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Web Of Sorrow
by TigerBabe
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Disclaimer: The only thing I own in this fic is the annoying character of 'Tárion.' Dont sue and take him off me?
Authors Notes & Warnings: Very angst driven fic, deals with depression and suicidal thoughts. 'Tis difficult for me to write, as it's semi-autobiographical, so please dont flame me to complain that I dont know what I'm talking about or whatever, because I do know what I'm talking about. If you really do feel the need to flame me, have a look at my other fics, and flame one of them. It's now set in Lothlórien.
Extra Notes: After coming back from Glasgow, the first thing I did was log on here to check my reviews. I have to say 'wow' as I read though them; tears are currently welling up, and I have a lump in my throat from the emotion envoked in me from all of your responces - especially the lovely Cherry Blossom's review. It's really wonderful to see so many people openly thanking me, and being so nice to me.
Cherry Blossom - if it werent for you, writing your own story, I would never have written mine. And so I thank you for giving me the courage to tell my story, and for having the courage also to tell your own. You are truly the strongest person that I've ever come across.
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Chapter 11 - Reasons For Living
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Legolas walked, his head raised high, until he knew there was no-one but him and Aragorn around. He then slouched his shoulders, and gave up on the act. He let himself fall to the floor, and he lay himself down to look up at the stars he once found so beautiful, but had now lost all interest in.
Aragorn sat down beside him, and looked at the blonde Elf. A frown was fixed upon his face as questions and confusion rumbled through his mind. Legolas noticed Aragorn's turmoil, and propping himself up on his elbows, turned to face him.
"What is it?" he asked flatly, his voice without the melody or rhthym it once held.
"Exactly that... you're not yourself, Legolas!" Aragorn gestured with his hand vaguely toward the sky, "You are no longer held captive by the beauty of the stars, no longer do you laugh with contentment, or smile for no apparent reason! Tell me Legolas, truthfully now, how are you feeling and coping with this?"
Legolas cast his glance downward, "You would not understand," he said solomly.
"Try me," Aragorn said, lifting Legolas's face by his chin, and causing their eyes to fix together.
Legolas smiled slightly, "Its getting far too much Aragorn," he sighed, as he moved over in order to lean against his friend. "All my hurts and woes seem to be gathering, and building on one another; I fear the wall they are building will soon collapse over me, and smother me, and I wont survive it."
Aragorn placed a supportive hand on Legolas's shoulder, and whispered quietly, "Come my friend, do not speak so sadly; surely there are some things worth living for?" he asked gently.
Legolas closed his eyes, "Hmm, like what?" a yawn broke through his voice as he snuggled closer to his human friend.
Aragorn chuckled quietly, "Ah, bed time story huh?" he asked with amusement as another yawn broke from the Elven prince. Legolas smiled and nodded into Aragorn's shirt. Aragorn laughed again.
"Alright, things worth living for... trees, trees are worth living for," Aragorn said as he quickly thought on his toes for something to say. Legolas raised and eyebrow and sniggered.
"You know, I've never heard you snigger before Legolas," Aragorn told him.
Legolas yawned again, "Only do it when I'm really sleepy," he said in a tired voice.
Aragorn nodded, and pulled Legolas to his feet. The blonde Elf groaned as he struggled to keep balance after the unexpected action from the ranger.
"I think we should get you back to camp," Aragorn said in a no nonsense tone.
Legolas snorted, still half asleep, "There you go, treating me like a child again Aragorn.." Legolas mumbled.
Aragorn laughed and wrapped his arm around Legolas's waist, supporting him as they walked. When they finally got back to camp, Aragorn laid Legolas down on his blanket, and covered him with his own. He was just walking away when Legolas sat up, apparently wide awake now.
"Aragorn," he said, causing the ranger to turn back around to face the fair Elf.
"I thought you were very tired," Aragorn said, with a raised eyebrow.
"You didnt tell me what was worth living for," Legolas said. He added quietly: "And, when I sleep, t-the nightmares..." he trailed off, before looking up at Aragorn with pleading blue eyes.
Aragorn nodded understandingly, and sat down next to Legolas's blanket.
"Things worth living for, wasnt it?" Aragorn asked. Legolas nodded. "Lets see then. Well, I've already mentioned trees... how about those people who care about you?" Aragorn asked.
"Like who?" Legolas asked, lying down and looking up again at the stars.
"Like who! Like me, of course! And the rest of the Fellowship. Not to mention your father and other family," Aragorn told him, slightly insulted by the fact Legolas had asked who cared about him.
"Oh," Legolas said weakly.
Aragorn frowned again, and looked at him. "Are you saying that you dont think anyone cares about you?" he asked incrediously.
Legolas shrugged and turned away, "The last person whom I thought cared about me was Tárion," he said, as a tear fell down his right cheek.
Aragorn closed his eyes and thought for a second. It made sense now - Legolas was afraid that something would happen like that again if he allowed anyone to get close enough.
"Oh Legolas," Aragorn said, his voice very upset and broken, "Why didnt you tell me that was how you felt? You know I would never do anything to hurt you, intentionally or otherwise - you're my closest friend - how long have we known eachother?"
"... quite a few years," Legolas said with a sheepish smile.
"Right, and after all that time, do you still not trust me?" Aragorn asked, sounding offended.
Legolas's eyes widened, "Oh no! I do trust you Aragorn, I'm so sorry!" he began appologising profusely, for he realised that he had been distancing himself from his friends because he didnt trust them to get close to him. He cursed himself for not realising sooner what he was doing. "Oh Aragorn, I'm so sorry!"
Aragorn took hold of Legolas's hands, and steadied them, "There is no need to be sorry, my friend, I know why you were acting that way; I'm just glad I helped you realise it."
Legolas hugged Aragorn tightly as another sign of appology, and as a sign of his trust and friendship. Legolas then pulled away, and smiled brightly.
"Thank you," he said to his friend.
"For what?" Aragorn asked.
"For helping me see there are some reasons for living," he said quietly, before lying back down, and going to sleep.
Aragorn smiled, and went over to his own bed, and soon was asleep; and also, with a smile on his face.
******
TBC...
Web Of Sorrow
by TigerBabe
******
Disclaimer: The only thing I own in this fic is the annoying character of 'Tárion.' Dont sue and take him off me?
Authors Notes & Warnings: Very angst driven fic, deals with depression and suicidal thoughts. 'Tis difficult for me to write, as it's semi-autobiographical, so please dont flame me to complain that I dont know what I'm talking about or whatever, because I do know what I'm talking about. If you really do feel the need to flame me, have a look at my other fics, and flame one of them. It's now set in Lothlórien.
Extra Notes: After coming back from Glasgow, the first thing I did was log on here to check my reviews. I have to say 'wow' as I read though them; tears are currently welling up, and I have a lump in my throat from the emotion envoked in me from all of your responces - especially the lovely Cherry Blossom's review. It's really wonderful to see so many people openly thanking me, and being so nice to me.
Cherry Blossom - if it werent for you, writing your own story, I would never have written mine. And so I thank you for giving me the courage to tell my story, and for having the courage also to tell your own. You are truly the strongest person that I've ever come across.
******
Chapter 11 - Reasons For Living
******
Legolas walked, his head raised high, until he knew there was no-one but him and Aragorn around. He then slouched his shoulders, and gave up on the act. He let himself fall to the floor, and he lay himself down to look up at the stars he once found so beautiful, but had now lost all interest in.
Aragorn sat down beside him, and looked at the blonde Elf. A frown was fixed upon his face as questions and confusion rumbled through his mind. Legolas noticed Aragorn's turmoil, and propping himself up on his elbows, turned to face him.
"What is it?" he asked flatly, his voice without the melody or rhthym it once held.
"Exactly that... you're not yourself, Legolas!" Aragorn gestured with his hand vaguely toward the sky, "You are no longer held captive by the beauty of the stars, no longer do you laugh with contentment, or smile for no apparent reason! Tell me Legolas, truthfully now, how are you feeling and coping with this?"
Legolas cast his glance downward, "You would not understand," he said solomly.
"Try me," Aragorn said, lifting Legolas's face by his chin, and causing their eyes to fix together.
Legolas smiled slightly, "Its getting far too much Aragorn," he sighed, as he moved over in order to lean against his friend. "All my hurts and woes seem to be gathering, and building on one another; I fear the wall they are building will soon collapse over me, and smother me, and I wont survive it."
Aragorn placed a supportive hand on Legolas's shoulder, and whispered quietly, "Come my friend, do not speak so sadly; surely there are some things worth living for?" he asked gently.
Legolas closed his eyes, "Hmm, like what?" a yawn broke through his voice as he snuggled closer to his human friend.
Aragorn chuckled quietly, "Ah, bed time story huh?" he asked with amusement as another yawn broke from the Elven prince. Legolas smiled and nodded into Aragorn's shirt. Aragorn laughed again.
"Alright, things worth living for... trees, trees are worth living for," Aragorn said as he quickly thought on his toes for something to say. Legolas raised and eyebrow and sniggered.
"You know, I've never heard you snigger before Legolas," Aragorn told him.
Legolas yawned again, "Only do it when I'm really sleepy," he said in a tired voice.
Aragorn nodded, and pulled Legolas to his feet. The blonde Elf groaned as he struggled to keep balance after the unexpected action from the ranger.
"I think we should get you back to camp," Aragorn said in a no nonsense tone.
Legolas snorted, still half asleep, "There you go, treating me like a child again Aragorn.." Legolas mumbled.
Aragorn laughed and wrapped his arm around Legolas's waist, supporting him as they walked. When they finally got back to camp, Aragorn laid Legolas down on his blanket, and covered him with his own. He was just walking away when Legolas sat up, apparently wide awake now.
"Aragorn," he said, causing the ranger to turn back around to face the fair Elf.
"I thought you were very tired," Aragorn said, with a raised eyebrow.
"You didnt tell me what was worth living for," Legolas said. He added quietly: "And, when I sleep, t-the nightmares..." he trailed off, before looking up at Aragorn with pleading blue eyes.
Aragorn nodded understandingly, and sat down next to Legolas's blanket.
"Things worth living for, wasnt it?" Aragorn asked. Legolas nodded. "Lets see then. Well, I've already mentioned trees... how about those people who care about you?" Aragorn asked.
"Like who?" Legolas asked, lying down and looking up again at the stars.
"Like who! Like me, of course! And the rest of the Fellowship. Not to mention your father and other family," Aragorn told him, slightly insulted by the fact Legolas had asked who cared about him.
"Oh," Legolas said weakly.
Aragorn frowned again, and looked at him. "Are you saying that you dont think anyone cares about you?" he asked incrediously.
Legolas shrugged and turned away, "The last person whom I thought cared about me was Tárion," he said, as a tear fell down his right cheek.
Aragorn closed his eyes and thought for a second. It made sense now - Legolas was afraid that something would happen like that again if he allowed anyone to get close enough.
"Oh Legolas," Aragorn said, his voice very upset and broken, "Why didnt you tell me that was how you felt? You know I would never do anything to hurt you, intentionally or otherwise - you're my closest friend - how long have we known eachother?"
"... quite a few years," Legolas said with a sheepish smile.
"Right, and after all that time, do you still not trust me?" Aragorn asked, sounding offended.
Legolas's eyes widened, "Oh no! I do trust you Aragorn, I'm so sorry!" he began appologising profusely, for he realised that he had been distancing himself from his friends because he didnt trust them to get close to him. He cursed himself for not realising sooner what he was doing. "Oh Aragorn, I'm so sorry!"
Aragorn took hold of Legolas's hands, and steadied them, "There is no need to be sorry, my friend, I know why you were acting that way; I'm just glad I helped you realise it."
Legolas hugged Aragorn tightly as another sign of appology, and as a sign of his trust and friendship. Legolas then pulled away, and smiled brightly.
"Thank you," he said to his friend.
"For what?" Aragorn asked.
"For helping me see there are some reasons for living," he said quietly, before lying back down, and going to sleep.
Aragorn smiled, and went over to his own bed, and soon was asleep; and also, with a smile on his face.
******
TBC...