wife, her face red, her hair a mess, her eyes full of fury. Laxus's gut tightens, and so does the front of his pants. He's got to get her out of those clothes.

"How dare you?" Lucy shouts at Gajeel, who's eyes momentarily avert to Levy, who is standing with her feet wide and her arms crossed, a stubborn look on her face.

Laxus regains control of his body just as he releases a table-shaking growl. He grabs Lucy and pulls her against him. He can't help but grind his hips against hers for a moment.

"Laxus!" She gasps. He kisses her, and finally calls down his lightning to take them home.

"If she ain't pregnant now, she's gonna be." Cana cackles.

Everyone sweat-drops.

Finito

I have some other stories swirling around my head that take place in this same universe, so stay tuned!