You're getting two updates tonight because I'm having a really bad day and on top of everything that's already happened, I can't sleep and I'm not motivated enough to write something new. This chapter gets a bit darker.

Enjoy :)

-A xx

Prentiss

A week had passed and I was having the worst day in my existence; or more the worst week. I realised just yesterday that the only way I was going to survive another week was to be with my team. They were the only people in the world who had the slightest idea as how to cheer me up. I tried to fight my way out of bed yesterday but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't all week. I turned my phone back on in the hopes that they were track me and come find me but they hadn't come all week. Maybe Hotch decided that he wouldn't allow them to because I made it very clear that I didn't want to be with them.

I fought myself and eventually was able to drag myself up. I felt exhausted despite being in bed for 4 days. I had a shower and got changed. My clothes didn't fit perfectly anymore; I had lost more weight.

I took a cab to the airport and took the next flight back to Virginia. It was around a 3 hour flight and I got another cab back to Quantico.

I walked into the precinct and flashed my card that I wasn't supposed to be using. I went to the elevators and waited impatiently for it to reach the 6th floor. Once the ding sounded and the doors opened, I stepped out and took a deep breath. It was around 3 in the afternoon and I wasn't sure if they were even here or not. I walked through the glass doors and saw them in the round table room but they didn't seem to be looking at files or the screen. Their mouths weren't even moving, so they weren't talking.

I walked up the stairs of the catwalk and around to the room where they sat. I stood in the door and knocked quietly. They all lifted their heads quickly.

"Emily." JJ breathed as she stood up and ran to me. She threw her arms around me and I returned the gesture. My sleeves were short and I forgot to wear my jacket in here so my freshly cut and scarred wrist was visible to them all. Garcia hugged me next, then Reid, Rossi, Morgan and then Hotch. Tears were streaming from my eyes and I wiped them away repeatedly.

"I am so sorry." I said quietly, struggling to say the words. They all sat down and motioned for me to sit too.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Rossi asked.

"I wanted to be on my own. I didn't want you all to need to worry about me or feel like I needed constant supervision and I didn't want to ruin your lives or your friendships. JJ and Reid never talk to each other like that…"

"They do now…" Morgan said quietly.

I looked down at my hands on the table and avoided the six sets of eyes on me.

"Prentiss, you're not ruining anything but yourself." Hotch broke the silence.

I closed my eyes and dropped my head into my arms. I tried to keep the tears back but it was impossible to stop them from falling.

"When was the last time you slept? You look exhausted." Reid said.

"I slept all week." I said quietly.

"How on Earth did you stay off the grid? The only thing I found was your card at one store the day after you left and your phone the first time when you turned it on, not long enough for me to trace, by the way, and the second time when you left it on." Garcia said.

"I paid by cash everywhere and didn't buy much. You called the right hotel in Columbus, by the way; Courtyard Columbus. I told the receptionist to tell you I wasn't there…"

"How kind of you." She said sarcastically.

"…How much weight have you lost?" JJ asked quietly and hesitantly.

I looked up at her and lied, "I haven't."

"You have. I can see very clearly and your clothes don't fit properly." She pulled lightly on the sleeve of my shirt that was very loose. Not how it was meant to be. "And it's not even just because I'm a profiler. It is just that evident."

"You are not making me feel any better." I dropped my head back down. Silence filled the room again momentarily. They all had a million questions but didn't want to ask them.

"Are you coming back to stay with me?" Rossi asked quietly. I shook my head. "Why not?"

I lifted my head and looked at him, "…Because."

He rolled his eyes, "You don't want to intrude on my life and you don't want me to be worried and be watching over you all the time and you don't—"

"I didn't say any of that."

"But you're thinking it. You're coming back to live with me. Sergio hasn't left that bed."

"Aw, really?"

"He runs to the door whenever it opens but he's always disappointed when it isn't you so he goes back to the bed. He gets up every morning to eat and then goes right back to the bed."

I smiled, "He's so cute."

"Oh my god…you are actually more interested in your cat than us." Garcia said.

"No, I just know that he doesn't judge me for my behaviour or actions."

"Neither do we." Morgan said, "The majority of the time…I am judging your decision to sneak out in the middle of the night and leave nothing but a cat and a note. That was extremely stupid. Don't do it again."

My phone vibrated in my hand and I opened the text from Reid, "Why did you come back? I love that you are, but tell me what happened."

I glanced at him and locked my phone again, putting it back down.

"Who was that?" JJ asked.

"No one that concerns you."

She sat back and crossed her arms, "Fine."

I looked back up at Reid and he stood up. He walked to the door and motioned for me to follow him before he walked out. I hesitated before standing and trailing behind him. He stopped at the desks and turned to look at me, "What happened?"

"That made me leave or made me come back?"

"Both. Everything."

"I heard you all talking at Rossi's after you found me in the forest when I almost collapsed and I hated the stress and concern I was putting on all of you so I decided to leave. I went to Washington, Pittsburgh, Canton and then to Columbus where I gave up on trying to find somewhere to go so I just stayed. Then the rest of the week passed…and then another week passed and I was surprised you hadn't found me but the second week. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't get up or eat or drink a thing, not that I really wanted to. Then yesterday I realised that if I wanted to literally survive another week, to which I kind of didn't but I did for you and them…" I motioned to the round table room where they sat and watched us, "Than I needed to be at least near you guys…so I came back. I'm not sure if I regret it or not yet, but I don't want to stay with Rossi again."

"Why not?"

I shook my head, "I just feel like he isn't doing anything he normally does because of me. He doesn't go out or bring anyone home…"

"Emily, it's Rossi. If Rossi wanted to go out or bring someone home, he would. You would not stop him from that."

"Reid?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm scared." I whispered. He pulled me into him and put his arms around me. I felt myself shaking and tears fell again. I buried my face into his shoulder to hide it from the rest of the team.

"Scared of what you're doing to yourself?" He asked in a whisper.

I nodded and pulled away to wipe the tears from my eyes.

"We'll get you the help you need, Em. We're always going to be here for you and we're not letting you go again. Stay with Rossi; bring Garcia or JJ with you if you're that scared of yourself so you can have constant company. Just don't do anything without thinking it through and call me immediately when you feel suicidal again. Please, it's all I ask. Promise me?"

I nodded, "Okay, I promise."

He smiled, "We're all really proud of you, you know. You came back to us and you spoke straight away and you're alive. You're going to seek help and we couldn't be prouder."

I nodded with a small smile, "Thank you." I wiped the tears from my cheeks and looked back at the room they were still seated in. "They're getting very curious and impatient."

"If you don't feel comfortable answering a question, then don't. Okay?"

"Okay." I nodded and we walked back to the room.

There were so many tears today as I answered all the questions the team asked. It wasn't all me; Garcia and JJ did too, just not as much as me. I had never felt that weak in front of my team. Even when I was taken hostage and put on a screen for them to see, I still didn't feel this fragile. Not when they had to come and find me in the forest by Rossi's home, not when I was hunting Doyle or when I was dying because of him.

I was back at Rossi's, sitting on the couch with the team around me. JJ was at my side and I was leaning into her, feeling completely exhausted after today.

"Are you sure you've been sleeping?" Hotch asked.

"I slept, just not much. I get nightmares more often when I'm alone." I sat up from JJ and put my arms around myself. It was freezing.

"You know it's like 70 degrees in here…you're shivering." Morgan said.

"It is not 70 degrees…is it?"

He nodded and glanced at Rossi. Rossi stood up and walked out, reappearing within a minute or two and gave me a thick blanket. Sergio had been lying at my side and moved onto my lap when I slung the blanket over me. I petted him gently and he went back to sleep, purring loudly.

Silence had fallen over us and Hotch's ringing phone interrupted it, "Excuse me." He stood and walked away, holding it to his ear just before exiting the room.

"Can I ask you something?" Reid asked me, "You don't have to answer it if you don't want to." I looked at him and waited for him to ask the question, "Before you left, Hotch said that you had a history of mental illness…is that true?"

I raised my eyebrows, "Why would Hotch lie to you about that?"

"Right…" He looked down, "When? Was it serious?"

"I was just a teenager. It doesn't mean anything anymore, but I had depression and I guess it was serious back then, considering I tried to kill myself twice."

"You know…you could be relapsing. Just after an extended period of time. Your kidnapping could have been the trigger."

"You're not a medical doctor or psychologist or shrink, Reid." I rolled my eyes. It irritated me that he thought this was a relapse, though I wasn't sure why it did.

"No, but I know what I'm seeing."

"Stop." I said sternly.

"I'm just saying, maybe it would be worth—"

"No." I cut him off, pushed Sergio off and stood up. I walked out as Hotch walked back in and he followed me quickly.

"Prentiss." He said. I sighed and stopped. I turned and looked at him, tears in my eyes. I had no idea why I was so upset over something so harmless. Reid was just trying to help. "You're doing it again."

"Doing what?" I asked.

"Refusing help. I heard Reid talking to you and he was just trying to help."

I looked down, "I know."

"I scheduled you an appointment for tomorrow at 8. Just come in with Rossi and you can stay in my office until then."

"I thought we agreed that I wasn't seeing the Bureau's therapist because they'll just tell you absolutely everything."

"That was before you left and I respected your choice to keep me in the dark. Not anymore."

"That's not fair—"

"I don't care what is fair and what isn't, Prentiss. What I care about is you getting better and not keeping anything from us or least not Rossi and I. We don't mind if we are the problem; we still want to know." He said, "And you cannot lie to me anymore." He added.

"This is not how you get me to trust you again, Hotch."

"You never trusted me." He said matter-of-factly. "You may have trusted me to do my job and respected my decisions in it but you never trusted me with personal things before all of this. Not even before Doyle."

"Yes I did." I said truthfully, "I trusted you the same as I trusted the other five; maybe more than them. I just don't trust right now, Hotch."

"You trust Reid." He corrected.

"No I don't."

"He told me everything."

"Okay, so I don't trust him anymore."

"Prentiss, let us help you. Please."

I looked to my right to avoid his eyes and saw a photo of the team on the wall. I never really expected Rossi to be one to hold the team so close to him until I moved in. Now I knew just how important they all were to him. We. We all were to him. You are still their friend, you are still a part of the team and they still love you. I had to continue to remind myself of that, although it wasn't working very well. I still felt like I didn't really matter to them as much as I used to anymore. That upset me just thinking about it.

I looked back at him, "What time did you say it was?"

"8."

I nodded, "I'll be there."

He smiled, genuinely smiled. It was more grateful than anything else, "Thank you."

"Please get them to talk about something else."

"I'll try." He nodded and motioned for me to go back to the living room. I sat down beside Morgan now, the closest spot to me when I walked in. Hotch returned to his place beside Rossi and they went silent again.

"Out of everyone in this room, who do you want to hit the most in this current moment?" Morgan asked with a small, amused smirk.

"Hotch…" I said quietly as I sat back and looked at my boss. A ghost of a smile hinted at his face and it brought one from me.

"So…when can she come back to us?" Garcia asked Hotch.

"When her therapist decides she is fit to."

"What does she need to do to get the okay?"

He moved his eyes from Garcia to me, "She needs to be evidently completely comfortable with all of us again, be able to control her emotions, feel safe around strangers, not want to kill herself, be eating regularly and gain her weight back—"

"Ah, that is where I draw the line." I cut him off before he could continue.

"You're physically unhealthy both with your weight and eating habits." He said.

"I am not." I defended.

"When was the last time you ate?" JJ asked.

"…Yesterday."

"Now the truth?"

I sighed, "Two days. Fine, but that doesn't mean I have an eating disorder and I do not need to gain weight."

"You are underweight, Emily." Rossi said.

"You don't even know what I weigh."

"How much have you lost in the last week?" Reid asked.

"I haven't."

"What did I say about lying?" Hotch asked.

"God, I hate profilers." I mumbled.

"You are a profiler." Morgan said.

"She hates herself, stupid." Garcia hit him over the head. It wasn't gentle but it wasn't enough to hurt him.

I looked at Rossi, "What do I need to do for you to let me go back home?"

"Get a new apartment and be back working first." He said, tilting his head slightly.

"Why can't you just let me live by myself? I've been doing it since I was 18…"

"Because you need to be working—"

"Rossi." I cut him off, "Do you really think that I will ever be allowed to come back?"

"Your job is still vacant and it will stay vacant until you return to it." Hotch said.

I shook my head, "There is something you don't know that Strauss does and she is not going to let me back."

"What is it?" He asked curiously and slightly hurt that Strauss knew before him.

I didn't want to answer that so I just looked down. "You tried to kill yourself." Reid concluded quietly. I closed my eyes so the tears couldn't fall and took a few silent breaths before looking up.

"I obviously was not successful in my attempt."

"You promised that you would tell me." Reid said in a disappointed, offended and sad voice.

"Reid, I didn't want you to try and stop me." I shook my head and looked down. The whole room was completely silent. I looked around at their faces. JJ's mouth was slightly open in shock, a few tears down her cheeks, Reid had tears in his eyes and he was visibly trying to hold them in desperately, Rossi's mouth was open in shock too but he was looking at the table instead of me, Hotch was staring at me with horror in his eyes, devastated with the new information I have given him. Derek was staring at the ground, his eyes glistening slightly with tears he would never let fall. Garcia was completely shattered, tears streaming. When my eyes met hers, she stood and walked out quickly, sobbing before she even made it out of the room. "I'm sorry." I said quietly.